BCRD 11

“Hey, loser!”

The call pierced through my earphones, and my bowed head shot up on its own. I already knew who it was from the nickname and the voice. Looking up to confirm, I saw a familiar face, as expected. It was Jiho.

With food still in my mouth, I took out my earphones and nodded in greeting. Jiho sat down in the empty seat across from me and lamented.

“Hey, man. I had a feeling, but are you here again?”

Adding to that, he saw the food I was eating, made a disgusted face, and openly took a jab at me.

“How is it that every time I see you, you’re only eating school cafeteria food. Don’t you get sick of it?”

Because it’s the cheapest. If I go out, whatever I eat costs over ten thousand won, but here, I can get a meal for a mere 5,000 won. Plus, the menu changes every day. Honestly, I sometimes think I did well to come to university just for the cafeteria food, so I couldn’t relate to Jiho’s nagging one bit.

“It’s good because it’s delicious, so what’s your problem.”

“There are plenty of delicious and good restaurants outside, you know?”

“But they’re expensive.”

“Ah! You’re being so ridiculously frugal. Whatever, forget it. What are you doing tonight.”

“Going to my part-time job.”

“Shit, again? Why are you always working?”

“To make a living.”

“Hey, is making a living all a person needs to do? You have to have fun too, you know.”

I was wondering why he was suddenly picking a fight, but it turns out he just wanted to hang out. To be more precise, it seemed he wanted to go for drinks.

“What’s wrong? No one to drink with today?”

This was a guy who had barely contacted me, busy enjoying the romance of university life for a while. For someone like him to suddenly poke me now? It was highly likely he was just bored. Sure enough, as if I had hit a nerve, Jiho flinched, then smacked his lips and grumbled.

“No. It’s not that I don’t have anyone to drink with, it’s just that I was thinking and I realized I haven’t hung out with you much. We came to the same university, for crying out loud, huh? Shouldn’t we enjoy it together?”

That was true. Neither of us had planned it, but as a result, Jiho and I ended up at the same university. He was in the Statistics department, and I was in Business Administration, so our majors were different. Still, we had a few overlapping general education courses, so we’d see each other at least three times a week. Yet, despite coming to the same university, all we had done together so far was eat lunch three times. He was busy having fun, and I was busy working part-time.

“Thanks for thinking of me, but I think we’ll have to enjoy things separately for the time being. I don’t have the time.”

I was working two part-time jobs a week. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to hang out; I genuinely didn’t have the time to join him.

“Fucking money-grubber. Go get rich by yourself, you bastard.”

Anyone could tell he was being sarcastic, but I didn’t feel bad. It was true that I had a bit of an obsession with money. And besides, he told me to get rich. Whatever his intention, they were good words.

I retorted playfully.

“Yeah. I’ll aim for it after I clear my debt.”

As soon as I mentioned the debt, Jiho’s lips, which had been pouting in discontent, returned to their original shape. The truth was, he had a rough idea of my circumstances, which forced me to cling to part-time jobs.

It was shortly after we had started university. We were having lunch together when the topic of debt somehow came up, and when he learned that I had incurred a debt of over ten million won in one go, he was utterly flabbergasted. The expression on his face at that time was so serious… It was so full of pity and compassion, his gaze was like he was looking at a beggar who couldn’t even afford to eat gruel. He even seriously asked me, ‘Were you that broke? Should I lend you some money?’.

“Sigh, right. What’s a debtor got to do with having fun. You have to work to pay it back. You just go and earn money. Earn a looot of it, pay off your debt, and become rich.”

This time, it didn’t sound like sarcasm but like he was genuinely saying it out of pity. I accepted Jiho’s words of blessing with a smile.

“Thanks.”

“But don’t tell me you work without a single day off?”

“No. I have Wednesdays off.”

“Oho? That’s tomorrow, isn’t it? Then how about tomorrow evening? This hyung, who is still debt-free, will boldly treat you.”

“Thanks, and I’m sorry, but Wednesday is even more impossible.”

“Ah, why!”

Why, you ask?

Because I have an appointment more important than lectures, and more important than my part-time job. And that appointment was precisely this.

“It’s the day I go to pay back my debt.”

💳

I held out the envelope, which had the bank’s name and logo printed prominently on it. His gaze dropped casually toward the envelope. He did not unclasp his folded arms.

“Aren’t you going to check it?”

Inside the envelope was today’s repayment installment. As the creditor, he should have checked the amount, but he didn’t even touch the envelope. The reason for his indifference to the envelope was soon revealed by his own mouth.

“It’ll be the same amount as last time, so what’s the point?”

Oh, so that was why.

I understood. It was, in a way, an expected reaction. Since the amount in the envelope had been the same for four weeks straight, he must have assumed it would be the same this time as well.

Yes, it was already the fourth time. The fourth time I had come to him like this every Wednesday to repay the money in cash. The total amount I had paid back until last week was 400,000 won. To repay the 15 million won I borrowed, I would have to do this roughly 140 more times. I was the one who had decided on this trivial and cumbersome repayment method. That was why I had borrowed money from Mr. Baek Sahyeon instead of a bank in the first place.

