AOA 111

The nonsense from my biological father went on, and the symptoms grew worse. Headache, chest tightness, and pounding heart hit me, and sweat gathered on my palms resting on my knees.

After I started making big money, my biological father was no longer frightening. I let pass him absurd scolding and criticism. Even facing Jeong Guhyeon was bearable.

But every so often, an unbearable wave of disgust hit me. Especially today, hearing his voice and being in the same place with him felt maddeningly intolerable.

It was the trace left by memories from before regression. No matter how much money I made, no matter how much counseling I got, it didn’t improve easily.

I couldn’t let my biological father find out. So I endured, pretending to be fine. Fortunately, he had no interest in my state. He only went on endlessly with nagging, about how I had to give birth to a son, how pitiful Jeong Guhyeon was, not to give the in-laws anything to use against me.

When his nagging ended, he asked how Baek Jinseok had reacted to the incident at Cheongam Art Museum. I said I didn’t know the details, only that Baek Yeongseop would be going to Tongyeong.

At the news that Baek Yeongseop was punished, my biological father burst into laughter. Everyone knew the more trouble Baek Yeongseop caused, the more advantageous it was for Baek Mugyeong.

He was in a good mood, so he left earlier than usual. I held out until the end and left the chairman’s office without looking back.

*

The power of a handsome man was tremendous.

That was the thought that came to me the moment I saw Baek Mugyeong’s face.

After meeting my biological father, my mood was always bad, but today was especially the worst. Even the academy teacher asked if something had happened, saying I looked unwell. Then he let class out ten minutes early.

Before regression, and after, my life was only house, school, and academy on repeat. My only form of deviation was skipping academy because of a summons from my biological father, my stepmother, Jeong Guhyeon, Baek Yeongseop, or Choi Jaeha.

Today too, there was no big deviation. I just went to a coin karaoke room, shouted at the top of my lungs and sang a few songs, then stopped by a mart and bought an official World Cup ball and soccer shoes.

In high school, every lunch break I lived on the field playing soccer. When I worked at a factory, lunch break meant playing jokgu with the members.

After marriage, I never even looked at a soccer ball. My biological father nagged that soccer was too dangerous and unsophisticated.

But when my stress hit the limit, I wanted to kick a ball again. I couldn’t play a match right away, but I suddenly realized I could do ball trapping on the lawn in the yard.

Like a hunter returning from a successful hunt, I arrived home proudly carrying the shiny new soccer ball and shoes under my arm. Thinking of handling the ball after eating braised seafood and eel made dopamine surge.

“You’re back?”

As I entered the front door, Kim Juhyeon greeted me from the kitchen. Behind her, Baek Mugyeong appeared, asking if I had bought a soccer ball.

The moment I saw Baek Mugyeong’s face, I thought, handsome men really were the best, more than coin karaoke or a new ball. The worries and troubles that dopamine hadn’t cleared clung stubbornly, but they vanished in an instant at the sight of his face.

I was amazed again by his extraordinary looks. For some reason, it seemed like a halo shone behind his head.

“You’re back?”

At Baek Mugyeong’s question, I came back to my senses. Only then did I realize he had walked in from the living room. He had changed into casual clothes, not a suit.

I wondered if he had come home early, then realized it was me who had returned later than usual. That was the danger of shopping.

“I was a bit late today. I bought a soccer ball. This is an official World Cup ball.”

Like a general boasting of spoils of war, I held up my trophy. It felt childish, but I wanted to do it.

Of course, without knowing the context, Baek Mugyeong asked seriously,

“Do you need a soccer ball for something?”

“Yes. I’ll go put my things away. Dinner’s ready, right?”

I directed the last question at Kim Juhyeon. I headed upstairs after I heard that everything was ready. I set down my bag, soccer ball, and shoes in one spot, then washed my hands in the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

Under the bright light, my face was flushed. I couldn’t tell if it was from the excitement of getting a new ball, or from being stunned by seeing the most handsome man in the world.

Why was I like this all of a sudden?

Baek Mugyeong was a man whose good looks everyone admitted. A bit fierce-looking, but handsome enough that words like “sculpted” or “picture-perfect” fit.

But we were married, and after months of seeing his face and even having sex with him, I had built up some resistance. There were times I suddenly realized again how good-looking he was, but I could brush it off with a “so he is.”

