BCRD 7

“It seems pretty far to the school. Isn’t it inconvenient to commute?”

“Well… I’ve gotten used to it, so it’s fine.”

At first, it was obviously inconvenient. The poor infrastructure was one thing, but using public transportation was difficult. The neighborhood was so remote that not only the subway station but also the bus stop was too far away. On top of that, there were so many hills. Lately, there’s been some talk about redevelopment, but even if it happens, I wouldn’t benefit from it, so I wasn’t particularly interested. If anything, I was worried about being evicted because of it.

He stared at the building beyond the car window for a while longer. He looked lost in thought. For some reason, it felt hard to strike up a conversation, so I just hugged my backpack with both arms and stole glances at him.

About five minutes later, his gaze, which had been fixed outside, finally turned toward me. The moment our eyes met, I tensed up out of habit.

“Go inside.”

He spoke. It was the sound of putting an end to our reunion after a year. Perhaps because there was no promise of a next meeting, it felt oddly like a farewell, and my mood sank heavily.

Thank you for the ride. Drive safely.

That’s what I was supposed to say right now. I knew it, but I hesitated, fidgeting with the edges of the backpack I was holding. I didn’t want to put a period on this meeting.

He just looked down at me silently as I neither said goodbye nor got out of the car. It would’ve been reasonable for him to ask what was wrong, but he didn’t. He just left me be.

A sudden silence filled the car. In the stillness cloaked by darkness, there was a strange atmosphere. It felt as if that atmosphere was raising the temperature and intensifying the tension.

Before I knew it, my lips felt dry. I stuck out my tongue to wet them a few times. Then, a thought popped into my head, and I carefully let the words slip out.

“Um, if it’s okay with you… could we, uh, have dinner together again… sometime?”

I couldn’t keep staying like this forever. In the end, I’d have to go up to that rooftop room alone, and he’d have to return to his own home. There was no reason, no excuse, no way to prolong our time together.

But if there was a next time, today’s parting could be a comma instead of a period. I wanted to place a comma. That’s why I made the suggestion.

“…”

He didn’t answer right away. I couldn’t read what his expressionless face meant either.

It was a bit confusing. Should I feel relieved that he didn’t outright reject me, or disappointed that he didn’t immediately agree?

How much time passed? He, who had been as still as a painting, suddenly moved.

His hand reached toward me. Startled, I blinked instinctively, and in that moment, a single finger touched my forehead. The finger on my forehead pressed lightly, yet distinctly…

“…!”

It pushed me away. Just slightly.

My head was nudged back. Flustered, I blinked rapidly. Through my vision, which flickered between dark and light, I saw him twist his lips. With one eyebrow faintly furrowed and an ambiguous smile, he spoke… no, he warned me.

“Be careful.”

“…Huh?”

“You’re not ready to charm a man yet, so behave yourself.”

…Charm?

“This is as far as it goes for now. Don’t cross the line recklessly.”

It was sharp. His voice, lower than ever, reminded me of a finely honed blade.

Only then did I understand the meaning of his gesture when he pushed my forehead. It was a rejection. He was pushing away my heart that wanted to get closer, my wish to see him again.

In other words, it was a clear refusal.

“Get out.”

“…”

It was a firm command that left no room for any other action. There wasn’t even the slightest gap for hesitation.

His rejection bleached my mind white, like a disinfectant. In my shock, I couldn’t even manage a customary goodbye. I turned, opened the car door, and got out as he ordered.

“Um…”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, about to close the car door without saying anything.

“Kid.”

A voice, much softer than before, called out to me.

I froze, looking at him with a blank stare. After a brief pause, he let out a sigh and said,

“Don’t cry.”

…Did I look like I was going to cry? But I wasn’t tearing up or anything. I just felt… well, pretty bad.

I bit my lower lip without responding. He added,

“Come back and try your tricks when you’re old enough to have a drink. I’ll let it slide as a mistake then.”

“…”

“Go inside.”

I moved my lips a few times, trying to say goodbye. But in the end, I couldn’t make a sound and closed the car door.

The moment the door shut, the car moved forward, leaving me behind. Without a single moment of hesitation, it quickly drove away. The car, disappearing swiftly, felt just like his retreating figure. I stood still, unable to take a single step, until the car completely vanished from my sight.

Even after the car was gone, I stood there for a long time before finally heading toward the rooftop room. Each step up the stairs felt heavier than ever.

When I arrived home and stepped inside, my legs gave out, and I sank to the floor. Without even taking off my shoes, I slumped at the entrance and hung my head. My forehead touched my raised knees. The forehead he had pushed with his finger.

His sharp, blade-like voice echoed in my mind.

‘Don’t cross the line.’

“…Was I rejected?”

I hadn’t confessed. But I was pushed away. I was refused. It wasn’t much different from being rejected. The only silver lining was that he left a tiny bit of room.

‘Come back and try your tricks when you’re old enough to have a drink. I’ll let it slide as a mistake then.’

Being old enough to have a drink clearly meant being an adult.

I had one year left to become an adult—more precisely, one year and six months. Unless something happened in the meantime, I wouldn’t see him again until then. In other words, he was saying he wouldn’t give me any chances until that time.

“So far away…”

Not a month, not three months, not six months, not even a year, but a whole year and six months. Until then, I couldn’t get closer to him. He wouldn’t let me. An immature kid who isn’t even qualified to have a drink isn’t ready to charm an adult man.

“Am I that young…?”

I don’t know. Is seventeen such a young age? An age that deserves to be treated like a child? An age that suits being called a kid? An age where it’s natural to have your interest rejected? An age where you’re not ready to charm an adult man?

I feel like I’m all grown up…

My mood sank endlessly. I felt powerless because I was rejected due to my age, something I couldn’t control. At the same time, it was absurd that I got rejected without even properly confessing.

Amidst it all, something became clear. The nature of the feelings that gave rise to my interest in him, my unfamiliar behavior around him, and the wishes I had for him.

It wasn’t just simple fondness or curiosity.

It wasn’t admiration either.

“By the way…”

I, toward him, a man for whom the title “mister” doesn’t feel strange, that Baek Sahyeon…

“I like him.”

That’s right. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it started, but that’s what it was.

That’s how it happened.

I liked him.

In a romantic sense.

Narcotic painkiller