I know. Anyone would see it as abnormal behavior. Mr. Baek Sahyeon was no different. He had been openly bewildered. I mean, how could he not be, when I showed up out of the blue saying I was there to repay a debt and the money I handed over was a mere 100,000 won. Even I would have wondered what was going on.

Suddenly, I remembered the expression he made when he first checked the amount in the envelope. It was, literally, a dumbfounded expression. I never knew he could make such a face, and because it was so out of character with the personality he had shown so far, the memory of it still made me burst into laughter without resistance. The strange thing was, despite being so bewildered, he had never once questioned my repayment method or said a harsh word about it. It was probably because he had noticed right away. My true intention, disguised as the pretense of repayment.

Anyway, until last week, I had no choice but to be timid with the repayment amount since I was living off my savings before getting my paycheck. But today was different. I put strength into my vocal cords for the first time in a while.

“It’s different this time. I got my paycheck recently, so I put in more. It’s 500,000 won. Five-zero.”

As if my forceful voice wasn’t enough, I spread my right fingers wide to emphasize the amount.

“Ah, is that so.”

But the reaction I got was incredibly bland. His unenthusiastic response signified neither praise nor admiration. It was nothing more than a half-hearted acknowledgment.

Feeling awkward, I closed my mouth in a straight line. The hand I had confidently spread out slowly curled back on its own. Well, thinking about it, whether it was 100,000 won or 500,000 won, from his perspective, they were probably on the same level. Either way, it was just peanuts. It was only a huge difference from my perspective, where every penny counts. Still, I thought he would at least say I was commendable… The reaction, far from falling short of my expectations, completely shattered them, and with a fizzle, my enthusiasm deflated.

“How’s the part-time job. Is it manageable?”

Having withdrawn his gaze and even his interest from the envelope, he threw out a different topic. Separate from my sorrow for the neglected repayment money, it was a welcome and appreciated show of interest on my part, so I quickly gave my report.

“Yes. There’s nothing difficult. There are occasional moments when I get pis— no, annoyed because of difficult customers, but it’s at a manageable level, so it’s fine.”

That’s what I said, but the reality was a bit different. Occasional difficult customers? No, they were frequent. There were many. I was in the process of truly realizing, through my part-time job, that there are so many different types of people in the world and dozens of ways to piss someone off.

Even so, I couldn’t complain about it being hard already when I had just started. The me I wanted to show Mr. Baek Sahyeon was a well-raised Yeon Haejin who worked hard at everything, someone he would want to praise. I was done being treated like a little kid who needed to be given pocket money out of pity.

“And school, you’re attending well?”

“Of course. I haven’t skipped a single lecture, at least.”

As if I would, considering whose money paid for this university.

The part-time job was important, but university was also important to me. In the past, I hadn’t felt the need to study further, so I hadn’t been confident I could attend properly. To be precise, I had prioritized money over studying. But now, I needed not only a diploma but also good grades. Yes, I was getting greedy. I wanted to repay the investment and attention he had given me with good results. The only condition for the investment I was offered was a diploma, but my current goal was to not let any grade below an A- appear on my report card. But… honestly, I still wasn’t sure if that was possible. My will, however, was more than full.

At my confident answer, his eyes narrowed. The pupils within those thinly folded eyes were intensely observant. He was probably trying to gauge whether my words were true or not. His eyes, which already had an alien feel to them, looked just like the eyes of a cold-blooded reptile at times like these, and even though I had encountered them many times, I still wasn’t used to it. Even now, my spine was feeling a chill.

“I see. That’s commendable.”

Fortunately, he did not judge my words as bravado.

“Keep attending well. If you think it’s too much, start by cutting back on your part-time job.”

Although he didn’t say it outright, I could clearly feel that he wasn’t pleased with me investing so much time in my part-time job.

If I were to weigh the importance in my daily life based on the actual time and energy consumed, the part-time job did indeed take up a larger piece of the pie than my studies. It couldn’t be helped. My desire to do well in both was strong, but reality and ideals are two different things… The reality was that after working late into the night and coming home, I didn’t want to do anything and would just end up lying flat on the floor. Sitting at my desk to study? I couldn’t even dream of it yet. Still, I was holding on, thinking that as I got used to this lifestyle, I would gradually find a balance.

“I’ll say it again, work hard, but don’t overdo it.”

His tone may have been dry, but the content itself was quite affectionate. The person who would say such things to me was probably only Mr. Baek Sahyeon… no, Hyunki hyungnim says similar things too. But why does what Hyunki hyungnim says sound like nagging instead of advice? Is it because of his tone? His expression? If not that, then his face…

…Well, anyway.

“Yes, I’ll just work hard. Oh, right! Mister, did you know? The sandwich shop makes a ton of money.”

