CTL 6

“Executive Director?”

When Yoongeon said nothing and remained rigidly frozen, Secretary Im, sensing something was wrong, called out to him.

“……Ah.”

Only then did Yoongeon raise his head.

“…….”

“…….”

He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t do anything. It truly felt as if a thunderbolt had struck him from above. Yoongeon stared blankly at the longed-for face that had appeared before him again after such a long time. His gaze wavered uncontrollably.

“Executive Director, shall I bring some tea?”

Secretary Im, who was watching Yoongeon, took a step closer and asked. Though he didn’t know what was going on, his eyes seemed to say ‘get a grip’, and Yoongeon, unable to answer, just gave a small nod.

“Mr. Yoon Seohwi, would you like coffee? We also have green tea, and if you dislike caffeine, there’s Solomon’s seal tea and such in the break room right now.”

“Ah, I had coffee on my way here. Just a glass of water would be fine, thank you.”

“Yes. Please take a seat on the sofa and wait.”

Secretary Im gestured with his eyes and left. Yoongeon, who barely managed to compose himself in the time he was given, finished organizing his documents and wondered if his expression had been overly strange.

“I apologize. I was working until just a moment ago, so it’s a bit messy.”

“Not at all. I’m sorry for coming so early when you’re busy.”

“You arrived right on time.”

Yoongeon, having completely cleared his desk, stood up from his seat. His face was now no different from before. It was his usual, familiar appearance, with no expression overlaid on it.

“As you probably heard from Secretary Im, you, Mr. Yoon Seohwi, are the grand prize winner. The design sketch was very impressive.”

Yoongeon did not reveal any emotion, nor did he show any sign of it. He maintained eye contact with Seohwi from time to time, yet showed no agitation whatsoever.

“In fact, you knew yourself that it was a very unconventional design for this day and age, didn’t you?”

“…Yes.”

“That’s what I thought. Ah, this person is making a gamble… I thought. This is completely all or nothing.”

On the table was a printout of the sketch Seohwi had submitted to the competition. It was the crude and rough sketch that had captivated Yoongeon’s eyes at first sight.

“But I liked it. Definitely.”

As if unsure how to react to the straightforward compliment, Seohwi, with a very awkward face,

“……Thank you.”

said in greeting. It seems he still lacks the social grace to accept things warmly. Yoongeon thought so and leaned back deeply into the sofa. Although he wore an indifferent face, Yoongeon’s anxious gaze could not stray from Seohwi’s face.

✧ ✧ ✧

Fortunately, the restaurant Secretary Im had reserved was not very far from the company. Well, it was unlikely that he, with his good sense for work, would have chosen a place that didn’t meet Yoongeon’s satisfaction.

“…….”

“…….”

Although he knew he should say something as a superior, Yoongeon had been saying nothing since a while ago. No, it would be more accurate to say he didn’t have the mind to. His headache had worsened to the point where his head now felt like it was splitting apart, so just enduring it was a struggle for Yoongeon.

It was because the question of why, of all things, kept coming up.

‘No. This isn’t a concern for now….’

Right now, rather than worrying about such useless things, it was more important to successfully complete his task and send Seohwi back.

“Secretary Im will have ordered a suitable course. Are there any foods you dislike?”

“No, there aren’t.”

In the short time they exchanged words, as the staff came in and began to set the table, Seohwi shook his head at Yoongeon’s question.

“I eat everything without being picky.”

“The food here is conventional without being too flashy, so it won’t be bad.”

“Executive Director, the table setting is complete, is there anything else you need?”

When Yoongeon shook his head at those words, the employee said to press the bell if he needed anything, then closed the door and left. As the door closed, the boisterous noise instantly faded away.

Yoongeon said, “Let’s eat,” and picked up his spoon. In truth, his head ached so much that he didn’t want to put anything, be it a meal or anything else, in his mouth, but he couldn’t do that in front of him.

“…Executive Director.”

It was while they were in the middle of their meal. Seohwi carefully called out to Yoongeon, who was eating as slowly as possible. He swallowed the food he was eating, wiped his mouth, and looked at Seohwi.

