Chapter 33 – A Double Meaning of Double Unforgettable

182

Wei Tong’s boyfriend alternated weekly between working at his Beijing office and a project team in Dalian. In early November, the man rented a one-bedroom apartment near the school. Wei Tong said the rent was slightly higher than the monthly hotel fees they had previously paid to be together. As a result, Wei Tong had practically moved out of the school dormitory, staying in that apartment every day, waiting for the man’s return.

Wei Tong often invited He Fei and Xiang Lei to his little nest, saying he was unbearably bored and lonely. He Fei asked him, “Does your boyfriend spend more time with you or with his wife?” Wei Tong said his boyfriend had lied to his wife, telling her the project team was extremely busy and that he only had two single days off each month.

He Fei wondered: Even if this man truly had no feelings for women, wouldn’t he feel ashamed when facing his own child in the future? He Fei found it quite tragic, though he wasn’t sure who exactly he pitied—Wei Tong, his boyfriend, the boyfriend’s wife, or his unborn child. In any case, this tragedy was entirely man-made, orchestrated by someone, resulting in one person unknowingly living in happiness, a group misunderstanding it as contentment, and another group helplessly bearing witness.

He Fei had never met that man.

He really wanted to see that face for himself, to see whether he was happy or not.

183

Zhang Wenwen had started throwing frequent little tantrums.

But she soon realized these tantrums had no effect on He Fei whatsoever. For example, if she angrily hung up on him, He Fei would never call back immediately. And the occasions that made her want to hang up on him in frustration seemed to be increasing—like when he’d forget about their plans to eat together, or when, after more than a month, she’d ask him to go shopping with her again, only for him to refuse without any room for negotiation.

He Fei told Zhang Wenwen, “Stop acting up. You never used to be like this.”

Zhang Wenwen thought about it and realized something had indeed changed, but she was certain it wasn’t her.

Zhang Wenwen said to He Fei, “Why are you spending more and more time with that Wei Tong guy?”

He Fei immediately frowned and replied, “Are you suspecting I’m gay again? Fine, let’s break up then.”

Zhang Wenwen was left speechless.

Her tantrums became more frequent, but each time, she was the one who had to compromise without receiving any comfort in return. Yes, Zhang Wenwen felt she should never have been like this.

As if nothing had ever happened, He Fei would call and say, “Let’s go eat noodles at the fourth canteen today,” and Zhang Wenwen could only pretend that nothing had indeed happened.

She complained to Yang Lin, but Yang Lin only ever listened, never offering any advice, not even a single word of consolation.

184

He Fei had his own troubles.

Back when he was lying in the hospital bed, he kept thinking, Let me recover quickly, hurry! As if there was something urgent he needed to do as soon as he got better. Now that he had recovered, he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

Xiang Lei lay on his bed, and when the hardcover notebook under his pillow fell to the floor, He Fei picked it up and handed it to him. Xiang Lei would smile and say, “Thanks.”

When He Fei forgot to buy cigarettes and asked around with no luck, Xiang Lei would pull out a pack of Zhongnanhai from his bag and toss one to He Fei. Without thinking, He Fei would also say, “Thanks,” surprising himself before smiling back at Xiang Lei.

“You’ve gotten hooked too? Started buying your own?” He Fei asked him.

“I don’t smoke much. It’s all Liu Chong’s fault,” he replied with a faint smile.

Sometimes, when playing Shengji, He Fei would unconsciously sit across from Xiang Lei, and their teamwork would be flawless, leading them to victory. During the game, they would often exchange knowing smiles, feeling both close and distant at the same time.

This feeling left He Fei unsettled. He didn’t know whether to be pleased or disappointed.

Occasionally, He Fei would receive a call from Wei Tong: “Come over for dinner. Xiang Lei’s here too. We just bought groceries.” He Fei would immediately agree, then call Zhang Wenwen and tell her to have dinner on her own.

Before Zhang Wenwen could even throw a tantrum, He Fei would hurriedly hang up.

