Chapter 6 – Too Much Drama
by Salted FishHuaxia Online had a rather unfriendly game mechanic: weapons dropped by dungeon bosses were automatically bound to the player who picked them up, meaning they couldn’t be traded afterward. So, if a party ran a dungeon and got a good weapon or piece of gear that no one in the party needed, they’d usually have someone hover over the boss’s corpse—without looting it—to prevent the body from despawning. Meanwhile, they’d announce in the World Channel something like, “XX weapon dropped in XX dungeon, whisper me with offers if you want it.” Once a deal was struck, the buyer would be invited into the party to enter the dungeon and pick up the item.
Of course, this system also left room for malicious players to exploit. For example, if a weapon dropped that was clearly meant for a specific class, someone else might still roll for it, resulting in the weapon ending up with a class that couldn’t even use it—rendering it practically worthless.
And now, Mad Lad was dealing with exactly this kind of bullshit.
Zombies couldn’t use daggers. In their inventory, the weapon would just be a grayed-out, unusable item. So, what the hell were they rolling for?!
[Party] Mad Lad: Care to explain?
[Party] Little Deadleaf: Oops, my finger slipped >_<
This was the first time Little Deadleaf had spoken the entire dungeon.
Fang Zheng reminded himself: You’re power-leveling right now. Stay professional. Don’t stir up drama for the client. But damn, he was pissed.
If this had been a pure PUG, he might’ve let it slide. But this wasn’t a PUG—it was a leveling group of friends. And none of them were newbies, meaning there was a 99% chance they all had mains! And this was their excuse, “finger slipped”? Were they kidding him?! Even if the person had genuinely apologized, Fang Zheng might’ve forgiven it. A level 30 weapon, no matter how good, wasn’t worth making a huge fuss over. But the problem was—that “apology” was just a fake cutesy excuse!
[Party] Mad Lad: Is this your first time running a dungeon?! Who the hell “slips” like that?! Why don’t you “slip” and leave the party?! Why don’t you “slip” and unplug your PC?! Why don’t you “slip” and one-shot the boss while you’re at it?!
[Party] Phantom Diva: Chill, don’t take it out on the girl.
Now that was a masterfully manipulative response. Not only did it highlight Little Deadleaf’s gender, but it also subtly implied that a real man shouldn’t make a big deal out of something a girl did.
But who was Fang Zheng? He could be cute, he could be shameless—and when he was shameless, he was downright inhuman…
[Party] Mad Lad: I’m a girl too! What, just because I play a male character, I deserve to get screwed over?!
……
A heavy silence fell.
Even Pangu splitting heaven and earth with his axe probably wasn’t as earth-shattering as Fang Zheng’s declaration.
After a long pause, the party slowly recovered—
[Party] Phantom Diva: ……
[Party] Carved in Bone: Wait, you’re a girl?
[Party] Wu Next Door: HOLY SHIT, PLOT TWIST OF THE YEAR! I’m loving this!
[Party] Master Wuwei: Assassin… you’re a lady?
At this point, Fang Zheng had to commit. Because being a girl meant getting sympathy—and compensation.
[Party] Mad Lad: 100% authentic.
[Party] Master Wuwei: Then why play a male character?
[Party] Mad Lad: I’m a crossdresser and proud of it—I grind my own account ^_^
[Party] Phantom Diva: ……
[Party] Wu Next Door: Broomstick, if you don’t wanna talk, stop spamming! You’re hogging my screen!
[Party] Wu Next Door: Mad, you got a boyfriend?
[Party] Mad Lad: ……
[Party] Phantom Diva: 2B, it’s a male character.
[Party] Wu Next Door: So what? I dig this type!
[Party] Carved in Bone: 2B, you’re off-topic.
[Party] Wu Next Door: Oh, right, right. Mad, you just want the dagger, right? We’ll keep running it with you till it drops!
Fang Zheng bit his lip, torn between being magnanimous and petty.
[Party] Little Deadleaf: But I have to log off now, I have class tomorrow >_<
Perfect. Now he had no internal conflict left.
[Party] Wu Next Door: Then go to sleep. The four of us can take her.