Two part-time jobs, six days a week. One of them was at a sandwich shop during the weekday closing shift. The other was at a convenience store, where I worked the entire weekend. Both were simple labor, aside from frequently dealing with difficult customers, but based on my one-month experience, the sandwich shop had far more customers.

“The place I work at is near the university, you know? Business is really good. I’m thinking maybe I’ll open one in a university district after I graduate. There’s this government support for young entrepreneurs, and with that…”

“Didn’t you say your goal was to work at a bank?”

…I did.

I couldn’t deny it. I had proudly declared that my goal was to get a job at a bank. And I said it myself, just last week. The freshness of that statement was too high to feign ignorance.

Feeling sheepish, I wiped my nose with my finger and made an excuse.

“Well… I did. But after hearing the monthly sales of the store I work at, I thought I might make more than working at a bank…”

Besides, the more I looked into getting a job at a bank, the harder it seemed. Maintaining a good GPA was a given, and on top of that, TOEIC, certifications, internships, and extracurricular activities—there were just too many basic qualifications to take care of. Realistically, there wasn’t enough physical time to do it all while working part-time. Of course, if I had to, I would somehow manage to do it, but my desire to become a banker was less of a life goal and more of just one of the options for a stable life. Therefore, I wasn’t that desperate for it.

“Chase after what you want to do, not money. That’s why I’m investing in you.”

“Yeess…”

“And you still have a lot of time. Don’t be hasty, and take some more time to find what you want to do. This is a time for experiencing, not deciding.”

To me, it sounded like theoretical and idealistic advice. However, it was also a statement so correct that I dared not raise an objection. A time for experiencing, not deciding… Right. There is such a time. And I am in such a time right now.

Nineteen by international age, twenty by social age. There would be no better time than now to see a lot, feel a lot, experience a lot, and think a lot. As he said, I had plenty of time. I even had a reliable backer investing in me. I could afford to be a bit more open about my future.

“Yes, I’ll do that.”

I willingly agreed to his advice. However, it’s a secret that I had a fleeting thought—feeling his lecturing nature again after a long time—that he really is a Mister.

Anyway, let’s put my career issue aside for now. A sandwich shop, a banker, none of that is important right now. What is most important to me in this situation, right now, is the real purpose hidden behind the excuse of debt repayment. Now was the time to reveal that purpose.

“By the way, Mister. Um, do you happen to have… plans… after this?”

It was the first time I had ever cast such bait. Until last week, I had simply paid the installment, exchanged a few words, and then quietly left. But not today. I felt like I had made my presence known enough. The visits so far were, in effect, just a warm-up for casting this bait. A little bit of environmental conditioning to avoid being rejected. So now, it was time to increase the time we spent together.

I waited for his answer with anticipation. I hoped that this big fish would take the bait I cast in one satisfying bite.

But…

“And if I do?”

He shows no sign of biting.

Looks like the bait isn’t ripe enough yet.

I couldn’t help but feel dejected and let my shoulders slump. I had intentionally come at dinnertime, but my efforts were in vain.

“Then I guess… you have to work.”

That was all I could say. What could I say to someone who has work to do? I have to tell him to do it. If there was one thing I shouldn’t do, it was to get in the way of someone else’s work.

“You’re sulking so openly.”

He pointed out in a voice tinged with amusement. It would be no use trying to pretend I wasn’t affected anyway. For some reason, it was hard to hide my feelings in front of Mr. Baek Sahyeon. I was sure my expression was giving everything away this time too.

“I’m not sulking. I’m just a little disappointed.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“I think they’re different. Sulking is closer to being angry, and being disappointed is closer to being sad.”

“Ah, so you’re sad right now?”

“Well… yeah, a little.”

After answering honestly, I belatedly thought, oh no. I grew worried that the feelings I was experiencing might be a burden to him… I had no intention of hiding my feelings, but revealing them so openly probably wasn’t a good method either.

After a furtive glance at him, I timidly added.

“But you don’t have to worry about it.”

Right. Come to think of it, it’s not a big deal. Just because it’s not possible today doesn’t mean it will never be possible, and today isn’t the only day. I have at least a hundred more chances anyway. He’s bound to take the bait one of those hundred times. If he doesn’t, I’ll just have to wait until he does.

“But I am worried.”

“Pardon?”

“That pouting mouth of yours, jutting out because you’re sad, is really getting on my nerves.”

Huh? Is my mouth really jutting out that much?

I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. The sensation of my lips against my palm felt a little… jutted out? But don’t everyone’s lips stick out this much?

As I was rolling my eyes back and forth with my mouth covered, he tilted his head to the side and pointed to another spot.

“And your eyes are full of dissatisfaction too.”

At this point, I was curious. Just what did I look like in his eyes right now? Thinking this wouldn’t do, I was about to excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

“Looks like I’ll have to play with the sad and dissatisfied little kid to soothe him.”

I sensed a change of attitude from him.

I abandoned my plan to escape to the bathroom and waited for his next words, just in case. Soon, he leaned his upper body toward me and asked.

“So, how should I play with you?”