185

Today was December 20, 2003.

After dinner at Wei Tong’s place, He Fei and Xiang Lei decided to stay the night.

Wei Tong had an oversized double bed at home, and they had rented all nine discs of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. They planned to recline side by side on that big bed and carefully rewatch the movies. For this, they spent half an hour after dinner rearranging the furniture, moving the TV stand directly opposite the foot of the bed.

Just as the third disc was about to end, Xiang Lei received a phone call. Wei Tong knew he would rewind to the part he missed after the call, so he simply paused the movie.

He Fei saw Xiang Lei furrow his brows even before answering the call. Then, the room fell silent. Xiang Lei lay in the middle, and both He Fei and Wei Tong on either side could clearly hear the voice on the other end.

The voice was very coquettish. Wei Tong mouthed “Xiao Zhou” to Xiang Lei, who nodded. He Fei had heard Wei Tong mention this name before—the guy who had taken a liking to Xiang Lei at the bar.

The other person asked, “Where are you?”

Xiang Lei replied, “At Wei Tong’s place watching a movie! What’s up?”

The other person sniffled and asked, “Can you come out?”

Xiang Lei immediately said, “Now? It’s so late.”

After a long silence, the other person suddenly said in a tearful voice, “I’ve completely broken up with him…”

Xiang Lei thought for a moment and replied, “Are you okay?”

At this question, the other end of the line immediately broke into sobs. Xiang Lei panicked, looking at Wei Tong repeatedly as if facing an insurmountable problem, hoping Wei Tong could help him out.

“Can you come out and keep me company? Just for a little while,” the other person pleaded between sobs.

“But it’s so late now…”

“Take a taxi over. I’ll wait here. I’ll pay for the fare…”

“It’s not about the fare… It’s just really late. You should go home.”

“But I don’t want to go home. I want to see you, even if it’s just for a few minutes.” The other person was relentless.

Xiang Lei didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent.

“Are you afraid I’ll cling to you later? Are you really this heartless? You won’t even ask where I am?” The other person started sobbing again.

“Where are you?” Xiang Lei finally asked.

“I’m in Qinghe, not far from the newly built Fifth Ring Road. There’s a river past the Fifth Ring—I’m by the riverbank. Give the phone to the driver when you get in the car, and I’ll tell him how to get here.”

“What? That far? What are you doing by the river?” Xiang Lei nearly shouted.

“Nothing… It’s so cold already, but the river still hasn’t frozen…”

Xiang Lei looked at Wei Tong in alarm and immediately said into the phone, “Wait there. I’ll come right away and take you home, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll wait.”

Then, while muttering to Wei Tong, “He wouldn’t do anything stupid, right?” Xiang Lei started getting off the bed. Wei Tong pulled out a dark blue down jacket and told Xiang Lei to put it on. As Xiang Lei zipped it up, he hurried toward the door. Before leaving, he glanced back at He Fei, who looked disappointed, then at Wei Tong and said, “I’ll definitely be back.”

All three of them knew those words were clearly meant for He Fei.

The rest of the movie was dull. He Fei and Wei Tong kept checking the time on their phones. An hour passed, and Xiang Lei still hadn’t returned—no call either. He Fei couldn’t help but dial Xiang Lei’s number, but after three tries, no one answered.

Another half-hour later, Wei Tong tried calling, but Xiang Lei’s phone was now unreachable. The two of them took turns dialing for over ten minutes, but the call still wouldn’t go through.

“Damn it! What the hell’s going on? I’ve been to Qinghe before—a friend’s basement there had no signal,” He Fei said irritably, tossing his phone aside.

He Fei couldn’t help imagining them in some basement, engaging in intimate contact.

“It can’t be a basement. Xiao Zhou’s family is wealthy—his friends there live in apartment buildings,” Wei Tong said.

“Then should we go look for them?”

“If the phone’s unreachable, where would we even look? Xiang Lei said he’d take him home…”

“Then let’s wait a little longer.”

