TSBDRA 52: Yan Yushan and I are Just Friends

The interview didn’t take long, but the cameras from the media present couldn’t help but drift toward Xu Xishuang.

Once it ended and the film began screening, the main cast and crew all sat in the front row, so they could go on stage afterward to thank the guests who came to the premiere.

This was Xu Xishuang’s first time seeing the final cut. He had to admit, Yan Yushan’s cinematography had a very distinct personal style—especially his use of color and lighting, which effortlessly drew the audience into that hot, stifling summer, slightly bitter yet tinged with sweetness.

He overheard someone whisper behind him, “Every frame could be a wallpaper,” and silently agreed.

About halfway through the film, there was a scene at Yu Xiang’s home, where Yu Xiang and Xia Qinglang shared their first intimate moment. Xia Qinglang saw the scar on the back of Yu Xiang’s neck and kissed it gently.

The shot wasn’t long, but Xu Xishuang could hear a brief murmur ripple through the audience behind him, before it quickly died down.

Xu Xishuang glanced sideways at Chi Siyuan, who was sitting next to him. Sure enough, Chi Siyuan’s face was bright red, his hands nervously twisting together, not daring to look back at Xu Xishuang. He clearly still wasn’t used to having so many people watch one of his intimate scenes as his expression was like he was being publicly shamed.

Xu Xishuang thought, thankfully they were in the front row, where the media behind them couldn’t capture their faces. Otherwise, with Chi Siyuan looking this bashful, it would definitely become gossip fodder.

Xu Xishuang felt like someone was watching him, but when he turned back, Yan Yushan—on his other side—was sitting perfectly still, his eyes never seeming to leave the big screen.

Later, the scene of Yu Xiang and Xia Qinglang’s goodbye kiss in the classroom came on. With the earlier buildup, and the fact that this scene had already been shown in the behind-the-scenes footage, the audience’s reaction wasn’t as strong as before. Chi Siyuan’s face had also returned to a somewhat normal color.

When the film ended, the theater erupted in applause. The main cast and crew went on stage to bow and thank everyone. As Xu Xishuang stood up, he noticed quite a few emotional audience members with tear-soaked tissues, clapping while crying. The man who had locked eyes with him earlier was nowhere to be seen, as if he had already left.

After the premiere, Yan Yushan stayed behind to have dinner with the friends he had invited and wouldn’t be returning to the set that night. Chi Siyuan was taken away by Song Yao. Xu Xishuang followed the crowd out, planning to take the same car back to the Who’s Standing Behind the Door crew’s hotel for rest.

While walking alone through a corridor, he spotted a figure standing by the window—it was the man who had left the theater early.

The man was smoking, the white smoke veiling his expression, but his whole presence radiated loneliness.

Xu Xishuang instinctively softened his steps, but the man still heard him and turned around.

“Hello,” Yan Jingmo stubbed out his cigarette, tossing the unfinished butt into the trash. He walked toward Xu Xishuang, extending his hand. “I’m Yan Jingmo.”

Then, as if remembering something, he added, “I’m Yan Yushan’s older brother. Nice to meet you.”

Now that his guess had been confirmed, Xu Xishuang suddenly felt a little uneasy. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had played the role of the boy this man had once liked in his youth, or because he was now face-to-face with Yan Yushan’s family. He reached out to shake Yan Jingmo’s hand. “Hello, I’m Xu Xishuang.”

“Mhm, I know,” Yan Jingmo gave a faint smile.

His features were softer than Yan Yushan’s, giving him a gentle, easygoing look. Xu Xishuang relaxed slightly. Then he heard Yan Jingmo say, “You probably already know about me from Xiao Shan.”

Xu Xishuang understood that “Xiao Shan” referred to Yan Yushan. He nodded. “Yeah.”

“You don’t need to be so tense. I can tell the difference between you and Yu… Yu Xiang,” Yan Jingmo leaned against the window. “In the film, you’re a lot like him. But offscreen, you’re not him. During the media interview, you said Yu Xiang was a very brave person. I think…”

Xu Xishuang thought that Yan Jingmo was about to say that in his opinion, Yu Xiang wasn’t actually brave—that if the real person had been braver, maybe things would have turned out differently. Instead, Yan Jingmo said, “He was braver than me.”

Yan Jingmo moved his fingers slightly, resisting the urge to light another cigarette. His voice was very soft. “Back then, I could’ve stayed.”

Xu Xishuang didn’t know what to say.

Words of comfort felt too hollow. He hadn’t lived it himself, and he didn’t want to stand from some high ground saying, “It’s all in the past, don’t be sad.” Maybe a hug would be better—

“Sister-in-law!”

The sudden shout shattered the quiet, melancholic atmosphere between them. Xu Xishuang immediately recognized the voice—and the nickname—and felt a sharp twinge at his temple. He turned toward the sound.

Jiang Yangze jogged over, slowing only when he noticed someone else standing beside Xu Xishuang. When he realized it was Yan Yushan’s older brother, Yan Jingmo, he instinctively faltered. He had always been a little afraid of this big brother of Yan Yushan’s.