“I’m sorry, but… there’s something I’d like to ask.”

“What is it?”

He had seemed to be picking at his food, and it looked like he had been gauging the right moment to ask all along. Wondering what kind of difficult question he was about to ask, he looked at him, and Seohwi’s face was stiff with tension.

“Actually, you haven’t seemed like a stranger to me since a while ago.”

“Is that so? We shouldn’t have had any occasion to meet.”

To the question uttered with considerable tension, Yoongeon tried to answer nonchalantly. Wasn’t it the truth? He had always looked around, but it had been years since he had seen even a trace of Seohwi. There was no way they could have met when he hadn’t seen him. Besides, this was a question he had heard a couple of times while repeating his lives.

The first time he heard those words, he had burst into tears without realizing it. He couldn’t even bring himself to ask if he remembered him, and as he cried, he said he was sorry. That was the end of it.

It wasn’t that he was sorry for not remembering. He was apologizing because he thought he had made a mistake. At that time, Yoongeon stared at Seohwi’s troubled face for a long time, then clamped his mouth shut and ran away. And in that life, he never appeared before Seohwi again.

He realized it only after repeating that act a couple of times. Now, Yoongeon is not fooled by such words from Seohwi. Although he still can’t help the feeling of his heart being torn to shreds.

“I know that too, but….”

“……?”

“I just have a strange feeling.”

Yoongeon raised his eyes and met Seohwi’s gaze.

“I see.”

“…….”

“Let’s just say that’s the case.”

Yoongeon knew Seohwi, his personality, very well.

He was a man whose indifference no one could dare to match. In some ways, Seohwi was a man who could even appear cold and chilly.

“I’m glad you feel a sense of familiarity.”

“That’s not it….”

Strange. But, if that’s certainly the case, then why is he uncharacteristically clinging to the tail end of his words now? When he doesn’t even remember me.

“There is nothing more poisonous in a working relationship than difficult feelings. This is especially true for a team like ours, which belongs to the realm of art, like design.”

“…….”

“Everyone will tell you later, but the team members, excluding myself, also call each other comfortably. It’s to avoid a hierarchical relationship as much as possible.”

In fact, although Yoongeon was only called Executive Director by title, the team members were quite casual with him. There were times when they would open the door to his office without warning and give him a threat-that-wasn’t-a-threat to eat some snacks, and when Yoongeon was taking medicine, they would casually hold out their hand asking for some too.

“I think it’s a good thing. You’ll be able to get along well with the team members too.”

“I’m not saying this with any intention.”

“Whether you did or not, it doesn’t matter to me. It means I truly don’t mind, so don’t worry about it.”

……You don’t even remember me anyway.

Towards Seohwi, who was shaking him with the strange words that he wasn’t a stranger, Yoongeon felt a faint sense of disappointment. Even though he knows he shouldn’t feel such an emotion, his heart doesn’t listen to him. Yes, this life, too, will flow by just like the previous ones, without any difference.

“I’m not saying this because I suspect your intentions. Don’t feel uncomfortable, and please finish your meal.”

Yoongeon drew a line. It was now one of the things he had become as good at as Seohwi, having repeated this long life so many times.

Had he not promised that he would never again do the act of grabbing and breaking your wings? The thought of that made even the faint feeling of disappointment he felt disappear completely. It was he who had decided to live this kind of life. There was no need to take out his frustration on him, who knew nothing.

“Is the meal to your liking?”

“……Yes. It’s delicious.”

As Yoongeon changed the subject, Seohwi, who had been about to protest something, gave up. Yes, now that’s more like him.

After that, there were almost no words exchanged between them. Yoongeon focused all his nerves on not showing his worsening headache, and Seohwi only glanced at Yoongeon from time to time, but did not strike up a conversation.

A short while later, Yoongeon entrusted Seohwi to Secretary Im, who was waiting in the hall, and returned to the office. Now that Secretary Im would handle the introduction to the venue for the event and the company, his work was all done.

When he returned and checked the time, it was already past 3 o’clock. He grabbed a handful of medicine and swallowed it, then sat down. But the thoughts of Seohwi just wouldn’t leave his mind.