The fifth disc finished playing on its own, but neither He Fei nor Wei Tong bothered to put in the sixth.

At 1:30 a.m., He Fei and Wei Tong heard the sound of a key turning in the lock. They both called out almost simultaneously, “You’re finally back.” But Xiang Lei didn’t respond. He went straight to the bathroom to wash his face, then sat down in the narrow hallway and stayed there, never returning to the bedroom. Wei Tong called out from the bedroom, asking how Xiao Zhou was, but Xiang Lei still didn’t answer.

Unable to hold back any longer, Wei Tong got out of bed and walked into the hallway. The moment he stepped out, he suddenly let out a shocked cry: “Ah! Xiang Lei! What happened?”

He Fei leaped out of bed like a gust of wind.

The awkward emotions he had been feeling vanished instantly when he saw Xiang Lei in front of him.

The Xiang Lei who had left the house clean and tidy was now covered in bruises—his face was a mess of purple and blue, a bloody gash split the corner of his eye, his eyes were bloodshot, his nose was swollen beyond recognition, and dark red bruises marred his chin. The once pristine dark blue down jacket was now splattered with blood, the once bright fabric now stained with large patches of crimson on the chest and sleeves.

When he realized He Fei and Wei Tong had discovered him, tears immediately flooded his eyes.

He no longer cared about his usual composure. His shoulders trembled as he occasionally lifted his arms, using his blood-stained sleeves to wipe away his tears.

“What happened?” He Fei asked in a trembling voice.

“They beat me… they beat me half to death.”

“Who?”

“Xiao Zhou’s brother’s friends.”

“Why did they hit you?”

“Because I’m gay.”

After saying this, Xiang Lei buried his face in his hands and broke down sobbing.

186

When Xiang Lei found Xiao Zhou by the small river, Xiao Zhou was hugging himself, shivering uncontrollably. Xiang Lei said, “You’re freezing like this—why torture yourself?” Xiao Zhou, with a tearful expression, replied, “I’m so cold. Please, just hug me.” Without waiting for Xiang Lei to overcome his embarrassment, Xiao Zhou immediately wrapped his arms around him.

Xiang Lei said, “Let me take you home.” Xiao Zhou didn’t respond, only tightening his embrace.

Winter night, freezing cold, dark path, silence.

A few minutes later, Xiang Lei tried to push him away but noticed he had started sobbing again. Xiang Lei’s heart softened, and the hand that had been about to push him away instead gently patted his back.

Then, Xiao Zhou released Xiang Lei, wiped his eyes, and said, “Walk with me for a bit. In ten minutes, you can take me home.” Xiang Lei nodded.

Xiao Zhou said to Xiang Lei, “I know you don’t have feelings for me. Otherwise, breaking up with that idiot should’ve been a relief… But don’t worry, I’m not the kind to cling desperately.”

The path had no streetlights, and compared to the brightly lit main road in the distance, it felt even darker. They walked side by side along the pitch-black riverside path as Xiao Zhou recounted the details of his breakup, with Xiang occasionally offering words of comfort.

A car approached from the opposite direction, its headlights blinding them. Both instinctively raised their hands to shield their eyes.

After the car passed, Xiao Zhou instinctively glanced back, his face tensing as he quickened his pace. Xiang Lei, confused, hurried after him toward the brightly lit main road.

The car turned around and pulled up beside them, cutting its engine. Two men in their early thirties stepped out. One of them asked Xiao Zhou, “Why are you out so late?”

“Just taking a walk,” Xiao Zhou replied nervously.

“And who’s this?” The other man pointed at Xiang Lei.

“A classmate,” Xiao Zhou answered timidly.

“A classmate?” The man sneered. “Still haven’t changed, huh? Forget what your brother told you?”

“He really is my classmate,” Xiao Zhou insisted.

“Then why are you two wandering around in the middle of the night?”

Xiao Zhou immediately fell silent.

