54. Cloud Box Part 3

Lu Zhengming spent the last few days of class in a constant state of unease.

He deeply regretted going on the field trip. After everything that had happened to Yin Yan, how could he have left him alone like that? Even if he was off the medication and seemed much better than before, acting normal at school, none of that could prove he was truly alright. It might just be a façade. Or maybe, while he was away, Ma Pingchuan had said something to him?

Yin Yan was not the kind of person who would resign. Even if Lu Zhengming had resigned himself, Yin Yan never would have followed suit. Something must have happened. Something definitely—

On the train back to the plains, Lu Zhengming remained silent. Wang Yi never asked what was wrong. He simply took over his responsibilities, looking after the students with quiet competence. The students liked him, and even fellow passengers in the car found him easy to talk to.

Lu Zhengming stayed buried in guilt, right up until he stepped through the door of his home.

Yin Yan looked just the same, as if that fragile tone on the phone had been an illusion. He was wearing his collar, handed Lu Zhengming his slippers, and helped him out of his coat. He seemed like he didn’t need any care at all. But maybe that was just another act.

Lu Zhengming pulled him into a tight embrace. Breathing in the familiar scent on him, he let out a long, shaky breath.

“I’m home.”

Leaning against that familiar shoulder, Lu Zhengming sank into a daze. He couldn’t even tell whether Yin Yan needed him more, or he needed Yin Yan more. After a while, he loosened his arms and held him by the shoulders, studying his face carefully. Aside from a few bloodshot veins in his eyes, there was almost no change.

“You didn’t sleep well? Why didn’t you take the collar off?” Lu Zhengming gently touched his neck.

“It doesn’t bother me. I actually sleep better with it on.” Yin Yan shook his head with a small smile. “It’s my talisman.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Lu Zhengming said the words sternly, but his body was even gentler as he pulled him close again. “I’m sorry. I should’ve backed out of the trip.”

“You’ve always wanted to go to the Northwest. You would’ve regretted it if you hadn’t gone.”

“What does that matter, compared to you—”

“Don’t.” Yin Yan pressed a hand to his chest. “You have to think about your future, about your students, then about me.”

Lu Zhengming was struck with guilt.

He was right. If he couldn’t even carry out his basic responsibilities, what right did he have to protect anyone?

He had already made so many mistakes, become a murderer, become someone his friends saw as two-faced and unreliable, and nearly given up on his own students. If Yin Yan were that kind of person, Lu Zhengming would have already lost all respect for him. There was no way they could have come this far together.

But Yin Yan still had not abandoned him…

Lu Zhengming fell into a deep self-loathing. He buried his face against Yin Yan’s shoulder and didn’t dare lift it for a long time. The collar dug into his cheek, making him hate himself even more.

How could someone this worthless possibly call himself a “master”? He ought to be tied up and beaten. No, he ought to be beaten every day, until he became someone worthy of this kind of devotion.

“What’s wrong, Zhengming?” Yin Yan gently patted his back.

“I’m awful.” Lu Zhengming mumbled into his shoulder. “Really, I’m the worst. I never realized just what a bastard I’ve been. I’m just…”

“Don’t say that.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

Yin Yan couldn’t stop his self-reproach with words, so he kissed him. Lu Zhengming’s lips were stiff and unyielding, as if he believed he didn’t even deserve a kiss. Yin Yan closed his eyes and slowly pried his lips open, melting the tension little by little.

By the time that long kiss ended, Lu Zhengming’s face and neck were flushed scarlet.

Yin Yan laughed. “Zhengming, how are you so adorable?”

He hugged him again and chased his lips for a few more kisses before letting him go.

“Don’t be like that.” Yin Yan’s smile faded. He spoke softly. “Don’t feel guilty. Don’t become like me…”

Lu Zhengming wanted to say something, but Yin Yan pressed a finger to his lips, signaling him to listen.

“You’re important to me. Incomparably important. I couldn’t replace you even if I wanted to… I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

“How is that possible?” Lu Zhengming gripped his hand. “Do you know how much I admire you?”

Yin Yan gave a bitter smile. If only he knew he couldn’t draw anymore. If only he knew all the ugly parts of his past, and the two lives that stained his hands… Would he still say that?

