Chapter 104 – Returning from the Internet Cafe
by Salted FishBefore setting out, although none of the thirty players said it outright, most of them had secretly considered a one-wave strategy, given their large team size.
What’s a one-wave strategy? It means skipping all the detours, avoiding unnecessary risks, and carefully clearing mobs—instead, the entire team charges forward in one go, bulldozing through the dungeon.
Now, the one-wave strategy had indeed been executed, except the roles of host and guest had been reversed.
A lightning tour of the Abandoned Coal Mine. Despite having twenty-nine comrades suffering alongside a person, and thirty bystanders waiting in the cold wind of the Central Plains to form a victims’ support group, this still couldn’t soothe the trauma in everyone’s hearts.
[55551Crying~~ Didn’t even get a chance to react~~~ It’s like a beauty lying on the bed, slowly spreading her legs, just waiting for Laozi to mount her, but then I fucking came while putting on the condom!]
—Among the many complaints after the wipe, Big H’s line was hailed as the divine summary.
Fang Zheng now understood why, even after three days since the discovery of the level 70 dungeon, it still hadn’t been cleared. Most likely, over half of the teams were just like them—before they could even figure out the dungeon’s layout, they wiped, only to tragically realize that the next dungeon attempt would have to wait for the 24-hour cooldown. As for the remaining minority, perhaps they figured out the layout, but were surely devoured by some brutal checkpoint.
[Five Peaks Pavilion – Temporary Team YY]
Summit of Mount Tai: “What now?”
Big H: “What else? Everyone go home, find your moms.”
Fang Zheng: “Drink, what do you think?”
Drink Till You Drop: “We’ll have to regroup at the same time tomorrow. But we shouldn’t waste the 24-hour cooldown either. I think after disbanding, everyone should look up quiz shows like Happy Dictionary or something.”
Leaves Fall on Chang’an: “The dungeon designer really put in a lot of effort…”
Suave Not Sleazy: “And with the noble intention of educating the masses.”
With the dungeon already failed, there was no point sticking around. After a few idle words, the three guilds dispersed. Fang Zheng led his comrades back to their own YY channel, where Diamond, who had been holding back the whole time, finally sighed deeply: “Ah, the sheer joy of watching you guys get wrecked~~~”
Fifth Brother, sitting beside him, immediately hooked an arm around his neck and yanked him over, grumbling, “Say that again, motherfucker!”
“Ahhhh! I was wrong, bro! I was really wrong! I can’t breathe, damn it…”
No one could blame Fifth Brother for going feral. Any guy would be pissed after experiencing the tragic ordeal of coming before even getting the condom on, and with Diamond’s scrawny ass so thoughtfully offering itself up, he had no choice but to knead him like a plucked chicken.
Sister Blood Bull suddenly dropped a link in the YY public chat.
Fang Zheng curiously clicked it, only to find a playlist of quiz shows—Samsung Intelligence Express, Lucky 52, Happy Dictionary, One Against All, Step by Step to Victory, Unbeatable Brainiac, Friend or Foe2Originally in English… Damn it! Why was there even an English show mixed in?!
“No one knows how many questions there are or what topics they’ll cover, so cast a wide net to catch more fish,” Sister Blood Bull explained.
Fang Zheng understood that both Sister Blood Bull and Drink Till You Drop were right. He just… had zero confidence in his own IQ TAT
Since reaching the level cap was the priority, everyone agreed on the meetup time for the next day before either AFKing their accounts or logging off to cram some brainpower.
The Commander’s crappy internet couldn’t handle sensitive MMORPGs, but buffering some thick-skinned variety shows should be fine. So after some discussion, the five guys decided not to hang around at the internet cafe—not only was the smell awful, but the place was also filled with pimple-faced kids who kept sneaking glances at them, as if thinking, Look at those weird uncles!
Only after escaping the smoky haze of the internet cafe did Jiang Yang finally feel like lighting a cigarette. But after just one puff, he noticed a similar scent drifting over—turning his head, he saw Meng Chudong had also lit one up.
Their eyes met briefly. Just as Jiang Yang was wondering if he should say something, Meng Chudong naturally averted his gaze with an expressionless face. Jiang Yang’s forehead darkened—he mentally gave the guy a big fat thumbs-down.
Fang Zheng didn’t notice this undercurrent. He was too busy admiring Birdy’s smoking profile, thinking how the hell does this guy look so damn handsome from every angle, it’s like he has no bad side, when Diamond suddenly asked, “Hey? How are the five of us gonna sleep tonight? Just saying, I absolutely refuse to sleep on the couch or the floor!”