“What’s his name?” The man pointed at Xiang Lei again.

“Xiang Lei!” Xiao Zhou was growing impatient.

“Let me see your ID,” the man who had approached Xiang Lei demanded.

Without thinking much, Xiang Lei handed over his ID. The man glanced at it before roughly tossing it back.

“What’s my little brother’s name?” The man stared at Xiang Lei.

“Xiao Zhou,” Xiang Lei replied.

“Is ‘Xiao’ a surname? What’s his full name?” the other man pressed.

Xiang Lei didn’t answer—Xiao Zhou had never told him his full name.

“Can’t answer, huh?” The man in front of Xiang Lei smirked before turning to Xiao Zhou. “How does your ‘classmate’ not even know your full name?”

“None of your business!” Xiao Zhou was now furious.

“If your brother finds out you still haven’t changed, you know what’ll happen, right?” The man in front of Xiao Zhou asked.

“I don’t care!” Xiao Zhou snapped.

“Get in the car. We’ll take you home.”

“No need! My friend already said he’d take me back!” Xiao Zhou shouted.

The man glared at him and roared, “You want me to call your brother right now?”

“Just get in the damn car already!” someone inside the car snapped.

Xiang Lei then noticed two more people in the car, their faces twisted in mocking smirks.

Xiao Zhou didn’t move, standing his ground in silent defiance.

The two men outside began interrogating Xiang Lei—where was he from? What did he do? Which school? How did he know Xiao Zhou? Xiang Lei answered honestly. Then they asked, “What are you two doing out here so late?” Xiang Lei explained that Xiao Zhou was upset and had asked him to come talk.

One of the men tilted his head and asked Xiao Zhou, “So? Should we take you to your brother now, or what?”

“I said, do whatever you want!” Xiao Zhou yelled.

At that moment, the other man suddenly threw a heavy punch straight into Xiang Lei’s face. Xiang Lei, caught off guard, couldn’t block it. The man cursed loudly and then aimed a vicious kick at Xiang Lei’s crotch. Xiang Lei instinctively dodged, and the blow landed on his left thigh instead.

“Are you insane?! We really weren’t doing anything! He was just about to take me home!” Xiao Zhou cried, rushing forward, only to be yanked back by the man beside him.

“I don’t give a damn! Your brother said to beat up anyone like this!” As he spoke, the two from the car had already gotten out, dragging Xiao Zhou into the vehicle by force.

The man who had been restraining Xiao Zhou now had free rein and lunged at Xiang Lei. The two of them began pummeling him relentlessly—punches and kicks rained down. Xiang Lei didn’t dare fight back, only hoping the beating would end soon.

Xiang Lei staggered as he tried to dodge, prompting one of them to snarl, “Fuck, still trying to dodge?!” before landing a kick directly on the corner of his eye. Tears streamed uncontrollably from the stinging pain. The other man sneered, “Fuck, still crying like a bitch?” and drove a fist into Xiang Lei’s nose. The metallic tang of blood flooded his mouth. When he wiped his face with his sleeve, it came away soaked in red.

From the car, Xiao Zhou’s furious shouts and sobs rang out: “You bastards! If my brother told you to eat shit, would you do that too?! He’s my friend! Am I not allowed to have friends?! You’re all animals, not even human!”

The angrier Xiao Zhou got, the more brutal the beating became.

Xiang Lei could almost understand their rage, but a selfish part of him still wished they’d feel even a shred of pity for his pain. He didn’t dare hope they’d try to understand his feelings—because he knew that, in their eyes, he wasn’t innocent. Their fury came from one thing: he was gay.

Eventually, they tired. They stopped. They stood on either side of Xiang Lei, panting.

One of them, still catching his breath, asked, “So? What do you think we should do with you?”

“Just… just take me to the police station…” Xiang Lei crouched by the riverbank wall, wiping his tears. The moment the words left his mouth, another round of curses and blows rained down.

They stopped again, exhausted.

