GGAS 12
by NiluKim Abang asked with his eyes sparkling. Seo Taerim had not yet finished chewing the pine mushroom and answered with a nod. Kim Abang smiled with a proud expression.
“That’s a relief! Then shall we go with this menu for the housewarming food?”
“Housewarming?”
“Yes.”
“Abang-ssi, are you moving?”
“What?”
Kim Abang made an expression as if he had just heard something ridiculous, then soon laughed.
“Taerim-ssi, you’re really funny~.”
Seo Taerim could not understand what was funny and he was confused.
“If you’re not moving, then why are you making housewarming food?”
“Taerim-ssi, your jokes, really! Of course I didn’t mean me, I meant you! Your housewarming!”
“…Am I having a housewarming?”
At Seo Taerim’s counter-question, Kim Abang was startled.
“You’re not?”
“I’m not.”
“Why not?”
“That…”
Seo Taerim thought for a moment. He had not especially decided not to do it. He had just not thought that he should. But even if he made up his mind to do it, he would not be able to. The only person whom Painter Hong had allowed into the house was Seo Taerim, so inviting other people and having a housewarming was out of the question.
“I had no plans to, and even if I wanted to, it’s realistically impossible.”
“Impossible?”
“The landlord won’t allow it.”
“Ah! Then what do we do?”
“If we don’t do it, that’s enough.”
“But a housewarming is the flower of moving!”
“I don’t have much interest in flowers.”
“Ah come on, that’s not what I mean.”
Kim Abang gave Seo Taerim a side glare, not in a hateful way, then rested his chin on his hand and started to think. Seo Taerim did not know what Kim Abang was thinking about, but whatever it was, he felt he had to stop it. He had a bad feeling.
“Abang-ssi, please try this. The seasoning of the bulgogi seems a bit salty.”
Seo Taerim pointed at the lunchbox.
“What?!”
At the comment about the seasoning being off, Kim Abang snapped to attention. He hurriedly tasted the bulgogi in question.
“…You’re saying this is salty?”
“Yes. Isn’t it salty?”
“Well… I think it’s fine.”
“Try it again. It’s a bit strange.”
At Seo Taerim’s request, Kim Abang tilted his head but tried the bulgogi again.
“I think it’s fine… If I had to say, isn’t it rather bland?”
Seo Taerim pushed the soup toward Kim Abang.
“Try this too. I think it’s too sweet.”
“Really?”
Kim Abang scooped up the broth and tasted it. Then a question mark rose above his head.
“You’re saying this is sweet?”
“Yes. The aftertaste is a bit sweet.”
“The aftertaste…?”
“Taste it once more.”
“Mm… I think it’s fine…”
“No. Taste it again.”
Seo Taerim glanced at the clock and pushed the other lunchboxes toward Kim Abang. Lunch break was about an hour and a half anyway, so if he dragged time like this and then said he had to work, he could send him off. But there was something Seo Taerim had overlooked. The human brain worked better when supplied with nutrients.
Following Seo Taerim’s insistence that the squid and bellflower root salad was too bitter, Kim Abang stuffed both cheeks full of the salad and tried to taste the bitterness. Suddenly, he cried out.
“Ah! Uuuaaaahhh!”
“Yes?”
Seo Taerim asked because he could not understand what Kim Abang said. Kim Abang chewed what was in his mouth and swallowed it down.
“Then it’ll work!”
“What will?”
“The housewarming, we can do it at my house!”
“…You mean to hold my housewarming at your house, Abang-ssi?”
“That’s right!”
“…….”
Seo Taerim could not say anything because he did not know where or how to start pointing out the problem.
“Just now I looked like a bit of a genius, right?”
Kim Abang asked with a wink. But he was not good at winking, so he closed both eyes at the same time.
“A genius, Kim Abang-ssi, who said he’d host my housewarming at his own place, which I had never even thought of, and who can’t wink…”
Seo Taerim tried to force even a faint smile, but the situation was so hopeless situation that he was only able to lift the corners of his mouth halfway. At that moment, someone knocked on the president’s office door. Seo Taerim thought the timing was perfect, quickly stood up, and went to the door. When he opened it, there was a deliveryman holding a bag with the large logo of the Japanese restaurant next to the hotel printed on it. Since he often ordered from the same place, he had once asked them to deliver directly to the president’s office without going through the secretary’s office.