He had also been invited by Yan Yushan to attend the premiere. Earlier, he had cried his eyes out, feeling so sorry for Yu Xiang. The moment he remembered that Xu Xishuang played Yu Xiang, he had this weird feeling like Xu Xishuang had “cheated on” his Yan-ge through the character.

Now seeing Xu Xishuang again, his emotions were a mess. Then he remembered that he had just called Xu Xishuang “sister-in-law” right in front of Yan Jingmo. His instincts screamed that he had messed up. He mumbled awkwardly, trying to recover, “Xu Xishuang… Yan-dage.”

Yan Jingmo recognized Jiang Yangze, and when he heard how Jiang Yangze addressed Xu Xishuang, his eyebrows lifted slightly. He seemed to recall that Yan Yushan hadn’t managed to win over this precious-looking beauty yet. He turned to Xu Xishuang and asked, “You and Yan Yushan…”

“Nothing at all,” Xu Xishuang blurted out instinctively.

Realizing his tone had been too rushed, Xu Xishuang pressed his dry lips together and explained to Yan Jingmo, “It’s just a misunderstanding. Jiang Yangze got the wrong idea. Yan Yushan and I are just friends.”

Next to them, Jiang Yangze kept his head down, not daring to look up. In his heart, he muttered, Yeah, right. Just friends? I’ve been Yan-ge’s childhood buddy for ten years and I don’t even get to live under the same roof as him.

But that was something he only dared to say to himself. Standing beside both Xu Xishuang and Yan Jingmo, he tried his best to shrink his presence, feeling like he’d really messed up this time.

Hearing Xu Xishuang’s answer, Yan Jingmo was a bit surprised. As he looked at Xu Xishuang’s carefully composed expression, he began to suspect the situation might be more complicated than it seemed. Still, he had no intention of interfering in his younger brother’s love life. He simply nodded. “Got it.”

“I have something to do, so I’ll get going now,” Xu Xishuang said immediately.

He nodded to both Yan Jingmo and Jiang Yangze, then quickly walked past them, down the hallway, and disappeared around the corner.

It wasn’t until he got into the car that Xu Xishuang finally unclenched his fists. He opened his hand and saw red marks where his nails had dug in. He rubbed them absently, then leaned back in his seat, exhausted.

He couldn’t bear the thought of Yan Jingmo knowing there might be something between him and Yan Yushan.

Xu Xishuang finally saw clearly what he had been avoiding all this time.

In truth, he had always known. If he wanted to derail the original novel’s plot, the most direct and effective way was to destroy the romantic bond between the main couple. Stop them from falling in love, make them turn to others.

But his pride wouldn’t allow him to be the one to come between Yan Yushan and Chi Siyuan.

At first, he saw everyone in this world as nothing more than paper characters. He hadn’t taken that night with Yan Yushan seriously but the longer he stayed in this world, the deeper he got. That’s why he had rather taken a risk to expose Tang Min, to forcibly alter the plot.

This was the issue he had been avoiding all along.

He could still face Chi Siyuan with relative composure because Chi Siyuan and Yan Yushan hadn’t developed real feelings for each other yet. But he couldn’t face Yan Jingmo, because later in the original novel, Yan Jingmo had told the already-together Yan Yushan and Chi Siyuan that they must cherish each other, that they couldn’t make the same mistake he did—separating from someone they loved and ending up with regrets.

Yan Jingmo never married. He spent his life guarding the memory of that boy he once loved. The pureness of his love, the sincerity of his blessing toward Yan Yushan and Chi Siyuan—those were exactly what now made Xu Xishuang feel ashamed and humiliated.

Jiang Yangze’s shout of “sister-in-law” had finally torn away the last vague curtain covering whatever existed between him and Yan Yushan. Xu Xishuang raised a hand to cover his eyes. Regardless of whether Yan Yushan had fallen for him or not, he no longer wanted to keep pretending they were just “friends.”

…

It was the wrap day for the Who’s Standing Behind the Door crew.

For the past week, the atmosphere on set had been unbearably tense, like the final countdown before the end of the world.

Things were fine during filming, but the moment they entered a break, everyone would instinctively tread lightly, afraid to make too much noise—like one wrong sound might trigger doomsday.

No one dared to say it outright, but everyone knew. The two lead actors had fallen out.

When Xu Xishuang once again refused the hot water and warm coat offered by Yan Yushan, the latter couldn’t hold it in anymore. He forcibly draped the coat over Xu Xishuang’s thin shoulders and asked in a low voice, “What’s going on with you? Did I do something wrong?”

“It’s nothing. No,” Xu Xishuang pulled the coat off his shoulders and stuffed it back into Yan Yushan’s hands, his tone calm. “I just think we’ve been acting too close. It’s gone beyond what friends should be.”

Yan Yushan clenched the coat in his hands so tightly it crumpled out of shape. He felt like he’d hoisted a rock only to smash his own foot, and said nothing more.

Over the past week, Xu Xishuang had been acting completely out of character. He began drawing a clear line—what was acceptable between friends, and what wasn’t. He still allowed Yan Yushan to come by each night to talk to the baby, to tell bedtime stories but when it came to any care or concern directed at Xu Xishuang himself, he refused it all—drawing the line hard, allowing no overstep.

