CTL 12

‘So please don’t remember me….’

The only words he heard after coming to his senses were those.

Seohwi was conflicted, listening to the sound of wailing that lasted all night. Should I go out? Should I go out and comfort him? He thought about it. While doing so, Seohwi touched his own lips. If his guess was correct, Yoongeon had kissed him. Though he wasn’t certain.

For some reason, it wasn’t easy to get up. It wasn’t because he was drunk. It was just that the sorrowful crying coming from outside was overwhelmingly heavy. Because he didn’t know if he had the right to comfort that person. Because he didn’t know if it was okay for him to interfere with those emotions.

But that plea, that request, had clearly been directed at him.

At first, he thought it was an extension of his dream.

Until a moment ago, Seohwi had been dreaming. The person who had always whispered words of affection and love to him was, for some reason, constantly running away from him today. No matter how much he ran, he couldn’t catch him, and just as he got close enough to almost catch him, he would somehow be far away again, making him anxious.

So he pleaded. Please don’t go. As he did, Seohwi called his name.

But then, a reply came back.

Don’t remember me.

That’s why he thought it was a dream. He thought it was what the man said as he callously turned his back and ran away in response to his plea not to go.

“……Haaa….”

He was frustrated because he couldn’t remember the name he had unconsciously called out.

Seohwi sat up. His head throbbed from how much he had drunk. The crying outside still hadn’t stopped, so Seohwi was thinking, this time I really have to go out… Just then, the crying abruptly stopped. In an instant, the surroundings became quiet.

“……!”

When he heard the crying, his heart had only ached, but when suddenly there was no sound at all, his heart dropped with a thud. It was a natural progression for him to recall the precarious image of him standing on the rooftop railing. He got up in a hurry.

“Executive Director…?”

But Seohwi, who had rushed out, had no choice but to stop in surprise. He hadn’t noticed before, but the place he was standing in wasn’t a hotel or anything of the sort.

It’s spacious. And very… desolate.

It’s quite difficult to get a desolate feeling from someone else’s home. But the atmosphere pervading the excessively large house didn’t feel like a place where a living person resided at all. This place was like a very well-made model home. A space that was pretty and glamorous but had none of the scent of people living in it.

“Executive Director.”

He quietly uttered the only title he could use. But there was no answer. Unsure if it was okay to wander around and open doors in someone else’s house, Seohwi stood blankly in the hallway. So he closed his eyes and listened carefully.

“…….”

Then he heard a very small voice. Seohwi let out a sigh of relief and headed towards where the voice was coming from.

[Yes. I am sorry, Chairman.]

Inside, Yoongeon’s voice could be heard. His voice, as he said he was sorry, seemed excessively flat. It was completely different from how he had pleaded with him while he was asleep.

[It’s because I had no one else to ask. Yes. The secretary was in a situation where…. No, it’s not to the point of firing him. Yes. If there had been other people, I wouldn’t have asked Mother. We have Yebin. Yes, yes. So what did you say. Yes. Did you say you’re sleeping there now? …Yes. No, he told me he was going home. Yes.]

After talking on the phone for a while, the sound of Yoongeon letting out a deep sigh could be heard.

[Yes. I made a mistake. Yes. I’ll make sure something like this doesn’t happen again. ……Yes. I said I’ll go. I told you yesterday I would go at the end of the year. I understand. When have I ever ignored your calls, Chairman. I always reply to you……. ……I’m busy. I’ll call you first when I remember, so go to sleep. Yes. I’m hanging up.]

Haaa…. Yoongeon’s deep sigh was heard again. It seemed he had hung up the phone.

“……!”

It was then. Hearing the sound of Yoongeon walking outside, Seohwi scrambled back into the room and hurriedly got into bed, as if he had been sleeping all along. He tried to catch his breath, worried about what he would do if he came in, but thankfully, he did not come back. Seohwi let out a deep sigh.

Even after that, Seohwi remained on high alert, wondering if he might cry again, but he didn’t hear any more crying. He was excessively quiet. As if he were a person who had never been there from the start, he erased all signs of his presence and disappeared somewhere into this large, desolate house.

✧ ✧ ✧

In stark contrast to his thought that he wouldn’t be able to sleep due to the discomfort, when he opened his eyes, it was morning. Seohwi opened his eyes and looked at the dimly lit sky for a moment before going outside.

“You’re awake?”

Yoongeon was sitting on the living room sofa. As Seohwi flinched and hesitated, he pointed to the room again and told him to wash up and come out first. When he went to the bathroom, he found a change of underwear and a toothbrush laid out.

When did he bring these things? he wondered as he entered the bathroom, then realized. The room Yoongeon had given him was his own bedroom. He hadn’t come back even by the time he fell back asleep, so where could he have slept?

‘……Still, it’s not a small house.’

Though he had only seen it briefly, there was no way a house like this didn’t have a spare room, so it wasn’t something to worry about, yet Seohwi felt needlessly sorry. As if taking the owner’s room wasn’t enough, he was even occupying the bathroom. He felt like he had done something he shouldn’t have.

Because he felt needlessly self-conscious, his shower ended rather quickly. He thought he should at least offer a proper thank you while drying his hair with a towel, but Yoongeon, upon seeing Seohwi come out, only pointed to the dining table.

“You drank a lot yesterday, so you’ll need something for your hangover. Eat.”

