SYU 22. Looking for a Bottom

No one brought up the girlfriend thing again. It was as if none of it had ever happened.

After class that afternoon, on the way back to the dorm, Chen Xiucheng took a detour to chase Lin Lu down for money. Over the past six months, he had lent Lin Lu over eight hundred yuan, and not once had Lin Lu paid him back. Every time, he would promise, “I’ll pay you next time for sure,” then disappear for days.

This month, Chen Xiucheng was running low on living expenses and had no choice but to go get some of it back. But just as he spotted Lin Lu and a few others up ahead, he overheard them talking about Wu Jinshan. Curious, he slowed down and followed quietly for a few steps.

At first, they were just talking about the match, saying it was a pity they lost. Then someone threw out, “It was all because of Wu Jinshan,” and Lin Lu led the charge, going off on Wu Jinshan’s mistakes during the game.

One guy said, “I saw him at Brother Cheng’s barbecue. He was going on and on about how they wouldn’t lose if he was playing. Yeah right. I almost laughed in his face.”

Another added, “Always acting like he’s too cool to talk to anyone. I thought he was something special. Total poser.”

“He walks around like he’s hot shit, but on the field, he was useless.”

“I’ve seen him practice. He didn’t play anywhere near his usual level. No way he wasn’t throwing the match.”

He insisted Wu Jinshan must have taken a bribe to throw the game, and even brought up how Wu Jinshan used to charge him a delivery fee just to run errands. That, he claimed, was proof the guy would do anything for cash.

They weren’t even trying to keep their voices down. Pedestrians walked by on both sides, and who knew how many people heard them. Chen Xiucheng was furious. He stormed up and smacked Lin Lu hard on the back of the head.

“You got something to say? Go play in the damn match yourself. Why don’t you get on the field instead of talking shit after the fact?”

Lin Lu stumbled forward from the hit, nearly falling. He turned to yell at whoever had hit him, but as soon as he heard Chen Xiucheng’s voice, he froze.

“At least he was good enough to get on the field. You couldn’t even qualify to play. What the fuck are you even running your mouth for?”

Chen Xiucheng’s voice was loud. They were near the greenery by the dorms, and the shouting was so intense it echoed through the entire building.

Lin Lu stood stunned for a few seconds before he found his voice again. Just as he was about to talk back, starting with “That guy Wu Jinshan—” Chen Xiucheng shoved him hard in the chest and started cursing again.

“It was just a friendly match. What the hell is this conspiracy theory bullshit? Are you deranged?”

Chen Xiucheng and Lin Lu had always been close. None of the others had ever seen him get this worked up. But now he was ripping into Lin Lu like he meant to bury him. If anyone dared say a single word against Wu Jinshan, he was ready to throw hands. The entire group was stunned.

“Ease up. Wu Jinshan and Brother Cheng share a dorm,” someone said, stepping in to defuse the situation. Quite a few people knew Chen Xiucheng, and several of the guys who had heard the noise from inside the dorm came downstairs to help calm things down.

But Lin Lu wasn’t having it. Face flushed red, he shoved one of the people trying to hold him back and shouted, “Aren’t those two always at each other’s throats?”

More and more bystanders began speaking up for Chen Xiucheng, and seeing the situation turning against them, Zhao Xi hurriedly covered Lin Lu’s mouth and whispered into his ear, “Who knows whether they actually get along or not. If they really hated each other, do you think guys like them could put up with one another? They would’ve already blown the place up.” He then dragged Lin Lu away.

Although Chen Xiucheng used to complain about Wu Jinshan to Lin Lu and Zhao Xi, even gave him some nicknames behind his back, that was all in the past. Now, he found he could no longer stand hearing anyone badmouth Wu Jinshan. So what if they lost the game? He still thought Wu Jinshan looked amazing when he played.

After that commotion, Chen Xiucheng completely forgot about asking Lin Lu for the money. He shook off the classmates who were still trying to talk him down and ran off. He then wandered aimlessly around campus, circling several buildings, until eventually, as if guided by some mysterious sixth sense, he found Wu Jinshan hiding inside a white spherical decorative structure behind the Veterinary Medicine Department.

Just as Chen Xiucheng ducked inside, an orange-and-white stray cat bolted out in a panic. A few steps away, it arched its back and hissed at him angrily, like it was scolding him for disturbing its nap.

“Why are you hiding in here?” Chen Xiucheng was panting, wiping the sweat from his face. It was the hottest part of the afternoon, and after storming around in the blazing sun with a foul mood, he was drenched in sweat.

Wu Jinshan was even more surprised. “How did you find me?”

