CTL 4

“Geon-ah—! What do I do? What do I do, my son…!”

Yoongeon snapped back to his senses at the sound of the piercing scream.

“Oh my gosh! What’s wrong, Geon-ah. Huh? Why are you like this again!”

The voice, which sounded like it would burst into tears at any moment, belonged to his mother. When Yoongeon opened his eyes and looked at her, his mother was shedding thick tears. His younger sister was next to her, consoling her, but his mother, seemingly in great shock, could not easily stop her tears.

“…….”

Yoongeon was never sure how to react whenever this person called him ‘son’ or ‘Geon’. It was because even though he knew it was no longer true, he kept thinking that his real mother was that dreadful Empress Dowager Hae Hwayoung.

“This won’t do. Let me take a look for a moment.”

Hae Hwayoung…. To think that even after more than 2,000 years have passed, those three syllables of her name still haven’t been erased, it’s now to the point of being utterly revolting.

“How much it must have hurt….”

He saw his mother, who was holding onto his arm and crying. In fact, when you think about it, the ideal image of a mother that everyone thinks of is not Hae Hwayoung, but this person named Choi Minjung who is crying in front of him now. Because Choi Minjung truly loved and cherished Yoongeon.

“…It’s nothing serious.”

It pained him to know how much she loved him. Yoongeon awkwardly pulled his arm away.

“It doesn’t hurt. …What brings you here.”

It wasn’t something a son should say to his own mother. But as if she were used to Yoongeon drawing a line like this, his mother didn’t show any particular sign of being hurt and gently stroked his cheek.

“Son, you look so pale.”

“…….”

“I’ll give you an IV drip, so I’d like you to get it. Do you have time?”

At those words, Yoongeon pushed his stiff body up to a sitting position. Even though he could do it perfectly well on his own, his mother helped him up and then handed him the cellphone that was lying carelessly near the pillow on the bed.

“I can’t. I have to go to work.”

Seven in the morning was not enough time to tend to a long, torn wound and also get an IV drip.

“I came here after telling them you’d be late for work today. I wanted to have a leisurely breakfast with you.”

“Who. The Chairman?”

“Oh, you…. You should call him Dad, what’s with ‘the Chairman’.”

She let out a deep sigh, saying anyone would think they were strangers, and then asked where the first-aid kit was. Yoongeon shook his head.

“I can do it myself.”

Although it looked gruesome, the bleeding had stopped a long time ago. The wound was a long tear, but stitching it up now was a hassle, and since things like this happened so often, he was now able to handle most treatments on his own.

“It’s not a pretty sight, so please go outside.”

“Yes, Mom. I’ll help oppa.”

“But it’s best when Mom does it. I’m a nurse.”

“Hurry up. You know oppa is always like this.”

Yoongeon said the kindest thing he could to a mother who, no matter how long he saw her, remained a stranger. His mother, who had been looking at him with a pitiful expression, realized that her son did not want her help this time either and reluctantly went outside.

After watching her leave, Yoongeon took out the first-aid kit from under the nightstand and opened the lid. Inside, it was full of things to simply treat the torn arm. He skillfully disinfected his arm and applied a waterproof bandage. After he finished the treatment, his younger sister cleaned up the remaining trash and spoke.

“Oppa, was it hard to breathe?”

“Yeah.”

It was a question in a tone no different from ‘Oppa, did you eat?’. It was so devoid of highs and lows that it was hard to believe it was said to someone who had committed a horrific act of self-harm at dawn.

“You should find another way instead of self-harming.”

His younger sister, Yebin, said in a voice that sounded somewhat cold.

“This will sting when you shower.”

“That’s true.”

But Yoongeon liked this side of his younger sister. He was comfortable with her, who spoke in extremely realistic terms without blindly appealing to emotions.

“Still, it should be fine for now since you put a waterproof bandage on it. But you’ll probably regret it again by the time you take this off to shower. Because it stings so much.”

“…….”

It wasn’t quite regret, but he had often thought that this stinging sensation that grated on his nerves during a shower was annoying. But what could he do. This was beyond his control.

“Let me know before you come next time.”

“Why. So you can hide it again?”

“It’s not a good sight to see. You should think about Mother too.”

“It’s because I’m thinking of Mom that I barge in like this.”

