F58

On his way home, Yeonho bought a baseball bat. He spent about ten minutes debating whether to choose a bat or a golf club, but once he held them both, the bat clearly felt more natural in his hands.

To be honest, he had always felt a bit of aversion toward golf clubs. Probably because he knew Siwoo had often been beaten by his father with one.

Because of the shopping, he arrived home a little later than Seong Junhee. Junhee was loosening his tie, giving Yeonho that disgusting smile through his glasses. Yeonho stood in front of him, baseball bat in hand, and waved with a bright smile.

“Hi there. Our family’s proud elite pervert.”

“What’s that about all of a sudden? Planning to play some baseball? We used to play catch a lot when we were kids.”

“Yeah. Now I think I’ll try swinging the bat too. With you.”

“Wow, really? I guess you’ve cooled off a bit.”

Junhee, clearly pleased by Yeonho’s response, smiled that revolting smile again. Then, seeing Yeonho casually spinning the bat in his hands, he presented a new demand.

“Break up with Kim Yeonho by the end of the year. That should be enough time to wrap things up.”

“And if I say no?”

“Then I’ll call his father. I’ve got Director Kim’s number. I have plenty to show him.”

Yeonho let out a short, dry laugh. Then he asked directly,

“What are you going to send him? A video of me having sex with Kim Yeonho?”

Junhee didn’t answer, only gave a sickening little chuckle. That was enough. Yeonho had just confirmed what he had long feared. His eyes hardened with murderous rage as he glared at Junhee.

“Send it to me too. I want to see how sexy I am.”

“Which one should I send? There are so many. I mean, why were you screwing so often in the house I gave you? So ungrateful. When I first saw the kid I raised with such care mating with another male, I was so shocked and angry…”

“Fuck off…”

Disgusted by Junhee’s words, Yeonho gripped the bat tighter and stood straight. Even with such a weapon right in front of him, Junhee, trusting in Yeonho’s usually gentle nature, kept chuckling without a trace of fear.

“I’ll send you the one with the highest view count.”

“Oh wow, so you actually posted it somewhere?”

“Don’t worry. I made sure both your faces were pixelated.”

In that moment, Yeonho’s face turned cold as ice. Clutching the bat with both hands, eyes burning, he swung it with full force into Junhee’s stomach.

“Aaagh…!”

Yeonho, who had always been kind and gentle since childhood, had never once cursed or shown any sign of violence. If someone shoved him, he would simply fall and say nothing.

Junhee had never imagined Yeonho would attack him like this. He let out a shriek loud enough to shake the ceiling, then gasped for breath and croaked out,

“Yeonho, what is this? Did you do drugs while having gay sex or something? Look how your personality’s changed. Our angelic youngest has been possessed by a demon. It’s that bastard Kim Yeonho. He did this to you.”

Junhee, now rolling on the floor, pulled out his phone and sent Yeonho a message to try to bring him back under control. The message that arrived was a clip from a sex video of Yeonho and Siwoo.

The moment he saw their faces clearly on the screen, Yeonho didn’t calm down. He became even more violent. He stomped on Junhee’s knee, then set the bat upright and drove it down hard between his legs.

“Ugh…!”

“Mr. Seong Junhee. I’ve been trying to find a way to spare your life because we’ve lived as family. If it weren’t for this, I might have let you go. But now there’s no saving you.”

Yeonho’s chest rose and fell with ragged breaths. Junhee probably thought he was just spouting angry nonsense, caught in the heat of the moment. But he wasn’t.

Yeonho turned and looked at the mirror on the wall. He met his own gaze.

His eyes were filled with so much killing intent that even he felt frightened. Others may have seen that expression before, but it was the first time he had seen it in himself. The shaman who had been close with his grandmother used to say that this five-year-old child had the face of someone who would one day kill. Maybe she was right. But it didn’t seem so bad. After all, this was murderous intent for the sake of protecting someone he loved.

Still holding the bat, Yeonho slowly knelt on one knee and whispered quietly into Junhee’s ear.

“…Does this sound like a joke to you?”

Unable to ask anyone for help, Junhee ended up calling a private ambulance and dragging himself to the hospital. Yeonho briefly entertained the hope that Junhee might actually be afraid of him now. But that was just wishful thinking.

That night, threatening messages poured in nonstop. No matter how harshly he fought back, it made no difference.

Was breaking up really the only way to protect Siwoo? Couldn’t there be a way to escape without giving him up? Surely there had to be a way to keep him safe without ending the relationship. He clung to that hope, but every time he looked at his phone, it vanished in an instant. It felt like being trapped in a hell with no way out.

Two days later, after being discharged, Junhee called Yeonho’s name with a strict voice, like a school teacher.

