SYU 20. Lull To Sleep.jpg

On game day, Chen Xiucheng still came to watch Wu Jinshan play. He sat in the most noticeable spot in the stands, next to a girl with long black hair and a light-colored dress.

Wu Jinshan didn’t notice at first. Chen Xiucheng arrived more than ten minutes into the first half, by which point the team had already scored once and morale was running high. Wu Jinshan was on the sideline chasing the ball when he happened to glance up and catch sight of him.

It was the holidays, and not many people came to watch a match no one expected much from. The stands were mostly empty. The other school had brought cheerleaders and some students and teachers. On Qinhai University’s side, most of the spectators were friends and family of the captain. A few were there just to see Wu Jinshan. Without him, there probably wouldn’t be much worth watching.

To Wu Jinshan, the sight of Chen Xiucheng sitting there laughing and chatting with that girl was a real eyesore. It distracted him. From then until the end of the first half, the match stalled with no breakthroughs, and both teams fell into a deadlock.

None of them were professional players. If Zhong Lei had been on his own, the game would have been a struggle. But they had Wu Jinshan. That was supposed to be their crushing advantage, something already clear from pregame evaluations.

Wu Jinshan’s goal had come easily. His passing and coordination had been smooth. Even though he hadn’t felt quite right before the match, as long as they held onto that single goal, they could still win.

But then something changed. First he made a bad pass. Then he got intercepted by the opposing defense. Even when a rare shooting opportunity came, he blew it. He looked dazed every time he dropped back to defend.

During halftime, Zhong Lei asked if his condition had gotten worse. Wu Jinshan didn’t answer. He just nodded stiffly and said nothing else. His expression was dark, his hands clenched tightly together, his whole body tense as he sat on the bench, lips pressed in a hard line like he was barely holding something back.

Wu Jinshan knew he was in the middle of a game. He wasn’t the type to mix personal issues with team play. But watching Chen Xiucheng reach over to tuck a strand of hair behind that girl’s ear made something snap inside him.

Chen Xiucheng could talk to anyone, make friends with anyone. That was something Wu Jinshan didn’t have, couldn’t do. To him, Chen Xiucheng was the kind of person everyone liked. He was open, affectionate, always too generous with his feelings. Maybe he had no boundaries at all. And yet Wu Jinshan had the nerve to crave something special from him. He wanted to be the one exception. He wanted to keep him for himself.

blood rushed to his head. He had the sudden urge to charge up into the stands, grab Chen Xiucheng by the collar, and shout at him for being fickle, unfaithful, shameless.

But what right did he have?

A man and a woman, being together was natural. And him? What the hell was he?

Not even a proper hookup. At most, just a roommate Chen Xiucheng didn’t get along with.

He remembered what Chen Xiucheng said about him being bad in bed. Maybe every time they did it, it had been forced. Maybe he really had made Chen Xiucheng uncomfortable. Maybe Chen Xiucheng had never wanted him at all.

A few minutes into the second half, after another failed pass, the ball slammed straight into the side of Wu Jinshan’s head. It hit his temple hard. As his body lost balance and he crashed to the ground, he heard his teammates shouting his name.

The sunlight burned his eyes. The noise around him blurred into a mess. The heat and the stink of sweat churned his stomach. His skull felt like it was splitting open. Right before everything went dark, Wu Jinshan felt like he’d been discarded. Like a sex toy with no charm, shoved into a corner and forgotten.

Because Qinhai Medical University’s affiliated hospital was right next door, the ambulance arrived quickly. Wu Jinshan was unconscious for nearly an hour. When he came to, he was already lying on a hospital bed in the emergency unit. The rhythmic beeping of the medical monitors sounded like a countdown ticking in his ear.

The counselor who had rushed over nearly burst into tears from relief. A nurse informed him that it might be a mild concussion and that Wu Jinshan would need to remain in bed. Then she called in the attending physician.

“You sure it was just the ball? Did you hit your head somewhere else too? Before the game, or sometime in the last few days?” The doctor flipped through the scan results with practiced ease and followed up with more questions.

“A few days ago?” Wu Jinshan thought for a moment, then replied weakly, “I did hit my head on the bed rail.”

“Sometimes symptoms from a head injury don’t show up right away. If anything feels off, you need to get checked immediately.” The doctor gave the standard rundown on concussion symptoms and emergency precautions. “Head trauma can be minor or serious. You already have signs of a concussion. No more intense activity. Stay in bed these next few days, and don’t overthink things.”

The rest of the team and the coach arrived after the match had ended, along with Zhong Lei, whose phone had been blowing up with calls from Chen Xiucheng.

“If you’re that worried, then come see him yourself.” Zhong Lei paced back and forth in the hallway with the phone pressed to his ear, clearly losing his patience.

A nurse came by more than once to remind him not to be noisy in the hallway. When it didn’t work, she ended up kicking him into the stairwell.

“Forget it. Just don’t tell him I called.”

“You two had a fight again?” Zhong Lei was annoyed. His teammate had just been hospitalized, they’d lost the game, and now he had to deal with someone else’s relationship drama.

“Come on, fights between friends aren’t a big deal. You’re in the same school, same dorm. You’re gonna run into each other no matter what.”

“This isn’t the first time you’ve argued. What kind of serious problem could there possibly be?”

“Did Wu Jinshan say something shitty again and refuse to back down? That’s just how he is. If you can’t stand him, I’ll help you cuss him out.” Zhong Lei rattled off a stream of complaints, venting a bit of his own frustration. As he spoke, he started to realize that something was off. Chen Xiucheng was quiet, unsure of himself, nothing like the way he normally acted.

“No, no… it’s not his fault. And it’s not… it’s not even a real problem.”