Yebin looked at him with her arms crossed. Her face, which slightly resembled his, somehow looked angry.

“Mom gets hurt every time oppa pretends he’s fine and tries to hide it.”

“It’s because it’s not a good sight to see.”

“Mom used to be a nurse. She’s seen things much more gruesome than this. Do you really think she’s like that because it’s gruesome? It’s because it’s you, oppa, isn’t it.”

“…….”

He had nothing to say to that either. Actually, it wasn’t that Yoongeon didn’t know. He just pretended not to. Knowing that he too was well aware of this, Yebin said no more and stood up, throwing the trash into the trash can.

“So why did you come. Did you come to eat?”

“To fill up your side dishes.”

“There’s someone who cooks here too.”

Yoongeon said, getting up to follow her. It was a hint that there was no need to bring them since there was someone who cooks here, but this time too, Yebin didn’t even pretend to listen.

“You’re saying that when you know Mom’s personality.”

“…….”

“Don’t say that to Mom.”

“I don’t.”

“Right. Only say it to me. Because I’ll let it in one ear and out the other.”

It was her way of saying she would cleanly ignore whatever he said. Then she suddenly turned around with a very infuriated face,

“And please, stop being so scantily clad. It’s so annoying, really.”

she said, slapping Yoongeon’s forearm with a smack, smack sound. She was hitting him quite fiercely in her own way, but it had no impact at all, to the point where one would doubt if she had any strength whatsoever.

“…What does it matter to you, really.”

“Why do I have to see my oppa’s flesh first thing in the morning!”

“Flesh….”

Flesh. Who was she treating like a lump of fat, a person flabby with only flesh. Yoongeon frowned in a flash of anger, but he didn’t stoop to bickering pettily. In any case, there was nothing that annoyed him as much as wearing clothes to bed, so even if his sister complained like that, he wouldn’t listen, and Yoongeon never got angry at his sister. What was the point of getting angry at a kid this small and powerless.

A short while later, when he went out wearing a t-shirt, the dining table was laden with food, and his mother and Yebin were sitting and waiting for him. Knowing that they always tried to eat together whenever they came to drop off side dishes, Yoongeon sat down without a word. There was no need to waste energy arguing when they wouldn’t listen anyway. Yoongeon, who now knew the stubbornness of the mother and daughter better than anyone, also knew how to compromise appropriately.

“Son, you seem to be too busy these days.”

As he scooped rice with his spoon, his mother placed a side dish on it and spoke.

“Are you eating your meals properly?”

“Yes.”

He said so with his mouth, but he was merely picking at his food. However, his mother, who knew well that Yoongeon had a small appetite, didn’t tell him to eat more. She just placed side dishes on top of the slowly rising spoon. His mother was busy placing side dishes once for him, and once for his younger sister. Yoongeon, who was watching the scene blankly, opened his mouth.

“Don’t worry about us, you should eat too, Mom.”

It was a very awkward demeanor. But as soon as Yoongeon said that, his mother smiled brightly as if extremely pleased and said, “Yes, I should. Mom should eat too,” and began her meal. It seemed she was deeply pleased that her son was looking out for her.

Yoongeon, watching his mother who couldn’t hide her happy heart and kept smiling, felt very unsettled. Come to think of it, he used to say much, much more affectionate things to Empress Dowager Hae Hwayoung, the one who first gave birth to him, without any trouble. Things that hadn’t been difficult then were excessively difficult now.

But it wasn’t a matter to ponder anew. Because Yoongeon already knew the answer. The reason he could be like that with Hae Hwayoung was because it wasn’t sincere. So it wasn’t difficult to pour out affection as if he were just spouting any old words.

“…….”

“Hmm? Why, son?”

“It’s nothing. Please eat.”

But, to this person who loved him so sincerely, for some reason, uttering a single affectionate word was so difficult. No, it even felt sinful.

Yoongeon was a sinner. The person named Ko Yoongeon, whom Choi Minjung had given birth to, the Ko Yoongeon she naturally thought of as her son, was not her real child.

On the outside, he was a person living in the modern era, but wasn’t the thing inside a monster that had repeated a terrible life for thousands of years? He couldn’t erase that thought.

