TVDC 10: Look at Me

When He Zhiyuan was ordered by Zhou Mingmei to move out of the storage room on the third floor and back to the second floor, there wasn’t the slightest trace of surprise in his eyes.

Because Qiu Xuning soon appeared at the doorway. He didn’t dare step inside, just leaned quietly against the wall by the door and whispered, “I’m staying on the second floor too. Your room there has great lighting, plus a desk—it’s really convenient for homework. It’s even better than my room.”

He Zhiyuan didn’t respond. Qiu Xuning waited for a bit, and when he saw that there was still no reply, he quietly poked half his head through the doorway to peek inside.

The door hadn’t been closed. That little wooden door stood wide open, letting everything inside fall straight into Qiu Xuning’s view.

He blinked, watching He Zhiyuan sitting on the edge of the bed while folding clothes. The clothes were ones he had brought from home, but since he had left in a hurry, he hadn’t brought many. It shouldn’t have taken long to pack them up, yet he insisted on folding each piece carefully, stacking them one by one at his side.

Qiu Xuning hesitated for a moment before asking, “Do you want me to help you?”

He Zhiyuan glanced at him. “Do you even know how to fold clothes?”

Wasn’t that just looking down on him? Qiu Xuning puffed out his cheeks and glared at him. “If you can fold them, why wouldn’t I be able to?”

He Zhiyuan said nothing, but Qiu Xuning could feel the air of rejection radiating off him, so he didn’t press further. Instead, he tried hard to find a topic to talk about. “Thanks for the paper crane you folded for me yesterday. No one’s ever given me something like that before. Since you know how to fold them, can you teach me sometime?”

He Zhiyuan looked at him and replied, “No.”

Qiu Xuning froze, stammering, “W-why not?”

He Zhiyuan said, “Too much trouble.”

“…Oh.” Qiu Xuning felt a bit disappointed. He was the kind of person who shrank back at the first sign of hardship—soft-hearted, lacking resolve. Sensing that He Zhiyuan didn’t really want to bother with him, he started to regret coming over.

He didn’t dare look at him, kept his head slightly lowered, and that was when he noticed He Zhiyuan was still wearing a pair of summer slippers, his toes looking as if they had been chilled red. “Aren’t you cold wearing those?”

Without even lifting his head, He Zhiyuan said, “Get out.”

There seemed to be a trace of displeasure in his voice.

Hearing that, Qiu Xuning pressed his lips together, not daring to say anything more. He turned to leave, walked to the doorway, then turned back again, leaning half his body against the doorframe and whispered, “If you ever want my help, you can just say so. I’ve got time.”

He Zhiyuan suddenly lifted his head and fixed his gaze on him. Qiu Xuning had thought he wouldn’t look, so he had been staring intently at the lower half of He Zhiyuan’s face. He hadn’t expected him to look up so suddenly. Startled, he froze for a second, then his eyes darted around in a panic. To cover it up, he quickly raised his arm and stared at the digital watch on his wrist. “Ah… it’s already six o’clock. I wonder if dinner’s ready.”

Qiu Xuning knew his little act looked ridiculous, and the embarrassment made his face flush with a thin layer of red. Pressing his lips together, he tossed out, “Hurry up, okay?” before turning and running off.

He Zhiyuan watched the direction he disappeared in, then slowly drew his gaze back. Lowering his eyes, he quietly looked at the sweater in his hands. The room’s dim light left half his face swallowed in shadow, his expression impossible to read.

After coming downstairs, Qiu Xuning didn’t just idle around. He went to Zhou Mingmei to ask for a new pair of slippers.

Zhou Mingmei looked at him and asked, “Don’t you already have slippers? Why do you need another pair?”

“He doesn’t have any, so…” Qiu Xuning didn’t finish the sentence, but Zhou Mingmei already knew exactly who he was talking about. She had no real objection to him becoming more obedient. It made things easier for her as a mother but if he kept treating everyone kindly, that was a problem. “You’d better do well on this exam. If your grades drop, it’s that jinx’s fault. Forget about giving him shoes—if I don’t kick him out the door entirely, that’s already me being merciful and doing a good deed.”

Grumbling fiercely, Zhou Mingmei very reluctantly dug out an old pair of worn-out plush slippers. “This is all there is. He can wear them or not. If he doesn’t want to, too bad!”

Qiu Xuning quickly took the slippers into his hands, running his fingers over them carefully. They were fairly thick, though the soles seemed a bit worn through.

Seeing him examine them for so long, Zhou Mingmei grew annoyed. “That pair’s decent and they’re meant for guests. If he wears them, I’ll have to buy another new pair. Always spending, never saving, what a waste!”

Her grumbling and scolding went in one ear and out the other; Qiu Xuning was already used to it. Holding the slippers, he went back upstairs to the second floor. Seeing that He Zhiyuan hadn’t come down yet, he placed the slippers inside his new bedroom.

The new bedroom wasn’t bad at all. It used to belong to Qiu Haiyan, but since she had  rented a place outside, this room had been left empty. It had a bed, a desk, a wardrobe, and plenty of light. The walls were covered in pretty purple wallpaper, clearly a girl’s room, making it bright and clean, far better than that storage room.

Qiu Xuning was quite pleased with the room. He even took the initiative to bring over a quilt for He Zhiyuan, one from his own wardrobe. It was thick and warm. Earlier, when he had been in He Zhiyuan’s room, he’d noticed his quilt was thin, looking far too flimsy. Sleeping under that at night would definitely be cold. Now, with a thick quilt, he wouldn’t have to freeze.

