BCRD 12

It was such a familiar address. My heart, the first to recognize the extraordinary relationship contained within it, lurched.

The person the woman referred to as ‘Sahyeon-ie’ was clearly Mr. Baek Sahyeon. I had never seen anyone call him so familiarly. Is that why? His name, which I thought of dozens of times a day, now felt as unfamiliar as if I were hearing it for the first time.

“Ah, what’s with all this talk about affection. Then should I just spread my arms wide and say, ‘Welcome~’ and give you a hug!”

Hyunki hyungnim, with his arms spread wide, abruptly bent his upper body forward as if to pounce. If it had been anyone else, they would have been startled by the intimidation and run away, but the woman, on the contrary, laughed out loud and simply gave Hyunki hyungnim’s chest a playful tap with her fist. Even in that action, a long-standing familiarity was clearly felt.

“So slick, as always. Now you seem like the Kim Hyunki I know. By the way, who’s the fresh-faced kid behind you?”

The woman, who had belatedly discovered me peeking out with only my eyes, hidden behind Hyunki hyungnim, showed open interest. It was a natural course of events, but I was flustered. The same went for Hyunki hyungnim. Strangely, he seemed just as agitated by the woman’s question as I was. Hyungnim’s voice that followed proved it.

“Well, he’s just a little brother I’m kinda fond of.”

His tone was light, but I could feel the subtle tension within his voice. I didn’t know why, but it was clear that hyungnim was not pleased with the woman’s interest in me.

“You, Hyunki?”

The woman stared at me intently. Then, she soon smiled brightly and greeted me first.

“Hello.”

Our eyes met, and I had even received a greeting. It was difficult to remain silent, feigning ignorance any longer.

I lowered my heels and squeezed through the gap between Hyunki hyungnim and the wall. By this point, one would have expected him to move aside on his own, but hyungnim stubbornly held his ground. He wasn’t playing a prank; he was telling me not to come out and to just stay behind him. Still, I managed to squeeze through the gap somehow and stood in front of the woman. The woman’s eyes scanned me up and down.

“Hello…”

I bowed my head and greeted her with a strange sense of tension. But the woman furrowed her brow sharply.

Why is she doing that?

It was when a doubt arose.

“What’s this. Even your voice is fresh-faced? No matter how I look, you’re too young, aren’t you? Kim Hyunki, don’t tell me you guys are recruiting kids now without even considering their age?”

Ah. It seems she mistook me for a newcomer who had just joined the organization. Since that was obviously not the case, Hyunki hyungnim waved his hands and actively denied it.

“What are you talking about! We don’t even handle kids this young. We’re not some scumbags who do business like that.”

“Then why are you here? Hey, kid, do you even know where you are? Do you know what kind of person this Mister is?”

This time, I was being treated like a rabbit that had wandered into a tiger’s den by mistake. She looked as if she would grab my wrist and drag me out of the building if I said I didn’t know.

“I asked if you know.”

When I didn’t answer, she placed a hand on her hip and questioned me more aggressively. The corners of her eyes were sharp, looking just like a detective from the violent crimes unit interrogating a suspect. Under the strong pressure I hadn’t felt in a long time, I hunched my shoulders and with difficulty, moved my lips.

“Ah, I know…”

“You know? And you’re still hanging out with a person like this? You’re a student, right? Don’t tell me you’re a high school student?”

“No. I’m a university student.”

“Still a student, anyway. What’s your name?”

“I’m Y-Yeon Haejin.”

Pushed by her momentum, I ended up blurting out my name and glanced at Hyunki hyungnim. Hyungnim was scratching his eyebrows, looking troubled. He seemed to have no room at all to rescue me from the woman’s relentlessly pressing investigation.

“Alright, Haejin, the university student. I’m saying this because I’m worried, noona is, you shouldn’t be frequenting places like this so early on, okay? It’s the perfect way to ruin your future. That Mister might seem like a good person, but he’s a gangster, a gangster. You know what gangsters do, right? Huh?”

“Yes, yes…”

“Then you must know that you shouldn’t hang out with gangsters, right?”

“Yeess…”

“Then why are you here like this? Huh? On a day with such nice sunlight and a good breeze, why are you wasting your precious time in a place like this? There are so many good places in the world.”

Then why were you spending your time here?

…is what I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t muster the courage. I felt that if I were to voice any objection or question, even more pressure would come my way. Like a machine with the wrong command entered, I just ended up repeating the word ‘yes’.