Mimicking Xiang Lei’s posture, they crouched beside him, watching as he used his sleeve to wipe the blood from his face. One of them asked, “Well? Decide. Either you leave behind a part of yourself, and we’ll take you for a swim in the river—or you come with us to meet Xiao Zhou’s brother.” The other added, “You’ve got no fucking clue who his brother is. If he sees you, you won’t live to see tomorrow’s sun.”

Xiang Lei could feel his nose still bleeding and pinched it shut.

“Fucking talk!” they both barked.

What could he possibly leave behind? Xiang Lei frantically checked all his pockets before pulling out his wallet and phone, placing them on the grass in front of him. When he looked up, one of the men laughed mockingly. “Dumbass! We meant a part of your body, not your fucking belongings!” He yanked Xiang Lei to his feet, shoved the wallet and phone back into his pockets, and even patted them for emphasis.

Is this real? Xiang Lei thought.

The kind of horror you only see in Hong Kong movies—could it really happen in Beijing?

No matter what, Xiang Lei couldn’t bring himself to personally verify such a thing.

Xiang Lei had never imagined that his end would come like this—undignified, unremarkable. None of the grand, dramatic moments he’d fantasized about had arrived, and now, in this completely unexpected situation, all his dreams felt as cheap as pirated DVDs piled on a street vendor’s stall.

“Xiao Zhou and I… we really are just friends…” Xiang Lei said despairingly.

“Fuck! Look at your pathetic ass!” The man who had returned Xiang Lei’s wallet and phone took two steps back and kicked him hard in the stomach. As Xiang Lei doubled over in pain, his phone rang.

It rang three times before Xiang Lei reached for it. When he saw it was He Fei calling, tears welled up in his eyes again. But before he could answer, the call ended—and the phone was snatched from his hand and hurled into the river.

Li Zeng’s Nokia 3310, left to Xiang Lei.

Xiang Lei thought of Li Zeng, then of Pei Yong. People who had meant so much to them were, in the eyes of these strangers, nothing more than weeds.

“Fuck, I’m tired of this! Let’s go, asshole—time for a swim!” As they spoke, they each grabbed one of Xiang Lei’s arms and began dragging him toward the river. Xiang Lei struggled desperately, infuriating one of them.

“Fuck it! Let’s just finish him here!” The furious man let go and stormed back toward the car. Xiang Lei heard Xiao Zhou, who had been silent for a while, suddenly scream, “Fuck your ancestors!”

“Get back here! Now!” the other man barked.

A car passed by. The furious man returned, and the two of them flanked Xiang Lei again.

Xiang Lei wanted to scream for help, but no sound came out. He had always criticized this era, this city, for its cold indifference—but in the end, he hadn’t dared to trust a stranger either.

After the car drove away, the punches and kicks rained down again like a storm.

They were truly exhausted now, panting as they crouched beside him, hurling insults back and forth.

Each of them stood about a meter away, their movements sluggish from fatigue. Xiang Lei quietly calculated—if he moved fast enough, if he caught them off guard, maybe he could stand up and run. He feared they’d catch him quickly, that the beating would only get worse—but staying here was clearly no better.

He hesitated for five full minutes, gathering his courage. Then, in one swift motion, he sprang up and sprinted away, his legs trembling with every step.

Behind him, he heard furious curses and the roar of a car engine starting.

Xiang Lei closed his eyes, the wind whistling in his ears.

200 meters, 100 meters, 50 meters…

Bright lights, a wide road, taxis speeding past—it felt like heaven.

Xiang Lei didn’t stop. He kept running.

Outside a grand, palace-like hotel, four or five taxis idled while a group of men smoked by a fountain.

Xiang Lei ran up to them, his voice shaking. “Can you take me?”

No one answered.

He knocked on the windows of each taxi. One of the smokers finally said, “The drivers aren’t here.”

Xiang Lei pulled out his wallet, insisting he had money for the fare—but no one paid him any attention.

Defeated, Xiang Lei ran off again.