He tidied up the bed, then wiped down the desk and chair, clearing away the thin layer of dust that had gathered over the past few days.

By the time he finished, Qiu Xuning had worked up a light sweat. He sat on the bed to catch his breath, then got up and went to the third floor, softly calling out He Zhiyuan’s name. “Are you done yet?”

Just as he reached the doorway, he ran right into He Zhiyuan coming out with a suitcase—the two nearly collided.

“Sorry…” Qiu Xuning quickly stepped back a few paces, head lowered as he spoke softly.

Maybe because of “Qiu Xuning’s” picky eating habits, this body hadn’t grown very tall. At seventeen, he was just a little over 160 centimeters, more than a head shorter than He Zhiyuan. Standing in front of him, head bowed in shyness, not daring to look up, he appeared even smaller. Under the light, He Zhiyuan’s shadow seemed to swallow him whole.

He Zhiyuan stopped in his tracks. From his angle, he couldn’t even see Qiu Xuning’s face. Reaching out his hand, he pulled off Qiu Xuning’s hat.

Qiu Xuning jumped in surprise, lifting his head and stammering, “W-what are you doing?”

He reached out, trying to snatch back the hat in He Zhiyuan’s hand, but He Zhiyuan raised his arm higher. With such a difference in height and his arms being longer too, once lifted, there was no way Qiu Xuning could get it back. Knowing that well enough, he stopped trying. His gaze briefly met He Zhiyuan’s before skittering away, fixing instead on the hat in his hand, staring at it pitifully. “Give me back my hat.”

He Zhiyuan looked at him and asked quietly, “You don’t dare look at me?”

“Eh?” Qiu Xuning didn’t want him to see the wound on his head, so he only tilted his face up. Hearing those words, he froze for a moment, then instinctively denied it. “I’m not.”

He Zhiyuan took a step closer, and Qiu Xuning reflexively backed away. He Zhiyuan set the hat down on his own head, locking eyes with him. As expected, the moment Qiu Xuning’s gaze brushed against his, he panicked and darted his eyes away, not even knowing where to look. His pupils flicked about in a way that looked almost comical.

He Zhiyuan said, “Not really?”

Qiu Xuning hesitated for a while before finally mustering the courage to let his gaze fall on He Zhiyuan’s face. Stammering, he said, “I’m not, I just don’t like looking at people.”

In a low voice, He Zhiyuan said, “When you talk to someone, you look at them. That’s basic manners. Don’t you understand that?”

The words sounded a little harsh, leaving Qiu Xuning stunned. “I-I didn’t mean…”

Flustered, his fingers twisted together nervously, his words tripping over themselves, tongue seemingly tied in knots. “I just don’t like looking at people, I-I…”

Qiu Xuning didn’t know what to say. Growing flustered, his eyes quickly misted over with a faint haze.

Watching his agitation, even the skin of his cheeks tinged with a soft flush, He Zhiyuan eased his tone a little and asked, “Is it that you don’t like looking, or that you don’t dare to?”

Qiu Xuning drew in a breath, unable to withstand He Zhiyuan’s gaze any longer. Forgetting all about the ugly wound on his head, he lowered his head and whispered, “I just don’t like looking.”

The truth was, he really didn’t dare look. He knew it was a flaw and plenty of people had pointed it out. Mrs. Qiu Yanru in particular loathed it, and for a while she had even tried to force him to fix the problem of never meeting people’s eyes. Yet he had never managed to change.

He Zhiyuan knew he was lying but didn’t call him out. Instead, he took the hat off his own head and placed it back on Qiu Xuning, then said quietly, “When you speak, look at me in the eye.”

The hat He Zhiyuan put on him was crooked, so Qiu Xuning adjusted it properly. Hearing those words, he hesitated, not giving an immediate answer.

He Zhiyuan repeated, “Look at me in the eye.”

Hugging the brim of his hat, Qiu Xuning lifted his head and forced himself to meet his gaze. But after barely two seconds, his face turned red and his eyes flickered restlessly. He wanted to look away but forced himself not to. “I-I’m looking. Your dark circles are really heavy… Did you not sleep well last night? I’ve already made your bed, you can sleep properly tonight…” As he spoke, his movements grew stiff. He raised his hand to glance at the time and added, “It’s dinner time. I got my Mom to agree to let you eat with us. Let’s go down and eat.”

After he finished speaking, Qiu Xuning stiffly turned to leave. He Zhiyuan followed behind with his suitcase, his voice low: “From now on, when you talk to me, you have to look at me in the eye. In exchange, I’ll go to school with you.”

Qiu Xuning froze mid-step. Truthfully, he didn’t really want to go out to school with He Zhiyuan, but he thought that if they spent more time together, maybe things between them wouldn’t feel so strained. When he had been rejected before, he had felt both disappointed and a little relieved. Yet now, hearing He Zhiyuan say this, he found himself torn.

He Zhiyuan, however, didn’t wait for an answer. Carrying the suitcase in one hand, he headed straight downstairs.

Halfway down the stairs, Qiu Xuning quickly caught up, whispering, “Then tomorrow we’ll go to school together.”

He Zhiyuan gave him a sidelong glance but said nothing.

Qiu Xuning added, “Then it’s settled, okay? You can’t go back on it.”

“Mm. Neither can you,” He Zhiyuan replied, his tone strangely gentler than before.

Sensing the change in his tone, Qiu Xuning felt as if a little bird had taken flight inside his chest, fluttering with joy.