ABOES 74: Psychological Counseling

Sure enough, when Father and Mother Chi learned about it, they held the same opinion as Chi Ling and were firmly against keeping the baby.

Afraid Tan Yao might overthink things, Mother Chi even pulled her aside for a private heart-to-heart.

“Yao Yao, our Chi Ling is just like his father, he’s stubborn as a mule. Once he’s set his mind on someone, he’ll never let go,” Mother Chi said with a smile. “When he first told us he liked you, his father and I were both surprised. Even before he won you over, he came running home saying he wanted to marry you. That’s when I knew that he was never going to marry anyone but you. Luckily, he did manage to win you over in the end, and we could finally breathe easy.”

“After you two got married, you should’ve seen for yourself, he really does love you. It’s just that this stubborn child likes to keep everything bottled up.”

“He loves you but won’t say it. When he’s upset, he just swallows it down. If you want to know what he’s thinking, besides knowing him well, you pretty much have to guess.”

“There’s one thing your father-in-law and I don’t have to guess, we can see it plain as day. He loves you very deeply.”

Mother Chi looked at her with a smile. “You two have been married so long. Has he ever told you he loves you?”

Tan Yao thought for a while, then shook her head.

No, he hadn’t.

Mother Chi’s smile deepened. “Exactly! That’s just how he is. He loves you to death, but won’t say a word. In your heart, you must know that even if he never says the words, everything he does is for love.”

“He knew you blamed yourself and were in pain after Yunxing went missing, so he set the company aside to be with you. He knew you didn’t want to go back to work, so he never forced you. He’s always followed your lead but this time might be the first he’s not going along with you.”

Mother Chi glanced down at Tan Yao’s belly and said softly, “It’s because he’s very worried about you. Honestly, with your condition right now, you’re not fit for pregnancy. As for your father-in-law and me, why are you even considering us?”

“Even though our little Yunxing hasn’t come home yet, he’ll return someday. All we need to do is wait. While Yunxing isn’t here, don’t you still have Xiwen?”

“You don’t need to think about anyone else. Just focus on how you feel, that’s enough,” said Mother Chi.

After she left, Tan Yao sat alone in her room for a long time.

By the time she finally came back to herself, it was already evening.

The housekeeper brought her dinner, and Tan Yao casually asked, “Where’s Chi Ling?”

The housekeeper replied, “Sir left after lunch and hasn’t come home yet.”

Tan Yao immediately lost her appetite. She picked up her phone and was about to call Chi Ling when the bedroom door opened.

Chi Ling walked in with a frown, his expression dark.

Tan Yao grew worried. “What’s wrong?”

Chi Ling shook his head. “I’m just tired,” he said, then went straight to bed and fell asleep.

No matter how much Tan Yao asked, Chi Ling didn’t speak another word.

Tan Yao grew anxious and tried to get up to call the family doctor, but Chi Ling grabbed her wrist and said hoarsely, “Don’t go. Just lie with me for a bit, okay?”

Tan Yao’s eyes were full of worry. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Chi Ling nodded.

Only then did Tan Yao lie down beside him and once she lay down, she ended up sleeping through the night.

After getting pregnant, she was constantly tired. The moment her head hit the pillow, she fell asleep.

The next morning at breakfast, she learned from Mother Chi that the reason Chi Ling hadn’t returned yesterday was because he had gone to the hospital for a vasectomy.

Ever since giving birth to Yunxing, she and Chi Ling had been especially careful with contraception but no matter how careful you are, accidents can still happen. This baby in her belly had come from one such accident.

Chi Ling knew full well how much harm an abortion could do to a woman, so the moment he found out she was pregnant, he immediately scheduled the surgery.

He didn’t want Tan Yao to get hurt again.

In the end, the unexpected baby in her womb was lost with Chi Ling quietly by her side.

After that, Tan Yao and Chi Ling’s relationship grew stronger and stronger.

“Then why… Did you two divorce?” Chi Yunxing finally couldn’t help asking.