He brushed his fingers through Lu Zhengming’s hair and changed the subject. “Let’s talk in bed. You’ve been on the train for so long. Let me rub your back.”

It was already past midnight when Lu Zhengming got off the train. He figured Yin Yan probably hadn’t slept much in the first half of the night, so he nodded. “Alright, let’s rest first. But I do have a few questions. You’re not allowed to lie to me.”

Yin Yan turned him gently around and said with a smile, “Go shower. I’ll wait for you in bed.”

He was confident that once they got into bed, he could make Lu Zhengming forget everything he had just said. He had a vague sense of what Lu Zhengming wanted to ask, but this bed was not the place to talk about those things, at least, not tonight.

The sound of water from the bathroom stopped. Yin Yan had already finished preparing himself. He had to divert Lu Zhengming’s attention, not leave him with even a sliver of energy to dig into.

Lu Zhengming’s phone rang.

He came out naked, his body still steaming. The intense ultraviolet rays had left a difference in tone between his face and torso, but that did nothing to diminish his allure. He was always more tempting in person than in any photo. Yin Yan looked at him for a moment, and desire surged up hot and thick, his skin aching with hunger.

But Lu Zhengming did not give him what he wanted. He ended the call quickly, sat down by the bed, and said grimly, “Sorry, I have to go back home.”

“What happened? Is there anything I can do?”

Yin Yan got out of bed, walked to the wardrobe, and pulled out a clean set of clothes for him. He started dressing as well.

“My dad fell. He’s in the hospital now. Can I borrow your car?”

Lu Zhengming’s own car still hadn’t been repaired. After being towed back, it had been sitting unused in the studio courtyard.

Yin Yan was already fastening the last buttons of his shirt. “I’ll drive.”

Lu Zhengming didn’t refuse. Having Yin Yan come along was good. He could look after him on the way. But watching how smoothly Yin Yan packed and got ready for the trip, he felt like he was the one being taken care of.

“Let’s go.”

Yin Yan gave him no time to stew in guilt. He came over with a small travel bag in one hand and the car keys in the other. Lu Zhengming nodded, slung his untouched backpack from the door onto his shoulder, and walked out with him.

Lu Zhengming had intended to drive, but Yin Yan firmly pushed him into the passenger seat to rest. He pushed hard, and Lu Zhengming couldn’t fight him, so he sat back and watched the GPS instead.

It was several hundred kilometers, and Yin Yan drove it in just three hours. Lu Zhengming hadn’t checked the speedometer, but judging from the time, he must have been speeding. He had never seen Yin Yan drive a car like this before, and it left him with complicated feelings.

After getting off the highway, Yin Yan stopped to refuel. Lu Zhengming went to the convenience store and picked up some food. The gas station snacks were overpriced and awful, and the electric kettle was out of order. There was not even any hot water. So Lu Zhengming stuffed the bottle of milk inside his jacket to warm it with his body heat.

While waiting for him, Yin Yan got out to stretch.

The sky in the east had already turned pale. The morning breeze tousled his hair and jacket, lending him a strange, decadent air. He took the warm milk from Lu Zhengming, tilted his head back, and drank straight from the bottle. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, and a thin stream of white dribbled from the corner of his mouth. He wiped it away absently with the back of his hand.

This was not like him at all. Yet Lu Zhengming found that this version of Yin Yan was even more captivating than usual, each movement brimming with masculine charm. His heart pounded so hard he could hardly hear the wind.

Yin Yan’s lips moved, as if he were speaking. Lu Zhengming only then snapped out of it. “What did you say?”

“I said your car’s still better for long drives. This one starts floating once it hits 120.”

“How fast did you go?”

“Didn’t look too closely. Around 160, maybe? Any faster and it would have fallen apart.”

Yin Yan chuckled. Lu Zhengming’s face darkened. “Are you insane?”

“If I were really insane, would you still have gotten in the car?”

He was still smiling, eyes deep as night. The wind swept his collar open, and the silver glint of the neck ring cut through the dark. It pricked Lu Zhengming’s eyes like a blade.

Lu Zhengming silently buttoned up his shirt, hiding that gleam, and said seriously, “What I’m afraid of is you not letting me in.”

Yin Yan was briefly stunned, then laughed and opened the car door. “What nonsense are you talking about? You still have a family.”

