LDR Ch 20

“I have work, so I can’t go there.”

Stephan’s yacht was always docked at Monaco’s harbor, so Leo, who parked his yacht nearby every Monaco Grand Prix, had seen it before. Stephan’s parties weren’t like the one Leo attended yesterday, where people just drank heavily and hung out. They were more serious in terms of revelry, the kind that explained the paddock’s running joke: don’t ask a driver what happened in Monaco.

“You?”

Since Leo had never agreed to attend Stephan’s yacht parties, Stephan easily accepted and turned to Lorenzo, who shook his head.

“I’m not going either.”

At that, Leo stared at Lorenzo. Something about it felt off. Lorenzo stammered.

“Why, why?”

Come to think of it, Lorenzo needed to head to Italy now. His team had won both the Constructors’ and Drivers’ Championships. It was his home country, no less. Yet Lorenzo had insisted on stopping by Monaco first.

Sure, Monaco and Italy were close enough to drive to quickly, but why bother?

“You’re going to see Sophie.”

At Leo’s words, Stephan shook his head. Lorenzo had been with Sophia for a long time, and she often came to races, so everyone knew her. They’d vaguely noticed the breakup too.

“You neglected her when you were busy, and now that you’ve won, you’re crawling back. Does someone as smart as Sophie not know it’ll be the same next season?”

Stephan, who had divorced after five months for exactly that reason, delivered a scathing critique, and Leo joined in.

“Sophie deserves to be happy.”

Though Stephan didn’t know about Lorenzo’s retirement plans, it didn’t change anything. If you couldn’t be there always, anywhere, under any circumstances, you didn’t deserve to show up.

“I didn’t say I was going to see her.”

At Lorenzo’s feeble excuse, Leo and Stephan exchanged glances. It was obvious he’d go anyway.

“How are you guys already awake?”

As others started waking up one by one, groggy, the talk of Stephan’s yacht party continued. Amid it, Leo checked a message from Harrison.

[I miss you]

It could be seen as an attempt to smooth over the earlier video call, but Leo knew it was utterly sincere. Instead of saying something else, Leo typed out his own honest feelings.

[I miss you too]

It hadn’t even been 24 hours since they parted, and they’d see each other tomorrow, and they’d just been talking about Harrison, yet Leo still missed him. Naturally, he added a few more words.

[I’ll be there soon]

A reply came immediately.

[Come quick]

There was a warm impatience in the words.

[I love you]

It was just a text, but it felt like his expression and voice came through. Maybe even his warmth.

[I love you too]

Always, anywhere, under any circumstances. That condition was all too familiar to Leo. He’d never known anything else.

Winter Break

Arriving home, Leo saw neatly arranged shoes at the entrance. Climbing upstairs carefully, he noticed the bedroom door slightly ajar. Opening it quietly to avoid making noise, he wondered why Harrison was sleeping like that.

Leo knew Harrison had brought the dogs. He also knew Harrison was asleep since he didn’t come out to greet him. So Leo entered carefully to avoid waking him. The sight before him was his partner and the dogs, all curled up asleep.

Harrison lay on one side of the bed. One dog was curled up on his chest, another used his arm as a pillow, and the last one was on the pillow, pressed against Harrison’s face, chin resting on his neck. The ones on his arm and chest were one thing, but wasn’t it uncomfortable with a dog on his neck?

Approaching quietly to lift the dog’s chin off Harrison’s neck, the dog stirred sleepily, moved its head slightly, and placed its chin on Leo’s hand instead.

“You’re here?”

As Leo awkwardly held his hand there, a voice came with the warmth of Harrison’s touch on his hair.

“Yeah.”

Responding to the pull of Harrison’s hand, Leo lay in the space Harrison had left open and looked at him.

“I can’t trust them to guard the house.”

Harrison, eyes half-open, carefully pointed at the oblivious sleeping dogs, and Leo gently petted them.

“How could they guard the house?”

They were too tiny for that. Not that bigger dogs would be guard dogs either.

“When did you get back?”

“Not long ago. Took them for a walk, and they wanted to sleep.”

“You went for a walk too? What time did you finish yesterday?”

The commemorative party with all of ABW’s headquarters staff was set for this weekend, and Harrison had to go to England early for an event hosted by Ellington, a team founder, former team owner, and engine supplier.

Though not first, Ellington hadn’t placed in the top three in nearly a decade despite their long F1 presence. Finally achieving third, they called Harrison, both as the engine supplier and a long-time F1 team.