Tan Yao gave a bitter smile. Yes, they were clearly still in love with each other so why had they gotten divorced?

Her eyes reddened. This was a pain she had buried in her heart for a long time. Every time she brought it up, it hurt more than she could put into words.

It all started the year Old Master Chi became seriously ill.

Ever since losing her parents, Tan Yao had feared nothing more than saying goodbye forever.

The more she feared it, the more she understood that day would still come.

Old Master Chi’s condition worsened day by day. They had received multiple critical condition notices.

During that time, Tan Yao practically lived in the hospital.

Grandma Chi was more open-minded. She knew Old Master Chi didn’t have much time left and suggested taking him home to spend his last days in comfort.

Old Master Chi refused. He insisted on staying in the hospital. He believed he could hold on longer.

He wanted to wait there for Yunxing to come back.

When Tan Yao heard that, she completely broke down. She ran out of the ward and cried her heart out.

Chi Ling was by her side, gently trying to comfort her.

Tan Yao couldn’t help asking him, wasn’t this all her fault?

If only she hadn’t been so stubborn back then. If only she had spent more time with Yunxing, maybe he wouldn’t have been abducted. Maybe Old Master Chi wouldn’t be on his deathbed without seeing Yunxing one last time.

Tan Yao felt everything was her fault.

She had been too proud, too insistent.

After marrying Chi Ling, even though she knew he loved her, she’d always felt uneasy. Their backgrounds were so different. She feared that if she lost her career, she’d never be able to stand firm in the Chi family.

That was why she had insisted on going back to work, not just because she was tired of staying home, but because of her own selfishness.

This guilt had been buried in her heart for too long. The more kindness she received from the Chi family, the deeper her guilt became.

Until the day Old Master Chi passed away, that buried guilt finally exploded, overwhelming her like a tidal wave.

Even though Chi Ling had stayed by her side, Tan Yao couldn’t recover.

Mother Chi was grieving too, but she held back her sorrow to comfort Tan Yao and the more she did, the worse Tan Yao felt.

One day, she couldn’t hold it in anymore and asked Chi Ling for a divorce.

Chi Ling’s eyes immediately turned red. He naturally refused and said no matter what, he wouldn’t agree to it.

Tan Yao felt exhausted. She forced herself to explain, “But I really don’t deserve you. The better you treat me, the more guilty I feel… the worse I feel. Chi Ling, I don’t want to feel this way anymore, and I don’t want to drag you down with me. Can you let me leave just for a while? When I’ve figured things out, I’ll come back.”

Chi Ling gritted his teeth. “No way. I won’t agree.”

Tan Yao’s voice was hoarse. “Chi Ling, I’m begging you. Just temporarily, I just want…”

Chi Ling’s voice was even more strained. “Yao Yao, have you ever thought about how I feel?”

Tan Yao froze in place.

After a long pause, Chi Ling said, “If being with me really feels like a burden to you, then fine. I won’t bother you anymore. I won’t ask about your life either but I won’t agree to a divorce.”

Then he walked out.

After that, he stayed at the company most of the time. Tan Yao still saw him occasionally, but he never spoke to her again.

They knew each other better than anyone, yet now acted like strangers.

Eventually, people began to notice something was off.

Some even started gossiping, saying the two had already divorced but kept it under wraps to avoid public panic.

Tan Yao didn’t care about the rumors but Chi Ling did.

That night, Tan Yao got a call from the police. Chi Ling had gotten into a fight because someone had been spreading rumors about their divorce.

When she saw him, his lip was bruised.

Her heart ached, but she was furious. “How old are you? How could you still get into fights?”

Chi Ling looked away silently when he saw her.

That moment hurt Tan Yao even more than her anger.

After she bailed him out, she wanted to take him to the hospital but he stopped a taxi instead.

That was the first time he ever left in front of her.

He didn’t come home that night either.

Mother Chi wasn’t blind, she quickly noticed something was wrong.

Instead of going to Tan Yao, she went to talk to Chi Ling.