Once they reached the city, Lu Zhengming took over the driving while Yin Yan got some rest. The streets were quiet in the early morning, and they soon arrived at the city hospital.

The corridors were already busy with early-rising patients carrying wash basins to the shared restroom. The doctors at the old hospital were good, but the inpatient conditions were basic. As they walked, Lu Zhengming thought he would arrange a transfer to a better facility once things were stable.

The room was easy to find. Chen Lijuan was carrying a food tray and about to go downstairs for breakfast when they ran into her.

“Mom, how is he?” Lu Zhengming asked as he stepped around her and entered the room.

“I’m fine,” came his father’s clear voice.

Chen Lijuan turned back and pressed a hand to her chest. “Scared me half to death. He got up at night and fell flat on his back. He just lay there, not moving. I thought he died on the spot…”

“Don’t talk nonsense,” Lu Zhiyuan frowned. “I’m fine. Why did you tell him to come back?”

Chen Lijuan shot him a glare. “A concussion isn’t a minor issue. The doctor said you need to stay in the hospital for three days.”

“Good. As long as it’s nothing serious.”

Lu Zhengming let out a breath of relief and waved Yin Yan in. “This is my friend and colleague, Yin Yan. He drove me here.”

“Hello, Uncle, Auntie.”

Yin Yan smiled and nodded to them. Lu Zhiyuan’s expression softened and he gave a small nod in return. He was a rugged-looking man, with a face nearly identical to Lu Zhengming’s. The rest of Lu Zhengming’s features came from his mother—deep-set when serious, but bright when he smiled.

Chen Lijuan gave Yin Yan a curious once-over, then asked him several questions in a row: where he was from, how long he had been working, whether he was married. Lu Zhengming hurried to cut her off. “Alright, that’s enough. He has a girlfriend. She’s a teacher at our school.”

Disappointment was written all over her face. “Your Auntie Zhang’s daughter is almost thirty. She’s worrying herself sick trying to find someone. Keeps asking me to help her set up a match.”

“That vet?”

“You wouldn’t even go meet her. She takes such good care of cats and dogs, you can bet she’d be great with kids…”

Lu Zhengming’s head began to ache. He turned pleading eyes toward Yin Yan, who just smiled and said nothing.

Lu Zhiyuan gave a small cough, and Chen Lijuan immediately fell quiet.

“Lu Zhengming, why didn’t you come on your own? Where’s that tank of yours?” Lu Zhiyuan asked.

They didn’t really keep up with the art world, so they had no idea what had happened to him. Lu Zhengming made up a story about car trouble, and Lu Zhiyuan gave a noncommittal grunt before turning to thank Yin Yan for the trouble.

Chen Lijuan then started bringing up other daughters of her friends, asking if he had time to meet any of them. He quickly took the food tray from her hands. “I’ll go get breakfast. You stay here with Dad.”

“Have you two eaten?”

“Not yet.”

“Then eat first, and bring some back.”

“Got it.”

Just as Lu Zhengming and Yin Yan were about to leave, Chen Lijuan caught up to them again. “Take your time eating. Your dad said he’s not in a hurry.”

“Got it.”

Lu Zhengming fled down the stairs like he was escaping.

Yin Yan followed behind, hands in his pockets, moving at a leisurely pace. He had never experienced this kind of warm, familial fussing. Even just as an observer, he could feel that comforting sense of home. The warmth made his whole body feel cold by contrast, so he pulled on the coat draped over his arm.

The breakfast shop near the hospital offered a wide variety of food, all looking far more appetizing than the half-hearted options back in Pingyuan. Seeing familiar pastries lifted Lu Zhengming’s spirits. He ordered a large assortment of local specialties and eagerly introduced them one by one as he ate.

Yin Yan had no appetite, but he forced down a little so Lu Zhengming would not worry. He could barely taste anything, but seeing Lu Zhengming so happy brightened his mood as well. He was growing more and more fond of this feeling.

After breakfast, they bought some easily digestible food to take back to the hospital.

Lu Zhengming wanted to stay and take care of his father, but Chen Lijuan shooed him away. “Go home. There’s no need for you to stay here. You finally came back, take a few days off before heading back.”

