Chapter 18 – The Wang Couple

With all six members assembled, there was hardly any need to discuss which dungeon to tackle—

“Corpse King Necropolis. Let’s finish what we left last time,” Polly said calmly, his tone righteous.

But Fang Zheng had his suspicions, so he quietly sent a private message—

[Whisper] Milk is Mom: You’re just afraid that trying a new dungeon will bring more problems, aren’t you? [smirk]

[Whisper] Polly: Yeah. Better the devil you know.

The guy admitted it so quickly it was downright unsatisfying T_T

The group marched grandly into the Corpse King Necropolis. Fang Zheng was just wondering who would take the lead on the Corpse Herding Path now that the Assassin was gone when he belatedly realized that Fighter Jet was actually a Blood Warrior. He had always assumed the guy’s character on the Mirage Server was a Spirit Master, just like his Huaxia Summit one. But with a Blood Warrior, things became much simpler…

“Blood Warrior, you’re taking the lead on the Corpse Herding Path. No problem, right?” Fang Zheng asked casually as they reached the entrance of Bone Burial Village.

“No problem,” Fighter Jet agreed readily, then abruptly changed his tune. “But why are we even taking the Corpse Herding Path?”

Fang Zheng was baffled. “You’d rather fight Grandpa Wang?”

Fighter Jet was even more confused. “Grandpa Wang doesn’t show up easily, does he?”

It was only then that Fang Zheng remembered—oh right, the spawn rate for Grandpa Wang was about as high as winning the lottery jackpot. But thanks to Your Uncle’s interference last time, he’d been left with the indelible mental scar of “Grandpa Wang always spawns” =_=

No objections. The group chose the shortcut again.

No surprises. Grandpa Wang stood there, cigarette in hand, exuding a melancholic 45-degree angle of cool.

“Well, back to the village entrance,” Fang Zheng sighed, too emotionally drained to even rage. Your Uncle’s god-tier luck had transformed him from a fiery, passionate man into a meek follower of fate’s whims. He no longer dared to wrestle with destiny—now, he bowed to it reverently.

His former teammates, sharing his pain, turned around without a word.

But suddenly, Fighter Jet’s excited voice blared through YY: “Holy shit, he actually spawned! Hahaha! I’ve always wanted to fight him! Everyone says he’s unbeatable, but bullshit, no NPC is unbeatable!”

Fang Zheng lifted his eyes slightly, as if seeing the dark cloud of fate looming over him and his monitor once more…

“You’ve never fought Grandpa Wang before?” someone asked curiously.

“I’ve run into him, but my teammates never wanted to fight,” Fighter Jet patiently explained to Crossplayer. “If they were here for the boss, I couldn’t exactly force them, could I?”

Polly smoothly interjected, “Then don’t force us this time either.”

2B Fighter Jet whined, “Parrot, you’re so heartless! After all we’ve been through, you won’t even help me with this one little wish? Who knows, we might even get some epic loot! I’ll let you pick first if we do!”

Fang Zheng facepalmed. Epic loot? Surviving until Grandpa Wang’s Berserk phase alone would make them a top-tier team. At least Birdy wasn’t the type to be easily swayed—

“First pick?” Polly’s tone lifted ever so slightly.

Damn it, he hadn’t even finished praising him!!!

“Absolutely!” 2B declared passionately. “Just look into my mesmerizing eyes!”

Fang Zheng couldn’t hold back anymore. “Shouldn’t the word here be ‘pure’?!”

Polly: “That wouldn’t do justice to his beauty.”

Fang Zheng clutched his chest, trying to suppress the flood of old blood threatening to spill…

2B: “You get me! Haha! Enough talk, let’s go!”

Before the words even finished, the Blood Warrior swung his greatsword and charged straight at Grandpa Wang!

Fang Zheng’s suppressed blood finally erupted, splattering across his monitor.

The tank had already engaged—what else could the team do? Polly was the second to charge in. Crossplayer immediately started Rallying. Your Uncle retreated to a safe distance and began pelting Grandpa Wang with spells. Blood Bulls Don’t Graze was the most composed, leisurely walking over and landing the first strike only after 2B had already unleashed three or four skills.

“Blood Bull, you’re so slow,” the adrenaline-fueled tank complained.

Even while hacking away, Blood Bulls Don’t Graze managed to type—

[Party] Blood Bulls Don’t Graze: Didn’t want to steal aggro.

2B: “I can Taunt. You won’t steal it.”

Taunt—a Blood Warrior’s signature skill. Its damage was mediocre, but it instantly skyrocketed the boss’s aggro toward the user.

So, in theory, 2B Fighter Jet wasn’t wrong. But no matter how you spun it, the guy just sounded sleazy =_=

Grandpa Wang’s attack power was insane—a single pipe strike took out over half of 2B’s HP. For a professional boss tank, that was downright apocalyptic. Fortunately, the team had two healers. One cycled through Silent Nourishment, Revival of the Withered, Trickling Stream, and Ten Thousand Blossoms, while the other alternated between Blessing of Healing and Rally. Between them, they barely managed to keep 2B’s HP up.