✧ ✧ ✧

“Executive Director, are you working overtime today?”

It was when he was engrossed in his work. The door opened and Secretary Im peeked his head in and asked. Yoongeon rubbed his temples and looked at the clock. It was already 7 in the evening.

“If you’re going to work overtime, I’ll prepare your meal before I go.”

It was a very natural way of saying he would be leaving first.

“Looks like you’ve finished your work.”

“Yes. Phew, I had a lot to take care of today, so I worked a bit of overtime.”

In front of the person who was on the verge of dying from being buried in a pile of work, Secretary Im answered quite shamelessly. Having worked only an hour longer. Yoongeon glared at him.

“If your head hurts, shall I prepare porridge?”

“No.”

“Yes. Actually, I’ve already prepared it.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“If you don’t eat it, I can eat the porridge and buy you something else.”

“I said I’m not eating.”

“Yes, then please have the porridge.”

“…….”

After setting the porridge, which was still steaming as if it had just been bought, on the table in an easy-to-eat manner, Secretary Im quickly made his escape. Yoongeon filled his stomach just enough not to die from taking medicine and then closed the lid and put it away.

He loosened the tie that was uncomfortably choking his neck and rolled up his sleeves. On the crook of his arm, which he didn’t easily reveal when people were around for fear of being seen, were numerous worn-out scars. Yoongeon, who looked at the gruesome marks with an emotionless face, pressed his throbbing head and sat down at his desk again, turning over the documents.

“…….”

No, he tried to turn them over.

He tried his best, but not a single letter registered in his eyes. He blinked his eyes because of his blurry vision, but it only became more frustrating, and nothing was resolved.

It was because of the disappointment he had tried so hard to suppress and swallow. Just that one faint emotion shook Yoongeon from the inside of his head. He held a fountain pen in his hand and bit his lower lip hard, then finally, unable to bear it, he shot up from his seat. He was suffocated. He wanted to breathe, and he wanted to sleep.

Yoongeon, who came out of the office, rolled down his sleeves and headed straight for the rooftop. An unusually strong impulse ran wild. Now, it felt like now he could take that final step. Yoongeon, who got on the elevator, watched the changing numbers with frighteningly hard eyes, and as soon as it arrived, he got off, almost forcibly pushing the door.

His steps quickened. By the time he threw open the rooftop door, he was half-running. Yoongeon was suffocating. The only thought was to get to that railing faster, even a little bit faster. A cold sweat ran down his back as he covered the not-so-distant ground.

And finally, standing on the railing, Yoongeon could finally breathe. As he let out a ragged breath, Yoongeon took out the cigarette he had shoved into his pocket and put it to his lips. Even in the short motion of lighting the cigarette, his hand trembled unseemly.

“Hoo….”

As he inhaled and then exhaled the smoke, white smoke mixed with his breath. After chain-smoking the entire cigarette like that, Yoongeon, with trembling hands, took out another cigarette and put it to his lips. He just couldn’t calm down. His face contorted frighteningly.

“Why on earth do you look like that. Why….”

There was one fact that Yoongeon had found most puzzling in this life. With each reincarnation, Yoongeon had been born in a new body, and as a new species, and naturally, his appearance had also been different each time. It was no different for Seohwi.

That’s why Yoongeon always ‘felt’ Seohwi. That’s how he recognized him. No matter what form Seohwi appeared in, he had never missed him once.

“Why do you appear with that face, when I can’t even have you.”

But, the Seohwi who appeared before his eyes had the same face, body, and even the same voice as back then. Was that all? Although the surname was different, even the name… He, and himself, were just as they were before.

That’s why Yoongeon was now tormented by the impulse to die.

“…….”

He couldn’t tell if it was because it was so painful, or if it was because of some other emotion. For a moment, strength drained from his body. The cigarette in his hand dropped with a thud, and his body, which had lost its balance, swayed precariously.

“…….”

Even without taking a step, maybe I’ll die… It was when he was having that thought. Suddenly, he felt a strong force, and Yoongeon’s body was pulled backward.