“Ha, no, that’s not right. What’s the use of just saying there are good places. I should introduce you to some good places. So…”

Suddenly, the woman started rummaging through the small handbag slung over her shoulder. What she pulled out from it was a rectangular piece of paper.

What is it? A business card? But do business cards come in that size?

“Here, take it.”

The woman abruptly held out the paper to me, who was looking on with curiosity. Now I could see it was a ticket to an art exhibition with the words ‘Life n JOY’ written on it.

As I took it without thinking, the woman smiled brightly and added an explanation.

“It’s an invitation. If you’re going to frequent places, you should go to places like that. For your reference, the host is me.”

The host… so, does that mean this person is the one who organized this exhibition? I had never been to an exhibition and had no interest, so the concept of a host itself was confusing. For now, it seemed certain that she played an important role.

“When you come, say ‘I’m here to see Seyeong noona~’. Then I’ll come out and introduce you. Got it?”

At the end of her sentence, the woman winked one eye. But that playful expression, how should I put it… Should I say it looked healthy? It might be a rash judgment, but she seemed like the type with high self-esteem.

“But by the way. How on earth do you know Hyunki…”

It was at that moment, just as the woman’s pressing investigation, which I thought was over, was about to start again.

“Ah, come on!”

Hyunki hyungnim, who had been watching with a troubled expression, shouted. He didn’t stop there; he stretched out both arms, grabbed the woman’s shoulders, and even turned her body to the opposite side.

“That’s enough, now go, please?”

“Hey now, Kim Hyunki. Let go. Aren’t you going to let go?”

The woman’s voice was stern. However, a hint of laughter she couldn’t quite hide was laced within it.

“What did you say? You want me to see you off? Yes, yes. Let’s go.”

Hyungnim paid her no mind. Far from letting go of her shoulders, he put on a slick act, and eventually, he started pushing the woman toward the elevator.

“Ah! What are you doing, really!”

The woman, pushed by Hyunki hyungnim’s brute force, grumbled in frustration as she reluctantly walked. She tried to shake off the hands holding her by shaking her shoulders and arms wildly, but it was no use. Unable to break free in the end, the woman was escorted all the way into the elevator.

Hyunki hyungnim, who had forced the woman onto the elevator, looked at me and gave a short nod. It was a sign for me to go into the office. Before I could say anything in reply, hyungnim quickly disappeared from my sight. He had gotten on the elevator.

“What, why are you the only one getting on? What about him?”

“My goodness, why are you so interested in a young kid. That one’s already taken, so it’s no use trying to flirt, so don’t touch him.”

“What? What kind of way is that to talk…”

Thud!

As the elevator doors closed, the bickering sound was cut off. As the commotion disappeared, a heavy silence settled in.

“…”

For a while, I stood there blankly, holding the ticket the woman had given me. Like a person who had encountered a storm without any preparation.

“What’s wrong?”

I flinched at the voice that gently nudged my mind. When I closed and opened my eyes, a sense of reality, which I hadn’t even realized had drifted away, returned to its place as if it had been waiting. At the same time, he, looking at me with curiosity, filled my vision.

“…Pardon?”

I heard his voice, but what he had said didn’t register in my brain, so I asked again.

He furrowed his brow slightly.

“I asked why you were spacing out like that.”

Ah. So I was spacing out.

Realizing this only after his comment, I scratched my head and replied.

“I’m sorry. I was just thinking about something…”

“What were you thinking about.”

“That is…”

It was difficult to honestly say, I was thinking about the woman I met in the hallway just now…. I don’t know why, but I was reluctant to bring it up. Especially to him.

“Just… various things.”

“…”

When I just mumbled vaguely, he, as expected, looked displeased. The gaze he looked at me with revealed his suspicion toward me without any filter. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt, and I chewed on my lower lip and stealthily lowered my gaze.

“Did something happen?”

Yes, something happened. Just before I came in here, I met a woman who familiarly calls Mister ‘Sahyeon-ie’… It was just as difficult to say this.

Honestly, I was curious. About what kind of relationship that woman and Mr. Baek Sahyeon had. How could I not be curious? When she called his name so familiarly. Besides, they must have been together here until just before I came in.

