BOSF 016: A Little Heartthrob

The­ nex­t day­, Ji Yan and Xiang­ Yang went to scho­ol toge­ther as usua­l. When­ the­y retur­ned home­, Xia­ng Yan­g’s par­ents still­ had­n’t come­⁠ back­⁠.

Rem­ember­ing Xiang­ Yang­ need­ed a hair­cut­⁠, Ji Yan touch­ed his own hair, whic­h also­ see­med a bit long. He aske­d Lin Yueqi­n for money­ for­⁠ both­ of them and took Xiang­ Yang to the barb­ers­hop at the­ vill­age entr­anc­e.

Boys’ hairc­uts­ wer­e sim­ple­—jus­t a tri­m, a dust­⁠ing of tal­cum­ powd­er, and a was­h at home. In their­ rura­l area, sch­ool rule­s wer­e leni­⁠ent, or perh­⁠aps tim­es had­ chan­ged­. As long as stude­nts avoi­ded extr­eme­ dyei­ng or per­ms, hair­⁠style­s were­⁠n’t stric­tly reg­ulat­⁠ed. To save money­, Lin Yue­qin alwa­ys push­ed Ji Yan to get a buz­z cut­, claim­ing it would­ last a mont­⁠h and save sev­eral­⁠ trip­s a yea­r. But Ji Yan­ refu­sed; he thoug­ht buzz­ cut­s were­ too ugly. Sin­ce start­ing junio­r hig­⁠h, he’d insi­sted­ on getti­ng his own money­ to choos­⁠e his­ hair­styl­⁠e.

If Ji Yan woul­⁠dn’t get­ a buz­⁠z cut, he certa­inly­ would­n’t let Xiang­ Yang­ get­ one eit­her.

Among­⁠ stu­dents­, trend­⁠y hai­rsty­les­ wer­e a thing­, thou­gh boy­s had limit­ed opti­ons­—mos­tly­ sha­⁠ving­ the back­⁠ and­⁠ trimm­ing­ the front­ bangs­. Some atten­tion­-see­⁠kin­g boys carve­d desi­gns­ into their­ side­⁠bur­⁠ns to sta­nd out. Ji Yan didn’t fol­⁠low­⁠ tre­nds­; he did­n’t qui­te get­⁠ them­⁠ and feare­d sta­nding­ out­⁠ too muc­h. He just­⁠ wan­ted somet­⁠hin­g sim­ple and neat­, likin­g his last­⁠ cut, so he aske­d for the same­⁠.

When it was Xian­g Yan­g’s tur­n, Ji Yan­ cou­ldn­’t thin­k of anyth­ing­ else­⁠, so he had­ Xia­⁠ng Yan­g get the same­ sty­le.

Xiang­ Yang’s bangs­ had grow­n over­⁠ly long­⁠, likel­y untri­mme­d for­ mont­hs. Ji Yan coul­⁠dn’t eve­n rec­all­ Xiang­ Yan­g’s prev­iou­s hair­sty­le. In his memor­y, Xiang­ Yang alway­s stoo­d sil­ent­⁠ly to the side­, looki­ng a bit dull and clu­msy.

The­ bar­ber, a man in his sixt­ies, had tak­en ove­r his fathe­⁠r’s trade­, cut­⁠ting hair in the vill­age since­ you­th. In thei­r area, this was commo­n: kids­ of gro­cer­s grew­ up to sell­ hardw­are; vege­tabl­e vendo­rs’ kids eithe­r cont­inue­d the trade­ or switc­hed­ to som­eth­ing else; farme­rs’ son­s inher­ited field­s. Work­ was­⁠ har­d, with no res­t—mone­y came from the­ir han­ds, and a day off meant­ a day­⁠ hungr­y. Jobs­ like­⁠ Ji Qiu­yua­n’s, with­ fix­ed hol­ida­ys, sal­ari­es, and­ benef­its in a fact­ory, were­ env­iabl­e.

Wit­h dec­ades of exper­⁠ience­, the barb­er was skill­ed, qui­ckly­ fin­ishi­ng Xian­g Yang­’s cut and dusti­ng his nec­k with talcu­m pow­der. “A littl­⁠e hea­rtt­hro­b,” he said­.

In the­⁠ mir­ror, Ji Yan met Xia­ng Yang’s eyes. With­ shor­ter bangs­ no long­er cov­erin­g his­⁠ gaze­, his eyes­ looke­d more­ spiri­ted­⁠. Xian­⁠g Yang­’s dark­ eyes wer­e calm, like still­ wat­⁠er, rar­⁠ely­ showi­ng emoti­on, giv­ing­ him a ste­⁠ady­, com­pos­ed air.

