CTL 19

There was no way I could refuse Seohwi kissing me.

Yoongeon placed his hand on top of Seohwi’s, which was cupping his cheek. He did not even have the faint strength to unintentionally pull it away.

He clung to me desperately. The thought of why is he going this far came to mind, but it evaporated the moment his tongue parted my lips and entered. Yoongeon shut his eyes tightly. The breath he poured out felt unbelievably good.

Seohwi pulled him closer, and his tongue went deeper. When Yoongeon’s hand tensed unintentionally, Seohwi lowered it and interlaced their fingers.

“Umm…. Hah….”

Since he was not holding me down with force, I could have escaped if I wanted to. But Yoongeon could not do that. It felt good that he was holding my hand tightly, and it felt mindlessly good to share breaths so precariously.

Seohwi, realizing that Yoongeon was not refusing, pulled him in by the waist. While messily tangling their tongues, he swept his hand over Yoongeon’s body. Yoongeon’s body instantly heated up. He let out a low moan before he knew it.

“Ngh….”

Seohwi pushed his body back. As Yoongeon slumped onto the sofa, Seohwi climbed on top of him and threw off the t-shirt he was wearing. As I was staring blankly at his naked body, he lowered his head again. Yoongeon parted his lips familiarly.

He could not be called a good kisser, not even as an empty compliment. In fact, it was painful because he could not properly control his strength. He did as he pleased, so he could not be considerate of the other person, but Yoongeon liked even that. His head was spinning so much it felt like it would completely explode. From the excessive stimulation, his lower body was already erect and leaking pre-seminal fluid.

While Yoongeon was lost in the kiss, Seohwi stripped off his pants and even his underwear. It was a stark contrast to the fully clothed Yoongeon.

“Ngh, uum….”

Seohwi, who had been tangling his tongue with Yoongeon’s and overwhelming him, sucked on his lower lip. Yoongeon let out a pained moan and then saw him, completely naked. The sight made me feel like I would go crazy, so Yoongeon caressed his side without realizing it.

“Ah….”

The person I had longed for, my lover, was still craving me. In that moment, Yoongeon could not hold back and bit down on his chest, sinking his teeth in. Seohwi flinched at the sharp sting but did not push him away. It seemed he was prepared to accept whatever he did.

“Saying you hate men… ngh, that was a lie, wasn’t it.”

Seohwi gently chided Yoongeon, who was hugging him and leaving love bites here and there. But Yoongeon could not come to his senses, intoxicated by the scent of his lover’s skin, which he was experiencing for the first time in a long while.

“Doing it with another man, you know how, right? Ah.”

By now, Yoongeon was clinging to his nape, frantically licking and biting. So he could not properly hear what Seohwi was saying. Seohwi, looking at the completely crazed Yoongeon, must have decided it could not go on like this, because he forcibly pulled him away. His body was mottled from how much he had been tormented in that short time.

“I’m ready, so you can do it. I’ve prepared myself.”

“……”

I guess this is what it feels like when you think you are about to lose your mind. I did not hear him properly, so Seohwi told him again. That he was ready, so it was okay to proceed.

“……Ah.”

But contrary to Seohwi’s intention, at his words that he was mentally prepared, Yoongeon stopped all his actions.

“…Wai, t.”

What on earth have I done. As Yoongeon bit his lip until it nearly bled, Seohwi told him not to and gently rubbed his lips. Yoongeon turned his head away to avoid the gentle gesture.

“I told you… you don’t have to do that.”

Yoongeon said with great difficulty.

“I’m sorry. I….”

“……”

“…I made a mistake.”

A siren blared in his head. If I have sex with him here and now, it will become dangerous.

“I am sorry.”

So he did what he could. Meaning, he tried to leave the spot. However, he was sitting almost sunken into the sofa, and Seohwi was on top of him. When he tried to get up, Seohwi pushed his shoulders down with force.

“If you can’t do it, then I’ll just do it.”

“No, wait… Ugh.”

Without even listening to Yoongeon, Seohwi pulled off his pants. Yoongeon urgently grabbed his waist.

“Wait a moment. Wait.”

“……”

At the continued refusal, Seohwi finally stopped what he was doing and gazed at him.

“You don’t want to?”

“……”

“If it’s because I’m a man, if having sex is disgusting for that reason, I’ll stop.”

“It’s not disgusting.”

There was no way a madman who had been a pervert his entire life would think that. At Yoongeon’s denial, Seohwi asked again.

“Then if men are okay, but you don’t want to because it’s me….”

“I told you… I can’t hate you.”

Yoongeon let out a deep sigh, still hugging his waist. He needed to lie to get out of this, but looking at his face, he just could not bring himself to do it.

“Then why are you being like this.”

Frustrated, Seohwi asked, as if demanding an answer.

“……I don’t know. Why Executive Director is acting like this right now.”

“……”

“You acted like you were drawing a line and wouldn’t accept me, but when I was about to leave, you held on. You said you hated doing it with men, but you didn’t refuse. But now you’re trying to avoid going all the way.”

Of course, Seohwi would not know why he was acting this way. Because Yoongeon had his own complicated circumstances. He had nothing to say even if he seemed strange.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

So, Yoongeon revealed the true feelings he held deep in his heart. He knew that saying he did not want to hurt him could sound ambiguous in this situation, but it was, in fact, the closest thing to the essence of the matter.