Most of all, what bothered me the most was Hyunki hyungnim’s overtly strange behavior. Thinking about it now, it seemed that the reason he had dragged me all the way to the rooftop was probably because of that woman. He was trying to prevent us from meeting. If she had been just a simple guest, he wouldn’t have done that. He must have done it because he judged that it was someone I was better off not knowing about. The proof was that he was extremely flustered as soon as he saw the woman, and that he was openly uncomfortable when she showed interest in me. So, I couldn’t help but become even more curious about the woman’s identity.

But actually… I already had a rough idea. Anyone who wasn’t incredibly dense would have noticed. But for now, it was just a guess. And guesses are always accompanied by the possibility of being wrong. Even if my intuition shouted that it was right, if reason countered that it might not be, self-justification becomes possible. But what if I find out the truth? And what if that truth is just as I guessed? The possibility of denial disappears, and only the truth remains. And a very bothersome truth at that. That was what scared me.

Isn’t it strange. The fact that the desire to know and the desire not to know, these extreme desires, can coexist. In that respect, my curiosity about the woman was like Pandora’s box. Because it makes you want to open it and check, even though you know you’ll be unhappy once you confirm the reality. Because it doesn’t let you abandon your curiosity.

Anyway, for now, the desire to remain ignorant is slightly greater than the desire to know the truth. So, after a slight hesitation, I laid out a plausible lie.

“I think I’m just a little tired. Midterms are coming up soon, so I’ve been sleeping a little late these days. I sometimes space out like this.”

Along with a sheepish smile.

Fortunately, this excuse seemed to be convincing, as the look of suspicion washed away from his gaze. Separately, his expression became worse than before.

“I believe I told you not to overdo it.”

“I’m not overdoing it to that extent.”

“If you’re spacing out all of a sudden, that means you are overdoing it. Quit your part-time job. Use the card for living expenses.”

“No. There’s no need to go that far…”

“Do you want me to make you quit?”

This is big trouble. It was a relief that my excuse worked, but the sparks flew to an unexpected place. It was an excuse I had concocted in a hurry to hide my inner thoughts, but it was also true that midterms were approaching and that I was struggling to juggle my part-time job and assignments. However, it really wasn’t at a level I couldn’t handle, and I had no intention of quitting my part-time job at all.

“No, I’m really fine! It’s a surprisingly common symptom. Actually, I was like this before the CSATs too, but I was fine again after it was over. I just need to get enough sleep at the right time, so I’ll be fine after the exams are over.”

I actively expressed my position.

“Then you can just sleep during the time you’d be working.”

“There’s no need to go that far…”

“There is. Quit. Don’t make me repeat the same thing again.”

It was a firm tone that allowed no disagreement. He didn’t seem to have any intention of being persuaded.

“But…”

Then I can’t earn money. If I can’t earn money, I can’t pay back my debt, and if I can’t pay back my debt, the justification for coming to see him like this every week will disappear. This was the ultimate reason I couldn’t let go of my part-time job.

“I want to keep doing it…”

I couldn’t say why I had to do it, so I timidly revealed only my desire to do so. Perhaps naturally, Mr. Baek Sahyeon’s reaction to this was not good.

“Stop being stubborn. Working hard is only commendable when it’s in moderation. Anything excessive is just annoying.”

Is it just my imagination? His voice was more aggressive than I had ever heard it. It was so sharp that it felt like being pricked by a needle, and my shoulders trembled involuntarily.

I picked at a hangnail next to my fingernail and mumbled in a low voice.

“…I have to pay back the debt, though.”

“Stop making excuses too. Have I ever rushed you to pay it back?”

“…”

“Have I?”

He hadn’t.

He had never, not even as a joke, urged me to repay the loan. If I were to act cocky and say I wouldn’t pay it back, he might even say, ‘Go ahead.’ He would probably just consider it a donation.

A bitter feeling suddenly washed over me.

Repaying the debt was an excuse to come see him. He was telling me to get rid of that excuse. That was the same as saying I didn’t need to come see him. That’s how it sounded to me.

At this point, a pessimistic thought arose. A presence that wouldn’t be missed even if it were gone. My position is still only that much.

I hung my head and muttered self-deprecatingly.

“It seems you don’t feel any loss at all, Mister. Not for the money you lent me, and not for me either…”

A hollow laugh, like a gust of wind, came back at the complaint I couldn’t hold back.

“That’s a strange way to take someone saying they’re worried. I see you have a habit of twisting people’s words now, do you?”

“Pardon? Worried?”

“Yes.”

“…You were worried about me?”