It wasn’t a misunderstanding; he really seemed to be planning to spend the evening with me. I was more puzzled than happy. I wondered why he had suddenly changed his tune. Was he planning to cancel his plans just for me?

I lowered my hand, paid attention to the shape of my lips, and spoke.

“Didn’t you say you had plans earlier?”

“I said, ‘and if I do,’ I didn’t say, ‘I do.’”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“I think they’re different. ‘And if I do’ is closer to a hypothesis, whereas ‘I do’ is closer to a confirmation.”

He was perfectly mimicking what I had said earlier, just changing the key words. Even his tone was similar, almost like a vocal impersonation. That man, it seems he’s…

“Are you perhaps, teasing me?”

Yes, that was it. Now that I think about it, the teasing probably started from the moment he hinted he had plans. He was deliberately poking me to see how I would react.

“Yes.”

Wow. To just admit it like that without batting an eye?

“Why, are you sad again?”

“No. I’m not sad, but…”

“But?”

“…I am a little annoyed.”

That was a lie. I wasn’t annoyed at all. I wasn’t angry, nor was I irritated. In fact, I was grateful that he had teased me. I was even thrilled. Because it felt like a sign that he was that comfortable with me.

Haha. A low laugh flowed from his lips as they drew a soft arc. He was enjoying this. And so was I.

“So please soothe me. With food and drinks.”

I was just purely happy.

I took off my shoes, entered, and flipped the switch. The small room was instantly brightened. As was my habit, I offered a greeting.

“I’m home.”

To the bouquet of flowers hanging upside down on one wall.

The bouquet, which had lost its vitality and dried up, was the graduation gift he had given me in February. Even though I had watered it diligently, it was a flower without roots, so it couldn’t be helped; it became like this in less than a week. Nevertheless, I couldn’t throw it away. I probably won’t be able to throw it away for the rest of my life.

It wasn’t that I particularly liked flowers. They were pretty to look at from the outside, but they had no use… For that reason, I had never thought I particularly wanted them. To put it a bit more bluntly, pretty trash? Yes, that was about it.

But this bouquet felt completely different in meaning. Because it was a gift from Mr. Baek Sahyeon. Although it no longer had a scent and its shape had become shabby, this bouquet, like the card he gave me, was a treasure of infinite value that could not be converted into money.

I took off my clothes and squeezed my body into the one-pyeong-sized bathroom. When I turned on the shower, cold water invariably trickled out. And just a trickle at that…

“Ah, it’s doing this again.”

I pushed the faucet as far to the right as it would go. Even so, it only became lukewarm, not warm. To make matters worse, the already weak stream of water became even thinner. The biggest drawback of this house was this. The water pressure was weak and hot water didn’t come out well. I could just get sunlight outside, but there was nothing I could do about the water. I was already dreading the winter I would have to spend here.

Thinking there was nothing to be done, I started by washing my face. As I meticulously washed the dust off my skin, I felt my mind clearing up, as if a fog I didn’t even know was there was lifting. I thought I was fine, but I guess I was a little drunk, even if I hadn’t gotten completely wasted. If I had had one more drink, I probably would have been out cold.

Could it be that he took my glass away, knowing that would happen?

There was a reason I couldn’t drink until I got drunk. It was because of Mr. Baek Sahyeon, who put a stop to it as soon as I set down my third empty glass. He didn’t even tell me to stop drinking; he just took my glass away. When I protested with my eyes, bewildered, he said this.

‘Anymore and you’ll get drunk.’

he had said.

Honestly, I didn’t understand at the time. I felt perfectly fine. I thought I wouldn’t get drunk even if I drank another bottle, not just another glass, and even if I did get drunk, what was the problem? So I tried to subtly express my disappointment, saying, ‘It’s okay if I get drunk…’ but it was no use. He was strict.

‘I’m not okay with it.’

He stopped me so firmly that I was flustered and, belatedly, worried. I wondered if I had misbehaved too much during our first drinking session. The truth is, I had almost no memory of what happened after I got drunk that day. There were fragmented pieces, but they were so finely shattered that it was impossible to connect them. It was to the point where I couldn’t even distinguish what was a dream and what was reality. Still, since he didn’t say anything, I just assumed nothing had happened and let it go… but now it felt unsettling. It makes sense, right? He didn’t do it during our first drinking session, but this time he set a limit.

‘Do you do anything weird when you get drunk?’

Just in case, I cautiously sounded him out. He returned a silent, enigmatic smile. It was a reaction that read as if something had indeed happened. But that was all. No detailed explanation followed.

In any case, since I couldn’t get the confiscated glass back, the long-awaited drinking session had to end with just three shots of soju. However, the disappointment over the alcohol was only momentary. This was thanks to the delicious food that filled the large table, the enjoyable conversation that flowed back and forth, and the comfortable time we spent together. Later, I was so glad I hadn’t gotten drunk; the meal with him was just that enjoyable. Even the lingering feeling after it ended was the same. It was good enough to savor like this.

