PHUW 34

Honestly, he hadn’t expected much. Better not to, because it would only make the disappointment worse. Sure enough, there was nothing but spam from illegal gambling sites and suspicious high-paying job offers. But it took a long time to check, since he went through every page in case there might be even one real post hidden among the spam.

Finally, after scrolling back far enough through the mess, a photo post appeared. They were pictures from orphanage events, sorted by date, but the newest one was already eight years old. Starting from shots at a nearby city’s amusement park, the posts went in reverse order.

Water play at a stream, making kimchi, visits from volunteer groups, typical orphanage activities. The kids were gathered in groups for the photos. Haeri searched each one closely, but he wasn’t in any of them.

He leaned in so close his nose almost touched the monitor. After calming himself, he checked the posts one by one.

Then came a set of everyday photos taken in the orphanage yard. In the background of a picture showing a group of excited elementary schoolers, two boys in school uniforms had been caught on camera. Even in the blurry, low resolution, one of them had hair that stood out in a striking brown.

‘That’s me!’

He sat straight in his seat and zoomed in. His features were a little younger, but otherwise exactly the same. It was really him. This post, unusually, even had comments, ex-members talking to each other.

Unknown

Why are Ahn Haeri and Lee Sangjin acting like that?

Unknown

These troublemakers~~~ What are they up to now~~~

Lee Sangjin.

The moment he saw the name, the back of his neck prickled and his chest tightened. His cheeks and forearms felt tingly.

Something was trying to surface, not a clear memory or a specific sound, but a lump of jumbled, broken sensations. Joy, pain, fondness, disgust all surged up and vanished again, over and over. Like filthy water boiling over. It felt unpleasant, but familiar. Which somehow made it worse.

He wanted to keep looking at the photo, but at the same time felt he shouldn’t. It was like something horrible was creeping up behind him.

“Ah, shit.”

He slammed the laptop shut. His agitation wouldn’t settle. His hands shook, his spine tingled.

He got off the bed and paced the room. His fingertips twitched restlessly, like a gamer in a championship match. His calves prickled for no reason. He rubbed one with the top of his foot. The back of his knees tingled. He even felt like he needed to pee. His breathing turned shallow. He couldn’t stay in the room any longer.

The moment he instinctively flung the door open and stepped forward, Ahn Haeri huge shadow fell over him. The pitch-black shape shoved him back.

“Ahhhh!”

He screamed like a madman and collapsed, curling up with his arms over his head.

“S-sorry! I’m sorry! Please, don’t kill me!”

He had no idea why those words came out. It was just instinct.

The dark figure didn’t vanish. It came closer instead. Its overwhelming presence filled every inch of his awareness. He was sure he was about to wet himself.

Then, a hot hand touched his trembling arm. Instead of grabbing him, it gently stroked his shaking head.

“It’s okay.”

He heard Ahn Haeri soft whisper.

“I won’t hurt you. It’s okay.”

The hand on his head slid to his neck, smoothing down the hairs that had stood on end. Long fingers brushed repeatedly under his chin, a light, ticklish stroke that made the muscles twitch.

“It’s okay. Pretty child. Pretty child. You’re okay.”

Huh? Pretty… what? What is this?

The trembling stopped. The inexplicable fear vanished. They said that when someone was startled enough, they could forget what they’re afraid of. That was exactly what happened to Haeri.

The emotional space left behind by fear filled instead with bewilderment.

“Were you scared? It’s okay. Any bastard who messes with our Haeri, oppa–no, hyung will deal with them. You’re fine. Don’t be scared.”

At some point, the stroking hand had started rubbing his back instead. It was a mix of stroking and patting, like a grandmother would do before picking a child’s fingers. However it wasn’t an old woman’s touch but the pressure-cooker-lidded hands of Ahn Haeri man in his thirties. Each tap sent Ahn Haeri jolt through Haeri’s chest.

“Excuse me…Excuse me, wait a minute.”

“Hyung will kill anyone who bothers our pretty child. Don’t worry.”

The words “kill them” carried an eerie murderous intent.

His bewilderment subsided. The discomfort and irritation that had been about to join in slowly disappeared.

“It’s okay.”

Jeong Mok hugged Haeri tightly. He put his face against his head and inhaled.

“W-wait, stop!”

Terrified, Haeri pushed him away. No, he tried to push him away. But Haeri’s attempts couldn’t overcome Jeong Mok’s overwhelming physical strength. He was forced to kneel in his arms, embraced, and received a one-sided comfort that was hard to distinguish from manhandling. Until Jeong Mok was satisfied.

