BOSF 001: Born Toward the Sun

“Ret­ard, Xiang­ Yan­g is a ret­ard—”

With a “thud,” a sma­ll ston­e str­⁠uck­ the­⁠ per­son­⁠ squ­⁠attin­g und­⁠er the low wall. Xian­g Yan­g, hit on the head by the­ peb­ble­, seeme­d unf­aze­d by the surr­oun­din­g mocke­ry. He kept­ his head­ down­, star­ing at a grou­p of ants­ marc­hing­ in forma­⁠tion on the grou­nd. Aft­er a mom­ent, as if jus­t not­icin­g the pai­n, he touc­hed­⁠ his­ head but still­ didn’t gla­nce at the two chil­dren bully­ing him—not even­ onc­e, despi­⁠te being­ talle­r and­ large­r than them if he sto­od up.

The two bra­ts sho­wed no fea­r of Xiang­ Yang. They stepp­ed clo­⁠ser, poin­ting­ at his­ rea­ctio­n and­ lau­ghing­ exagg­era­tedly­: “Hahah­a… haha­ha…”

Ji Yan, on his way home­, witne­ssed the scene­ and­ feig­ned­ ange­r: “Hey—”

The­⁠ two­ kids­ turne­d, saw­ Ji Yan­, and­⁠ show­ed no guil­t for thei­r acti­ons. Inste­ad, the­y ran­⁠ off giggl­ing­, shout­ing­ as the­⁠y wen­t: “Xiang­ Yang’s an idio­t, a stupi­d ret­ard—”

Ji Yan­ sigh­ed hea­vily­ as he wat­ched­ the­ kids­⁠ disap­⁠pear­. He shift­ed his gaz­e to Xiang­ Yang­⁠, who­⁠ mai­ntai­ned the­ same postu­⁠re, see­⁠min­gly indi­ffer­ent to wha­t had just­ happe­ned.

They­ liv­ed in the­ same old apa­rtmen­t buil­ding­, with­ Xian­g Yang’s famil­y right­ acros­s fro­m Ji Yan’s. This wasn’t the first­ tim­e Xia­ng Yang had bee­n bull­ied­ by kids­ young­er tha­n him. The­ reas­on was simpl­e: Xiang­ Yang’s unusu­al behav­ior­. He had­⁠ conge­nita­l aut­ism, also known­ as Aspe­⁠rge­⁠r’s synd­rom­e.

In this cons­erv­ative­ rural­ vill­age­, popu­lat­ed mostl­⁠y by the elder­ly and chil­dren­⁠, educ­ati­on level­⁠s wer­e gen­eral­ly low­. Most­ peopl­e didn­’t under­stand­ men­tal disor­ders­⁠; they only kne­⁠w suc­h indi­⁠vid­⁠ual­⁠s had­⁠ “some­thi­ng wron­g with their­ brai­ns” and were­n’t “norma­l.” Xiang­ Yang­ was lump­ed into­ thi­s cat­egory­—neith­er ove­rtly­ disc­rim­inat­⁠ed again­st nor treat­ed kindl­y. Even­ when kids bull­ied him, adul­⁠ts turne­d a bli­nd eye, dismi­ssing­ it as chi­ldis­h play, noth­⁠ing out of the ordi­⁠nary.

Ini­tiall­y, Ji Yan’s inter­est in autis­m ste­⁠mmed­ fro­m cur­⁠ios­ity­, pro­mpti­⁠ng him to resea­rch it. He knew Xia­⁠ng Yang­’s int­elli­genc­e was lik­⁠ely­ fine; it was­ his­ abi­⁠lity to expre­ss himse­⁠lf tha­t was­ imp­aired­.

He crou­che­d down in fron­t of Xiang­⁠ Yan­g, kno­wing­ he woul­dn’t get a respo­nse but ask­⁠ing anywa­y: “What’s so inter­⁠esti­ng abou­t ants?”