Yoongeon was momentarily tormented by the urge to tell her. That in fact, the child you gave birth to is not real, and isn’t even a proper human being. That he will die soon. So, withdraw your affection, hate and resent me.

“…Son.”

“Yes.”

“Is it very hard…?”

“…….”

“…Mom is sorry.”

It was then. His mother, who had been trying hard to pretend she was fine and eating, smiled with an awkward face and apologized to him.

“I’m sorry for making things hard for you.”

No. She had done nothing wrong. The only reason Yoongeon was having a hard time was himself. But his mother said she was sorry for not being able to solve her child’s suffering. In the end, it was all his fault, but Yoongeon couldn’t bring himself to say no to that. It was because he knew his mother’s heart.

He thought that such a kind person would be sad if he died. But that didn’t mean he felt he should live for this person’s sake. No matter how much his mother wanted it, that was not something he could grant, so he couldn’t deceive her by pretending to be an affectionate son.

“I told you it’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“…….”

That’s why he didn’t act affectionately toward this person. In an effort not to give his heart, Yoongeon, knowing it would hurt his mother, ultimately drew a line again. After the cold reply made the atmosphere sink in an instant, Yoongeon, who finished his meal quietly, drove them home even though they said they were fine.

“Geon-ah, you should at least say hello to Dad before you go.”

If it weren’t for his mother, Yoongeon would probably not have visited this house to greet the person called his father even once a year. When he answered, “Yes,” she smiled affectionately, linked her arm in his, and led him inside.

“Honey, our Geon is here.”

He bowed his head in greeting to his father, who was reading a newspaper in the living room.

“I’m here.”

“You rascal…. You don’t even pretend to listen when your dad tells you to come.”

“He came one way or another, that’s what matters. Right, Geon-ah?”

“How have you been feeling?”

Recently, his father, Chairman Ko Sanghyun, had not been in the best condition. Well, he was seventy now, so even for a healthy person, it wasn’t an age where being sick was strange.

“How can my body hold up when my son causes so much trouble. Having to clean up after him even at this age, I’m about to die.”

The son he was talking about was not Yoongeon.

“Won’t you have a dose of herbal medicine?”

“Don’t bother. Just drinking what Yebin’s mother gives me every day is hard enough. No matter how old I get, I just can’t get used to the bitter taste of herbal medicine.”

“I asked them to put in a lot of licorice.”

“Ah, can licorice even fix that.”

Except for his poor condition, Chairman Ko Sanghyun was incredibly vigorous, belying his age of seventy. He had been tall and well-built since his youth, and had even competed in judo tournaments at one time.

But Yoongeon knew that unlike his tiger-like appearance, inside him was a vile serpent. He would ensnare people with words and render them helpless, or deceive people and use despicable means to take what he wanted. He was the type of human Yoongeon despised most.

“I know. I’ll give you candy, right?”

“Really? Can I have two?”

“Why are you acting like a child.”

As if he was truly incorrigible, his mother said with a laugh, and Chairman Ko smiled, the corners of his cool mouth lifting.

“You’re finally indulging my childishness.”

“Oh my, you’ve said all there is to say for someone who’s old enough to know better, really.”

His mother scolded him, embarrassed that her husband was acting childish in front of their grown son and daughter. But in truth, Yoongeon had no interest in whether the two of them were being lovey-dovey or not. Separate from his dislike, Chairman Ko Sanghyun was, at any rate, good to his mother. And that was enough.

“Are you going straight to work?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.”

Normally, he would have insisted on making him sit down for at least a cup of tea when he said he was leaving, but today he let Yoongeon go meekly. Indeed, recently, because of the vice president, both he and Yoongeon were so swamped with work that they were on the verge of dying from overwork. Both Chairman Ko Sanghyun’s poor condition and Yoongeon’s overwork were all because of the eldest son of this house, Vice President Ko Yoonchul.

Whatever the case, if he didn’t have to drink tea with this man, Yoongeon was satisfied with just that. He gave a short greeting and immediately turned to leave. But just as he was about to cross the yard and go to the main gate, he ran into the most annoying person of all.

“What the.”

Ko Yoonchul frowned as soon as he saw his face, then approached him with a sly smile. From his obviously not-sober state and the foul smell, it seemed he had done marijuana since the morning.

“What is a concubine’s child doing crawling in here.”

