TOPWL 180

As buildings began to outnumber the grasslands, the capital suddenly loomed just ahead. Yudit and the rest of the group checked into an inn. With nearly five hundred people, they had to be split across several inns. Yudit had worried that Khalid might end up in a different one, but thankfully that wasn’t the case. He stole a glance at Khalid, who was seated in front of a generous meal for the first time in a while.

Even though Khalid was nearby, he didn’t spare Yudit a single glance.

Why?

At this point, it wasn’t just disappointment, it was turning into unease. Had he smelled bad that night? Yudit sniffed his own wrist. Maybe it was the scented oil he’d rubbed all over himself, but his whole body reeked of roses. When he ate bread, he couldn’t tell if he was eating bread or roses. Yudit watched Khalid in silence, feeling more and more dejected.

“Don’t you have an appetite?”

Shane, who was sitting next to him, asked. It must have been because Yudit’s plate was barely touched. He thought about denying it, but with no real excuse to give, he just nodded.

“Mm, a little.”

“Still, you should eat properly. If you don’t get enough nutrients…”

Shane’s nagging didn’t let up. It felt like his already fled appetite was running even farther away.

“You’ve already been overworking yourself lately. If you skip meals on top of that…”

Yudit felt like his ears were going to bleed from the endless lecture. As he sipped his drink weakly, his eyes suddenly met Khalid’s.

Cough. A sudden fit of coughing burst out of him, and Yudit quickly covered his mouth. Fortunately, he managed to stop it in time and avoided a complete disaster. Shane handed him a napkin. Yudit wiped his mouth and looked up again, but Khalid had already turned his head away. His appetite vanished completely. Yudit pushed his plate away and stood up. Shane said something behind him, probably another nag, but he didn’t listen.

Back in his room, Yudit lay down, hugging his pillow. Was it a mistake to want to be closer to Khalid in this situation? But it was precisely because of this situation that he wanted to be close.

A final battle where no one’s survival was guaranteed. Once they received the troops from the capital, Yudit and Khalid would be separated. Before that happened, he just wanted to kiss him one more time, to hold his hand one more time. Yudit punched the pillow beside him a few times in frustration, then gave up, realizing it was pointless. He hugged the pillow tightly instead. The inn room was the best available, so the pillow was soft and the sheets smelled nice. After so many nights sleeping on hard ground, lying on a bed felt like entering heaven.

He should go out for evening training.

But contrary to his thoughts, his accumulated fatigue pulled his eyes shut. He struggled to keep his eyelids open, but they felt heavier than anything he’d ever lifted. In the end, Yudit lost to the weight of sleep and drifted off. Soon, only the sound of his soft breathing filled the room. There may have been a knock at the door, but already asleep, Yudit didn’t hear it.

***

He didn’t know how long he had slept. Yudit slowly woke to the feeling of someone gently touching his body. As if he were a glass bead, carefully, with the lightest touch. A part of him wanted to see who it was, but another part wanted to stay like this a little longer. He chose the latter.

The hand stroked his hair, then kneaded his shoulders, brushed along his brows, and softly rubbed the curve of his ear. It felt warm and relaxing, like lying in his mother’s lap under the sun when he was very young. Yudit slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to see who it was.

Khalid was looking at him with a faintly startled expression.

“Did I wake you?”

Yudit shook his head without a word.

“You barely ate.”

At Khalid’s words, Yudit looked at him. After all that coldness, he came running the moment he skipped a meal? When Yudit didn’t reply, Khalid stood up. Just as Yudit’s heart sank, thinking he was about to leave, Khalid returned with a plate from the table. It was filled with cold stew and bread.

“I was going to leave it here in case you got hungry at night…”

Uncharacteristically, Khalid trailed off. A brief silence fell between them.

“Eat what you can before sleeping. We’ve got a long road ahead tomorrow.”

