SSD 67. God He, Give Me a Hug

Since there were no afternoon classes anyway, Xu Fanming ended up following He Jiang back to his rental apartment after all. He Jiang turned on the big projector, connected it to his phone via Bluetooth, and pulled two cans of chilled strawberry milk from the fridge. It was sweet and creamy.

Xu Fanming found himself kind of starting to like the taste. “Why are you so into this stuff?”

He Jiang paused, fingers resting on the bottle cap. “You really want to know?”

Xu Fanming glanced at him and nodded.

“We’ve always had a milk delivery at home. Both my parents like this flavor,” He Jiang said with a smile. “Come to think of it, I probably got my sweet tooth from them.”

Xu Fanming gave him a puzzled look. He Jiang twisted the cap off, took a sip, and let the tangy sweetness spread across his tongue.

“I only ever had one proper birthday celebration growing up,” he said. “That year, I turned ten. My parents took time off and flew back home early in the morning.”

“The housekeeper made a whole table of good food. My mom even ordered a two-layer cake. I spent two days finishing it. Before that, I hardly ever ate candy or ice cream. But after that, I guess I fell for sweets.”

Xu Fanming looked at him for a moment, then asked, “Were your parents not home much?”

He Jiang went quiet for a while.

“Well…” he finally said, “they’ve been separated for a while now.”

Xu Fanming was caught off guard.
“Separated?”

“Yeah.” He Jiang took another sip. “My dad lives overseas now. My mom’s company is in Shanghai, so she bought a place there and settled down.”

Xu Fanming gave a small nod.

He Jiang smiled. “You don’t need to look so surprised. They were already busy with work back then. Even before they split, they only came home about once a month. Up through high school, it was our housekeeper who looked after me.”

Xu Fanming didn’t say anything. He suddenly wanted to keep asking questions but didn’t know how to begin. If He Jiang’s parents were always away, were there any siblings? Had he always lived alone? How did he fall in love with basketball? And why had he given up the road to becoming a pro?

So many questions piled up in his heart, but none of them could make it past his throat.

Xu Fanming didn’t know if He Jiang would even want to talk about any of it.

Come to think of it, He Jiang understood him so well, yet he hardly knew anything about He Jiang.

“Let’s change the subject,” He Jiang suddenly said as he picked up the remote and turned on the TV. “Let’s watch the game.”

Xu Fanming hesitated for a moment, then nodded, feeling a little disappointed.

At first, he was distracted, but once the Raptors started playing the Warriors, he gradually got drawn in. Watching the game pulled him out of his thoughts bit by bit.

He Jiang, too, eventually became absorbed.

The two of them sat in the dim room with the curtains drawn, drinking and snacking while they watched game after game. By the end, Xu Fanming’s eyes were sore. He rubbed his face and muttered, “That steal by Curry was clean.”

He Jiang stood up and glanced at the clock. It was already six thirty in the evening.

“I’ll order takeout.”

The moment takeout was mentioned, Xu Fanming instinctively thought of a certain terrifying smiling tiger. He flinched. He Jiang laughed and said, “Don’t worry, no crayfish. Want sushi?”

He Jiang ordered a 200 yuan sushi platter. They sat together at the table and polished off the whole thing with a pair of chopsticks each. Xu Fanming chewed on the last bit of seaweed and still felt a little unsatisfied. So He Jiang brought him downstairs to the snack street and got them each a bowl of beef ramen.

When they got back to the apartment, Xu Fanming collapsed comfortably onto the couch. With a pillow behind his back and one hand resting on his now-round belly, he stretched out lazily and didn’t feel like moving at all.

He Jiang checked the time. It was almost nine. If they waited just a little longer, he could probably convince him to stay the night. So he asked casually, “Wanna watch a movie?”

“No,” Xu Fanming mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “I think I’m a little sleepy.”

He Jiang perked up and went to fetch a thin blanket. “Then get some rest. Want to use the bedroom?”

“No, the couch is fine.” Xu Fanming’s eyes were already half-closed, his voice thick with drowsiness. “I still need to head back to campus later…”

He Jiang gently draped the blanket over his stomach and set the air conditioner to sleep mode.

“Alright. Just nap here for a bit.”

Xu Fanming didn’t say anything. His eyes were closed, and he looked as if he had already drifted off. He Jiang picked up his phone, put on his headphones, and sat quietly on the carpet beside the couch, keeping him company in silence.

He played a mobile game for a while, but then he thought he heard his name. Pulling off the headphones, he turned his head. “Hm?”

Xu Fanming was lying there with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. It seemed like he hadn’t fallen asleep at all. He had actually been thinking about that match with Kongxin, about how badly he wanted to talk to He Jiang about it. But, what was there left to say?

The difference in strength was obvious. The loss had been real. What could he possibly argue anymore?