“Executive Director, about that….”

“Sit down.”

He spoke with a face that didn’t expect to receive any thanks at all, so he hesitated for a moment, then instead of sitting at the prepared table, he went and sat next to Yoongeon. Yoongeon, who had been reading a newspaper, glanced at him as if asking what was the matter, then soon returned his gaze to the newspaper. For some reason, Yoongeon’s eyes looked hollow. …Was it because he couldn’t sleep properly from crying?

“Aren’t you eating?”

“I already ate.”

It was currently 6 in the morning. To say he had already finished eating was ridiculous. To eat even earlier than him, wash up, and be so perfectly dressed, wouldn’t he have to wake up at 4 o’clock at the least? But looking at those hollow eyes, it seemed he probably hadn’t slept at all. He had none of the characteristic sleepiness of someone who had just woken up.

“…….”

“Why. You don’t want to eat?”

Yoongeon asked, his eyes still fixed on the newspaper. When Seohwi remained silent for a moment, he said that if he didn’t want to eat, he didn’t have to, and stood up from his seat.

“If you’re not going to eat, let’s go. I’ll take you home.”

“……Is your hand, okay?”

He knew that he wasn’t a kind and affectionate person, but he hadn’t expected him to be in such a rush to kick him out. Seohwi, who had awkwardly followed him and stood up, asked. In truth, he had wanted to ask since yesterday but hadn’t had the chance.

“My hand?”

“Yes.”

“Aah… it’s not a big wound. You don’t have to worry about it.”

The words don’t worry about it sounded like it’s none of your business, so don’t interfere.

“Let’s go.”

“Excuse me, just a moment.”

Seohwi urgently grabbed Yoongeon, who was about to pass by him, saying he would get the car key.

“Is there something you want to say?”

“…….”

Why was he acting like he was trying to chase him away? On Yoongeon’s face, which acted as if the desperate and pitiful appearance he had shown while he was drunk and passed out last night was all a dream, not a single emotion could be seen.

So Seohwi was extremely bewildered. Yoongeon, that is to say….

“…….”

Because he looked at him as if he were someone who had no interest in him whatsoever.

That’s strange, there’s no way.

“Yoon Seohwi?”

Seohwi was confused by the thought that came to him in that moment. An unidentifiable feeling that there was no way Yoongeon of all people would do that to him filled his mind.

“…Just a moment.”

He clutched his head. But even as he did, uncontrollable ‘emotions’ erupted randomly. From the thought that this couldn’t be, that there was no way Yoongeon would act this way towards him, to the thought that concluded his cold behavior was a lie. He was confused by the disorderly flood of emotions.

Still, Seohwi tried to organize his thoughts. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and it did help him sort them out, if only a little.

‘……This isn’t what I’m thinking right now.’

This feeling, familiar yet disconcerting every time he experienced it, was the question he had held all along.

“There’s something I need to ask.”

So, for now, Seohwi opened his mouth. Because he couldn’t voice the unidentifiable thought. Also, because he had to start with this.

“What is it.”

Seohwi asked Yoongeon, who was looking at him as if to ask what was wrong, in a tense voice.

“You kissed me.”

He had to ask why on earth he had kissed him. That was the priority. Yoongeon studied Seohwi’s uncharacteristically tense face with an unreadable expression. It somehow felt as if he was sizing him up.

“I did?”

Yoongeon, frowning, was silent for a long time before uttering just that one phrase. At that indifferent reply, Seohwi also frowned. Looking at Yoongeon’s composed face, he wanted to tell him to stop with the unconvincing lies right away.

“Did you have a dream?”

“…….”

But Yoongeon nonchalantly concluded that last night’s event was a dream.

“That’s not it.”

Seohwi was certain. He had clearly felt the warmth of another person remaining on his lips. Besides, hadn’t this man before him been extremely pitiful last night? That was why he was asking. Why he had kissed him, why he had sobbed so sorrowfully while telling him not to remember.

“Hmm….”

It was at that very moment that Yoongeon, who had been half-turned away, turned completely to face him. With a blank expression, he grabbed Seohwi’s chin and moved it from side to side. It was just like the manner of someone appraising something.

“Well… you’re pretty-faced, so I suppose I could do it if I wanted to, but since you’re a man, I’m not really inclined to.”

“…….”

Yoongeon, who had been holding and moving his face as if handling an object, let go nonchalantly.

“I don’t have a hobby of kissing men, Yoon Seohwi.”

“…….”

“Let’s go. I’ll take you home. Get dressed and come out.”

He knew he was lying. But even if he kept pressing him, it didn’t seem like he would admit it meekly. Seohwi stared intently, trying to detect his lie.

‘……Oh.’

Seohwi’s eyes, which had been examining his face, widened in surprise for a moment. Because he had found evidence that Yoongeon was lying.

The skin around his hollow eyes was slightly red. …Those were the kind of eyes a person who had burst into tears, unable to overcome their sorrow, would have.

“I’d appreciate it if you’d hurry.”

Even as Yoongeon spoke, looking at him with cold eyes, Seohwi’s gaze did not leave the area around his eyes. He was lying to him, and he had instinctively realized that Yoongeon was lying.

“…Okay.”

He had to find out the reason why he was acting this way. A sad voice echoed in Seohwi’s mind, which was feeling a strange emotion.

Don’t let yourself get pushed away so helplessly this time.