“Not that hard,” the tank basking in the fountain of healing mused.

Polly said flatly, “Wait till he summons the undead. That’s the real challenge.”

“What undead?”

Fang Zheng facepalmed. “You don’t even read guides?!”

In contrast, Birdy-kun was far more composed, answering dutifully: “His wife.”

“This ugly old man has a wife?!” The Blood Warrior was scandalized. “That’s not scientifically possible! A handsome, dashing, peerlessly charming guy like me is still single, and this old fart dares to have a wife?! Wait, is it a man or a woman?”

Polly fell silent. Even he had his limits…

For a non-endgame boss, the DPS output from six players was substantial. So, shortly after the conversation died down, the skies darkened, and Grandpa Wang suddenly tossed aside his pipe, crouched down, and began… burning paper offerings.

Clearly, he had been bullied into summoning his deceased wife ╮(╯_╰)╭

“Blesscaller, stop Rallying, switch to Ironclad!” Polly commanded immediately. “Everyone else, run as far as you can!”

Polly’s tactic was a last-ditch effort—Granny Wang’s signature move was a long-range AoE wipe. She probably had follow-up attacks, but countless players had shed blood and tears without ever witnessing them. So, as for actually escaping her range safely, no one, including Polly, held much hope…

Well, except for a certain idiot.

“I told everyone else to run! Why the hell are you running when you have aggro?!” Even someone as unflappable as Polly was pushed to the brink of becoming an Angry Bird.

“Ohhh, you meant to get out of her attack range! Should’ve said so earlier~~~” 2B smoothly backpedaled while simultaneously maneuvering Fighter Jet to run in the opposite direction.

Grandpa Wang, locked onto the Taunt user, naturally followed.

About two seconds later, a white light finally burst from Crossplayer. Only Blood Bulls Don’t Graze, who had been too close to the boss to retreat quickly enough, barely managed to receive the Ironclad buff that boosted Defense. The rest of the team missed it—too far away, the skill didn’t reach them =_=

By then, an eternity had passed since Polly’s Ironclad order…

“Are you hand-disabled or something…” Fang Zheng didn’t even want to complain, but damn it, this was too much to swallow!

Crossplayer, wracked with guilt, didn’t dare speak.

[Party] Crossplayer’s Blessing: T_T

Yet the guy still had the nerve to type…

Still had the nerve to type an emoji…

Still had the nerve to type an emoji in the middle of a life-or-death situation…

Fang Zheng wanted to cast Crimson Lotus Holy Fire and blast this guy into Granny Wang’s arms!!!!

The paper-burning summons was as efficient as fiber optics. Before the team could run far, the dark clouds above parted, and Granny Wang descended from the heavens in a festive floral-patterned blouse.

Along with her came a sky full of radiant light—

Golden Anniversary Celebration!

Like a nuclear explosion, the blinding golden light swallowed the screen. Fang Zheng instinctively squinted. Not only were his and his teammates’ avatars obscured, but even the party status bar in the top-left corner was drowned in the overwhelming glow.

But soon, he no longer needed to wonder—his screen turned black and white.

“Fuck, I’m dead!” Fighter Jet reported right away in YY.

“Me too,” Crossplayer muttered, clearly blaming himself for the wipe.

Fang Zheng wanted to say he was overthinking it, but he was too drained. “Add one more to the death count.”

Before the fourth person could report, the golden light faded. Though he held no hope, Fang Zheng reflexively checked the party status—only to be blinded by Your Uncle’s half-full HP bar!

“Mage, what the hell?!” 2B had noticed too, his voice full of excitement.

“Uh, I don’t know either…” Your Uncle sounded as if he’d been wronged.

“Blood Bull used Shield Ally on him,” Polly, ever the technical expert, explained.

Shield Ally—a Blood Warrior and Berserker skill. When used on a party member, it redirected three instances of damage dealt to them over 20 seconds onto the caster.

Golden Anniversary Celebration was actually a two-part AoE combo. The first hit was weaker, the second devastating. But because the attacks came in rapid succession, players usually perceived it as a single move. Clearly, Blood Bull’s Shield Ally had absorbed both first hits, and he’d survived them. So the second hits were still redirected to the Berserker. Of course, with only a sliver of HP left to tank double the damage, death was inevitable.

But one thing still puzzled Fang Zheng—

“Hey, 2B, you’re a tank too. Why didn’t you think to Shield Ally anyone?”

“Uh…” Fighter Jet paused for half a second before inspiration struck. “The one I want to protect hasn’t appeared yet!”

[Party] Milk is Mom: 8u7ij87uijgtyvgvgvty6

2B: “Healer, what are you doing?”

Crossplayer: “I know! He’s face-rolling his keyboard, haha!”

2B: “Wait, wouldn’t that be a string of random letters? His has a lot of repeats.”

Polly: “He’s face-slamming his keyboard.”

“Gaming won’t get you anywhere,” Fang Zheng said earnestly, rubbing his sore face. “Birdy, go join the Math Olympiad instead. You know, the kind where they give you four numbers and ask for the fifth, or four shapes and ask for the fifth? You’d dominate…”

“Mage, stop spacing out. Keep DPSing.” Birdy-kun never indulged pointless chatter.