Fifth Brother couldn’t take it anymore and rolled his eyes. “Do you have any sense of awareness? The main attraction is here—can’t you vacate half of that double bed? Or are you waiting to get gangbanged?”
Fang Zheng’s heart skipped a beat. He had been earnestly considering the logistics of sleeping arrangements, but Fifth Brother’s comment instantly switched his brain to the NSFW channel. Him and Birdy. Two people. One bed?! For a shut-in fatty who only learned what a first kiss was today, wasn’t this way too hardcore… =_=
The vivid imagery made certain parts of Fang Zheng heat up. Just as he was worrying about the tragic possibility of pitching a tent in public, Birdy’s voice drifted over eerily—
“Assassin, didn’t you say you were here on business? Didn’t you book a hotel?”
The question was asked lightly, as if it had just occurred to him.
But Jiang Yang felt inexplicably irritated. The clear sense of being driven away pissed him off. Even if he hadn’t originally planned to stay the night and thus hadn’t booked a hotel, just because of Meng Chudong’s words, he’d claim he hadn’t: “I just came to see Fang Zheng. Didn’t plan on staying over.”
Meng Chudong raised his eyes. “Planning to now?”
Jiang Yang decided to dig in his heels. “This place is nice. Few people, few cars, quiet. Maybe I’ll even stay for a year or two.”
“Oh.” Meng Chudong nodded, smiling faintly. “Then you’d better book now. Since you’re planning to stay long-term.”
Jiang Yang was speechless. His mind was filled with just two words: Damn it…
Diamond and Fifth Brother were baffled, but that didn’t stop them from drawing a clear conclusion—if talking was a form of combat power, then the Deputy Leader was top-tier, while the Assassin’s level… uh, did he even have one? More like a freshly created alt ╮(╯_╰)╭
The Assassin was a proud man. Backed into a corner like this, he pulled out his phone and dialed. After a few seconds, presumably when the other end picked up, he said, “Yeah, it’s me. Still here. Not going back tomorrow. The day after? We’ll see. Book me a hotel, right now! Business room, king bed, whatever, just one—”
“Wait! NO! Yamete3“Stop it” in Japanese.—” Diamond teleported over out of nowhere, grabbing Jiang Yang’s hand tightly and yanking the phone to his own ear. “Twin beds! Or two king beds, whatever, hahaha~~~~”
At 8:30 PM, well past working hours, receiving a call from his unreasonable boss demanding an immediate hotel booking—as an assistant and general dogsbody, fresh grad Xiao Wang could endure it. But what the hell was with the random man suddenly appearing next to his boss?! What kind of situation was it where two guys only thought to book a hotel at 8:30 PM?! And could they at least decide whether they wanted one bed or two before calling?!
Jiang Yang’s lips twitched, his face darkening like a burnt pot. Stiffly, he looked down at Diamond hanging off his arm. The latter, meeting his aggrieved gaze, curved his eyes into a radiant smile…
The touchscreen had accidentally switched to speaker during the scuffle. The innocent young man on the other end, suppressing the millions of alpacas galloping through his heart, asked with calm restraint, “President Jiang, are you still there?”
At this moment, the Assassin dearly wished he could transfer his in-game profession to real life. “…Yeah.”
“How would you like to book the rooms?”
“T-two. Separate.”
Two short words, infused with a lifetime’s worth of blood and tears.
Having successfully hitched a ride, Diamond slid down from the “Assassin Tree” with satisfaction, his smile fading as he let out a melancholic sigh into the night, his achievements hidden deep in the domain.
Fifth Brother was awestruck, involuntarily voicing his thoughts: “The shameless child gets the milk…”
Fang Zheng instinctively glanced at the Assassin’s… chest, his gaze so intense it could’ve burned holes in that stylishly tailored coat.
Jiang Yang shuddered, suddenly feeling like a loli encountering a pervert on the subway: “The fuck are you looking at? Want me to strip for you?”
Fang Zheng grinned, skipping the foreplay and diving straight into character: “Come on~~~ strip for me~~~ anyway you’ve got~~~ plenty of—mmph!”
A demonic hand from behind stifled the Commander’s debauchery in its cradle, using the position to drag him away.
Then, further and further away…
“Didn’t expect him to be so strong,” Fifth Brother mused with a suggestive whistle. “Wonder if the healer’ll be able to walk tomorrow.”
Diamond shook his head, humming softly: “The chrysanthemum’s withered~~~ the ground is full of wounds~~~4From the song “菊花台” (Chrysanthemum Terrace) by Jay Chou..”
Jiang Yang scoffed, unsure whether his irritation was directed at Meng Chudong, Fang Zheng, or himself.
The spark of anger Meng Chudong had ignited in Jiang Yang had now erupted into a full-blown wildfire thanks to Fang Zheng’s shamelessness.