Yan Yushan was both shaken and infuriated by Xu Xishuang’s sudden coldness. He was mostly shaken. The anger he felt was almost entirely aimed at Jiang Yangze.

He had already heard from Yan Jingmo about what had happened that night, and Jiang Yangze, sensing the storm coming, had long since anticipated that Yan Yushan might beat him to a pulp. So he bought a ticket and fled the country in advance, planning to return only after Yan Yushan had cooled off.

Now, with no outlet for his frustration, Yan Yushan kept it all bottled up. When he went silent with a blank expression, it was downright terrifying. The crew kept a wary distance from him, worried he might explode at any moment. Some of them even kept sneaking glances, afraid he might start a fight with Xu Xishuang.

Xu Xishuang couldn’t take even a single punch from him.

Xu Xishuang’s state had also shifted dramatically. It was like he had reverted to the version of himself from the rumors at the beginning—cold, distant, uninterested in anything or anyone.

Even though Yan Yushan and Xu Xishuang still sat together during breaks, the coldness between them was palpable—each looking more unapproachable than the other. Even Yan Yao, who usually loved hovering around Xu Xishuang, didn’t dare go near them. She clutched her phone sadly, feeling like the couple she’d been shipping was really about to BE and in a pretty brutal way, too.

The two leads hadn’t made up by the time filming wrapped. During that period, even Cheng Tianwen had personally tried to mediate between them, but it was completely useless.

So on wrap day, when it came time to take the wrap-up group photo, the crew didn’t dare have Yan Yushan and Xu Xishuang stand next to each other. Instead, they were placed on opposite ends of the lineup, with several people separating them in the middle.

The wrap party was no better, it was tasteless and joyless. Though everyone was happy to have finished filming, there was still tension hanging in the air, and no one dared clink glasses with either Xu Xishuang or Yan Yushan.

Halfway through the meal, Yan Yushan suddenly picked up a wine glass and began drinking shot after shot in silence. No words, just alcohol. Cheng Tianwen tried to stop him, but couldn’t. The rest of the group kept glancing desperately at Xu Xishuang, hoping he might intervene, but Xu Xishuang just kept his eyes lowered, staring at his empty bowl, clearly signaling that he wouldn’t—and couldn’t—get involved.

Right then and there, Yan Yao burst into tears.

When others asked her why she was crying, she didn’t dare say the real reason. She just claimed she was drunk and feeling emotional. That night, she went back and posted a long emotional rant on her alt account on Weibo, mourning the breakup of her favorite CP. When fellow shippers of the “YanXu” CP saw her post, they all thought she had lost her mind and started dragging her in the fan forums. Yan Yao didn’t even have the energy to fight back—she just deactivated her account altogether.

In the end, Yan Yushan had to be carried back by Luo Huai and Cheng Tianwen.

Xiao Wang followed nervously behind Xu Xishuang on the way back to the hotel. With Yan Yushan and Xu Xishuang at odds, Xiao Wang had been extremely on edge these past few days. He had no idea what the problem was or how to help.

One night, he even secretly searched on his phone: “If an unmarried couple breaks up, who gets custody of the child?” His conclusion was that the baby would most likely go to Film Emperor Yan. That only made him more worried about Xu Xishuang’s mental state. He stuck to Xu Xishuang almost constantly, afraid that the custody issue might push him into a dark place.

The day after wrap, everyone finally went their separate ways—escaping the “end of the world.”

Xiao Wang just had more headaches now, because both Yan Yushan and Xu Xishuang were heading back to the same home. He didn’t dare imagine how long this silent war between them would drag on.

When he heard that Xu Xishuang and Yan Yushan were about to appear on the same travel reality show and would be away from home, his first reaction was relief then followed immediately by panic. With their current state, are they going to end up fighting on national TV?

In reality, they were already on the verge of fighting—well, it was more of Xu Xishuang being angry enough to want to hit someone.

“You didn’t say back when you helped me get this variety show gig that you’d be on it too,” Xu Xishuang said, voice tight with restrained fury. “So you’re still going now?”

Yan Yushan stood, looking down at Xu Xishuang seated on the sofa, not bothering to hide his intentions. “Yeah. I’m going.”

The moment he realized Xu Xishuang had likely noticed his feelings and was choosing to distance himself, Yan Yushan—sober again after the wrap party—abandoned his previous strategy and decided to go all in. Since Xu Xishuang was already avoiding him, the worst outcome would be that he’d hate him even more.

He wouldn’t confess. He wouldn’t give Xu Xishuang the chance to directly reject his love.

Yan Yushan was never someone who gave up easily, and certainly not when it came to the first person who ever made his heart race. The wolf who had been pretending to be a tame little puppy finally dropped the act. He accepted his desire, his shamelessness, his possessiveness—determined to drag this beautiful, aloof cat he liked back to his den, no matter what it cost.

His original plan to join the show had been to protect Xu Xishuang at all times. That still held true but now there was one more reason.

To make sure Xu Xishuang had not the slightest chance, not even a moment, to fall for someone else.