So instead, he asked, “Do you think… Zhu Xuyao and Pan Yuan will end up together?”

He Jiang furrowed his brow. “Why are you suddenly so interested in them?”

Xu Fanming cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m not.”

The two of them stared at each other for a while. In the end, Xu Fanming gave in. “…Fine. Zhu Xuyao called me out of nowhere and said he and Senior Pan had a fight.”

He Jiang looked confused, so Xu Fanming went on, sounding just as puzzled. “We had just lost the game. Why would he choose that moment to confess? And Senior Pan too… I thought they liked each other.”

After saying it out loud, even Xu Fanming fell silent. He Jiang put down his phone, stared at the carpet for a while, trying to figure out how to explain it.

“That last possession in the game,” He Jiang said, “Zhu Xuyao traveled. You remember?”

Xu Fanming nodded.
“Yeah.”

“And the whole game… we didn’t play well. He might be blaming himself. Or doubting himself.” He Jiang paused, then added, “Going to Pan Yuan with a confession might have been a way to grab onto something. A kind of emotional escape. He was desperate to feel seen. But that probably wasn’t what Pan Yuan wanted.”

It was starting to get too complicated. Xu Fanming looked lost. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” He Jiang said, summing it up, “he took the loss really hard.”

Xu Fanming looked away and turned his gaze back to the ceiling. A quiet sigh slipped from his lips.

He Jiang watched him in silence. He could tell that Xu Fanming wasn’t taking it well either. But this time, it wasn’t the usual frustration or unwillingness to accept defeat. It was something quieter and more draining, a heavy kind of helplessness. A loss that came not from a mistake, but from the sheer weight of the gap between them and their opponent.

After a moment of hesitation, He Jiang asked, “Fanfan… what did you think of how we played last game?”

Xu Fanming blinked. It was only then that he realized He Jiang was worried about him. He was probably afraid that, just like before, he might fall apart after losing a game.

But this time… it felt different.

“I don’t know,” he said. “We struggled through the whole game, and in the end, we still didn’t come out with anything.”

He Jiang looked him in the eye, waiting until he finally set down his spoon. “Do you want to hear the truth?” Xu Fanming asked.

“Yeah.”

His sigh lingered faintly in the room. “I know that as long as we did our best, there’s nothing to regret. I understand that. And honestly, I don’t have any regrets about that game. We weren’t good enough, and I accept that. I really do. But… now I’m starting to worry we won’t make it to the finals. I’m even afraid we won’t get through the playoffs.”

Hearing words like that coming from someone as proud as Xu Fanming was a rare thing.

He Jiang looked at his discouraged expression and slowly curled his lips into a faint smile. “Is this really the same little tyrant Xu Fanming I know?”

Xu Fanming didn’t respond.

After a brief silence, He Jiang handed him a bottle of strawberry milk with a straw already poked in. Xu Fanming took it and sipped twice before speaking again. “I know. On the court, someone has to win and someone has to lose. But I…”

He Jiang withdrew his hand.
“Yeah. I know.”

Xu Fanming lifted his head and looked at him in confusion.

“You’re not the only one. After that game, all of us were affected in one way or another. Even I got a taste of it.”

That made Xu Fanming perk up and listen more closely.

“Kongxin’s center, Xing Yunyang, was an outstanding player. When I was matched up against him… I couldn’t really get the upper hand.”

Xu Fanming lowered his eyes thoughtfully. He Jiang went on. “And then there’s Zhuo Changyi, Peng Ning, Tan Ren, Yuan Dan… each of them has their own strengths. They’re great opponents, but they won’t be the toughest we face. The toughest opponent is always the next one.”

Xu Fanming’s fists slowly clenched. He Jiang’s gaze darkened slightly.

“There will be setbacks along the way, but the most important thing is to know where you’re heading. Fanfan, think back. Why did you start playing basketball in the first place? Was it to win? Or to get on TV?”

Xu Fanming answered firmly.
“Because I love it.”

“Exactly. You do it because you love it. That’s all there is to it. At the beginning, it’s always that simple. But somewhere along the way, why does that turn into something painful and defeating?”

“…”

“It comes down to six words,” He Jiang said slowly. “You want what you can’t have.”

Xu Fanming blinked. His breathing seemed to pause for just a moment.

The real question is, what does that desire mean?” He Jiang asked. “Most of the time, it’s just vanity. And behind that vanity, what is it you’re really looking for?”

Seeing how lost Xu Fanming looked, He Jiang patiently cleared his throat.

“Let me give you an example. Think of someone who loves mountain climbing. At the beginning, he doesn’t overthink it. He climbs simply because he enjoys the process. Later on, maybe thanks to his passion and maybe a bit of talent, he starts to stand out. He becomes good at it. People who don’t climb praise him, and he starts to enjoy that sense of recognition.”