Aside from the library, this was Wu Jinshan’s favorite secret spot to enjoy some quiet and solitude. He shifted to the side, making just enough room for Chen Xiucheng to sit.

The white dome-shaped structure was built beside a grassy lawn. From the outside, it was only about the height of an average person. One person and one cat could just barely fit inside. With two people, it became cramped.

Chen Xiucheng sat down beside Wu Jinshan, still fuming. “Do you know what people are saying about you?”

“No. If it’s not anything good, then don’t bother repeating it.” Wu Jinshan was wearing earphones, a textbook open in front of him, seemingly reviewing some study points.

Chen Xiucheng glared at him in frustration and recounted the whole incident. “They were talking shit. Don’t you care at all?”

Wu Jinshan didn’t take off his earphones, but he lowered the volume and turned to face him, thinking for a moment before responding. “First of all, the loss was my fault. That’s just the truth. Second, you should spend more time studying. There’s no need to waste energy on idiots.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You think I need you to lecture me now?” Chen Xiucheng cut him off immediately. He had no interest in hearing Wu Jinshan talk sense. He already knew all that, but he was still mad. And the fact that Wu Jinshan didn’t care, acted like it didn’t matter at all, made him feel like he was just sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.

At first, Wu Jinshan kept explaining logically. “Let them talk. It’s not like I’m going to go bald because of it. The more noise they make, the better. I’ll take them all down at once later…” But then he noticed how dark Chen Xiucheng’s expression was becoming and quickly changed tack. “Brother Cheng is great. They’re the ones who suck. That’s right. They suck!”

Chen Xiucheng’s anger finally eased a little. He nodded along. “Yeah. They suck. Fuck them.”

The two of them sat there cursing out Lin Lu for a good half hour. Once Chen Xiucheng had vented enough to feel better, he brought up the money Lin Lu owed him. That was when he finally learned the full story. After his ankle had healed, at that same barbecue where Wu Jinshan got chili oil from a crayfish splattered into his eye and ran to the bathroom, he had overheard Lin Lu behind the restaurant, smoking and talking on the phone about gambling debts.

“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” Chen Xiucheng was fuming. Over the past six months, Lin Lu had borrowed money from him again and again. He had always found it odd. Lin Lu’s family was well-off, so how was he constantly short on living expenses?

Wu Jinshan shot back, “And how was I supposed to say it? Back then, would you have believed me or him?”

He had tried to warn Chen Xiucheng that night on the way back. But at the time, he hadn’t known Chen Xiucheng had lent Lin Lu money. He had just felt that Lin Lu’s character was questionable and that he was not suitable as a friend. He had also worried that if he spoke up, Lin Lu might turn around and accuse him instead, and if Chen Xiucheng didn’t take his side, then what?

Chen Xiucheng had no rebuttal. Honestly, at the time, he had thought Wu Jinshan was just full of himself and loved lecturing people.

He mourned the eight hundred yuan he might never get back for a few seconds, then comforted himself with the hope that maybe it would magically show up in his wallet someday.

His attention shifted back to Wu Jinshan. He glanced at the textbook in front of him and the “study materials” playing on a loop on his phone, assuming it was just a classroom recording.

“What are you listening to?” he asked, falling back into his usual habit. As he spoke, he reached over and casually took one of Wu Jinshan’s earphones and stuck it in his own ear.

Wu Jinshan gave him a teasing look but silently shifted further inward, as if trying to keep from getting caught in the blast radius when Chen Xiucheng exploded.

He was lucky enough to witness Chen Xiucheng’s face turn from white to pink, then to a deep red that spread all the way to his ears. Even his neck, collarbones, and chest flushed with color.

Wu Jinshan quickly covered his ears. Birds scattered from the nearby trees, and several stray cats in the area bolted in terror.

“There’s not enough gay porn in the world for you, is there? Why the hell would you record the hotel that night? You pervert!” Chen Xiucheng let out a furious roar, hurling the earphones away. If he hadn’t listened to that recording, he never would’ve known just how wanton he had sounded that night.

He seriously considered beating Wu Jinshan to a pulp. He had already punched Lin Lu once today and wouldn’t mind landing two more punches on Wu Jinshan.

Wu Jinshan quickly shielded his head. “Hey, I’m still dizzy. My concussion hasn’t healed yet.”

“Delete it.”

He knew Wu Jinshan could fake it well, but he was still worried he might really be dizzy. So Chen Xiucheng grabbed the phone in a fit of rage, took Wu Jinshan’s hand, and used his fingerprint to unlock it. He forced him to delete the audio and even double-checked that it was gone from the “Recently Deleted” folder.