Lu Zhiyuan reminded her, “Did you request leave? Don’t end up getting penalized for skipping work.”

“It’s fine. I don’t have any classes these days.”

The two weeks following the field survey were Wang Yi’s classes. The graduating class had no exhibition work, so Lu Zhengming could afford some time off.

Lu Zhiyuan nodded. “You drove all night. Go home and rest. In the next couple of days, take Xiao Yin around Songcheng. Once I’m discharged, we’ll have a proper meal together.”

“Alright. I’ll come back tonight and take over for Mom.”

“No need. You’re not good at looking after people.”

Chen Lijuan came over again to chase him out. He had no choice but to say goodbye and leave with Yin Yan.

From the moment they got in the car, Yin Yan had been laughing. It made Lu Zhengming a little self-conscious.

“What are you laughing at?”

“No matter how old you get, in front of your parents, you’ll always be a child.”

Lu Zhengming shot him a look. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. Eyes on the road.”

It was rush hour now, and the roads were starting to get crowded with cars and pedestrians. Yin Yan stopped joking around and quietly watched him drive.

Lu Zhengming had inherited more than just his parents’ looks. He had also inherited their warmth. Only someone who had grown up immersed in love could carry this kind of warmth. His early life had been spent inside a greenhouse, like a glass box. He could see the storms outside, but never had to experience them. He had a solid foundation behind him and a safe roof over his head, which gave him the courage to chase after whatever he wanted without fear.

It was something Yin Yan had never possessed.

All along, he had been like a roof tile, a brick, constantly patching up a house riddled with holes. Later, he had no choice but to become a beam, a pillar. And even then, despite all his effort, he could not stop the house from collapsing.

Yin Yan sighed and looked at Lu Zhengming with a complicated expression.

“What’s wrong? You sighed.”

“I was just thinking… No wonder you turned out so well. Your parents are both great.”

“Oh, them…” Lu Zhengming flushed slightly. “Actually, sometimes they drive me crazy. You saw it earlier. Soon as I get home, it’s blind dates, blind dates, blind dates.”

“What’s it like? Going on a blind date?”

“Awkward. Can’t be too honest, but can’t lie either. I’m nowhere near as smooth-talking as you. Every time it just drains me dry…” Lu Zhengming squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll never get married.”

“I’m not worried. You’re not that kind of person.”

Lu Zhengming was delighted to hear that. After driving a few more blocks, he glanced at Yin Yan in the rearview mirror. “Why don’t we come out this time?”

“No.”

Yin Yan rejected him flatly.

Lu Zhengming did not press. He had only been testing the waters anyway. After all, his father had not even been discharged yet. This was hardly the time. But if Yin Yan had agreed, he would have steeled himself and found a way to make it happen.

Of course, Yin Yan understood that Lu Zhengming was trying to give him a sense of security. Someone who had grown up in a solid house was now trying to build a house just as sturdy for him.

That kind of temptation was almost impossible to resist.

But to step into that house, he would first have to open the door to his own. Once the mist cleared, he would see everything inside clearly… and when that moment came, would he still have the courage to pull himself out?

“Thank you, Zhengming.” He returned the squeeze to Lu Zhengming’s hand. “Let’s not talk about this just yet.”

“Alright. We’ll wait until after my dad’s discharged.” Lu Zhengming smiled at him. “In the meantime, behave yourself and make a good impression on them.”

Yin Yan let out a sigh.

Lu Zhengming drove into an old residential compound. The trees lining the street were tall and thick, at least thirty years old, roughly the same age as the neighborhood itself.

He pulled up in front of a cement-gray building. “Come on, take a look at the place where I grew up.”

Yin Yan followed him out of the car and looked around at the road and walls, stained and aged by time. He was suddenly reminded of the neighborhood he had lived in as a child. It had looked much the same. The difference was the people inside the house… He forced himself not to go there. Focus on what was in front of him. Lu Zhengming’s home would definitely be warm, full of life, completely unlike his own. No, stop thinking.

“We’re here.”

Lu Zhengming called to him, snapping him out of his thoughts. Yin Yan finally exhaled. Before unlocking the door, Lu Zhengming leaned in close, his breath warm against Yin Yan’s ear.

“Wanna fuck me on my childhood bed?”