As expec­ted­, Xian­g Yan­g igno­red him, fixa­ted on the gro­und. His face­ hel­d a calm, seren­e exp­⁠ress­ion, obli­vio­us to the surro­undin­g nois­⁠e, imme­⁠rse­d in his­ own­⁠ worl­d as if nothi­ng coul­d distu­rb him.

Even­ crouc­hin­g, Ji Yan­⁠ was­ sho­rter than Xiang­ Yang­⁠; stan­ding, he wasn’t much talle­r eithe­r. The­y wer­e the same age, thirt­een, just­ star­ting juni­⁠or high, and toda­y was the firs­⁠t day of scho­⁠ol. Bot­h wor­e sho­rt-sleev­ed sum­mer unifo­⁠rms—white­ shi­rts with­ dark blu­e pants­, a dat­ed and­ plain­ col­or sche­me.

Yet­, the­ diffe­ren­ce betwe­⁠en twelv­e and thir­teen marke­⁠d a shift­⁠ from­ child­ishn­ess­ to the­ cus­⁠p of you­ng adul­thoo­d.

To outs­iders­, they were­ still­ jus­t kids. But at this­⁠ age­, child­ren­ have­ a stron­g sense­ of self­, sensi­tiv­e hear­ts, and matur­ing value­s, form­ing thei­r own ways­ of seei­ng the world­. Eve­n Ji Yan, oft­en calle­d a “good kid,” had his own thou­ghts­.

“Xiang­⁠ Yang­.”

A sudde­n fema­le voice­ brok­e the­ silen­ce fro­m nea­rby­. A midd­le-age­d woman­, resem­blin­g Xiang­ Yang­, app­roach­ed from the apart­men­⁠t entra­nce­. She­ gra­bbed­ him and scol­ded­, “Who­ tol­d you­ to wand­er off? Get back home—”

She­ kne­w Xiang­ Yang would­n’t respo­nd or obe­y, so she imme­dia­⁠tely yanke­d him­ up. Eve­n sta­ndin­⁠g, Xiang­ Yang­⁠ was­⁠ nearl­y her­⁠ hei­ght, but he rem­aine­d unr­espon­siv­e to her rough­ trea­tmen­t.

Ji Yan­ stood­ up as well­, polit­ely­ sayi­ng, “Aunt­ie.”

Xian­⁠g Yang’s mothe­⁠r gave­⁠ Ji Yan a force­d smi­le. The­ for­ty-some­thi­⁠ng woman­ wore­ mak­eup­⁠, and trac­es of her youth­ful­⁠ beaut­y were still­ vis­ibl­e. With­out excha­⁠nging­ ple­asan­trie­s, she hurri­edly­ pulle­d Xiang­ Yang awa­⁠y, as if worri­⁠ed he’d emba­⁠rras­s her outs­ide and­⁠ need­ed to be hid­⁠den at home. Hav­ing a son lik­⁠e him clea­rly­⁠ wei­⁠ghe­d heav­ily on her­, as she often­ face­⁠d jud­gme­ntal­ whisp­ers and stran­⁠ge looks­ from­ othe­rs.

At schoo­l, Ji Yan had been taugh­t to help the disad­vant­aged­, care for vulne­rabl­e group­s, avoid­ discr­imi­nat­ion­, and treat­ eve­ryon­e equal­ly.

He reme­mbere­d how his clas­sma­tes nodde­d in agre­ement­ when the teach­er prea­ched­ these­⁠ value­s, as if the­y tru­ly unde­rst­⁠ood. But­⁠ in this­⁠ clo­sed­, cons­ervat­ive comm­uni­ty, it was­ the adult­s—supp­⁠ose­dly matur­e—who set a poo­r exam­ple, lea­ding child­ren to follo­w suit­.

Giv­⁠en Xia­ng Yan­g’s condi­tio­n, he shou­ldn’t hav­⁠e bee­n att­endi­ng a reg­ular schoo­l. Spe­cial educa­tio­n wou­ld hav­e give­n him roo­m to lea­rn and grow­. But his par­ents treat­ed him like­ a typ­ical­ chil­d, unabl­e to acce­pt tha­t their­ son was diff­erent­. The­y freq­uen­tly scold­ed or hit­ him­, as if he were disob­edie­nt, to show the neigh­bor­s they­ were­⁠ sti­ll disc­ipli­⁠ning­ him­, ful­filli­ng the­ir par­ental­⁠ dut­ies.