[Party] Little Deadleaf: But then you’ll outlevel me by tomorrow… how will we run dungeons together then? T_T
This bitch is asking for hate!
Fang Zheng was gay, but that didn’t mean he hated women. If he did hate any, it was only the insufferable ones.
And what defined “insufferable”? See: Little Deadleaf.
[Party] Master Wuwei: Mad, here’s 2,000 Huaxia Coins. Go buy a Dagger of Jing Ke off the market. Our bad for today’s oversight, sorry.
2,000 Huaxia Coins—just enough to buy a Dagger of Jing Ke.
This guy’s leadership title wasn’t just for show. Diplomatic as hell—calling it an “oversight” rather than a “mistake.”
[Party] Little Deadleaf: Mad, happy now?
[Party] Master Wuwei: Deadleaf.
Fang Zheng raised an eyebrow, waiting for more, but nothing came.
The Blesscaller was probably whispering Little Zombie privately. Fang Zheng could even guess the content: first a scolding, then soothing her. These days, wooing girls in games is way easier than in real life.
Lighting a cigarette, Fang Zheng took a deep drag, then slowly exhaled.
Tch. How boring.
A few more puffs later, his fatigue eased, and he started typing again to accept the compensation. But then, his assassin suddenly flashed and vanished. The next second, his screen showed the entrance to the Terracotta Warriors dungeon…
[System] You have been kicked from the party by Little Deadleaf.
Fang Zheng was livid.
His cigarette fell from his mouth onto his lap, adding another hole to his already hole-riddled pants.
Holy shit, this was next-level scumminess! He’d been kicked by the very person who screwed him over! That pretentious Blesscaller had handed party lead to the Zombie just so she could kick him!
The most frustrating thing about online games? When someone screws you over, you can’t just punch them in the face to make it right.
When the heroes of Liangshan shouted “Justice!” upon seeing injustice, did they do it just for the sake of righteousness? Hell no! There were plenty of ways to uphold justice, but shouting and then beating the crap out of someone was just satisfying!
Mad Lad stood at the entrance of the Terracotta Warriors’ dungeon. Rain fell in-game, and his character tilted his head slightly, gazing upward at a melancholic 45-degree angle.
Then, a Huaxia Courier arrived with 4,000 coins.
Almost simultaneously, a whisper from Master Wuwei popped up—
[Whisper] Master Wuwei: Assassin, my apologies. Don’t hold it against the girl. The coins are our compensation.
4,000? Pfft.
Using a Town Portal Scroll to return to Nanjing Road, Fang Zheng found an NPC and mailed the 4,000 coins back.
[Whisper] Mad Lad: Sorry, but “slipping” once costs 4,000. Twice? The price goes up.
After sending that, Fang Zheng added Master Wuwei to his Blocklist.
Still not satisfied, he searched for Little Deadleaf and blocked her too.
Who else was there? Fang Zheng racked his brain but could only recall Wu Next Door flashing in his memory… That guy wasn’t so bad. Should he share some of his hate? Fang Zheng hesitated.
As he pondered, two Megaphone announcements lit up the server.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: From today onward, I officially quit Huaxia Dominion. This is my notice.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: From today onward, I officially quit Huaxia Dominion. This is my notice.
2B Fighter Jet? Wasn’t that the guy who’d been grumbling in Qiantang River about Huaxia Dominion treating Polly unfairly? How had he gone from that to quitting in just a few hours?
Fang Zheng, now in full spectator mode, mused idly. Meanwhile, the server exploded.
[Huaxia] Liu the Heavenly King: Holy shit! What’s going on? Internal strife in Huaxia Dominion?
[Huaxia] Most, Peerless: 2B, you really are a 2B. Now you’re gonna get hunted by your own guild, LOL!
[Huaxia] Gentle Blade: Something smells fishy here…
[Huaxia] Hattori Heiji: Women fight for affection, men fight for power. The tides of history roll on!
[Huaxia] Snow Knight: Xuanyuan’s been steady, though. What power struggle?
[Huaxia] Hattori Heiji: Are you dumb? The Vice Guild Leader spot’s been empty this whole time.
Snow Knight: Wasn’t that reserved for Parrot1Referring to Polly?