Chen Xiucheng’s voice grew smaller and smaller, stammering as he struggled to say anything concrete.

Forget it, Zhong Lei thought. He just wanted some peace. He didn’t need anyone dragging him into this mess. He was still thankful Chen Xiucheng had helped pick up his girlfriend to watch the game. There were still two days of break left before the semester resumed, and he wanted to enjoy some quality time with her. He had no energy left for two lonely guy’s emotional drama.

The past two days at home hadn’t been much better for Chen Xiucheng either. First, he got chewed out by Professor Lin for his poor performance at school, especially the cafeteria fight. Then she spent hours going on about some star student in her class, praising them endlessly while comparing them to her own son. Both were freshmen, but apparently, that student was so much more disciplined and capable.

Chen Xiucheng regretted everything. He had run home just to get away from Wu Jinshan, and now all he wanted was to run back to school to get away from his mom.

At first, he used the excuse of needing peace and quiet to review and locked himself in his room. He even went so far as to search online for the fastest way to stop being single, how to get a girlfriend, and downloaded a trending dating app.

Although Chen Xiucheng was the type who could talk to just about anyone and had nearly ten thousand contacts in his list, that was only because he talked too damn much. He had absolutely no clue how to flirt, let alone how to actually fall in love with a girl.

The first match, they exchanged a few greetings, asked each other what they were eating and doing, and then it fizzled out completely.

The second time, trying to improve, he steered the conversation toward hobbies. From games to harem anime, he went on and on… until it turned into him talking to himself.

The third one, he gave up and started venting about his problems, specifically, the not-so-normal relationship he had with a certain “friend.” The girl asked whether this friend was male or female. Chen Xiucheng replied that it was his roommate with a dick. She left him with one line,“You might as well just marry your bro,” and immediately blocked him.

Chen Xiucheng was stunned. The block came so suddenly he didn’t even have time to brace himself. He couldn’t figure out what he had done wrong, so he convinced himself she must’ve had emotional issues.

Even so, when he got that call from Wu Jinshan the night before the match, he still had to act like he was unbothered. Whether or not he actually found a girlfriend, he couldn’t afford to lose face.

But seriously, where the hell was he supposed to find a girlfriend?

He couldn’t exactly show Wu Jinshan the anime waifus saved in his phone, could he?

The guy would laugh him into the next life.

Chen Xiucheng had returned to campus early, watched the game, and even saw Wu Jinshan get injured and carried off. But he didn’t dare go to the hospital. He just paced around the dorm.

Right now, he couldn’t think about anything except Wu Jinshan. He just wanted to know if he was okay, if his head still hurt, if there was any brain damage, if there would be lasting effects. He wanted to know if losing the match had crushed him, if he needed someone to comfort him, but at the same time, he was terrified that Wu Jinshan might bring up the whole “I’m getting a girlfriend” thing.

Chen Xiucheng made wild, exaggerated promises all the time. He couldn’t even remember half the crap he’d said. But Wu Jinshan wasn’t like that. He was the king of digging up old dirt. The guy could drag up a random thing from ten years ago just to mock someone for it, let alone something like failing to get a girlfriend after talking big.

He could already picture Wu Jinshan launching an all-out assault from every angle.

He’d go after his looks, his background, his social status. He’d tear apart his finances, his capabilities, his stamina, and his charm. He’d mock his height, weight, and overall health. He’d criticize his grades, his character, and his hygiene. He’d say he ate too much junk food, lacked intellectual depth, was lazy about cleaning, sucked at every sport, had no perseverance, and talked too damn much. He’d even make up shit like him being a flirt, or that he’d sleep with anyone, that he was calcium-deficient, and had a crooked spine.

Then he’d move on to praising the wisdom and taste of women everywhere, using that as proof that Chen Xiucheng would never, ever find a girlfriend, hammering the point home.

How infuriating!

Chen Xiucheng kept thinking about how to avoid Wu Jinshan, but just like Zhong Lei said, “You’re gonna run into each other no matter what.” Hiding was impossible. So he turned to the metaphysical. He started praying to the gods, hoping for some kind of memory-erasing spell. Maybe, just maybe, getting hit by that soccer ball had actually made Wu Jinshan forget the whole thing.

Whenever he got worked up, he took it out on the frog plushie, pretending it was Wu Jinshan and beating it senseless. Every punch landed with precision. After pummeling it flat, he would suddenly feel guilty and scoop it up in his arms like he meant to comfort it.

He started to wonder if he had caught something from Wu Jinshan, maybe some kind of contagious stupidity. Because now even he was playing along with the dumb frog caretaker game. He rummaged through his suitcase and found a clean T-shirt he had brought from home, then wrapped the frog plushie in it like a crooked little swaddle. After that, he took a selfie of himself hugging it in bed and sent the photo to Wu Jinshan.

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Wu Jinshan didn’t reply, but Chen Xiucheng fell asleep hugging the frog anyway.

Around four in the morning, Wu Jinshan woke up in a haze. He stared at the dim light outside the window, unsure if it was just turning dark or just getting light.

He pushed himself up a little and fumbled for his phone on the nightstand. He only wanted to check the time, but when the screen lit up, he saw dozens of messages from Chen Xiucheng, flooding the entire screen.

Wu Jinshan didn’t have the energy to read them all. He just opened the most recent one.

It was a photo. In it, Chen Xiucheng was hugging the frog plushie with a ridiculous expression on his face. He had even added filters with text above his head that said things like “miserable babysitter” and “tragically wistful.” At the bottom, there was a caption, “I’ve been taking good care of your Chengcheng.”

The corners of Wu Jinshan’s mouth lifted into a smile. He slowly tapped out two words on the screen.

“Good night.”

Then sleep pulled him under again.