After washing up, I spread out the blanket, lay down, and turned on my phone. Even though my living environment had changed, my last routine of the day remained the same. It was to send him a text message. Since I received this phone, I haven’t missed a single day… no. Honestly, I have missed it a few times. Just last month when I started my part-time job, there were about three times I fell asleep while writing a text because I was so tired. So, it would be a lie to say it was every day; it would be more accurate to say it was a routine I did close to every day.

Anyway, today was the same. I opened the messaging app and composed a message to send to him.

Mister, thank you for the delicious dinner and drinks today. It was a really enjoyable time. I’ll see you again next week. I hope you have a comfortable night. -Yeon Haejin

Taking the elder into consideration, I made sure to include spaces and punctuation marks properly.

“Wait. Thank you for eating with me? Is that right? Or maybe… for partaking? for having?”

I was also careful with the honorifics.

The message, which I wrote and erased several times, came out to be about seven lines long. I read it over one more time from top to bottom, then pressed the send button and waited for about five minutes. Soon, the ‘read’ notification appeared. As expected, there was no reply. …Well, it’s been a long time since I stopped hoping for a reply, so I wasn’t particularly disappointed. It was enough that he had read it.

It was when I closed the app without any lingering feelings. As if it had been waiting, a task suddenly popped into my head.

“That’s right. I should watch that before I go to sleep.”

‘That’ was a movie.

I turned on the streaming app for the first time in a while. Thankfully, the account Jiho had shared with me was still active. I first opened the search bar and then rummaged through my mind for the title.

“What was it called again? It was a title with some kind of animal in it… Ah, that’s it.”

When I entered the movie title I had painstakingly recalled, the result appeared immediately. Fortunately, it was a video that was currently being offered. Before pressing the play button, I read the information and summary provided.

“Wow, 1991. It’s a really old movie.”

The reason I was suddenly looking for a movie made before I was even born, in the middle of the night, was, unsurprisingly, because of Mr. Baek Sahyeon. I became interested because he said it was his favorite movie. He said watching movies was his hobby when he had free time. Actually, this was the biggest piece of information I had obtained today.

Watching movies as a hobby. It was a hobby that felt as unexpected as when I heard from Hyunki hyungnim that he had majored in sculpture in the past. It probably felt that way more because of his profession than his appearance. A gangster who graduated from an arts university and has watching movies as a hobby… Honestly, it was a combination that felt as out of place as a hot iced americano.

Anyway, what part of the movie did he like? I was curious about that. I also felt a desire to share what he liked. This was more than enough reason to endure my fatigue and watch the movie.

The movie’s running time listed in the information section was about an hour and a half. It was the perfect length for a casual watch. I quickly pressed the play button before the sleepiness that was slowly creeping in could fully kick into gear. After a short loading screen, a video with a distinctly old-fashioned feel filled the screen.

In conclusion, the movie was interesting. In fact, the story itself was not particularly unique. It was about a rookie profiler chasing a serial killer, who tracks down the truth of the case and the culprit through interviews with a killer who used to be a psychiatrist. I don’t know how it was back then, but watching it now, it was a rather conventional story. Nevertheless, the final impression left was that it was a masterpiece that transcended being merely a well-made film. The way it maintained tension until the very end without any thrilling action scenes made me, someone who is practically an amateur when it comes to movies, think the directing was amazing. But what was most satisfying was that I was able to get a glimpse of his taste.

“Hehe. So our Mister likes this kind of thing.”

He has sophisticated taste. As expected of an art school graduate. I should ask him to recommend another one next time.

I closed the app while mentally creating topics to talk about when we meet next week. In the meantime, the time had passed midnight.

“Hwaah…”

As if it had been waiting, a yawn escaped me. The drowsiness that had been starting to rev its engine also began to roar, seeming to have reached its limit. It was understandable, considering that according to my biological clock, I should have been asleep long ago.

I tried to force my eyes open, not wanting to easily surrender to sleepiness. It was because I felt it was a waste to just sleep like this. It was probably because of the lingering feeling Mr. Baek Sahyeon had given me. I wanted to savor this lingering feeling, which was just joyful and good, for even a little longer.

Just forcing my eyes open wasn’t enough, so I brought up a photo on the screen. What photo, you ask? It’s the photo I took with him on graduation day.

“This is funny. Hehe…”

Laughter burst out every time I saw it. It was because of my expression. My mouth was bent awkwardly and my eyes were wide as if they were about to pop out, it was just… It was my own face, but I thought it looked really funny.

In contrast, he was extremely natural. It wasn’t just his expression. The hand he had placed on my shoulder was the same. Looking at just this, he didn’t seem like someone who had shown a displeased reaction to my suggestion to take a picture. On the contrary, he looked like someone who had suggested taking it first.

“He’s handsome…”

I murmured the thought that came to my mind and caressed his face in the photo with my finger.

I suddenly became curious.

Will a day come when I can actually touch him like this?

I’m trying to approach him diligently with the hope that such a day will come, but… I still don’t have any certainty. I didn’t have confidence either. I just have a desire.