Tan Yao didn’t know what they discussed. She only remembered that one day, Chi Ling suddenly came home.

He came to her room and asked one question. “Yao Yao, do you really want to divorce me?”

Tan Yao nodded firmly.

She even took out the divorce papers her lawyer had prepared long ago and handed them to him.

She had brought little dowry into the marriage, though she did receive a generous bride price.

Now that she and Chi Ling were getting divorced, she didn’t want a single cent. She was prepared to leave with nothing.

Chi Ling read the agreement calmly until he reached the end. Then he broke down, pulling her into a tight embrace, begging her not to go.

Tan Yao struggled, nearly breathless in his arms.

Yet the more she struggled, the tighter he held on.

In a burst of emotion, she shoved him. Chi Ling stumbled and hit his head hard against the nightstand, right on a glass vase.

Every time she thought about that moment, it felt like something had ripped open inside her chest, a cold wind rushing in, slicing through her.

She had hurt the man who loved her the most.

Tan Yao couldn’t forgive herself and her guilt only deepened.

Chi Ling spent two months in the hospital.

The day he was discharged, he gave her a divorce agreement.

Her original version had her walking away with nothing but in this one, half of all his assets were given to her.

Chi Ling looked tired, but said, “If you sign this now, we can go to the registry office today.”

Tan Yao whispered, “But this agreement—”

“This is the only version,” Chi Ling cut her off. “Tan Yao, if you sign this and we divorce today, then it’s really over between us. Don’t come back later saying you’ve calmed down and want to talk things out.”

“Over means over. I don’t want to see you again. I’ll move on with my life, and I hope you will too.”

Tan Yao stared at him in disbelief.

She opened her mouth, wanting to ask what he meant by “over.”

Did it mean he was giving up on her? That it was truly the end?

She admitted, at that moment, she was afraid. 

Afraid of losing Chi Ling forever.

Yet crushed under her overwhelming guilt, she signed the papers. She still held onto a glimmer of hope, silently praying he was bluffing.

After they left the registry office, Tan Yao realized that he wasn’t.

From that day on, she never saw Chi Ling again.

She had thought that divorcing him would finally release her from the guilt but when it happened, she realized how foolish that was.

She couldn’t let go and she couldn’t stop missing him.

She regretted everything.

But there’s no medicine for regret.

Yu Qiu couldn’t bear to see her deteriorating any further and reached out to a psychologist.

After two sessions, Tan Yao’s condition began to stabilize.

Gradually, she crawled out of her guilt and started adjusting to a life without Chi Ling.

It was hard at first but it was the life she had chosen. She didn’t stay cooped up at home anymore. She returned to work.

In the beginning, she still secretly hoped to run into Chi Ling at the office but she found out later that he was now almost always based abroad, expanding their overseas operations.

Even when he came back, he rarely visited the company and only when absolutely necessary.

In fact, to avoid seeing her, Chi Ling had granted her full autonomy, she no longer needed to report anything to him.

That was when Tan Yao finally understood that he really didn’t want to see her again.

It broke her heart but what else could she do?

She was the one who had asked for the divorce. Chi Ling had only given her what she wanted.

It wasn’t until she heard from Chi Xiwen that Mother Chi had fallen ill that she saw him again.

Chi Ling didn’t want to see her so she didn’t go for him but she couldn’t bring herself not to go see Mother Chi.

This woman had treated her like her own daughter. There was no way Tan Yao wouldn’t go to her side.

It was at the hospital—five years after their divorce—that she and Chi Ling met again for the first time.

Compared to five years ago, he was more composed. Some gray had appeared at his temples.

Tan Yao only dared glance once before quickly looking away.

After that, whenever she went to the hospital, Tan Yao tried her best to avoid seeing Chi Ling but with the hospital being only so big, it was inevitable that they’d run into each other.

At first, they barely spoke.

Later, when Grandma Chi resisted treatment, they finally exchanged a few words.

Then they got news from Chi Xiwen: they had found Chi Yunxing.

After that, their conversations gradually increased.