“Is that such an unbelievable thing to say that you have to ask several times?”

“Ah, no!”

It wasn’t that unbelievable, but it did sound surprising. I just thought he was doing it because it was annoying to see, I never thought that worry was at the root of his advice.

“It’s just surprising. And of course, I’m grateful… I definitely didn’t think it was an unbelievable thing to say.”

For him to say he’s worried about me is no different from saying his heart burns because of me. In other words, I am someone who can make his heart burn. Even if I haven’t become an important person yet, for now, that seemed to be enough.

“Then that’s a relief. Since you understood the meaning correctly, I assume you won’t be stubborn anymore, right?”

“Well… I’ll consider it.”

Of course, it was highly likely that I would only consider it and not act on it. Still, I had compromised in my own way. I can’t keep refusing in front of someone who says they’re worried, can I.

“By the way, Mister. Can I ask you something?”

Before he, with his quick wit, could read my inner thoughts, I quickly tried to change the subject. At this, a crooked curve formed on his lips. It was an expression like he was looking at a troublemaking brat. …It seems he had already seen through the fact that I wasn’t going to listen.

But fortunately, he didn’t say anything more about the part-time job and just nodded his head. He had agreed to the change of subject. I opened my mouth cautiously, feeling relieved.

“Um, so, you know…”

But there was a problem. I hadn’t prepared a question in my head.

“By any chance…”

Dragging out the end of my sentence, I belatedly racked my brain for a suitable topic. I rolled my eyes too. Mr. Baek Sahyeon looked at me derisively, as if to say, ‘Go on, let’s hear it.’

Before long, a question popped into my head like a spark.

“Ah. Um, Mister. Have you ever… been in a relationship?”

It was a question that largely stemmed from my curiosity about that woman from before. Instead of openly asking about her identity, it was a scheme to gauge it through his past.

As if the question was quite unexpected, he raised an eyebrow and asked back.

“A relationship?”

“Yes. A relationship.”

I asked, but I had an idea of the answer. Of course, he has. It wouldn’t make sense for a man who is at least thirty and lacks nothing except for his profession to have never been in a relationship. So, even if he were to answer that he hadn’t, I wouldn’t believe him.

The answer didn’t come back right away. For a while, he just stared at me blankly with his mouth closed. I waited quietly, fidgeting with my fingers.

At the end of a silence that felt objectively short but subjectively long, he began to speak.

“Do you want me to answer according to your feelings, or according to the facts.”

Honestly, that statement itself was as good as an answer to me. The fact that he could answer according to my feelings meant that it was possible for him to lie.

Unlike before, when my feelings were important, this time I needed the truth more. So, I chose the latter.

“According to the facts.”

The answer that came back did not deviate from my expectations.

“I have.”

Ah…

Even though I had expected it, confirming it through his own lips inevitably made my stomach churn. Still, my mood didn’t turn sour. Instead, another curiosity arose.

“How many times?”

“It depends on the standard, but it’s certain that it’s more than once.”

“Then were all your relationship partners… women?”

To be precise, I wanted to know if men were also included among his relationship partners. In fact, that was what was most important to me. Not the experience or number of relationships.

He furrowed his brow and let out a small laugh. He’s a sharp person. There’s no way he couldn’t have grasped the core of the question. This was proven by the answer that followed.

“That’s right. Until now.”

It was an answer I hadn’t wished for, yet it was also an answer that didn’t disappoint my expectations. The added phrase ‘until now’ was clearly intended to confine his past relationship partners to women only. In other words, he was openly giving me, a man, an opening.

That’s a relief.

I let out a faint sigh of relief. A moment later, I flinched. It was because of the subtle change in his expression.

“But little kid, my experience or preference is not what’s important.”

It seemed like he was smiling at first glance, but in a way, it also seemed like he was angry…

“What’s important is what kind of person I am.”

It was the most complicated expression I had ever seen.

Jeon Seyeong.
Korean Painter.
Representative of Gallery LIFE n JOY.
B.F.A. in Oriental Painting, Korea National University of Arts.
Ph.D. program in Fine Arts, Gookin University Graduate School.
2000 10th Korea Art Exhibition, Grand Prize.
2001 2nd Gyeonggi Art Exhibition, Grand Prize.
20152018 Younghyun University, Associate Professor of Painting.
20192020 Simon University, Australia, Full-time Lecturer.
Exhibition history: 58 cases.