At a dimly lit intersection, he flagged down a taxi and climbed inside.

The driver took one look at him and froze in shock.

Xiang Lei said, “It’s nothing. Just drive.”

He added, “They wouldn’t stop for me when they saw me like this.”

The driver replied, “If I’d seen you first, I wouldn’t have stopped either. No one wants trouble they don’t understand.”

He asked if Xiang Lei needed to go to the hospital, but Xiang Lei shook his head and just gave Wei Tong’s address.

When they arrived, Xiang Lei tried to pay, but the driver hesitated before finally accepting the money.

As he took it, he warned, “Don’t go messing with thugs like that again.”

Despite running for so long, Xiang Lei didn’t feel tired at all.

He got out, looked up at the sixth-floor window where the light was still on, and took the stairs two at a time.

When he pushed open the door, the warmth of the light spilling through the crack made the stinging pain on his face unbearable—and the tears came flooding out.

187

“What happened?” He Fei asked in a trembling voice.

“They beat me… beat me half to death,” Xiang Lei choked out.

“Who?”

“Xiao Zhou’s brother’s friends.”

“Why did they hit you?” He Fei’s eyes burned with fury.

“Because I’m gay.”

Xiang Lei buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

Before he could finish crying, He Fei had already pulled him to his feet. Xiang Lei could only weep as He Fei dragged him downstairs, not even getting a chance to ask where they were going or what they were doing.

He Fei waved down a taxi and said to Wei Tong, who had followed them, “Go back. Get some sleep. We’ll call you whether we come back or not.”

“Where are you going…?” Wei Tong asked, confused.

“To find those bastards! I don’t care who they are or how many there are—I’ll fight to the death if I have to! Fuck it, let’s see if those cowards dare to fight back!” He Fei snarled.

“But Xiang Lei’s already back—they wouldn’t still be there!”

“We won’t know unless we look!”

The taxi turned around. Xiang Lei, forcing back tears, stood frozen in hesitation. “Forget it, He Fei,” he said. “They might be part of some underground gang.”

He Fei scoffed. “Xiang Lei, you’ve watched too many movies. Don’t overestimate these assholes in real life. The weaker you act, the more they’ll push you around. You fight back, and they might piss themselves!”

He Fei told Xiang Lei to call Xiao Zhou, but Xiang Lei said his phone was in the river. Cursing under his breath, He Fei turned to Wei Tong and asked if he had Xiao Zhou’s number. Wei Tong shook his head.

The taxi arrived. He Fei pulled Xiang Lei inside, rolled down the window, and told Wei Tong to wait for their call. Then he said to the driver, “Qinghe, outside the Fifth Ring.”

There was no way those men would still be there.

On the way, Xiang Lei haltingly recounted what had happened. The driver, not understanding who “those people” were, kept asking, “But why?” and occasionally joined He Fei in cursing them.

The taxi drove down the pitch-black path—completely deserted now.

When they reached the low wall, Xiang Lei pointed. “This is the spot.”

He Fei took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, then turned to look at Xiang Lei. Tears welled up in Xiang Lei’s eyes again, and He Fei, without thinking, wrapped an arm around his shoulders. The moment He Fei’s arm touched him, the tears spilled over.

It was as if this whole trip had only been meant to imprint He Fei’s presence onto Xiang Lei’s memory of this place.

The driver asked where to go next. After a pause, He Fei gave the address of Zixuan Hotel. He’d talked about staying there with Xiang Lei so many times—but this time, it wouldn’t just be talk.

Xiang Lei sat in a far corner of the lobby, waiting, while He Fei booked a room at the front desk, calling Wei Tong at the same time.

The moment the door closed behind them, He Fei pulled Xiang Lei into a tight embrace.

“Xiang Lei, stop fucking looking! I’ll be your boyfriend! I can—” He Fei’s voice, muffled against the collar of Xiang Lei’s jacket, reached his ears in fragments.