Fang Zheng snapped back to attention, only to realize Your Uncle’s HP bar was still at the same level as before!

That didn’t make sense—even if he hadn’t been one-shot by Granny Wang, how many hits could a squishy mage tank?

Just as he was puzzling over this, a line of text popped up in the lower-left corner—

[Party] Blood Bulls Don’t Graze: Zombie, you’re insane.

Fang Zheng was confused. Looking back at the screen, he finally noticed that Polly’s HP bar was empty—but not the grayed-out shade of death. He quickly checked the battlefield and belatedly realized Birdy-kun was in Solid as a Rock state!

Since when?!

Fang Zheng’s brain whirred into overdrive. He remembered Polly still had about a third of his HP when Granny Wang appeared. He’d been too busy running to heal, but he was certain of the numbers. So the only explanation was that the first, weaker hit of Golden Anniversary Celebration had triggered Solid as a Rock? That would explain how the Zombie could survive the second hit. After all, in Solid as a Rock state, even a diamond anniversary celebration wouldn’t faze him.

So now, the situation was this: The boss couple was wailing on the pain-immune Zombie, while Your Uncle—with half his HP left (and having chugged a potion to restore it to four-fifths)—lazily rained down ranged attacks.

[Party] Blood Bulls Don’t Graze: But one thing I don’t get—why is the aggro on the Zombie?

Excellent question.

Granny Wang’s aggro followed her husband’s, and her husband attacked whoever he was aggroed to—no mystery there. But why was Grandpa Wang aggroed to Polly? That was worth thinking about.

Normally, magic-based classes had the weakest Defense but the highest Attack. Unless you were a whale like that Assassin, decked out in a full DPS Desert Set with maxed-out gems and stats, no other class could out-DPS a mage. Yet here was Birdy-kun, equipped with a level 55 Yellow-tier Gear set, doing exactly that.

Damn it, had Your Uncle been slacking off this entire time?!

No one answered Blood Bull, though the answer was obvious.

As the sole surviving Spirit Master, the team silently resolved—even if it killed them—to shower Your Uncle with infinite patience and affection until the boss fell.

Two minutes later, Grandpa Wang, now drained of HP, collapsed.

Granny Wang, furious, unleashed another apocalyptic attack!

The visual effects were stunning, and the damage was undoubtedly brutal. Unfortunately, it was a single-target attack ╮(╯_╰)╭

Like the unyielding stone left behind after Nuwa repaired the heavens, Birdy-kun stood firm, eternal against the tides of time.

Six minutes later, the team was yawning. 2B’s mic even picked up, “I love you, you’re my Juliet~~”

Great. Another girl had been led astray.

Just as Fang Zheng’s eyelids were about to droop shut, Polly’s voice rang out: “She’s about to Berserk. Mage, stay sharp.”

“Really? I thought we wouldn’t even wear her down before Solid as a Rock wore off!” Your Uncle, rubbing his sore fingertips, was nearly in tears.

No sooner had he spoken than Granny Wang suddenly raised her hand and fired eerie lasers—not one, but countless, filling the entire screen like her previous Golden Anniversary Celebration!

Fang Zheng’s heart lurched—another AoE!

But this one wasn’t an attack—it was a pull! The next second, Your Uncle was yanked right in front of Granny Wang!

Granny Wang was a straightforward woman. After pulling him in, she immediately swung a backhanded slap!

Damn it, even this sweeping slap was an AoE!

Your Uncle took the hit head-on, but his HP didn’t bottom out!

Fang Zheng checked the status bar—oh, the guy had somehow cast a Protective Shield on himself earlier!

Protective Shield—a magic-based skill for Spirit Masters and Demon Refiners. Increased Physical Defense by 30% for 30 seconds.

Tch. The guy might suck at DPS, but he was a pro at staying alive.

The unvoiced criticism didn’t reach Your Uncle, so the rare surge of motivation kept him going. With the shield still up, he chugged a Major Health Potion, refilled his HP, and began a long, drawn-out incantation.

Granny Wang rained down more slaps, but whether by luck or the shield’s effect, not only did Your Uncle survive (barely), his casting wasn’t interrupted…

Phoenix Rebirth!

A screeching firebird erupted in a blaze of light, crashing into the boss’s widow. Granny Wang finally met her end—again.

YY erupted…

“Uncle, I knew you had it in you!! Well done!!” Crossplayer was so moved he lowered his own seniority.

“Good job,” Polly said succinctly.

“I see you in a new light!” Fang Zheng was willing to admit his misjudgment.

“What are you waiting for? Loot her already!” 2B was all about the rewards.

The words instantly triggered the veterans’ PTSD—

Fang Zheng & Crossplayer: “NO!”

Polly: “Wait for me!”

But Your Uncle’s APM always kicked in at the worst times. The team could only watch helplessly as the boss faded away.

As for rolling for loot? Sorry, that belonged to another dimension.