“Impressive…”

When I got home and searched for her, just in case, the woman’s resume was, literally, impressive. The most striking part was her academic background. Korea National University of Arts… It was the university Mr. Baek Sahyeon was said to have attended. According to Hyunki hyungnim, he had majored in sculpture there. But the woman had also attended the same university. There was a high probability that something had happened between the two of them at that time.

“They must have dated, right?”

There was no way she would call his name so familiarly unless they were incredibly close… I tried to conjure up the possibility of them being siblings or relatives, but my gut just scoffed at it. No matter how I looked at it, the woman seemed to be Mr. Baek Sahyeon’s past romantic partner.

The only emotion I felt from the woman’s profile, which lacked nothing in terms of looks or qualifications, was envy. I didn’t realize it before, but it seems you can only feel jealousy or inferiority when you’re on a somewhat similar level.

As I was looking at her profile, I somehow ended up on her social media. She didn’t seem to use it often, as there were only a few posts, so I was able to see them all quickly. The funny thing was that while I was looking, I was on edge, afraid there might be even one picture taken with him. Fortunately, there was nothing of the sort, and most of it was promotional material related to her own artwork or exhibitions. There were also a few personal photos, and judging by the dates and scenery, it was presumed that she had been overseas until recently.

Come to think of it, she had also told Hyunki hyungnim earlier that it had been five years. Then could it be that she had met Mr. Baek Sahyeon after five years as well? …No. There is a possibility that they had been in contact before that. If that was the case, could it be that they still have good feelings for each other…? For now, I couldn’t feel any such hint from Mr. Baek Sahyeon, but it was still a possibility, so I became a little anxious.

Anyway…

“What am I doing… It’s not like I’m a stalker.”

At some point, my eyes grew tired, and at the same time, I felt a sense of self-loathing. Not only was I digging into someone else’s personal information, but I was also snooping on their social media, and I felt so… pathetic.

Anyway, what kind of relationship Mr. Baek Sahyeon and this woman named Jeon Seyeong had in the past is not important now. What’s important is that they are nothing to each other now.

“Right. That’s all that matters, then.”

Self-justification is the most effective prescription for calming overflowing anxiety. It was the same this time. As I brushed it off as a trivial matter, my mood seemed to lighten up.

Alright. Let’s stop looking now.

After making up my mind and closing the internet window, I brought up a photo on the screen instead. It was the photo taken on graduation day. If self-justification was an effective prescription for erasing anxiety, then the sight of the person I like was an appropriate special remedy for shaking off fatigue.

As I looked at his face, the words I had heard in the office earlier suddenly came to mind.

‘What’s important is what kind of person I am.’

What did he mean by that?

Both when I heard it and now as I mull it over, I simply couldn’t understand his intention. That’s why I couldn’t even say anything in response. His subtle expression also played a part in it. It looked like he was smiling, but at the same time, it looked like he was angry…

Now, I pondered. What would have been the right thing to say then?

I cannot know how the person named Baek Sahyeon is defined by himself. But I know how Mr. Baek Sahyeon is established within me. It was clear. As I recognized this, a certain impulse suddenly surged through me.

I put down the photo and wrote him a text message. The opening, as always, started with a normal greeting. The content was the same. I was grateful for today, and I had arrived home safely and was about to sleep now. It was a perfectly ordinary message wishing that Mister would sleep well and have good dreams. Ah, I also added a little white lie. That I was sleeping late because I was studying… In reality, it was because I was late from digging into someone else’s personal information.

Normally, I would have ended it there with a period and sent the message. But today, there was something else I wanted to say.

“Umm… Uuuummm…”

I had a thought I wanted to convey, but I didn’t know how to express it in a sentence, so I even groaned as I agonized over it. Just as the neglected phone was about to turn off on its own, I thought, to hell with it, and barely managed to add just one more line.

You are a good person, Mister.

Yes. No more, no less, this was precisely the definition of the person named Mr. Baek Sahyeon established within me.

💳

“I’ll be leaving now.”

Late at night, after finishing cleaning the store, I reported that I was leaving. The manager, without even looking at me, gave a half-hearted wave as a substitute for a farewell. It wasn’t just me he was like this with; he was always standoffish with the part-time employees.

As soon as I left the store, I checked the time on my phone. 11:30. There was still plenty of time until the last bus. It seemed I could walk slowly as a form of a stroll.