Until my eyelids, which had begun to slowly droop, closed completely, I looked at his hand wrapped around my shoulder and his face again and again. Isn’t it strange. The fact that I don’t get tired of looking at it like this every day. And so, today too, I was able to realize it anew.

That I like him.

And that I’m liking him more every day.

💳

And then, it was Wednesday again.

“Hello.”

As soon as I entered the building, I greeted the security guard who was, as always, keeping his post today. The security guard, who was reading a newspaper spread open with both hands, glanced at me, raising only his eyes. As always, there was no real answer or greeting. And yet, it felt as if I could hear his voice. ‘You’re here again,’ it seemed to say. It was a voice told by his expression.

I gave him a sly smile and went to the elevator to press the button. I could feel the security guard’s gaze following me. The doors of the elevator, which happened to be on the first floor, opened without delay. I stepped inside and immediately pressed the button for the 5th floor. The elevator went straight up without stopping.

The first thing I found as soon as I got off the elevator was Hyunki hyungnim. Hyungnim was standing in front of the president’s office door, located at the end of the hallway.

“Huh?”

Why is he standing there?

It was a bit strange that he was standing outside, not inside the office. Moreover, his posture, with his head tilted toward the door, somehow… looked like someone who was secretly eavesdropping. I didn’t know why he was acting so suspiciously, but anyway, I was glad to see him and was about to quickly approach and greet him. But no sooner had I taken a step forward than Hyunki hyungnim turned toward me, put a finger to his lips, made a shushing sound, and gave me a warning. At that, my open mouth snapped shut again.

After that, Hyunki hyungnim, who seemed to be checking for any presence inside the door for a little while longer, suddenly strode toward me. Then, without a greeting, he abruptly put his arm around my shoulder and started pulling me in the opposite direction of the office.

What? What’s going on?

I was flustered, but I didn’t resist and let myself be dragged along obediently for the time being.

At the other end of the hallway was a door that led to the emergency exit. Only after pulling me outside the door did hyungnim speak.

“Ah, man. I had a feeling, but this punk really came. You here to pay back money again?”

He was right. I came to pay back money. To be precise, I came to see Mr. Baek Sahyeon using money as an excuse.

“Yes, well… But why did you bring me here?”

I expressed my question, looking around the space that had nothing but stairs. Only then did hyungnim tell me the reason he had dragged me here.

“He has a guest. You can’t go in right now, so wait.”

Ah, a guest.

Well, today was a weekday, and it was 5 PM right now. For an ordinary working person, it was a time when they would be in the middle of work. Well, I don’t know if he could be included among ordinary working people… Anyway, I nodded my head with an “Ah,” at the understandable reason.

“Let’s go for now.”

Hyunki hyungnim pointed upwards with his finger. It seemed the place he wanted to go was the rooftop.

I obediently followed hyungnim, who was leading the way up. The rooftop appeared after climbing about two long flights of stairs.

Once on the rooftop, Hyunki hyungnim leaned against the railing, took a cigarette from his pocket, and lit it. I don’t hate cigarette smoke, but I don’t like it either, so I stood at a moderate distance and looked at the wide-open sky.

The sky today was a clear blue without a single cloud. Perhaps because it was a rare day without fine dust, the wind was also refreshing. A clean sky, a cool breeze, a moderate temperature, and flowers in full bloom. It was a day with nothing to be desired in terms of weather. I took a moment to enjoy the benefits that the April spring offered. Hyunki hyungnim also, as if enjoying the spring air like me, gazed at the sky and silently blew smoke into the air.

It was when the cigarette in hyungnim’s mouth was about half-gone.

“Haejin-ah.”

Hyungnim spoke to me.

I lowered my gaze from the sky and looked at Hyunki hyungnim. There was no need to ask ‘Why?’. Because hyungnim, without hesitation, immediately let out the rest of his words.

“Do you like him that much?”

It was a question with the subject missing. But there was no difficulty in understanding it.

In fact, even though I had become quite close with Hyunki hyungnim, I had never once opened up to him about my feelings. It wasn’t because I was embarrassed; it was just that I never had the chance to say it. I didn’t feel the need to confess it either. And yet, hyungnim, from some point on, had been subtly showing signs that he knew about my feelings for Mr. Baek Sahyeon. It wasn’t a particularly surprising thing. I just hadn’t said it directly; I had never tried to hide it. It seems it was quite obvious, and since he is a sharp person, he seemed to have naturally noticed.

Knowing that it was useless to feign ignorance now, I obediently admitted it.

“Yes.”

At my confident reply, which didn’t even show a hint of hesitation, Hyunki hyungnim clicked his tongue with a tsk. As if that wasn’t enough, he even furrowed his brow. Like a person who had just swallowed bitter medicine.

It was a negative reaction from anyone’s perspective, so from my point of view, I felt a little… disappointed. I hadn’t expected him to welcome it with open arms, but I never thought he would show such a look of dislike.