“Did you order salmon sushi?”
The deliveryman asked.
“Ah, yes.”
Seo Taerim answered as he opened his wallet to take out his card.
“You requested two packets of soy sauce, correct?”
The deliveryman asked to confirm. At that moment, Kim Abang suddenly popped out from behind Seo Taerim.
“What? No way. Mr. Taerim, who said my bulgogi was salty, would never order two packets of soy sauce. Isn’t that right, Taerim-ssi?”
Kim Abang looked up at Seo Taerim and asked. Seo Taerim realized too late.
“That… seems to be the case.”
Seo Taerim muttered in embarrassment. Thinking Seo Taerim had admitted it, Kim Abang quickly turned his head toward the deliveryman.
“Didn’t you come to the wrong place?”
The deliveryman felt wronged.
“Wrong place? I came to the right one! And what’s so strange about two packets of soy sauce? This gentleman always asks for two whenever he orders, so this time the boss even added one more as a regular service…”
“You added more and then took it out, didn’t you?!”
Seo Taerim hurriedly cut him off and shouted. The deliveryman frowned.
“No, I didn’t take it out, I put…”
“You put it in and then took it out, right?!”
“No, I’m saying I put…”
“You put it in and then took it out!”
The deliveryman was dumbfounded.
“Since when did our boss start selling Turkish ice cream1?”
Hearing that, Kim Abang’s face lit up.
“Wow, a Japanese restaurant selling Turkish ice cream? I always craved Turkish ice cream after eating sushi!”
The deliveryman stared at Kim Abang with an expression of disbelief.
“Are you serious?”
“Of course! I like Turkish ice cream.”
At Kim Abang’s bright reply, the deliveryman was at a loss for words for a moment. But since he was busy at work, he soon frowned and looked back at Seo Taerim.
“So, are you not going to pay?”
“…No, I should.”
When Seo Taerim answered, Kim Abang looked puzzled.
“But this was delivered wrong, wasn’t it?”
“…Now that I think about it, it seems it really is my salmon sushi. I must have written soy sauce two packets instead of two chopsticks when I placed the request.”
Seo Taerim made an excuse.
“You’re eating alone, why would you need two pairs of chopsticks?”
“…I like to hold one in my right hand and one in my left hand and eat with both hands.”
“Ah~ like a crab!”
“…Yes.”
Seo Taerim answered with resignation. Kim Abang beamed as if he was happy to learn one more thing about Seo Taerim, then suddenly let out a gasp.
“Oh no, then this wasn’t delivered wrong! I-I’m sorry!”
With a red face, Kim Abang bowed his head to the deliveryman and apologized.
“Eh? No, you don’t have to apologize that much….”
The deliveryman, flustered, hurriedly raised him back up. But Kim Abang’s face was still red.
“No, really, I’m sorry! I just didn’t know Taerim-ssi eats rice like a crab!”
“Why, why are you bowing your head again…! No, really, it’s fine…!”
As he watched Kim Abang, who was flustered, and the deliveryman, who was flustered as well, Seo Taerim regretted his own past when he had nitpicked Kim Abang’s lunchbox for no reason. And he felt that he was responsible for this whole mess. Seo Taerim patted Kim Abang lightly on the shoulder. Then Kim Abang, restless, looked at him.
“T-Taerim-ssi…?”
“Kim Abang-ssi, calm down. It was my mistake anyway.”
“But….”
Seo Taerim gave Kim Abang a faint smile and then handed his card to the deliveryman.
“It was my mistake and I made trouble for you. I’m sorry. Please charge this card.”
The deliveryman, who had wanted to get out of the situation, quickly took the card and completed the payment. Then he gave a short greeting telling him to enjoy his meal and left the place in an instant.
In the doorway of the president’s office, now left with only Kim Abang and Seo Taerim, a brief silence. Kim Abang’s face was less red than before, but he looked deflated.
“…Kim Abang-ssi.”
Seo Taerim carefully called him.
“…Yes.”
Kim Abang answered with his shoulders slumped.
“Mm….”
Seo Taerim rubbed the back of his neck for no reason. He felt awkward in this situation, and at the same time felt a bit of guilt. As if he should help Kim Abang recover his spirit as much as possible.
‘Something that could cheer up Kim Abang-ssi….’