“Joo Yeonho.”

Sitting in front of his laptop, Yeonho didn’t even glance at him and continued what he was doing, as if nothing had happened. In the next instant, there was a dull thud and a dizzying shock to his head. Yeonho looked up in disbelief and glared at Junhee.

That’s when the same hand that had just struck his head now slapped his face. His body crumpled onto the desk.

“You did something wrong, so you have to be punished.”

Seong Junhee had taken on the role of a father figure since they were young. The affection and the discipline had always come from him, but never once had he raised a hand before now.

Yeonho, who had never been hit by anyone aside from the occasional childish scuffle, was overwhelmed by humiliation. The very fact that someone had dared to strike Joo Yeonho shocked him. And it enraged him.

He stood up, ready to return the blow.

“Fuck.”

The moment the curse left his lips, a strange and unfamiliar sense of guilt came crashing down on him.

Right now, Yeonho was thinking, How dare he hit me? He was thinking, I’m someone precious who should never be struck by anyone.

And thinking that made Siwoo’s face appear in his mind.

He had only just been hit, and already he thought this was unbearable. What did that make Siwoo, who had lived his entire life being beaten like this? Was he just someone who deserved to be hit?

“Ah…”

Yeonho’s body went limp for a moment, and he crumpled to the floor as Junhee’s slaps rained down on his cheek and his head. He curled into himself, arms over his head, shoulders drawn in. As if he were Siwoo, he tried to experience that pain.

The tears he had been holding back burst out, not because it hurt, and not because he was afraid of Junhee, but because his heart ached for Siwoo, whose dignity had been trampled this way his entire life.

Junhee gave his order.

“I’ll set a clear deadline. Break up with Kim Yeonho by then. If you do, I’ll delete everything I’ve uploaded. If you don’t, I’ll spread it all without the pixel blur.”

“Stop telling me what to do.”

He said it even though he still hadn’t found any way to protect Siwoo. Right then, Junhee grabbed him by the hair and yanked his head back. His breath caught. His head slammed into the floor. A piercing sound jabbed at his eardrums.

“Yeonho. You’re probably wondering why this is happening to you. You’ve always been loved, grown up without a single wrinkle in your perfect little life, and now this? You feel wronged, don’t you?”

“…”

“Don’t kid yourself. You were cursed from the start. Everyone you love ends up miserable. Your dad died because of you, didn’t he?”

Yeonho’s head snapped up. His eyes turned savage as he grabbed Junhee by the collar.

“You fucking bastard. Say that again. What the hell do you mean, because of me?”

“You begged him on the phone for some toy you wanted. He turned the car around in the middle of a storm to go buy it, and got in an accident. I know. You’ve always been greedy, even as a kid. You killed your father.”

Tears spilled from Yeonho’s wide eyes. He had never believed his father’s death was his fault. But he couldn’t say with confidence that he had nothing to do with it either. That one sentence stirred up a guilt he couldn’t stop.

“Don’t talk bullshit.”

“The scars on Kim Yeonho’s body… they’re all from his dad, right?”

Just how much had this trash of a man been eavesdropping on? Yeonho closed his eyes. That disgusting voice continued.

“I mean, that guy’s father is famous for being strict. Word is, he can’t stand being embarrassed by his kid. But if you keep clinging to your stupid little desires, what do you think is going to happen? Won’t Kim Yeonho end up just like your dad?”

It felt like Junhee had jabbed a needle full of poison into Yeonho’s brain. If he didn’t stay grounded, he could almost believe what Junhee was saying. Because he couldn’t deny it, his desire to have Siwoo all to himself was overwhelming.

Was his love for Siwoo really just a childish, selfish impulse that would ruin his life? No. No matter how immature or naive he was, there was no way.

“There’s no way. Shut your mouth. I’ll rip it off your face.”

Yeonho reached out and grabbed Junhee’s lips as if he really meant to tear them apart. Junhee’s head fell back, and he couldn’t stop laughing.

“Yeonho. You’re just greedy by nature. You’re the kind of trash that ruins the lives of the people you love.”

“…”

“If Kim Yeonho hadn’t gotten involved with someone as unlucky as you, he’d be graduating college soon, getting married, inheriting the family business. But now, just because he made the mistake of dating you, he’s about to bring disgrace to his family, get beaten half to death, and have his entire life destroyed. And if you were gone, none of that would be happening.”

If Siwoo ended up miserable because of Seong Junhee, could Yeonho truly say it wasn’t his fault? It felt like a disease had wormed its way into his brain and was now crawling through his mind. He couldn’t let it infect him completely.