“Why don’t you shut that disgusting-smelling mouth of yours.”

Yoongeon, without a single change in expression, snatched the marijuana from his hand and snapped it in half. At that, Ko Yoonchul, finding something so funny, chuckled and lightly slapped Yoongeon’s shoulder.

“What, you’re making a fuss over just this? Marijuana barely even counts as a drug. Such a prude.”

“…….”

A prude, Yoongeon scoffed in disbelief. That word was one of the things Yoongeon had never heard in his life. He had never once lived like a prude, even while repeating multiple lives. But Ko Yoonchul said, “You are a prude, seeing you tremble and cower without being able to do something like this properly.” A sneer was evident on his face.

“Right… well, think whatever you want.”

Honestly, besides being unpleasant, it was a treatment he couldn’t care less about.

The reason he, despite being born a chaebol’s son, didn’t touch drugs like everyone else did was not because he was afraid of them. It was simply because he had already done them to the point of being sick of them. Thus, Yoongeon found his half-brother pathetic.

There was a time when he had been hooked on opium all day. Such a life had occurred not just once, but a full five times. Twice among them, he had been unable to overcome the opium and had died after losing his mind. Looking back, it was a wretched life, and at that time, Yoongeon had vowed never to touch drugs again. It was because he didn’t want to be high on drugs at the moment he met Seohwi.

“Hoo….”

Oblivious to the fact that his half-brother was scoffing at him, Ko Yoonchul was extremely triumphant. He seemed quite proud of loitering around by himself with nothing to do in the morning.

“Going to work?”

“…….”

“Well, you’re an executive director, so you have to go to work, right? Pfft… you’re a laborer.”

Even though he and himself were both in the same executive line, Ko Yoonchul was so persistent, so intent on putting Yoongeon down. It was a mystery how he had managed to get his academic qualifications with an intelligence that made him think he didn’t have to work because he was a vice president. It seems that no matter how advanced the world gets, the disease of not knowing one’s place can’t be cured.

“I have to go every day. There’s too much work, so I have no choice.”

At Yoongeon’s meek reply, Ko Yoonchul burst out laughing, clutching his stomach exaggeratedly, “Puhaha!”

“Unlike someone useless, there are many people looking for me here and there, so what can I do.”

“……What?”

But at Yoongeon’s following words, he asked back blankly. Who on earth did that brain of his take after. His mother was a renowned prodigy, so it certainly wasn’t her side, which meant he probably took after Chairman Ko. Yoongeon shrugged with an indifferent expression.

“Chairman Ko makes the decisions, and the person who executes those decisions is the executive director, so what can I do. The vice president lacks the ability to execute, so isn’t the executive director the one slogging away right now, hyung.”

At Yoongeon’s words, which he said while cracking his neck with a pop, Ko Yoonchul stared at him with a blank face.

“I mean, what else does a vice president do sitting in his office besides getting high and screwing around. While even begging for it.”

“Hey, what did you just say?”

“That position isn’t originally so idle that nothing comes up to it. I’m telling you that it’s possible for trash like you to lie around in that position getting high on drugs because the Chairman and I have taken on all your work, Yoonchul-ah.”

“……!”

Ko Yoonchul’s face turned beet red at Yoongeon’s taunt. It seems his pride was hurt, for what it was worth. But Yoongeon didn’t even pay him any mind and, as if to make a point, let out a sigh and shook his head.

“I know, that that’s the best you can do.”

Him trying to work was, conversely, what ruined things. Yoongeon’s scathing words continued.

“So, don’t bankrupt the company and just stay like that. The fact that it collapsed because of your ass, even thinking about it now makes my blood boil with anger.”

Shinhyun Motors was currently stagnant. Its performance was being maintained, but in truth, a large corporation cannot survive by just maintaining. Large entities, by nature, can only survive by preying on the weaker ones around them. But because this stupid bastard had caused all sorts of trouble, the stock price had fallen and the brand image had been ruined, preventing them from achieving their goal of first place, and that was already a year ago.

“The company won’t collapse just because of what I do, you bastard.”

At his excuse, which he ground out between his teeth, Yoongeon instantly grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

“…What, what the! Let go! Let go, you bastard!”

He actually wanted to grab his throat but held back. Even now, if only he could personally break his neck and kill him, he wanted to do so right away.