[Huaxia] Hattori Heiji: You are dumb. Parrot’s god-tier account got camped to death in the old server. You think he’d rush to make a new one and come back for round two?
[Huaxia] Snow Knight: I know that. But the fact that Huaxia Dominion hasn’t appointed a new Vice Guild Leader proves they’re keeping the spot as a shrine for Parrot!
[Huaxia] Hattori Heiji: ……
[Huaxia] Hattori Heiji: Girls with such dark tastes won’t find husbands.
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Honestly, I didn’t mean to interrupt you two, but you’ve gone way off-track…
The moment the man himself appeared, the server went wild.
[Huaxia] Hu Yifei12138: 2B, I like you! Join our guild!
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Sure, how many girls you got?
[Huaxia] Hu Yifei12138: ALL GIRLS!
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Ohhh, now we’re talking! What’s the guild called?
[Huaxia] Hu Yifei12138: Anti-Romance Alliance!
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: ……
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Girl, you’re messing with me, right? T_T
The server erupted in laughter, and other guilds began vying for this lovable idiot’s allegiance.
Fang Zheng didn’t know much about the Huaxia Summit server, but he vaguely remembered this guy was a core member of Huaxia Dominion. Clearly, he had quite the reputation.
Amid the chaos, another pinned announcement rudely interrupted.
[Megaphone] Harry Porret: 2B, what the hell’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you answering my whispers??
2B, 2B, 2B… Fang Zheng rubbed his chin. That nickname felt so familiar…
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Broomstick, no need to waste money on Megaphones. I can see you just fine in Huaxia Chat~~~
[Huaxia] Harry Porret: Whisper me.
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Nah, right here’s fine.
[Huaxia] Harry Porret: You want to embarrass yourself further?
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: I totally didn’t mass-block the entire Huaxia Dominion guild list >_<
—Huaxia Online did have a feature where you could search a guild and block all its members at once.
Harry Porret went silent for a long time. Then he cursed: Fuck!
And promptly got muted by the GM for five minutes.
Frankly, Fang Zheng was more impressed that the guy had managed to bypass the chat filter for that word.
[Megaphone] My Blood for Xuanyuan: 2B, I won’t stop you from leaving. But give me a reason.
Finally, the Guild Leader speaks. Fang Zheng marveled at the man’s patience.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: You don’t know the reason?
[Megaphone] My Blood for Xuanyuan: If you have issues with me, voice them. Don’t make the guild suffer.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: I am part of the guild. My heart’s already full of holes.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: You ignored Parrot getting camped by Five Peaks Pavilion—I endured.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: You kicked Parrot from the guild—I endured.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: You teamed up with Five Peaks to corpse-camp Parrot—I still endured.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: “Debts must be paid, grievances settled—justice lies with the government.” Parrot’s revenge is his own business, not ours.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: But you had to go and screw over a lowbie in the Terracotta dungeon too?!
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: If the guild’s this toxic, why the hell should I stick around?!
Wait a second!
Terracotta? Lowbie? Broomstick? 2B?
Fang Zheng quickly pulled up the system log and searched for the shortest name—Carved in Bone. The player was offline, but their guild affiliation was clear: Huaxia Dominion. He checked the others—all offline, all from the same guild.
So I was just running a dungeon with the Guild Leader and core members of Huaxia Dominion?!
Then who the hell was Little Deadleaf?
The Guild Leader’s wife?
[Megaphone] My Blood for Xuanyuan: I paid her 4,000 Huaxia Coins as compensation.
Better a real villain than a hypocrite.
But who was Fang Zheng? He wasn’t about to let this slide.
Megaphones cost one coin each. Like he couldn’t afford that!
[Megaphone] Mad Lad: Bullshit. I mailed it back the second I got it.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: Ayy, wifey (^__^)
Fang Zheng facepalmed. Suddenly, no words could compete with that blushing emoji.
[Megaphone] Red Flag Fluttering: Sorry to interrupt, folks. My bad.
[Megaphone] Red Flag Fluttering: Wifeyyyyyy~~ Stop grinding the Wisdom God in Potala Palace~~ Look up at the juicy gossippppppp~~~
[Huaxia] Little Fox: Since when did Fighter Jet have a wife? Wasn’t he the “pluck all flowers, leave no traces” type?