It was a historic day, so Leo expected they’d keep Harrison late, but picking up the dogs from Leo’s family home and walking them suggested it ended early.

“Two.”

“Two a.m. today?”

His voice rose slightly, startling the dog on Harrison’s chest, which jumped up, followed by the others, who noticed Leo and rushed him.

Amid the sudden, delayed welcome, Leo hurriedly petted them as Harrison stroked Leo’s hair from the side.

“You’ve got a nose mark there.”

Leo pointed at Harrison’s chest, and Harrison looked down. As Leo said, there was a damp mark where the dog had curled up, nose pressed against him. At that moment, another dog lunged at Leo’s face. Barely catching it and trying to pet and rub all three with only two hands was, quite literally, not enough hands.

“If their tails were a bit longer, they could fly.”

With that, Harrison lifted the dog rubbing against Leo’s side, held its tail down, cupped its bottom, and let go. The tail sprang up and wagged rapidly. Harrison pressed it down again and released it. The tail spun quickly again. He pressed it once more.

“What are you doing?”

Thinking he was teasing the dog, Leo took it away, but Harrison then lightly touched the tail of another dog not in Leo’s arms.

“No, just something.”

Leo gave Harrison a mock scolding look but naturally gave his cheek a quick kiss. The dog then rubbed its cheek frantically against Leo’s. Harrison playfully kissed the dog’s forehead first, then Leo’s. The other dogs whined.

“Okay, okay.”

The dogs always inserted themselves when Leo and Harrison tried to do something. If they tried to hug, the dogs had to be in the middle. If they kissed, the dogs demanded kisses too. But it had been familiar for so long that Leo, unable to pet the third dog with only two hands, watched Harrison playfully lift and pet it until its body bounced.

How do you know you’re home? Maybe you could mention the air, the temperature, the small details, but really, you just know. It’s this moment.

The one problem with this peaceful life was that Leo wasn’t on vacation. Watching videos of the dogs Harrison sent as his only solace in a dreary office, Leo finally left work and opened the door without hesitation.

The patchwork-colored dogs darted out like lightning. Petting their foreheads and faces, they shook their fur without a hint of pain. From Harrison’s video before Leo arrived, he knew the dogs had been playing wildly in the park and all crashed into a tree, but they weren’t hurt. Still, their fur was bushier than usual, probably from the rain.

“You’re here?”

“Yeah.”

Answering the voice from the kitchen, Leo went to wash his hands, dogs weaving around his feet. Carefully reaching the kitchen to avoid stepping on them, he saw Harrison portioning food into dishes.

“What did you do today?”

Kissing Harrison’s cheek briefly and setting the table, Leo asked, and Harrison came over to kiss Leo’s cheek in return.

“Walked the dogs, went to my parents’ for lunch, came back, napped, read a bit. You?”

So the food must have come from his parents’ place. To others, it might sound like a typical day off, but coming from Harrison, it always felt novel. Leo’s day, however, was just work at headquarters, and he didn’t want to tell Harrison, who’d finally stepped away from racing.

“Not telling.”

At Leo’s smiling words, Harrison hugged him from behind, hands tickling his chest. Leo brushed them off playfully, then laughed and sat Harrison down.

No matter what Harrison did, Leo couldn’t feel bad right now. Leo preferred the winter break over summer vacation. Summer breaks were three weeks, but the third week was for race prep, so really only two. Plus, with racing right after, it was hard to relax.

But the season ended in late November and started again in March, so winter offered more time. Even then, the actual vacation wasn’t long, but for Leo, duration wasn’t the point. No racing talk, and having Harrison at home in the morning and evening was enough, no matter what they did.

“By the way, Leo, are you going to the awards?”

Harrison, back from walking the dogs and visiting his parents, asked, and Leo answered easily.

“No.”

Every year after the season, the FIA hosted an awards ceremony for all of motorsport. Leo went once during F2 but didn’t feel like going again unless required, especially abroad.

“Then I won’t either.”

“You have to. You got third.”

The top three had to attend, with penalties for absence. Harrison, who obviously knew, said flatly.

“Probably.”

The FIA ceremony was notoriously dull, but as a top-three finisher, he had no choice.

“Thought about who you’re going with?”

At Leo’s question, Harrison, clearly not having considered it, thought for a moment. Heather had gone with him a few times before, but now she said she didn’t want to travel abroad during the off-season and told him to figure it out.

“Can’t I just go with Anna? She doesn’t have a boyfriend, right?”

“I don’t know.”