Xiang Lei didn’t speak. His shoulders trembled violently under He Fei’s arm, and a heart-wrenching sob escaped his throat.

“You keep telling Wei Tong I’m not like this—how do you know? How do you know? Fuck, I am! I must be! If what I feel for you isn’t love, then I’m not even human!” He Fei continued.

Xiang Lei mumbled something, but He Fei couldn’t make it out.

“Huh? What?”

“I’m afraid… of ruining you…” Xiang Lei sniffled.

“Idiot! Listen—I wasn’t ‘turned’ this way, got it? No one can change me. Maybe I’ve always been like this—I just didn’t realize it until now. Isn’t that how it was for you too? Did someone ‘turn’ you, or did you just slowly realize you’d always been this way? The only way I wouldn’t be like this is if we’d never met at all.”

“I don’t mind being a substitute…”

Hearing this, He Fei’s nose stung, and he nearly shed tears of his own.

If Xiang Lei would believe him, He Fei wanted to say: You’re not a substitute.

He Fei insisted on helping Xiang Lei shower. After much resistance, He Fei forcibly stripped off his clothes. When He Fei accidentally brushed against a wound on his chest, Xiang Lei cried out in pain. Seeing the bruises on his stomach, He Fei cursed under his breath again.

When only his underwear remained, Xiang Lei grabbed He Fei’s hand, refusing to take them off. He Fei smiled wryly, then stripped down to his own underwear before leading Xiang Lei into the bathroom.

Under the shower, He Fei soaked a towel in hot water and gently wiped Xiang Lei’s body. Where there were injuries, he didn’t press, only held the warm towel against them.

Xiang Lei bit his lip as he watched He Fei work. When He Fei smiled at him, tears suddenly streamed down his face. He Fei’s heart ached—he stepped forward, pulling Xiang Lei into a wet, tight embrace. The moment their chests pressed together, He Fei found himself crying too.

They let their tears fall onto each other’s bare backs, saying nothing, just holding each other as the water poured over them. With his eyes closed, He Fei felt like his entire world had narrowed down to just sound and touch—just the rush of water, himself, and the person in his arms.

After drying off, He Fei hung his soaked underwear on a chair by the window, wrapped in a towel. But Xiang Lei climbed straight into bed in his damp underwear. He Fei knew arguing was pointless, so he let it go.

Lying side by side, He Fei instinctively slipped an arm under Xiang Lei’s neck.

“Starting today, no more looking for anyone else! If I find out you did, Xiang Lei, I’ll kill you!”

“Shouldn’t you… wait until I’m not so pitiful… before deciding?”

“Are you stupid?” He Fei shook his arm slightly. “Do I seem like the kind of person who acts out of pity?”

“I’m scared… it feels too unreal. If I never have it, I won’t have to worry about losing it someday…”

“Then let’s do what Wei Tong did—move out together. I’ll find a place tomorrow. And within a week, I’ll talk to Zhang Wenwen. If I ever break my word, you can kill me too.” He Fei turned to face Xiang Lei, his expression deadly serious.

“You don’t like Zhang Wenwen?”

“I do. But in over a year, I never once thought about touching her. Isn’t that strange? With other girls, it was never like this. Maybe I cared too much—didn’t want to hurt her? Now that I think about it, it’s good I never did…”

“You’re not going to tell her it’s because of me, are you?”

“What difference does it make? She already suspected before.”

“Huh?”

“If you don’t want her to know the details, I won’t say. But if she asks, I won’t lie either.”

“Up to you.”

Xiang Lei closed his eyes. He Fei wondered if he still thought this moment was too unreal to believe.

Then He Fei quietly pondered what kind of “like” he had felt for Zhang Wenwen. Even though he’d never once thought of taking her to bed, he was certain that if she were lying beside him now, something would have happened. So yes, it had been a kind of affection—but a dull, ordinary kind, rooted only in physical desire. And over the past year, that desire had been worn away by the constant weight of his thoughts—thoughts that had always been about Xiang Lei.