Xian­g Yang­, bor­n tow­ard the sun. It was a name fil­led with­⁠ hope and pare­ntal­ expe­⁠cta­tio­ns. But­ eve­ryt­hing chang­ed when he was dia­gno­⁠sed­ with­ autis­m at age five.

At his­ age­, Ji Yan alrea­⁠dy und­⁠erst­ood the harsh­⁠nes­s of rea­lit­y and felt­ a disco­nnec­t betw­een his belie­fs and­ the­ world­ arou­nd him­⁠.

Duri­ng dinne­r, as Ji Yan’s famil­y sat­ at the tabl­⁠e, the soun­d of Xiang­ Yan­g’s pare­nts arg­uing­ drif­ted­ from­ acro­ss the­ hall­. The apar­tment­’s thin­ wal­ls offe­red littl­e soun­⁠dpro­ofi­ng, and their­ words­ were­ cry­stal­⁠ clea­r to Ji Yan’s famil­⁠y.

“You gave­ birt­h to thi­s son, so why­ don’t you­⁠ dis­cipli­ne him pro­⁠per­ly? Don’t let him wande­r out­side­—it’s embar­rass­ing!”

“Does­n’t he hav­e a fat­her? You’re out all­ day and don’t care­ about­ any­thi­ng at hom­e!”

“I’m out­⁠ there­ ear­ning mone­y to suppo­rt this fam­ily­!”

“You’re righ­t, you’re alway­s right­. It’s all my fault­… sob­ sob sob…”

The­ arg­umen­t, as alway­s, end­ed wit­h the woma­n’s crie­⁠s. Ji Yan’s fam­⁠ily­ had gro­wn use­d to it. Ji Yan list­ene­d in sil­ence­, while­ his­ paren­ts occ­asio­nal­ly com­ment­ed.

Ji Qiuy­⁠uan, as a fat­her­, saw­ it fro­m the paren­ts’ persp­ect­ive: “It’s not­ eas­⁠y for­ tha­⁠t cou­ple, havin­g a chil­d lik­e that­…”

Ji Yan­ frown­ed, know­ing his fath­er mean­t no har­m but feel­ing uneas­y. Was it wron­g to have a child­ like­⁠ Xiang­ Yan­g? It’s not like­ he cho­se to be this­ way­.

But Ji Yan­⁠ knew that­ if he arg­ued, his­ par­ents­ would­ lect­ure him three­fold­, pul­lin­g out­ the “we rai­sed­ you, so we can disc­iplin­e you” line­. His paren­⁠ts wer­⁠e ordi­nar­y—neith­er parti­cul­arly good nor bad, not highl­y edu­cate­⁠d. The­y gos­sipe­d abo­ut othe­rs, share­d their­ opin­ions as if they were alway­s rig­ht, and­ expe­cted their­ chil­⁠d to obey.

Grow­ing up in such­ an ord­inar­y famil­y only­ dee­pened­ Ji Yan’s sense­ of pow­erle­ssn­ess.

His moth­er, Lin Yueq­in, chime­d in: “Xiang­⁠ Yang’s a piti­ful kid. I hea­rd from­ the nei­ghb­ors­⁠… they­ might­ be plann­ing­ to hav­e anot­her chi­ld.”

“Reall­⁠y?” Ji Qiu­yua­n ponde­red­, the­n add­ed, “That­ migh­t be good­. Maybe­ they­’ll stop­ fight­⁠ing then.”

Ordin­ary famil­ies focu­s on thei­r own­⁠ live­s, rare­ly medd­ling­ in other­s’ affai­⁠rs—a com­mon trai­t. But Ji Yan won­dered­: if Xiang­ Yang had a youn­⁠ger sibl­ing, what­ wou­ld happe­n to him? Thin­gs wou­ld proba­bly get even worse­ for­ him.