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Don’t spread lies in front of my wifey!
[Huaxia] Little Fox: Mad’s a newbie, right? So you tricked her?
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Stop lying =_=
[Huaxia] Little Fox: Come on, name one max-level female character you haven’t hit on.
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Quit lying… T_T
His tone grew progressively weaker.
Fang Zheng was dying of laughter. The earlier rage had been completely obliterated by this absolute gem of a guy.
This guy’s a treasure—never blocking him. He’s like a human mood-lifting appliance!
[Megaphone] My Blood for Xuanyuan: 2B, for old times’ sake—one last question. Is there really no turning back?
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: There is.
[Megaphone] 2B Fighter Jet: Deadleaf goes, I stay.
The eccentric guy was now channeling his inner drama queen.
Fang Zheng clapped his thighs in delight, laughing so hard his palms stung.
Xuanyuan, of course, refused this ultimatum. His “gentlemanly” demeanor wouldn’t allow him to “bully a woman.” So, amid the server’s frenzied speculation about what kind of love polygon this even was, 2B Fighter Jet made his grand exit. Some even jokingly asked about his sexuality—was he into Parrot, or was he so obsessed with Deadleaf that love turned to hate? But the man stayed silent.
As for Mad Lad, his so-called “wifey,” 2B didn’t actually come back to pester him.
……
3 AM. Fang Zheng set Mad Lad to AFK and returned to Mirage Server.
Mirage Server might as well be renamed Silent Server—empty, desolate, devoid of life.
The last message in the Huaxia Channel was an account-selling ad. Fang Zheng recognized the character—a level 55 top-tier Spirit Master, once a legend on Mirage.
“Selling cheap,” the ad read. “If fate allows, we’ll meet elsewhere.”
Fang Zheng sighed. Another one bites the dust.
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Anyone still breathing?
Having the entire server to yourself wasn’t fun. No matter how much you jumped around, there was no audience to react. Just moments ago, he’d thought the chaotic noise of Huaxia Summit—like a herd of galloping alpacas—was annoying. But now, with the channel switch, he realized silence was its own kind of loneliness.
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Just got back from Huaxia Summit!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: It’s crazy over there!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Huaxia Dominion’s splitting from the inside! Core members leaving!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Core member hates the Guild Leader’s woman!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Core member told the Guild Leader, “She stays, I go!”
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Guild Leader ignored him!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: So the core member left!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Actually, the core member’s been unhappy for a while!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Actually, I hate that Guild Leader too!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Fucker let his girl steal my dagger!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: You think Yellow-tier weapons drop every night?!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Then they kicked me from the party!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: If I were him, I’d quit too!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Moral of the story—names don’t reflect character!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: 2B Fighter Jet’s way cooler than that Xuanyuan guy!
[Huaxia] Polly: Who did you say?
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: So don’t judge me just because my name’s Milk is Mom!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: I, too, have a hero’s heart that dreams of conquering the stars!
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Huh? Birdy, you’re still up?
Polly had appeared out of nowhere—Fang Zheng had almost scrolled right past him.
[Huaxia] Polly: You said a core member left Huaxia Dominion? Who?
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: 2B Fighter Jet. Quit the guild.
Only after typing this did Fang Zheng remember—this was related to Polly.
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: He’s your friend? Seemed pretty upset about your account getting camped to death.
[Huaxia] Polly: You said Xuanyuan let his girl take your dagger?
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Yeah! A Zombie rolling on a dagger—what kind of logic is that?!
[Huaxia] Polly: A healer uses daggers?
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Ugh, I was playing an Assassin on Huaxia Summit, silly~~
[Huaxia] Polly: What was the Zombie’s name?
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: ?
[Huaxia] Polly: The Zombie who rolled on your dagger—what was her name?
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Little Deadleaf.
Polly went silent.
Fang Zheng was so bored he mentally carved “Deadleaf” onto a tombstone eight hundred times.
Still nothing.
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: Little Polly? Asleep?
[Huaxia] Polly: Yeah.
Then was that sleep-talking? =_=
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: I’m gonna sleep too. Let’s sleep together ^_^
[Huaxia] Polly: F. U. C. K. off.
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