After thinking for a while, Seo Taerim came up with something and tapped Kim Abang on the shoulder. Kim Abang lifted his head and looked at Seo Taerim.
“…Why?”
“I-I think I’ll hold a housewarming.”
In that moment, a light returned to Kim Abang’s eyes.
“…A housewarming?”
“Yes.”
“But earlier… you said you wouldn’t.”
“I thought about it and realized it might be good to do it somewhere. Do you have a place you can recommend?”
“My hous…”
“Ah, it would be better if it’s outside Shancho Boulevard. I think it would be hard for my friends to come all the way here.”
Seo Taerim hurriedly added.
“Mm, in that case….”
Kim Abang thought for a moment, then took out his phone.
“Shall we look one up?”
As Kim Abang said that, a flush spread on his cheeks. Seo Taerim let out a sigh of relief and smiled.
***
However, Seo Taerim, who thought he had soothed Kim Abang and could finally relax, came to regret this decision for a long time. Kim Abang, who regained his energy far too well, started showing up at lunch every day saying, “I can’t let Taerim-ssi prepare the housewarming alone!” He came the next day, the day after, and the day after that. Seo Taerim realized for the first time that there could be so much to prepare for a housewarming, and that there could be so many possible menu candidates.
And to be honest, Seo Taerim thought it was more accurate to call it personal interview time rather than mealtime. For three days straight, he had to eat without knowing if the food was going into his mouth or his nose because of Kim Abang’s endless questions. What should we have as dessert for the housewarming, what is Taerim-ssi’s favorite color, have you ever acted in a play when you were young, do you prefer a regular pillow or a cervical pillow…. While Seo Taerim was frantically answering, it suddenly occurred to him, ‘Ah, at this rate, even if he asks for my resident registration number I’ll just end up telling him.’
So, to protect his personal information, Seo Taerim sought help on Knowledge Out2. Then Knowledge Out said there was nothing better than answering, “Ah, really? I don’t remember,” for cutting off a conversation. But after experiencing Kim Abang suddenly standing on his hands in the middle of a meal to prove his words, and even causing a commotion about calling 119 saying, was he suffering from amnesia or something, Seo Taerim could not even use that anymore.
Because of these circumstances, all that Seo Taerim, who was nothing more than an ordinary human, could do was feel an overwhelming fatigue. And he realized painfully that the stamina and strength he had worked so hard to build up were nothing more than petty whining in front of Kim Abang.
“Ha….”
Seo Taerim glanced at the clock pointing to 11 a.m. In an hour, Kim Abang would storm in carrying a lunchbox the size of his own body.
“Can’t humans live without eating?”
Seo Taerim muttered weakly.
“Of course not.”
Chief Kang, who was organizing documents beside him, answered.
“Ha….”
When Seo Taerim sighed again, Chief Kang sent him a sympathetic look.
“Is it very hard for you?”
“It isn’t… comfortable.”
Seo Taerim buried his face in his hands and barely answered. Chief Kang thought she should try comforting her boss a little.
“But it’s a relief that Kim Abang-ssi has a pattern in his conversation topics. You can prepare some answers in advance.”
Seo Taerim lifted his face from his hands.
“You said Kim Abang-ssi has fashion3 in his conversation topics?”
Seo Taerim gave a short laugh.
“Now even Chief Kang is saying strange things…. Weren’t you supposed to be the last bastion of sanity…?”
He lightly knocked his head against the desk.
“Ah, it looks like the world has finally gone mad….”
Seo Taerim muttered to himself. Chief Kang sighed as she looked at her boss, who had become like Sa Ojeong4.
“Not fashion, but pattern. Pa. Ttern.”
Seo Taerim lifted his head again.
“…Pattern? There’s such a thing?”
“Yes.”
“Explain in detail.”
“It must have been the first day Kim Abang-ssi came here. On his way home, he asked me what kind of topics you liked. So I told him you liked politics, economy, philosophy, society. Then he said if he did one topic each day, this week would be covered easily, and he was happy about it.”
“So… you’re saying Kim Abang-ssi talked with me about politics, economy, and philosophy?”
Seo Taerim frowned as he spoke.
“You don’t remember?”
“Not at all. I never had such a conversation.”
“Well… for politics, he said you talked about election corruption.”