Soon, Hyunki hyungnim, who had thrown the cigarette butt on the floor, crushed the embers with the tip of his shoe and muttered.

“Damn, this is complicated.”

“What is?”

“My heart.”

What is there for hyungnim’s heart to be complicated about?

I tilted my head, not understanding. At that, Hyunki hyungnim nervously ruffled his hair and then, with a troubled expression, revealed the reason.

“Honestly, I thought it was a good thing for the boss, you know? That man’s life is so harsh, I thought it would be nice for him to have a little pup like you around. But…”

Hyunki hyungnim, pausing in the middle of his sentence, let out a deep sigh. I waited silently for the rest of his words. Fortunately, the wait was not long.

“Lately, it feels kinda iffy. When I think about whether it’s a good thing for you too, it doesn’t seem like it is. Honestly, man, you’re like my real younger brother, right? This kid who’s still wet behind the ears, getting bewitched by some gangster and running around! If this was happening, I would have chased you down and stopped you like crazy, wouldn’t I.”

“No, why did you suddenly start thinking like that?”

It wasn’t like I had just started liking him; it’s been three years since I realized I liked Mr. Baek Sahyeon. Hyunki hyungnim must have noticed a long time ago too. But he hadn’t said anything until now, and now he was hinting at his opposition? Why? He wouldn’t be like this for no reason; there must have been some kind of trigger.

Fortunately, hyungnim didn’t beat around the bush and told me the reason for his harsh words.

“It’s because I’m frustrated, so frustrated! Haejin, you’re pushing forward so much, but the boss isn’t telling you to come or telling you to get lost… What is that!”

That’s true.

I was about to nod my head unconsciously, but then I caught myself.

Hyunki hyungnim’s lament didn’t end there.

“Honestly, what do you lack besides money.”

A lot of things.

Money was what I lacked the most, but my life was one where I had more things I didn’t have than things I did. Still, I didn’t think there was a need to offer a rebuttal here and spoil the mood, so I kept quiet this time too.

“Look! You got into a good university, you’re much younger, and you’re good-looking. That’s more than enough, isn’t it. As for money, that stuff just comes when the time is right!”

Is it… enough? For now, I wasn’t convinced this time either. Separately, since they were words close to a compliment, I was grateful.

“But for a kid with a bright future ahead of him to be hung up on a gangster who’s much older than him, really… As I watch, I start to wonder if this is right.”

I thought I knew what he meant. So, my constant visits to the office every week under the pretext of repayment, yet still failing to advance my relationship with Mr. Baek Sahyeon, must have looked pitiful in hyungnim’s eyes, and that was probably the trigger for his harsh words.

If the reason had been that I was a man or that I was nothing special, I would have been more than just disappointed; I would have been sad. But he says the reason for his opposition is that I’m too good for him. It was a reason so gracious it made me feel undeserving. He was taking my side, wasn’t he.

I said with a smile.

“I’m fine. It’s quite fun, in its own way.”

I wasn’t pretending; it was true. There were, of course, times when I felt resentful toward Mr. Baek Sahyeon, who knew my feelings yet didn’t approach me, just leaving me be while maintaining a certain distance. Still, for now, just being able to see him every week was good enough.

“Is it okay as long as you’re having fun.”

“Does the Mister not find it fun?”

So far, he had never openly pushed me away or shown any signs of discomfort, telling me to stop coming. But I could never know for sure. He might have said something to Hyunki hyungnim.

To my question, filled with worry, the answer that came back was fortunately close to a negative.

“How would I know. Who can know what’s in his heart. But it’s probably true that he doesn’t dislike it. The boss, even though he might seem that way, he never puts up with things he dislikes, you know. He has a gentlemanly-yet-terrible temper, so he’s merciless.”

In the past, he had described his personality as ‘worse than you’d think,’ but now he was saying it was ‘terrible.’ This expression seemed more sincere. As for me, I had never felt that Mr. Baek Sahyeon was terrible, so I couldn’t particularly relate.

“If he doesn’t dislike it, then that’s enough.”

Anyway, as long as my visits, or more precisely, my advances, weren’t a burden or an annoyance to him, that was all that mattered. To me, the fact that he accepted me without pushing me away was as good as a positive sign. It meant that he was leaving some room for our relationship to develop, didn’t it? That room, for me, was an opportunity.

“Is that so. Is that enough. It’s okay as long as he doesn’t dislike it.”

“For now, yes.”

Of course, I had no intention of being satisfied with just that. What I ultimately wanted was his affection, of a quality equal to my own. I planned to approach him step by step, and steadily, until I achieved that result.

“So please don’t oppose it and just watch over me. If possible, cheer for me too.”

“I can clearly see you’re digging a hole for yourself, and you want me to just clap my hands and say, ‘Oh, you’re doing so well~ Just keep at it~’?”

“I’m digging because it’s worth digging. I’m doing it because I feel like if I dig hard enough, I’ll find what I want.”

If he says he doesn’t like it, that he wants me to get lost, then I’ll have no choice but to quit. But not now, when the possibility still exists. I have reasons to continue, but no reason to give up.