It was when I took out my earphones and put one in my ear. Bzzz, my phone vibrated.

Who could it be at this hour?

Puzzled, I checked the caller ID. And the next moment, my eyes widened. It was because of the name on the screen. It was none other than Mr. Baek Sahyeon.

“…!”

What? Is this real?

I had only ever called him; I had never received a call from him. That’s why the caller’s name on the screen felt so unfamiliar. It was to the point where I even suspected that I was seeing things because I was tired, or that it was some new kind of voice phishing scam.

Unable to believe it, I couldn’t bring myself to answer right away and just stared at the phone screen. As if that wasn’t enough, I even closed and opened my eyes several times. But the name of Mr. Baek Sahyeon on the screen did not disappear. It did not change either.

After a long while, I pressed the call button with a feeling of uncertainty.

“…Hello?”

I spoke first and then listened. Soon, a sound came through the earphone in my left ear.

「Yes. Hello.」

It was a familiar voice. It was so clear that the moment I heard it, all my suspicions washed away without a trace. It was true that Mr. Baek Sahyeon had called me.

In the place of the evaporated suspicion, a flutter of excitement resembling joy filled in. The corners of my mouth twitched on their own. The hand holding the phone also tensed.

“Ah, hello!”

It wasn’t intentional, but my voice came out loud on its own. I felt a little embarrassed for showing my good mood so obviously… but it couldn’t be helped. What could I do when I was so happy?

Anyway, what’s really going on?

“But…”

I was about to ask what brought him to call me first.

「First, look behind you.」

He beat me to it.

Puzzled by the sudden request, I asked back, “Pardon?”. But my body was already moving.

Following his instruction, I turned around and noticed a person standing on the side of the road far away. The distance was quite far, so I couldn’t see the face clearly, but I could tell who it was. It wasn’t just because he had a larger build than an average person. I just knew as soon as I saw him. That it was Mr. Baek Sahyeon.

「Hello.」

He confirmed that I had seen him correctly with a light greeting. Even waving one hand.

It was surprising enough that he had called me first, but for him to even appear before my eyes… I was dumbfounded and just stood there blinking my eyes. At that, a faint laugh came into my ear this time.

「This is unexpected. I thought you would come running.」

At his ambiguous tone, which I couldn’t tell if it was disappointed or teasing, my mind, which I hadn’t even realized had left, returned to its place.

“W-wait a moment!”

Without even hanging up the phone, I quickly ran to him. It was unlikely, but I felt that if I hesitated any longer, he might actually get disappointed and just leave.

There was no one timing me, but I ran harder than ever before. Thanks to that, even though it was quite a long distance, I reached him in no time. Subjectively, it felt like it took less than a minute.

Pant, pant… I bent over, placed my hands on my knees, and gasped for breath. I was out of breath up to my throat, and my heart was beating rapidly. It was the aftermath of moving too quickly.

Fortunately, my body quickly regained its composure. Around the time my heartbeat returned to its normal pace, I straightened my bent upper body and finally spoke.

“What brings, ahem…! What brings you here?”

It didn’t seem like a chance encounter. No matter how I looked at it, it was certain that he had come looking for me on purpose. So, as I asked, I secretly hoped. That the purpose of his visit was perhaps me.

“To meet someone.”

“Who?”

“A stubborn fool who works until this late to pay back a debt to me and can’t even go home.”

There was no need to ask back, ‘Me?’. Anyone could tell he was talking about me. Since I couldn’t deny it, I scratched my head and gave an awkward laugh. Well, anyway. He said he came to see me. It was an answer that fulfilled my expectations. An even more inflated excitement gently tickled my heart.

But, is it just my imagination? For some reason, he seemed a little different from usual. His tone and expression… how should I put it? Loose? Sharp? It was a feeling closer to that.

“By the way, Mister. Did you perhaps… have a drink?”

It didn’t seem like he was just tired, and the vibe he was giving off was in that direction, so I threw it out there, just in case.

He tilted his head to the side and obediently admitted it.

“You caught me.”

As expected.

“Did you drink a lot?”

“Yes.”

No wonder.

That’s probably why it was slightly noticeable on the outside. If he had drunk in moderation, I wouldn’t have noticed.

Once I knew that the cause of the sharpness in his tone and expression was alcohol, I finally noticed the pungent scent subtly mixed in the air.

Looking more closely at his face, which looked perfectly fine on the outside, I cautiously asked.