Chi Ling was still a man of few words. Most of the time, it was Tan Yao talking to Chi Xiwen while he occasionally chimed in.

Later, when Tan Yao was struggling with where Yunxing should stay upon returning home, Chi Ling spoke first, “Let him come back to the old house,” After a pause, he added, “Didn’t you used to prepare clothes for Yunxing every year? After you moved out, I kept doing that too. Nothing’s missing at home. Yunxing can move right in.”

Tan Yao was silent for a moment, then nodded. “Okay.”

So she moved back into the Chi household.

Though really, it wasn’t “moving back”. When she returned, she found her old room exactly as she had left it. Nothing had changed.

Even the skincare products on her vanity were ones she still used.

She knew Chi Ling had arranged it.

Since he didn’t mention it, she pretended not to know.

They continued living in quiet, unspoken understanding until yesterday.

She knew Chi Ling’s tolerance for alcohol. There was no way he could’ve gotten drunk from that little.

So without much thought, she brought him into the bedroom because she wanted to see what he was trying to do.

What surprised her was that after washing up, he simply went to bed and fell asleep.

He was already fast asleep by the time she finished her shower.

Tan Yao didn’t know how to describe what she felt at that moment.

She could’ve gone to the guest room, but when she looked at his sleeping face, she suddenly didn’t want to leave.

So she lay down, keeping some distance between them.

She thought she wouldn’t be able to sleep but just like him, she fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning, she heard the shower running and knew he was already up.

They quietly had breakfast together. Tan Yao kept waiting for him to say something, but even after the meal, he said nothing.

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore and asked, “Don’t you have something to say to me?”

Chi Ling was silent for a long time before finally saying, “I was faking being drunk last night.”

Tan Yao had already guessed. She nodded. “Mm.”

Chi Ling rubbed his temple, not because he had a headache, but because it was a habit when he was deep in thought.

He had slept well the night before. It was the best sleep he had without medication since the divorce.

After a while, he said, “Tan Yao, let’s get remarried.”

Tan Yao froze.

Tan Yao wasn’t exactly surprised to hear those words, she just didn’t understand why Chi Ling would suddenly say them now.

They had clearly been divorced for years, and both of them seemed to be doing well on their own. Why bring up getting remarried?

Besides, Tan Yao had even heard people say that Chi Ling already had someone by his side…

At that thought, a pang of sourness crept into her heart. She couldn’t help but ask, “Why do you suddenly want to remarry me? Don’t you already have someone with you?”

Chi Ling suddenly gave a faint smile. “Tan Yao, after we divorced, I knew how you were doing but I’ve come to realize, you really have no idea how I’ve been.”

“Let me tell you now, life after divorcing you has been terrible.”

“That rumor that I have someone with me, that I’m doing well… I planted all of that on purpose. I had people leak it to you.”

Tan Yao stared at him, wide-eyed in disbelief. “What did you say?”

“After we divorced, I never had anyone else. How could I? I couldn’t forget you, not even for a second,” Chi Ling said suddenly, leaning closer. His gaze brushed past her lips before quickly shifting away.

“I think about you every single day, and the more I think about you, the more it hurts. To dull that pain, I buried myself in work. You probably know, we never planned to expand our overseas business so soon. Do you know why I insisted on doing it back then?”

“Because I couldn’t be near you. If I was, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from seeing you.”

“Even though I said I didn’t want to see you again, there were so many times, times you didn’t know about when I went just to catch a glimpse of you.”

“I know that after we divorced, you stayed at home for nearly a year. No one knew how you were doing. It was me, I was the one who called Yu Qiu and asked her to keep you company.”

“When I found out you were struggling mentally, I contacted a psychologist and arranged for someone to refer them to you.”

“…”

“I’ve kept up with so much about you, because I’ve been watching you this whole time… I even know that after I left, you had a few suitors.”

“Right, one of them was the chairman of the Chen Group, wasn’t he? There was a time he was hospitalized, right?”