At my words, Hyunki hyungnim let out another sigh and tilted his head back.

“I don’t know anymore…”

Looking at the troubled Hyunki hyungnim, a thought suddenly occurred to me. That hyungnim cares for me quite a lot more than I thought. The reason he now felt sorry for my one-sided love and even voiced his opposition was probably because of the affection that had built up over time. The proof would be that he was now thinking from my perspective, not Mr. Baek Sahyeon’s.

“Anyway, thank you, hyungnim. For thinking of me.”

The beginning might have been his errand, but now I know that Hyunki hyungnim cares for me as a person. I could feel it naturally when we were together. That feeling struck me even more strongly now, making me feel newly grateful.

At my words, Hyunki hyungnim, who had tilted his head back, straightened it and looked at me. His brow was still furrowed. Then, he soon spat on the floor and leisurely walked over and messed up my hair. It was closer to scratching vigorously than stroking.

“Haejin-ah, let’s go easy on the digging. Got it.”

Even in his added words, there was a fullness of concern for me. I replied in a deliberately bright voice.

“Yes. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just quit.”

“You’re really quick with the backtalk. When we first met, you couldn’t even use your tongue properly like a damn mute, when did you get so big.”

Finally, Hyunki hyungnim’s signature roguish smile returned to his lips. It was an expression that felt particularly welcome today.

“Hey? Look at this, you’ve gotten pretty tall, huh? Are you 170cm?”

Hyungnim played a prank, comparing his height and my height with his hand. Last time he said I looked 160, but at least he raised it by 10 centimeters. I slapped away his mischievous hand and asserted loudly.

“I’m 177. 177!”

“Hey! Where are you spewing such lies.”

I had fudged it a little, so I flinched. Hyunki hyungnim, who noticed this with amazing intuition, grinned. He was so damn annoying.

“Be honest. You’re not even 170, are you? To my eyes, no matter how I look…”

It was at that moment, as hyungnim was revving up to tease me more seriously. Bzzz, a phone vibrated from somewhere. Thinking it might be mine, I was about to take it out of my pocket, but Hyunki hyungnim was faster. Hyunki hyungnim, who had checked the message, clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and said.

“Looks like the guest has left. Let’s go down.”

I followed Hyunki hyungnim back down. Even on the way down, hyungnim kept nagging me about my height. That I’m not growing because I don’t get enough sunlight, why am I working a part-time job when I have the card, do I even eat all three meals, I have to eat breakfast for my head to work properly, and so on… I let it all go in one ear and out the other, repeating the same answer like a parrot, “Yes, yes.”

It was when we finally opened the door leading to the hallway and stepped out.

“What I’m saying is, Haejin, you need to get a firm grip on your heart and fulfill your duties as a student…”

“Kim Hyunki!”

As soon as we opened the emergency exit door, a shrill voice flew like an arrow.

“Oh my god, holy shit!”

Hyunki hyungnim’s hefty body, which had gone out first, jolted as if having a seizure. The tremor was so intense that I too, taken by surprise, ended up taking a step back.

“Damn it, almost had a heart attack. Which bastard is raising their voice in someone else’s place of busin… Huh?”

I saw Hyunki hyungnim’s back flinch soon after he had been spitting out his words harshly, clearly annoyed from the shock. It seemed the other person was someone he knew.

“No. Why, why… are you still here?”

Uncharacteristically, Hyunki hyungnim stuttered. His tone had suddenly become polite as well.

Who could it be?

At Hyunki hyungnim’s unfamiliar reaction, I became curious about the owner of the voice. From what I had heard, it sounded like a woman’s voice… Because Hyunki hyungnim’s build in front of me was so large, my view was blocked, making it difficult to confirm.

I turned my head this way and that, searching for a gap. In the meantime, I heard footsteps. They were getting clearer, and it seemed the person who had called Hyunki hyungnim was approaching.

Unable to find a gap, I eventually stood on my tiptoes as high as I could, and my line of sight barely went over hyungnim’s shoulder. Only then could I see the face of the person who had called Hyunki hyungnim. As expected, it was a woman.

“Why am I still here? I was waiting to say hello to you. They said you’d be here, but I couldn’t see you at all, so I was just about to call.”

A white blouse and wide-legged pants, light makeup, and hair tied back loosely… The woman was, at a glance, a different type of person from Hyunki hyungnim. And yet, her tone and gaze toward Hyunki hyungnim were extremely friendly. There wasn’t a speck of hesitation or discomfort.

“Oh my, why would a busy person like you go out of your way to say hello to me… If you’re done with your business, you should just go.”

In contrast, Hyunki hyungnim showed a bit of reluctance. The stark difference in the temperature of their attitudes made me even more curious about their relationship.

“That’s so harsh. Is that all you have to say after seeing my face for the first time in five years? Why have you become so cold. In the time I haven’t seen you, that Sahyeon has completely ruined you.”

…Sahyeon?