“You’re not drunk, are you?”

“Well. I’m not sure. It’s been a long time since I’ve been drunk, so I’m confused whether this is being drunk or not.”

I was just as confused as he was. For now, judging by his slightly slower speech and loose eyes compared to usual, it seemed he was slightly off from his normal state.

“So, I’m also confused whether coming to see you like this was a good thing or a bad thing.”

Whether he was drunk or not, normal or not, it was definitely a good thing for me. Because he had come all this way just to see me. Because it was the first time he had approached me first.

“That was a good thing to do.”

At my confident reply, he let out a small laugh.

“Really? It was a good thing?”

“Yes.”

This time, he furrowed his brow. It was an expression he often made. When I said something that deviated from his expectations or standards, he would always make an expression where a smile and a frown coexisted.

“…Alright, then. For now, let’s just say it was a good thing.”

He cut himself off and moved to the side. Only then did I see the car parked behind Mr. Baek Sahyeon. It could be that I didn’t notice it because the surroundings were dark and the car was black, but it was more likely that I didn’t perceive it because my mind was elsewhere.

Stepping aside, he gestured to the back seat door with a nod of his head.

“Get in.”

Is he planning to give me a ride home?

It was a consideration that I could gratefully accept without needing to refuse.

“Yes. Thank you.”

I bowed my head in thanks, approached the car, and opened the back door. After I got in and settled down first, he also got in behind me.

Thud!

The car door closed.

He leaned his head against the seat, closed his eyes, and murmured.

“We’ll know when we get to the end. Whether this was a good thing or not…”

At the end of his sentence, a strange sound that was neither a sigh nor a laugh was added.

Throughout the car ride, what he and I shared was a leisurely silence.

With a loose posture as if he had sunk deep into the seat, he silently just looked out the car window. I couldn’t tell if he was lost in thought or soaked in the effects of alcohol. In any case, he didn’t seem to find the silence uncomfortable. The same went for me. It was awkward, but not uncomfortable, so I didn’t feel the need to force a conversation.

Anyway, is it because we’re indoors? The smell of alcohol, which had been so faint outside that I had only noticed it late, seems to be getting stronger. It must be the smell clinging to his body. It seemed he had drunk quite a lot, not just a lot.

The more I smelled it, the more I could detect another scent mixed with the smell of alcohol. It was a pungent and fishy scent. I thought I knew the source of the pungent smell. It was cigarettes. But I couldn’t figure out the source of the fishy scent.

The car, which had been driving along the main road, soon entered the Hangang Bridge.

The richly colored lights fell onto the car window and formed droplets on the surface. It was when I touched the car window with my finger without much thought, at the sight that looked like it would burst with a pop if touched. I felt a movement from the side. I used the car window as a mirror to peek at Mr. Baek Sahyeon. I saw him raise his hand and run it through his hair. But in that instant, the unidentified fishy scent became drastically stronger.

Huh, this smell?

Something flashed through my mind. It was blood. Thinking, no way, I immediately turned my head. And as soon as I confirmed his hand, my eyes widened.

“Mister, that hand…?”

To my surprise, his right hand was wrapped in a bandage.

Why did I only notice this now?

Even if I couldn’t see it well from a distance when he waved his hand in greeting earlier, it was ridiculous that I hadn’t noticed it until now even when we were this close. And for good reason, because the area covered by the bandage was quite large.

“Are you, are you hurt?”

In truth, it was a question that didn’t need to be asked. There would be no reason for him to be wearing a bandage without a reason.

“Ah, that’s right.”

He lowered the hand that had been above his head and uttered without emotion. It seemed he had forgotten he was hurt and moved unconsciously.

As if to check his condition, he spread all his slightly bent fingers and revealed his palm. At that, the cross-section of the bandage soaked in blood became visible. For a moment, my blood ran cold. It was because, even at a glance, the scope of the bloodstain was by no means small.

“No, what on earth is this… why…!”

I was so surprised I didn’t know what to do, but the person who was actually hurt had a completely impassive expression. Even though there was no way it didn’t hurt.

Soon, he clenched his fist again. Just like before, the smell of blood grew stronger. It must be because blood was seeping from the wound under the bandage. I urgently reached out with both arms and grabbed his hand.

“Don’t move!”

I didn’t know how deep the wound was, but if it was bleeding every time he moved, it was certain that he had gotten hurt not long ago. Irritating a fresh wound could cause more problems.