Haeri blinked, staring into space. Jeong Mok’s embrace felt reassuring. So reassuring, it was almost unbearable. In any case, the anxiety that had been creeping in like a seizure had completely vanished.

So, had the problem been solved? No. More precisely the previous issue was simply overshadowed by a bigger one.

‘So now we’re just… two guys hugging?’

As soon as he realized what was happening, the back of his neck felt hot. His ears also felt hot.

The hand that had been rubbing down his back brushed his earlobe. A shiver ran through his spine. His lower stomach tightened, the tendons in his thighs going taut.

“Uh… my ear.”

“It’s hot. Do you have a fever?”

Jeong Mok cupped his ear, then let go, he rubbed the lobe firmly between his thumb and forefinger. His touch was so casual that Haeri wondered if he was the weird one for noticing.

“Have you taken your medicine?”

“Yes. But my ear’s a little…”

“It’s fine. You’ll get used to it.”

Get used to another man, an older hyung, touching his ear? As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Jeong Mok kneaded the outer rim, then lightly scratched the thin skin and hair behind it. Both sides at once.

No one had ever touched his head like this before. Not only had he never experienced it, he’d never even seen or heard of it. If it did happen, it had to be between people close enough to do it in private, so no one else knew.

‘It is a private place with just the two of us… but we’re not that close.’

Before he could dwell on the doubt, a promise he had made in the past flashed through his mind.

Go ahead and spoil me as much as you want! As much as you want… as much as you want…

The voice of his past self echoed around his brain like surround sound. Damn it.

It was awkward, but not unpleasant. That made it worse. Wasn’t he supposed to find it gross and hate it? But his heart kept wanting to race.

“Wake up, Ahn Haeri! You’re just a stand-in for someone who’s dead! Don’t get flustered! Don’t even smile!”

He clamped his mouth shut to hold back a laugh at the light scratching on his scalp, forcing himself to endure.

His effort fell apart when the fizzy sensation in his tense lower belly shot up to the crown of his head. He felt the tension melting away, and he groaned.

“Heuhng.”

A strange sound, neither a laugh, nor a whimper, escaped his lips. It felt like he’d burped. While he was frozen in shock, Jeong Mok laughed. He suddenly felt irritated and his face burned in embarrassment.

“Are you okay now?”

He had been fine for a while now, but now he wasn’t fine at all. But Haeri just nodded.

“Then that’s good.”

What happened? There had to be a reason for this. People didn’t go this far just because someone got startled. But his face was too hot for him to speak.

“I’ll get you some water.”

A moment later, Jeong Mok brought him a glass, and Haeri drank gratefully.

As the heat in his face cooled, his stunned mind started working again. Unless he was insane, Jeong Mok had a reason for this. And Haeri would bet his life it had to do with the dead girlfriend.

“Was Ms. Song-i the type to get startled often?”

“That’s right. She often had sudden fits. The hospital said it was trauma.”

“I see.”

Jeong Mok tousled his hair again.

So the girlfriend had a lot to do with why this strange hyung had turned out strange. He was curious what kind of person she was, but asking felt wrong.

“It seems like you’re okay now. If you can’t sleep alone, would you like to sleep with me?”

…What kind of nonsense are you talking about ?

“Ah, no! No, I can sleep alone!”

Haeri shook his head furiously. Jeong Mok patted his head one last time, seemingly disappointed.

“Then rest. Call me if you need anything.”

Just as abruptly as he had come in, Jeong Mok left. He was truly unpredictable.

Left alone, Haeri crouched down. It took a long time for the heat to dissipate from his flushed face.

“What does he mean, sleep together… I mean, if it were his girlfriend…”

Even as a stand-in, he wasn’t the real girlfriend. The man had crossed the line too many times. And Haeri had no way to stop him.

Thanks to Jeong Mok’s heavy-handed comfort, he didn’t sleep well that night…In an other sense, his heart was too agitated and he was confused.

Every time he tried to close his eyes, it was like an invisible pot lid appeared and patted his back. He coughed and rolled over. The soft blankets carried a distinctly masculine scent. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, coughed again, and tried to sleep. But now the memory of those large, dry hands stroking his neck and jaw came back.

“Ah, shit! This is driving me crazy!”

He pulled the blanket over his head. And to top it all off, he mercilessly beat the pillow with his fists. But the ticklish warmth didn’t go away.