Barely holding himself together, he gave a faint, bitter laugh and said,

“Yeah, I guess I’ve had rotten luck. If something like you hadn’t shown up and called yourself family…”

Once again, Junhee’s palm came flying, smacking Yeonho across the head. Then came Junhee’s voice, sounding genuinely baffled.

“Don’t tell me you’re blaming me for what I did to you. You were the one who caused it. You made me want to touch you. You look so damn good in pictures. If you didn’t look like that, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Yeonho collapsed where he stood.

From beginning to end, everything was his fault? Even the horrific things done to him, those too?

***

Yeonho sat at his laptop, clicking through a photo editing assignment. While adjusting one of his own photos, he suddenly opened his passport photo in the program, enlarged it, and stared at his face for a long time.

For days now, ever since Junhee had been beaten in the ribs with a baseball bat, he’d been repeating the same thing over and over.

“You shouldn’t have been born looking like that. I took those pictures because you’re too beautiful. I keep saying it. You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. So this is all your fault. It’s your fault.”

Yeonho had begged him to shut his mouth. Told him to stop blaming him, because it was absurd. Told him that if he didn’t want his head smashed in, he should keep his mouth shut. But the more Junhee repeated those words, the more one old memory started to bubble up in Yeonho’s mind.

The day he first met Siwoo, the day he’d made the mistake of filming him without permission. That night, drunk, he had slurred something about how it was Siwoo’s fault for being so good-looking.

At the time, it had been just an expression of frustration, of wanting to explain himself and not be misunderstood as a creep. And maybe, half-joking, he’d wanted to confess that it had been love at first sight. He had never truly believed it was Siwoo’s fault for being filmed. Siwoo had done nothing wrong.

But now, realizing that the joke he had once made was the same logic Junhee was using, Yeonho felt like his head was going to explode.

His face, enlarged on the laptop screen, suddenly felt like a curse. If he followed Junhee’s logic, then everything that had happened to Siwoo was Yeonho’s fault too.

“Is it really my fault…”

Yeonho began to use the mouse to distort his features, his eyes, nose, and mouth, dragging them to unnatural positions. He warped his forehead and jaw, did it over and over again.

Eventually, he created a face that could not exist on this earth. Something inhuman, grotesque. He felt a strange satisfaction as he saved the file.

If Joo Yeonho had looked like that, would Siwoo still be in danger?

***

It was winter by the time Yeonho admitted to himself that the only way to protect Siwoo was to leave him. By then, he had already let go of so many things. His possessiveness, his desire not to be hated by Siwoo, he’d set them all down. He had made plans for the future, and he was mentally prepared to carry them out.

He only wanted one thing now. For Siwoo to detach from him and return to the time before they had met. So Yeonho began letting Siwoo go, slowly. In the meantime, he gave Junhee everything he wanted, to keep him from doing anything reckless.

Junhee never directly demanded sex. His twisted fetish was for a “pure little brother” who was secretly watched and touched, but who loved only him.

But then Siwoo was beaten again by his father, left bloodied, and reappeared after slitting his own wrist. Yeonho hadn’t planned for that. Holding Siwoo’s fragile, begging body in his arms, Yeonho cried until he nearly fainted.

Driving Siwoo to the emergency room, pale and fading in the passenger seat, Yeonho thought the same thing over and over. If Junhee really sent those videos to Siwoo’s father, something terrible would happen. He remembered the broken body from his nightmare, the one that had tied the rope around his own neck because he couldn’t kill his parents. And Yeonho sobbed.

At the hospital, while Siwoo received emergency treatment, Yeonho sat blinking slowly with swollen eyes. Siwoo’s desperate plea not to be abandoned only made Yeonho more certain of the goodbye he had resolved to make. If he didn’t go through with it, Siwoo would die.

He moved away from Siwoo and sat in the waiting area. Blinking through damp eyes, he held his phone and began to write a long, calm message.

If you’re reading this, then Seong Junhee and I are probably both dead.

I killed him. (‘◡’)
Then I took my own life. (‘^’)

But it’s basically the same as being murdered by him.

This phone contains proof of how he tormented me for years. After I’m gone, please look through everything. See exactly what he did to me. And tell the people who think they know him.

Don’t let Seong Junhee be remembered as a good person, even in death.

I hope no one mourns him. I hope his funeral is empty. Let him be cursed in hell too.

If anyone tries to romanticize his death after all of this, make them stop.

And if anyone dares to blame me for what happened, they’ll be punished.

Please come to my funeral. Mourn me. Miss me. Grieve for me.

But if a college student named Kim Yeonho shows up, kick him out. Don’t tell him anything. Just say that two brothers died in an unfortunate accident.

This is my final will.