“Unclench your fingers.”

His captured hand flinched.

I urged him.

“Hurry.”

Fortunately, he obediently unclenched his fingers according to my request. It was not a delusion that the concentration of blood on the bandage seemed to have become even darker in that short time.

“H-have you been to the hospital?”

“…”

“You got hurt today, right?”

“…”

“How badly are you hurt?”

Because of the bandage, I couldn’t see it directly, so it was difficult to gauge the shape or condition of the wound. Instead, I could tell intuitively. That it would by no means be a small wound. It didn’t even seem like it had been properly treated. That’s probably why it was bleeding every time he moved like this. It wasn’t just a slight scratch; it seemed likely that the flesh had been torn, and if that was the case, he should have gone to the hospital to get it stitched up.

After letting all three questions pass without an answer, he, only after our eyes met when I looked up in confusion, finally opened his mouth.

“Is that all?”

“Pardon?”

“Aren’t you curious, about why I got hurt?”

Of course… I was curious. But I didn’t want to hear the details. It was because I thought I had a rough idea. Given his profession, it was highly likely to be a scary and cruel story.

“Didn’t you just… get hurt while working?”

To be honest, I didn’t want to dig deep into the work he does. This much was enough. A rough guess and a vague idea, just this much.

As if he had noticed my inner thoughts, he let out a small laugh.

“Got hurt while working… I wonder if you can summarize grinding a person into dust so simply… Well, it’s not wrong. It was because of work.”

My suspicion was, as expected, correct. Therefore, it wasn’t surprising. However,

“Then, aren’t you curious about how I ground a person into dust in the name of work?”

…Why is it? I started to feel a chill from him.

“I asked if you’re not curious.”

Mr. Baek Sahyeon’s head tilted even more askew. As if expressing his twisted feelings. I didn’t know which part it was, but it was clear that what I had said had unintentionally grated on his nerves.

The unusual energy that permeated the air created a sense of tension. Gulp, swallowing dryly, I with difficulty opened my mouth.

“No. …I’m not curious about that.”

Honestly, I wasn’t.

Even if I was curious about why he got hurt, I wasn’t curious about how he had harmed someone.

Even if I wanted to know what he liked, I didn’t want to know how he committed violence.

Even if I wanted to know the heart of the Mr. Baek Sahyeon who is good to me, I didn’t want to know the circumstances of the Mr. Baek Sahyeon who had harmed others.

“Ah, is that so?”

He uttered in a slow tone. Is it just my imagination? A strange chill also seemed to be buried in his voice.

“That’s a shame. I was starting to want to tell you. So…”

Suddenly, he pulled his hand away from my grasp. The hand I had let go of in a daze immediately reached out to me.

“Listen, even if you don’t want to.”

He whispered in a low voice as he swept my side hair back. The energy underlying his voice was desolate. Goosebumps crept up my spine.

What I felt most strongly was the concentration of alcohol in his breath. It was so strong that it felt like it was spreading to me. Because of that, I finally realized. That Mr. Baek Sahyeon was completely drunk.

‘It’s better not to drink. For me, and for you. I have a bad drinking habit.’

In that moment, words he had said a long time ago flashed through my mind.

So far, there had been no words or actions that could be considered a drunken habit. But the dangerous atmosphere was certainly becoming more prevalent. This, too, was not a delusion.

An enclosed space. The smell hinting at violence and pleasure. Messy hair. A wrinkled dress shirt. A blood-stained bandage wrapped around his hand. Twisted lips. A persistent gaze. A sharp tone. Everything that made him up right now was excessively decadent. Is that why? I even began to feel a sense of unease from him.

“There was a drinking party. As always, it was boring today. Uninteresting, useless, and no gain… How should I put it. It just sounded like dogs barking. Well, I didn’t have any expectations in the first place. What can you do. Since a bunch of sons of bitches gathered, the words exchanged can only be bullshit. In the first place, things like gambling or socializing are all just excuses. The original purpose of such gatherings is to find out what’s inside that bastard’s head, that’s what it is.”

His hand on my hair gradually started to feel like cold metal. Is it because of the deepening chill? Is it because of the fishy smell of blood that resembles the smell of iron? Or…

“Normally, I would have had a few drinks, given what needed to be given, gotten what needed to be gotten, and then ended it quietly. But, that wasn’t possible today. Some bastard messed with me, trying to take over a construction company. And of all things…”