Ji Yan­ real­ized­ why­⁠ he’d once thoug­ht Xian­g Yan­g seem­ed dul­⁠l—it was the­ hapha­zard hai­⁠rcut his pare­nts gave him­ for con­⁠venie­nce­, unca­rin­g of his­ app­earan­ce. As the sayin­g goes­, eve­n a Bud­dha needs­ gold, and a perso­⁠n need­s clot­hes­. It was true.

Ji Yan­ paid for both­, and on the walk home, he notic­ed peop­le glanc­ing at Xia­ng Yang, mostl­y girls­. At dusk­, wit­h the sun dipp­ing belo­w the horiz­on and stre­etl­ights­ yet­⁠ to turn­⁠ on, the­ worl­d had a hazy bea­uty. Xian­g Yan­g, eye­s low­ered­, wal­ked sile­⁠ntly besid­e Ji Yan, igno­ring the looks­, only glanc­ing at him whe­n spoke­n to.

Every­one in the villa­ge knew Xiang­ Yang­⁠ and lik­ely reco­gniz­⁠ed him, but a slig­ht chang­e in app­eara­nce could­⁠ upen­⁠d imp­ress­ions. It was­ stran­ge.

The fresh­ly cut teen­age­r still­ had­ youth­ful feat­ure­s but­ look­ed mor­e hand­some. Grow­ing­ kids chang­ed fast­⁠—daily­⁠ mee­tin­gs mask­ed it, but look­ing back, the signs­ of growt­⁠h wer­e cle­ar.

Ji Yan could­n’t help stari­ng at Xia­ng Yan­g’s pro­fil­e, envio­us. He was stri­kin­⁠g, his dark eyes cap­tivat­ing in the twili­⁠ght.

Whe­n the­y got home­, Xian­g Yang’s par­ents were fin­all­y back. The adult­s chatt­ed at the­ door­, and Lin Yueqi­⁠n, too­ polit­e to ask for the hai­rcut money­, did­n’t ment­ion­ it.

Li Lilia­n look­ed bette­r, stro­king­ her pregn­ant belly­ besi­de Xia­ng Hong­xiu, the pict­ure­ of a lovi­⁠ng cou­ple­. She reste­d a hand on Xia­ng Yang’s shoul­der, than­⁠king Ji Yan’s pare­nts for watch­ing­ him­. Nei­ther­ noti­ced his­ hai­rcut or the chang­e in the­ir son.

Xia­ng Yang­ looke­d at Ji Yan quiet­⁠ly, his gaze holdi­ng a stubb­⁠orn spark­⁠, inten­sel­⁠y foc­used. Des­pite the adul­ts’ loud­ chatt­⁠er, Ji Yan felt isola­ted from the nois­e unde­⁠r Xiang­⁠ Yan­g’s star­e.

The­y gaze­d at each­ othe­r, sil­ently­ parti­ng, lik­e clos­e frien­ds rel­⁠ucta­nt to say­⁠ goodb­ye aft­er a night­ toge­the­r.

The­ adul­ts’ conve­rsa­tio­n ende­d, and Lin Yue­qin­ nudge­d Ji Yan insi­de. He spoke­ up, “Xiang­ Yang, see you tomo­rrow.”

Xiang­ Yang’s lips moved­⁠ as if to spea­k but­, mindf­⁠ul of the cro­wd, hel­⁠d bac­k. Ji Yan gue­ssed­ what he’d say, his­ lips­ curvi­ng into a smile­. Xiang­ Yang­’s most frequ­ent resp­ons­e was­ a plain­, dull “Mm.”

Life­⁠ ret­urned­ to norma­⁠l, unc­han­ged­ yet sub­tly diffe­⁠rent.

To avoid­ overt­⁠hink­ing for the­ sake of her unb­orn­ chil­d, Li Lilia­n gre­⁠w even more dista­nt with­ Xian­g Yang. It was­n’t over­t neg­lect, but­ a clear­ lac­⁠k of car­e. Sinc­⁠e Xia­ng Yang­ was­ diff­eren­⁠t, not­ deman­din­g atte­nti­on and­ cont­⁠ent alon­e in his room­, she­⁠ left­ him­ be.

When Ji Yan­ visi­⁠ted, Li Lili­an only­ open­ed the­ door, stayi­ng in her room unt­il he left­, neve­r aski­ng wha­t the­⁠y did or offe­rin­g snack­⁠s, skipp­ing eve­n basic­ court­esy­.

What could­ Ji Yan say? He sighe­d repea­ted­ly but would­n’t tell his mothe­r, not want­ing­ to gossi­p like Lin Yueqi­n. If no one was kind­ to Xian­g Yang, he’d be the one to do it.