“Ugh…!”

It was such a brutish force that his brow furrowed on its own. Yoongeon tried to remove the hand that was wrapped around his chest, but the opponent didn’t budge. Annoyed that he couldn’t put proper strength into it because it was a situation where it was hard to maintain balance, he twisted his body with a whatever-happens-happens attitude.

“Let go!”

It was when Yoongeon was shouting at the one who had carelessly laid a hand on his body and interfered with him.

“Stop it.”

“……?”

“You’re going to fall, don’t you understand the situation right now?”

The voice, which sounded quite angry for some reason, was Seohwi’s.

“Let go.”

Putting aside the question of why he was here at this time, Yoongeon spoke in a cold voice.

“I find it annoying when you touch my body, so get it off me.”

“And if I do?”

“What did you say?”

“You’ll fall if I let go, won’t you.”

It was a situation where one might have been daunted by Yoongeon’s murderous voice, but Seohwi simply asked back without any such sign.

“You’re going to fall, right?”

“I don’t think I’ll fall if you let go.”

“So I’m telling you to let go,” Yoongeon said clearly once more.

At his firm reply, the arm that had been wrapped around his chest hesitated for a moment and then disappeared. Yoongeon took a few deep breaths and turned around. Seohwi was looking at him with a hardened face, and he seemed to have a lot he wanted to say. But the one who asked the question was not him, but Yoongeon.

“Why are you still at the company?”

“Pardon?”

“You’re not even an employee of this company yet, so why are you here? It’s a time when even the employees have all left work and gone home.”

As he questioned him, Yoongeon came down from the railing and stood. At his words asking why he was here when he wasn’t even properly affiliated yet, Seohwi faltered.

“To the restroom….”

“Yes.”

“I went to the restroom before leaving and left my phone behind.”

He said he realized it much later, and by the time he came back to retrieve it, it had gotten this late.

“I didn’t sneak in or anything. I explained the situation to the lobby staff, and Secretary Im confirmed my identity, so I was able to enter.”

Then he should have quietly found his phone and left, so why did he come all the way up here. But he didn’t ask that. It was a story he didn’t need to hear.

“Aah… I thought, you were already practicing working overtime.”

Yoongeon scoffed with a blank expression. But Seohwi just stared at him intently. As if he wanted to know what Yoongeon was thinking.

“Were you trying to die?”

“Think whatever you want.”

It was a problem he could have just solved by lying and saying no, but for some reason, he didn’t want to, so Yoongeon fudged his answer and tried to walk past him. But Seohwi didn’t let him go. He grabbed Yoongeon’s arm again.

“Don’t die.”

“…….”

At those words, for some reason, Yoongeon momentarily clamped his mouth shut and looked at him.

Don’t die? No, he had been doing just that all along. He had endured by forcibly cutting off his lifeline that hadn’t even ended yet.

Seohwi, he wouldn’t know, but in fact, for Yoongeon, dying was living. If he had lived out all those lives according to the natural course, Yoongeon would have gone completely insane. He had endured like that to get to now. But, on a subject he knows nothing about, he speaks so easily. Don’t die. He doesn’t know why he’s making such a serious face over something like dying, as if it were such a big deal. Yoongeon stared blankly at Seohwi with lifeless eyes.

“You must have been very surprised.”

“…….”

“It was a joke. I was just going to smoke a cigarette.”

Watching Yoongeon, who said it was a joke with no expression, Seohwi faltered with a disbelieving face. He seemed surprised at the way Yoongeon was drawing a line.

“It’s gotten very late. Your family will be worried, so please go back quickly. I’ll be on my way too.”

Seohwi didn’t grab Yoongeon who was walking away quickly after finishing with the words, “I’ll be going then.” Whether he didn’t grab him, or couldn’t, he didn’t know.

Leaving Seohwi there, Yoongeon fled. Anxiously waiting for the elevator, in case he might follow, he let out a sigh of relief only after getting on alone. He held onto the bar and tried to calm himself. He must have faced him for too long. His heart was pounding like crazy.