The moment he finished, Khalid turned to leave. Watching his retreating figure made Yudit’s heart plummet. There were so many things he wanted to ask, but he was too scared to speak. He looked back and forth between the plate on the nightstand and Khalid’s back, then suddenly called out.

“Ah, I’m not going to eat it.”

Even after saying it, his heart wouldn’t calm down. Would Khalid take it as childish whining? Would he end up hating him more? But Yudit couldn’t think of any other way to hold on to him. Watching Khalid’s back anxiously, Yudit added,

“If you don’t feed me, I’m not eating.”

He couldn’t bring himself to meet Khalid’s eyes out of sheer embarrassment. He could feel Khalid’s gaze on his forehead. Was he going to tell him not to be childish and leave? Maybe it would be better to pretend it was a joke after all. Just as he hesitated, Khalid came back and sat down.

“…?”

Clink. Khalid picked up the plate, scooped up some stew, and held it out to Yudit’s lips. Yudit had been the one to ask to be fed, but now all the shame was his to bear. He couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth.

“Come on, open up.”

“….”

“You asked me to feed you.”

Afraid that Khalid might really leave if he didn’t, Yudit forced his mouth open. The cold stew went in.

“Is it too cold? Should I heat it up?”

“N-no, it’s fine.”

Yudit shook his head, afraid Khalid might change his mind while reheating it. As he ate spoonful after spoonful, he kept sneaking glances at Khalid. Because of that, he was chewing slower and slower. But he felt he’d made the right choice. It was embarrassing, but it let him be close to Khalid again.

Khalid fed Yudit with great care. He tore the bread into bite-sized pieces, dipped them in the stew, and made sure to balance the vegetables and meat in every spoonful. Gradually, the shame faded, and Yudit even found himself wishing Khalid would feed him like this again. Or that this moment would never end.

But despite Yudit’s wishes, the stew was almost gone. He stared at the near-empty bowl with regret. Just then, Khalid stood up.

“Ah, I’m not done yet…”

Yudit’s panicked voice made Khalid reply casually,

“Didn’t seem like enough. Keep eating, I’ll bring dessert.”

And without giving him time to respond, he left. Yudit stared blankly at the closed door.

While he was picking at the remaining stew, Khalid came back holding a tray loaded with food. He’d brought piles of bread, fruit, cookies, and cake. Yudit honestly felt a bit overwhelmed. The stew alone had been about 1.5 times what he usually ate, by Khalid’s standards.

“If you’re full, you don’t have to finish it all.”

Maybe he noticed Yudit’s pale face, because Khalid offered reassurance. That helped a little. He placed a soft roll in Yudit’s mouth and began peeling an apple. In no time, the bright green apple was cut into eight rabbit-shaped slices.

“Wha, how did you do that?”

He couldn’t believe his eyes. A rabbit apple? Khalid could make rabbit apples? Khalid stuck one on a fork and held it out to Yudit.

“I’m good with anything involving a blade.”

He said it with total confidence. The fact that his confident knife work led to something like a rabbit apple nearly made Yudit laugh, but he held it in and accepted the bite. Crunch, the sweet juice filled his mouth.

“You should eat too.”

“Mm.”

Khalid casually jabbed a slice of apple with his knife and popped it into his own mouth. Yudit’s eyes widened.

“That’s dangerous!”

“If I get hurt doing that, I don’t deserve to be a knight.”

He was about to stab another slice when Yudit quickly grabbed it with a fork and offered it instead.

“Still… just use the fork.”

Yudit thought he would take it, but instead, Khalid leaned in and bit into the slice right off the fork. Surprised, Yudit pulled the fork back quickly, and the apple juice dripped down Khalid’s lips.

Suddenly, Yudit had the urge to lick the juice off.

At the same time, he realized they’d basically shared a kiss through the fork. That thought made him happy, at least they’d touched this much, but it also made him feel a bit resentful. Why couldn’t they just kiss for real?

Khalid offered another piece of apple, but instead of eating, Yudit grabbed his hand.

“Khalid, tell me the truth. Do you hate me now?”