“Election corruption? If it were the fishy smell of fish, maybe, but what election corruption5….”
Seo Taerim muttered in disbelief, then stopped.
“Wait… did you say election corruption?”
Seo Taerim slowly stroked his chin and tilted his head to the side. He looked as if something had clicked.
“…Could it be, was he talking about the corruption in the Shancho Boulevard Women’s Association election? About candidate number 2 who used the money from a rotating savings club he had run off with in his old neighborhood to lobby in the Shancho Boulevard election?”
“How would I know?”
Chief Kang shrugged her shoulders. Feeling a hunch, Seo Taerim narrowed his eyes and stood up from his seat.
“…What did you say came after politics?”
“Economy.”
“Economy…, if it’s economy….”
Seo Taerim muttered and then unconsciously let his mouth fall open a little.
“…No way.”
“What is it?”
“It seems it was three thousand won.”
“Three thousand won?”
“In Kim Abang-ssi’s shop ledger, three thousand won went missing, but it turned out he had spent it on fish-shaped bread and forgot about it. That’s what it was.”
“Uh… I guess that does count as economy.”
“What came after economy?”
With a somewhat clearer look in his eyes, Seo Taerim stood up and asked.
“Philosophy.”
“Philosophy….”
Seo Taerim started pacing around the desk in circles.
“Philosophy…, philosophy….”
After repeating it for a moment, Seo Taerim snapped his fingers.
“Ah, what if there were five Kim Abang-ssis?!”
As he shouted that, his face looked bright for the first time in a while.
“Then you would wither away and die, President….?”
Chief Kang answered reluctantly.
“No, that’s a subtopic in the field of philosophy. What would happen if there were five Kim Abang-ssis, he kept talking about that all day yesterday!”
Seo Taerim said excitedly.
“I thought it was nonsense, but there really was a pattern! Chief Kang, you’re a genius!”
“Am I?”
“Of course!”
Overjoyed, Seo Taerim ran to the whiteboard. Then he grabbed a board marker and started scribbling furiously.
“Alright, let’s organize the topics we’ve identified so far. In politics, it was the Shancho Boulevard Women’s Association election corruption. In economy, it was Kim Abang-ssi buying fish-shaped bread and not writing it down in the ledger. In philosophy, it was what would happen if there were five Kim Abang-ssis. In that case, the next topic is…!
“The next topic is…?”
“The topic is…!”
“The topic is…?”
“The topic is… is….”
Trailing off, Seo Taerim just kept circling the word “is” over and over, then eventually put the board marker down with a frown.
“No, how can I possibly predict today’s conversation topic with something like this?”
Even though he had been the one to enjoy it so much he wrote it down on the board, he got irritated for no reason.
“Politics, economy, philosophy, then you said society. Am I supposed to look up every story that came out on the society page for Kim Abang-ssi?”
As Seo Taerim grumbled, Chief Kang, who had been quietly listening, opened her eyes wide.
“Oh!”
“Why are you surprised….”
Seo Taerim stopped mid-question and opened his eyes wide just like Chief Kang.
“Oh!”
“I-I think that’s it?”
“Y-you think that’s it?”
“Yes, the society page! I think that’s it!”
Seo Taerim hurriedly opened his laptop.
“Chief Kang, go scrape every article that came out on the society page about Hau Group right now. If we both do it, it’ll be faster!”
At that moment, a ray of hope finally shone down on Seo Taerim.
- It’s the deliveryman’s sarcastic way of saying, “Why are you treating me like some street vendor playing tricks, like the Turkish ice cream guys who pretend to give you the ice cream and then snatch it back?” ↩︎
- 지식iN” (Knowledge IN), which is Naver’s long-running Q&A platform. The author twisted the name as “지식 아웃 (Knowledge Out)”. ↩︎
- Taerim misheard 패턴 (paeteon) pattern as 패션 (paesyeon) fashion ↩︎
- Korean slang, “사오정” became a pun because it sounds like “사오정(四五정)” “only accurate up to 4 or 5”. People started using it to describe someone who: Often mishears things Says strange, off-the-mark answers Acts a little scatterbrained ↩︎
- Another pun / mishearing gag in the original Korean. Seo Taerim heard 비리 (biri, corruption) as if it were 비린내 (birinnae, fishy smell). ↩︎
0 Comments