But this time was the first I found myself so entranced, so captivated.

“What is this?”

Feeling bewildered, I asked the red face in the mirror, but no answer came back. At this rate, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to eat dinner properly.

I splashed cold water on my face to pull myself together. Then, after fixing my expression in the mirror to look natural, I headed to the dining room.

It hadn’t been long since I had started eating meals together with Baek Mugyeong. At first it was awkward, but good food quickly eased the tension.

Then, on the evening we agreed to seriously get to know each other, I made mistake after mistake at the table. Like a child first learning how to use chopsticks, I dropped side dishes again and again. It had been such a relief that Baek Mugyeong, out of consideration, hadn’t laughed.

From the next mealtime, I steeled myself. I sat down, determined not to repeat those mistakes, gripping my chopsticks with focus.

Maybe because I had just drenched myself in cold water, Baek Mugyeong’s face across from me no longer seemed to shine the way it had earlier. He only looked like a man as handsome as a sculpture.

I thought that was fortunate, and focused on eating. The braised seafood and grilled eel I had looked forward to were both delicious.

Our conversation was ordinary. Mostly about upcoming family events and schedules. I deliberately did not bring up my meeting with my biological father today, since Kim Juhyeon, whom Baek Jaehan had planted, was in the kitchen.

“What will you use the soccer ball for?”

“For practice.”

“Do you have matches at school?”

“No matches. Um, well… I just like soccer. After getting married I hardly touched a ball. I want to start again.”

Even under my biological father’s watch, I had kept exercising regularly. I would eat breakfast early, then stop by the gym before morning lectures and run hard.

But I had not thought about playing soccer. Before regression, of course, I hadn’t been in my right mind. Even after regression, the fact I was only now remembering it meant I had had no room for it.

“Are you good at it?”

“I don’t know what counts as good, but I’m not bad.”

It felt awkward to say it myself, but in school I had been known as a decent player. Whenever friends split into teams, everyone had wanted me on theirs.

I consciously lowered my chin, aware of the pride that slipped in. Bragging about such a thing was childish. More than that, I hadn’t touched a ball in over a year, so it was uncertain if my skills remained.

“Where will you practice?”

“In the garden. Ah, but I won’t be kicking the ball at the walls or anything, so don’t worry. Just rolling it around a bit.”

“May I watch?”

“Watch?”

“Yes.”

“That… do as you like.”

I wondered why Baek Mugyeong was like this, then I suddenly remembered that we had agreed to this ambiguous relationship. Since he wanted to see me practice with the ball, it was hard to refuse.

I might embarrass myself if I slipped up, but I knew Baek Mugyeong wouldn’t make fun of me, so it was fine. And I had things I wanted to say to him, so it was a good opportunity.

“I’ll look forward to it.”

Baek Mugyeong tilted his head slightly and smiled softly. Once again, it was as if a halo shone behind his head and light radiated from his face.

That was when I realized. He looked even more handsome when he smiled.

I felt the surprise might show on my face, so I quickly ducked my head and stuffed several pieces of grilled eel into my mouth.

Anyway, handsome men were truly something remarkable.

*

The garden in the newlywed house was not very large. Trees were planted here and there, but there was still enough lawn to dribble a ball around.

Standing on the well-kept grass in brand new soccer shoes with a gleaming new ball made me feel like I owned the world.

The only drawback was that the lights in the garden after sunset were not very bright. But it was bright and when I turned on all the outdoor lamps that were usually kept off.

As I moved around the garden with the ball, the caretaker appeared with a table and chairs. Then Baek Mugyeong sat down there. In a shirt and pants, he became the perfect spectator.

Kim Juhyeon also brought out lemonade, saying it was for me to drink when I got thirsty.

“Would you like a glass?”

The lights in the garden were fairly bright, but they couldn’t drive away all the darkness. Sitting in the glow, the man looked mysterious.

So good looks shine even in the dark.

Drinking water, I once again felt the greatness of a handsome man and waved my hand.

“It’s fine. I’ll drink later.”

I refused the lemonade and stood with the ball. I could feel Baek Mugyeongs gaze following me.

It felt like I was a bear performing tricks for its master. But now, I couldn’t say I wouldn’t do it.