Xu Fanming nodded. He understood that feeling well, because he had started out the same way. He looked at He Jiang and asked, “And then?”

“Then, he accidentally joined a mountaineering club full of people who loved the sport. He began climbing with others in the community, and he genuinely grew a lot from the experience.” He Jiang paused for a moment. “As time went on, he started wanting to prove himself. So he entered competitions, gave talks… and gradually, his ambitions grew. The more he craved, the more he wanted.”

Xu Fanming looked at him and cut in. “Are you saying I’m too greedy? But trying to improve, isn’t that normal?”

“Just let me finish,” He Jiang replied with a light smile. “At that point, the mountaineer suddenly realized that maybe his skills were no longer enough. After suffering setback after setback, he began to question himself. Am I really cut out for this? After working so hard for so long, is this as far as I can go?”

“But at the very beginning, all he wanted was the joy that came from climbing.”

He Jiang smiled as he watched Xu Fanming furrow his brow, lips slightly parted as if he wanted to speak but hesitated. He gently rubbed the center of Xu Fanming’s forehead and said sincerely, “Fanfan, do you know when I first saw you play? It was during a campus scrimmage in the school gym.”

“You were standing on the court, dazzling and unstoppable, focused entirely on the game. That version of you, so full of passion for basketball, completely captivated me. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

He Jiang gave him a soft smile.

“Fanfan, I still believe you belong on the court, under the lights and in the spotlight.”

His words stirred something deep inside Xu Fanming, like a soft feather brushing against his heart. His whole body tingled. He felt equal parts embarrassed and stunned, and his ears flushed bright red.

“I know you love basketball unconditionally. You love it so much that you want to prove that love to your family.” He Jiang gently rubbed his earlobe. “But trophies aren’t the only proof of that love. Don’t lose sight of your original passion just because your desires keep growing.”

“I want you to stay true to your style. Be the little tyrant who stands out on the court. Stay proud. Stay in love with the game.”

Xu Fanming’s nose stung, and his eyes turned red.

“You… sound like my mom.”

He Jiang smiled and slowly leaned in, lowering his head to kiss his cheek. Xu Fanming did not pull away. He sat still and let He Jiang kiss him a few more times.

“Your mom wouldn’t do this to you, silly baby.”

He Jiang was right. After playing in so many games and realizing how vast the world of basketball truly was, Xu Fanming probably could no longer maintain the pure, unshakable confidence he once had.

That was why He Jiang told him he loved seeing him shine. He wanted him to keep that fire alive, to keep his head held high as he moved forward.

He Jiang knew him too well. Every glance and every movement, He Jiang could read them all with startling clarity.

That was why he could never quite bring himself to resist He Jiang’s kisses.

Whenever he felt lost or out of his depth, He Jiang always appeared beside him at just the right moment, guiding him out of those aimless whirlpools. A single sentence, a single look from He Jiang, could always fill him with a steadying sense of calm.

It felt like, in He Jiang’s world, he really could become someone dazzling, someone worthy of the crown.

Under He Jiang’s unwavering gaze, Xu Fanming did not even know why, but in the end, he nodded obediently.

Satisfied with the answer, He Jiang smiled and gently pinched his chin between thumb and forefinger, tilting his face as if about to kiss him again. Xu Fanming felt the grip on his cheek and instantly sensed what He Jiang was up to. Blushing furiously, he widened his eyes and gripped the edge of the couch with both hands, frozen in place like a little rabbit carefully watching its opponent.

“Fanfan,” He Jiang chuckled, teasing to lighten the mood, “why aren’t you closing your eyes?”

“…Mmph.”

Xu Fanming’s face turned even redder. He looked half angry, half wronged. His expression flickered with hesitation, like something was spinning in his mind. But He Jiang didn’t move unless he did, clearly waiting for him to respond first. In the end, under the weight of He Jiang’s gaze, Xu Fanming slowly closed his eyes. His breathing grew quieter.

That one motion made He Jiang’s heart skip a beat.

His own face flushed. A slow, fluttery embarrassment bubbled up in his chest. He had not expected that his noisy little raptor would actually do as he said and close his eyes so obediently.

Just like that, both their hearts fell into disarray.

The kiss, when it came, was not as fevered as he had imagined. It was not about giving in to desire, not about stealing something from each other. It was closer to the gentle intimacy shared between lovers, a brush of cheeks, a meeting of warmth.

His tongue traced the roof of Xu Fanming’s mouth, lips closing around his, drawing him in. Xu Fanming was overwhelmed by the tenderness, his whole body tensed from head to toe.

“Fanfan…”

He Jiang’s face was so close that Xu Fanming could count his eyelashes. After staring for two seconds, he turned away, shy and flustered. Warm breath swept across his skin and melted into the hush of their shared breaths.

And more and more, Xu Fanming felt that something between them was quietly changing. Something no longer quite the same.