Goddammit, one trip to the internet cafe and he’s back to his perverted self! Where’s the nervousness? The shyness? The innocence? Even if it’s an act, can’t you at least keep it up a little longer?!
The Deputy Leader was distraught.
He even began to miss the fatso who couldn’t even look him in the eye earlier—even if he was wearing that mustard-yellow jacket.
When first dragged away by Birdy, Fang Zheng was just surprised by the guy’s strength. But once they reached the stairwell, it finally dawned on him—oh shit, is he actually mad? =_=
He… probably… maybe… hadn’t done anything wrong, right? >_<
“Keys.” In front of the security door, Meng Chudong was expressionless and concise.
Fang Zheng didn’t dare delay, hurriedly fishing out the keys and handing them over.
After unlocking the door, Meng Chudong very naturally pocketed the keys.
Fang Zheng hesitated, but in the end, only dared to grumble inwardly.
The living room was strewn with randomly placed chairs, a relocated desktop PC, the sofa with the discarded mustard-yellow jacket, Meng Chudong’s laptop, Meng Chudong’s backpack, Jiang Yang’s suitcase, and so on. With so many people earlier, it hadn’t seemed like much, but now, the mess was glaringly obvious. Subconsciously, Fang Zheng started tidying—not because he was particularly diligent, but with so many guests over, just like how he’d cleaned before Diamond and Fifth Brother’s visit, he wanted to leave a good impression and save face.
But after a few minutes of cleaning, he realized something was off. The room was too quiet—so quiet it felt like he was alone.
Swallowing hard, Fang Zheng, who had been bending over to move the desktop, slowly turned his head, cautiously scanning the room until his eyes landed on Meng Chudong sitting on the sofa.
Birdy was sitting on the right side, right next to the mustard-yellow jacket. His eyelids were lowered, his expression unreadable, but his hand resting on the sofa back was idly stroking the jacket, as if soothing a pig about to be slaughtered.
A chilly wind from the digital world brushed the back of the Commander’s neck.
“So…” Strike first to gain the upper hand. “Do you really like this jacket that much?”
Birdy lifted his eyelids, finally reacting. “Do you really like Jiang Yang that much?”
Fang Zheng was startled, answering without hesitation: “Heaven and earth as my witness! Absolutely not!”
Birdy rarely frowned. “Then why were you acting so shamelessly?”
Fang Zheng finally caught on—this was about the singing. He hurriedly explained, “It’s just habit, you know? Old habits die…” Wait, something felt wrong…
“Old habits die hard, huh?” Birdy narrowed his eyes, his strokes on the jacket growing gentler.
Even Fang Zheng could tell the guy was upset now. He quickly walked over, first rescuing the poor jacket from under the demonic claws and tossing it aside, then obediently sat next to Birdy, leaning forward slightly in a submissive posture to show his pitifulness: “Mad again? You’re perfect in every way, but your threshold for anger is way too low…”
The “perfect in every way” comment pleased Meng Chudong, so he ignored the second half.
Seeing no reaction, Fang Zheng reflected further and realized Birdy’s sudden arrival had scrambled his brains so much he’d almost forgotten the whole thing with Jiang Yang. His behavior really hadn’t been proper, easily leading to misunderstandings…
Closing his eyes and steeling his heart, Fang Zheng leaned straight in and kissed him.
Meng Chudong only saw the face in his vision growing larger and larger, and then—his brain short-circuited. That was it.
At first, just like the stolen kiss in the stairwell, the ambushee froze, unresponsive, while the ambusher remained gentlemanly, not attempting any tongue-based conquest. But just as the ambusher was about to cleanly retreat, he suddenly felt the dry touch was too monotonous—it needed some flavor. So, as he pulled away, he lightly licked the other’s lips with the tip of his tongue.
Meng Chudong’s scattered thoughts reassembled at that electrifying touch of damp heat.
Before Fang Zheng could retreat to safety, his chubby face was grabbed and kneaded violently!
“Damn it, you think this is a one-trick pony?!”
The Commander wept internally: Awoo, I liked the cold Birdy-kun better TAT
The Deputy Leader mentally slapped himself: The anger that burned all the way home really did fucking vanish. Meng Chudong, you useless—!!
The security door was slightly ajar. When the rest of the squad arrived, the first thing they saw was the Deputy Leader mauling the Commander’s face. They froze in place—staying silent was politeness, but that didn’t stop the internal commentary—
Fifth Brother: Are these two flirting or clowning?
Diamond: Ugh, we deliberately took our time getting here—why aren’t they naked yet? Are you two still in kindergarten?!
Jiang Yang: Screw this, Laozi has nothing to say.
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