“I didn’t mean to. I tapped it by accident, and then…” Wu Jinshan felt he had to explain himself, at least a little.

“You accidentally tapped it, but kept it and kept listening? That means it wasn’t an accident.” Chen Xiucheng was already familiar with Wu Jinshan’s shamelessness. “You have a backup, don’t you? Later I’ll reformat your laptop just to be safe.”

But in the end, Chen Xiucheng felt that even this was only treating the symptoms, not the root of the problem. Wu Jinshan was gay, and yet he kept treating him like nothing more than a convenient outlet.

A question slowly took shape in his mind. Since Wu Jinshan was gay, did that mean he wanted to fuck other men? Maybe Wu Jinshan only cared about the hole and not the person. Maybe whenever he saw a man’s ass, he wanted to thrust right in.

Chen Xiucheng still saw Wu Jinshan as sly and scheming, and figured that even if the guy really had slept with someone else, he would never tell the truth. Then he thought Wu Jinshan had terrible technique. He probably had no experience.

If Wu Jinshan could accept other men, then he would not have to keep coming to him for help, would he?

Wu Jinshan had no idea what was going on inside Chen Xiucheng’s head. He just felt uncomfortable from the way the other kept glancing at him from time to time.

Right. All he had to do was find Wu Jinshan a guy. Problem solved. Chen Xiucheng thought to himself that it was fine if he could not get a girlfriend. At least he could find a boyfriend for Wu Jinshan.

But Chen Xiucheng had never seen him interact with any other guys and had no idea what kind of men he liked.

“Wu Jinshan.” As he spoke, he pulled out his phone, opened the camera, and took a few candid shots of Wu Jinshan turning his head. Then he picked one he thought looked pretty good and began editing it while asking, “What type do you like?” When Wu Jinshan gave him a confused look, he clarified, “Men. The kind you’d want to date.”

Wu Jinshan became wary. “What are you doing?”

“Surprise. Just messing around. Making conversation. Trying to get to know you.” But the way Chen Xiucheng was poking around made it obvious he was not just trying to understand him.

“Just… pretty average,” Wu Jinshan mumbled, lips pressed tightly together. He had no idea what Chen Xiucheng was trying to do.

“Be specific.”

“Short hair.”

“Useless. Give me the important stuff.” Wu Jinshan’s hesitating drove Chen Xiucheng mad. “Like skin tone, height, weight, personality, looks, hobbies.”

“Uh… not very tall, not very heavy, pretty fair skin. As for looks…” Wu Jinshan looked at Chen Xiucheng. “Not really striking at first glance, but the more time you spend with him, the more you get used to him… Hey, why are you asking all this?”

“Hmm. The kind of guy you grow attached to over time.” Chen Xiucheng muttered to himself, still analyzing, and pressed him again. “You’re usually blunt when you talk. Why are you so hesitant now? Just say it. Say it loud. There’s no one else here. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Personality… cheerful? Someone who talks to me a lot.”

“No way. You don’t find that annoying?” At that, Chen Xiucheng jerked his head up, his face full of disbelief. “You’re always complaining about how noisy I am. I thought you’d like the quiet, obedient type.”

Wu Jinshan really did prefer quiet and hated noise. But all his exceptions could be saved for Chen Xiucheng.

“Doesn’t hold grudges. Big heart. Pretty optimistic.” He worried that if he got too specific, Chen Xiucheng would see through it immediately. But if he kept it too vague, the other might never catch on.

“Hahahaha that’s insane. You mean like your little frog? Big innocent eyes, like the sky could fall and he still wouldn’t care, give him a little sunshine and he’s all full of energy?” Chen Xiucheng raised both hands, made two loops with his fingers, and held them over his eyes.

“What’s so funny?” Wu Jinshan asked.

Chen Xiucheng was still grinning to himself. Then he showed Wu Jinshan the edited photo. “Handsome, right?”

Wu Jinshan leaned over. “…Handsome.”

“What’s that? You’re usually so full of yourself. Why are you being so shy now?” Chen Xiucheng nudged his elbow into Wu Jinshan’s side and teased him.

On the way back, he changed the preference settings on the dating app he had downloaded earlier, switching it to same-sex matches. Then he updated the profile photo and bio with Wu Jinshan’s information.

But he figured it would not be very nice to post Wu Jinshan’s photo online without any censoring, so he put a rectangular black bar across the center of the image, right over Wu Jinshan’s nose, as a small gesture of courtesy.

With the limited knowledge he had gained about the gay community from surfing the internet, he wrote what he believed to be the most straightforward and accurate bio line for Wu Jinshan: “Top. Looking for a bottom.”