At that, Chi Ling suddenly chuckled. He rarely laughed, but when he did, it always made Tan Yao’s heart skip a beat.

“That was my doing,” he said with a childish sort of pride. “I just couldn’t stand the guy.”

Tan Yao’s eyes turned slightly red. She couldn’t help asking, “You did that?”

Chi Ling nodded without hesitation. “Yeah. I was just too angry. Tan Yao, these past five years, I haven’t been able to eat well or sleep well. First, I developed stomach problems. Then, I had to rely on melatonin just to fall asleep…”

He frowned slightly before continuing, “Sometimes I even took sleeping pills. But I can’t take too many of those, they upset my stomach…”

“Wait…” Tan Yao noticed her voice was trembling. She asked softly, “You said… you have stomach issues?”

“Yeah.”

Tan Yao let out a bitter laugh through clenched teeth. “And you still drink with a stomach like that?”

Chi Ling’s expression remained calm. “I have to during social events and sometimes, when I’m feeling off, I’ll have a little.”

“And the sleeping pills?” Tan Yao’s voice was shaking again. “I remember you used to sleep just fine.”

Chi Ling said, “I don’t know when it started. It’s been years. I’m used to it now…”

“Chi Ling!” Tan Yao’s eyes flushed red with anger. “You bastard! Your health is a mess and you’re still drinking? What do you mean ‘you have to’ at social events? At your position, who the hell can force you to drink?!”

Chi Ling went silent again.

Just like before, back when they were still married, whenever Tan Yao got angry at him, he would stay quiet and not argue back.

Tan Yao was burning with frustration, and sometimes, anger had a way of clearing the mind.

Suddenly, she figured it out. She realized why Chi Ling had agreed to the divorce back then.

She asked, her voice uncertain, “You… were you just being petty with me?”

Chi Ling hadn’t expected that question. He looked up and met her eyes.

Tan Yao lost all patience. “Answer me!”

After a long pause, Chi Ling turned his head and replied, his voice clearly lacking confidence, “Yeah.”

Tan Yao exploded. “So you agreed to the divorce just to spite me? You deliberately had people spread rumors that you were moving on all just because you were being petty?”

Chi Ling snapped, like a dam bursting. “So what if I was?! Tan Yao, I loved you so damn much, I couldn’t stand seeing you hurt even a little! But you? You only ever cared about your own feelings. You never once considered what I’d do without you. You said you loved me, and then turned around and asked for a divorce. I couldn’t take it…”

Tan Yao shut her eyes, pained. “But I told you back then… I only wanted to leave for a while. I said once I figured things out, I’d come back…”

“But I didn’t dare take that risk.”

“And yet you dared to divorce me just to prove a point?” Tan Yao gave a pained laugh.

Chi Ling had no answer.

That was when Chi Xiwen came downstairs.

The moment she saw him, Tan Yao snapped back to her senses. She didn’t say another word and turned to leave.

She desperately needed a quiet place to think and to figure out where everything had gone wrong.

Why had Chi Ling gotten so stubborn and gone along with the divorce just to get back at her?

Why had she been so fixated on leaving him back then, like she was possessed?

Tan Yao needed time to sort it all out but before she could, Chi Yunxing showed up.

In truth, Tan Yao knew very well. The reason she ended up telling all of this to Chi Yunxing and the others… was because she couldn’t figure it out on her own.

If she had, she and Chi Ling wouldn’t have been apart for five years.

After she finished speaking, the room fell into silence.

No one said a word for a long time, until Duan Zhiyan finally broke it. “Aunt Tan, did you say… you’ve had psychological counseling before?”

Tan Yao was a little surprised but nodded.

Duan Zhiyan asked again, “How many times did you speak with the counselor?”

Tan Yao remembered clearly. “Twice. At the time, I really wasn’t in a good place. After the two sessions, I felt a little better, so I didn’t keep going…”

Chi Yunxing looked at Duan Zhiyan in shock, but Duan Zhiyan simply gave him a gentle pat on the back and lowered his voice. “It’s okay.”