Anna was the chief technical officer of the team that designed all the cars Harrison drove at ABW. Leo knew she was attending the ceremony, but whether she had a boyfriend was unclear. Her five divorces were legendary, as she’d proudly shared, but that was all.

“You share the same office floor.”

“If you put it that way, you talk to Anna on the phone all the time.”

Indeed, during race weeks, Harrison talked to Anna a lot—on-site if she was there, or by phone if not. Yet he didn’t know, showing how much he only talked about racing.

“Can I use my phone?”

Leo nodded. They’d agreed to ignore calls during meals, so both phones were in a clear box on the table. But Leo was curious if Anna would go with Harrison to the ceremony.

[Do you have a boyfriend?]

“Hey, are you crazy?”

Seeing the blunt text Harrison sent, Leo blurted out reflexively, and Harrison calmly asked.

“Why?”

“You should ask if she can go to the ceremony with you, not if she has a boyfriend.”

Sure enough, Anna, surprised, called immediately.

“Oh, it’s nothing, just wondering if you could come to the ceremony with me. I don’t have a partner. Are you bringing your boyfriend? Or your son? You said he was in England last time. Oh, so no partner? Okay, let’s go together. Thanks.”

With that brief conversation, Harrison hung up. He could talk endlessly about cars but was curt with this. At least Leo didn’t have to worry about Harrison standing awkwardly alone at the ceremony. Then Leo’s expression stiffened.

Going with Anna meant talking about cars the whole ceremony. Next season’s prep was necessary, but Leo didn’t want it rushed by even a day.

“If you go there and talk to Anna and Simon and head straight to headquarters, I won’t let it slide.”

Since Leo was now at headquarters too, he was fully prepared to send Harrison home if he saw him there.

“If you say you’ll be waiting at home naked with just a ribbon around your neck the day I get back, I’ll come straight home.”

The unhinged request aside, what was with the oddly specific detail?

“I’ll pick you up at the airport.”

“That’s something.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Pretending to be calm but clearly suppressing a laugh, Harrison’s expression prompted Leo to continue.

“Harry, think about it. You’re here with me all the time, then we’re apart. You’re in a foreign country without me, and the moment you return home, you see me. Can you go three days without seeing my face?”

Three days wasn’t the issue—they’d gone two months before—but saying it seriously made Harrison laugh first.

“Of course not. You better be at the airport. If you’re even a minute late, I might die.”

It was an obvious but not bad exaggeration. Leo helped Harrison clear the table after the meal. Playfully nudging and kissing each other, they weren’t in a rush to finish, nor did they want to be.

“Leo, doesn’t this suit me? Not a full-time housewife, but a full-time husband, or boyfriend? No, not that either.”

At Harrison’s words after clearing the table, Leo responded reflexively.

“That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.”

Amused beyond disbelief, Leo’s tone made Harrison laugh, as if he thought so too.

“Harry, if you hadn’t become a driver, what do you think you’d be doing?”

Heading to the bathroom to brush their teeth, Leo asked, and Harrison looked at him, toothbrush in hand. His eyes showed he hadn’t thought about it. Seeing that, Leo brushed his teeth while searching for a job list on his phone.

“Painter, doctor, lawyer, mechanic, gardener.”

Reading the list with the toothbrush in his mouth, Harrison mumbled.

“I wasn’t good at studying.”

“You weren’t bad. You just didn’t have time for school.”

“Still, you did well.”

“My parents said I had to study too. And you took all the same classes as me.”

Leo took advanced English and physics classes, and Harrison was always there too, always at least average.

“So I studied to take the same classes as you.”

Spitting out foam, Harrison’s casual words made Leo look at him, though the speaker continued nonchalantly. Leo had heard it before, but it felt even stranger now.

“You really liked me back then?”

Leo watched Harrison rinse his mouth without answering. His expression was calm, but his ears were subtly red.

“You didn’t hate me?”

At the next question, Harrison looked at Leo.

“You weren’t annoyed because I didn’t know how you felt?”

“I didn’t know you didn’t know.”

“Then you should’ve been more annoyed. Knowing but pretending not to is worse.”

Despite Leo’s words, Harrison silently filled the rinsing cup with water.

“Don’t know. Don’t remember.”

As he rinsed, Leo looked up. It was obviously a lie. Leo vividly remembered how much 17-year-old Harrison irritated him.

“You hated me back then.”

“Never hated you.”

“You did.”

“Really didn’t.”

“Why? Why didn’t you hate me?”