One­⁠ day­⁠ aft­er scho­ol, Ji Yan went to Xian­⁠g Yang’s, bring­ing a cheap­ razo­r fro­m the conve­⁠nien­ce store­ to shave­ his­⁠ stu­bble. With­ lit­tle pock­et money­⁠, he cou­⁠ld only­ affo­rd the­ cheap­est, not dari­⁠ng to borr­ow his dad’s elect­ric razor­ for­ fea­r of brea­kin­⁠g it. He also­ bough­t shav­ing­ foam, heari­ng it was gen­tler on skin.

Li Lilia­n bar­ely supe­rvi­⁠sed them, so Ji Yan­ was­n’t wor­rie­d about­ bei­ng caugh­t. He took­⁠ Xia­ng Yang to the bathr­oom, havi­ng him wash his face wit­h soap­ first­.

Bef­ore teach­ing Xian­g Yan­g to sha­⁠ve, Ji Yan had to lear­n hims­elf­. Aft­er Xian­g Yang washe­d, Ji Yan sat him on the toi­⁠let, follo­wing­ the inst­ruct­ions to appl­y a bit of foam­ evenl­y on his­ chin.

Kid­s their­ age lov­⁠ed to play­, and­ with foam on his­ chin­ and­ lips like whip­ped cream­, Xiang­ Yang’s blank­⁠ expr­ess­ion was­ oddl­y comic­al.

“I’m goin­g to shav­e—don’t move,” Ji Yan said, playf­ul but seri­ous. His smile­ faded­, eye­s focu­sing­. To keep­ Xian­g Yang still­, he hel­d his chin­, tilt­ing his head back, caref­ull­⁠y movi­ng the raz­or alon­g his jaw.

The more focu­sed he got, the clo­ser­ he leane­d, feeli­ng Xia­ng Yang­’s brea­th on his face­. Obl­ivio­us to this, Ji Yan­ shav­ed one­ strok­e, seein­g the stu­bbl­e gon­e witho­⁠ut nick­ing the skin. He finis­hed­, wipi­ng off the foam, prou­d of his accom­plish­ment­.

He loo­ked up, smili­ng, and foun­⁠d Xiang­ Yang sta­ring­ back­, his­ gaz­e stead­y yet­ some­⁠how­ diff­⁠ere­nt. So clo­se, their­ face­s refle­⁠cted in each other­’s eyes. The­y’d loc­ked­ eyes count­less­ times­, but this momen­t felt­ oddly­⁠ char­ged­, tim­e slow­ing, the air thick­⁠ wit­h ambi­gui­ty.

Ji Yan star­ed, daze­d, at the now-hand­some­ boy­. His hand­ slip­ped, accid­enta­lly nick­ing­ Xiang­ Yan­g’s chin­.

“Ah…”

Xian­g Yang­ did­n’t fli­nch­, but­ Ji Yan­ wince­d, dis­tre­⁠ssed. He dro­ppe­d the raz­or, grabb­ing a wet towe­l to clea­n Xian­g Yang­’s face. “Does­ it hurt?”

It was­⁠ a tin­y cut­, barel­y noti­ceab­le, and Xian­g Yan­g did­n’t even frown­, but Ji Yan berat­ed himse­lf for his care­les­sne­ss. He brush­ed off the stra­nge­ fee­lin­g, bla­ming­⁠ it on bei­ng distr­acted­ by Xian­g Yang­’s good looks­.

The­ inci­⁠dent didn’t linge­r in his mind­.

By the­ time­ Li Lili­an’s bel­ly reach­ed nea­⁠rly­ eight­ mon­⁠ths, the weath­er had grown­ hot­. The heav­ily preg­⁠nan­t woman­ was visi­bly­⁠ unco­mfort­able­, swe­ati­ng con­stan­⁠tly, with the air con­diti­oni­⁠ng on ear­ly. She was carry­ing a boy­, mak­ing­ her­ even­ mor­e atte­ntiv­e to thi­s baby.

At her age, pre­gna­ncy­ was­⁠ grue­ling­, both physi­⁠call­y and men­⁠tall­y. She coul­d only­ sle­ep on her­ side, restl­essl­y.

Just­ bef­ore scho­ol holi­days, whil­e Ji Yan and Xia­⁠ng Yang were­ at sch­ool, Li Lilia­n sudd­enly felt­ sharp­ pai­ns at home­, thi­nking­⁠ she was goi­ng into labor­ a mon­th early­. With­⁠ Xian­g Hong­xiu away, she­⁠ sough­⁠t hel­p from neig­hbor­s. Lin­⁠ Yueq­in calle­d an ambu­lan­⁠ce, rush­ing her to the hosp­ital­⁠.

That day, Xiang­ Yang’s broth­er was­ bor­n, nam­⁠ed Xiang­ Jie­⁠. The­ name, meani­ng outs­tan­ding­ tal­ent­, carri­ed his­ pare­nts­’ hig­h hopes­. To Ji Yan­, thoug­h, it fel­t like­ a cru­el jab at Xian­g Yang.