“It might hurt, but I told you I’m okay with it.”

As if he thought his words were only about the immediate act of sex, Seohwi just calmly soothed him.

“……”

“You’ll get used to it as we do it.”

Seohwi slowly moved up on top of Yoongeon. Then he stroked the area around his eyes.

“And don’t cry.”

Was I crying? Yoongeon fumbled and touched his eyes, but nothing came away on his fingers. No, that was not it. It seemed he had simply noticed the feeling that I was about to cry.

“I don’t want you….”

Yoongeon looked up at Seohwi.

“To give up on things because of me.”

“Whatever that may be,” Yoongeon said as he grabbed his waist. The plan was to push him away and escape this place.

“I want to do it with you.”

But Seohwi, once again, did not let him get away.

“……”

“I’m saying I compromised because I didn’t want to give you up.”

Seohwi looked down at him, his hands placed on Yoongeon’s stomach.

“……You didn’t want to give me up?”

To Yoongeon’s dazed question, Seohwi nodded.

“……”

There were no lengthy additions. But Seohwi’s two eyes, looking at him calmly, declared that his words were the truth.

Ah, again, his heart surged with emotion.

“So let’s do it, us.”

At Seohwi’s words, Yoongeon bit his trembling lip and stared at him.

“…Are you serious?”

This time too, Seohwi quietly nodded his head. Yoongeon looked into Seohwi’s eyes as if trying to gauge the truth. If he saw even the slightest hesitation in his eyes, he planned to storm out of there immediately.

“……”

“……”

But in his eyes, there was no sign of hesitation or anxiety. It was just as he said, that he was mentally prepared.

“The thing you hate….”

Yoongeon let go of the waist he was holding and took his hand. He knew he should not be, but he was happy.

“……you don’t have to do it.”

“Executive Director.”

It was when Seohwi, taking those words as a refusal, called out to Yoongeon a little urgently. Yoongeon opened his mouth and swallowed his lover’s member.

“…Ah, uh, ngh…!”

The surprised Seohwi tried to pull back, but Yoongeon grabbed his buttocks and pulled him in tight. His penis, which had gone a little soft during their brief struggle, became hard again after just a few sucks.

Yoongeon swallowed his penis down to the back of his throat. It was the first time in his newly born body, so he felt nauseous and it was difficult, but not for long. Having adapted before he knew it, he began to suck with strong pressure, and soon, unable to overcome the pleasure, Seohwi ejaculated.

“Hah…. Hah……”

When he ejaculated, Seohwi unintentionally grabbed Yoongeon’s head and pulled it closer to him. Yoongeon did not refuse and willingly took him deeper so he could ejaculate inside his throat, only slowly pulling his head back when the strength left Seohwi’s hand.

He had a shocked expression on his face. Seohwi, surprised by the fact that he had not only ejaculated into another person’s mouth but also made him swallow it, tried to take him to the bathroom, saying he had to rinse his mouth right away, but Yoongeon simply pulled him down forcefully onto the sofa.

“Ugh…!”

As Seohwi frowned from the sudden shock, Yoongeon sat on top of him. Then he stroked Seohwi’s member a few times. His penis, making it hard to believe it had just ejaculated, stood erect again and leaked pre-seminal fluid. Yoongeon took his fingers, slick with the fluid, and brought them back to spread his own entrance.

“Ah….”

The feeling of his fingers parting his underside was always a strange sensation no matter how many times he experienced it. The tightly closed hole did not open easily, so it hurt a little when he pushed with force.

Seohwi watched with a dazed face as Yoongeon climbed on top of him and prepared his own entrance, but he snapped to his senses when a moan escaped Yoongeon’s lips. It seemed he had finally grasped the situation. Yoongeon took his hand, put it in his own mouth, and sucked on it, making Seohwi’s fingers wet.

“Uugh, ngh, ah, ah….”

Seohwi’s fingers also began to part his entrance. The sensation of the long fingers entering and exploring inside was strange, so Yoongeon bit his lip hard and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Heugh, ngh, ugh, ah, Seohwi….”

“Haah….”

Every time his fingers stirred inside him, Yoongeon’s body trembled, and Seohwi’s breathing, lying beneath him, grew rough. Yoongeon placed his hands on Seohwi’s stomach and moved his hips.

“It’s enough… haah, put it in….”

He was getting impatient. He never really liked extensive foreplay to begin with. When Seohwi muttered something about him not being ready yet, Yoongeon moved his hips again. Faced with his obvious pleading, Seohwi finally pulled out his hand and grabbed his waist.

“Hoo, heu, ugh…!”

Pain washed over him as the long, thick penis split him open and entered. It felt like his hole was going to tear, and as he struggled, a surprised Seohwi stopped. But Yoongeon, biting down on his lips, said.

“Quickly, hoo, just shove it in. Ah, aagh!”

He knew that this kind of pain would become nothing once it was all the way in and he started moving. At that moment, unable to hold back, Seohwi thrust his hips up with a thwack.

Seohwi’s thick, large penis dug into the narrow space. In that instant, Yoongeon’s upright posture collapsed, and he curled his stomach, unable to say a word. He had ejaculated the moment he saw stars before his eyes. Seohwi’s stomach was a mess with the semen he had spilled.

Grabbing the waist of Yoongeon, who was so breathless he could not speak or move, Seohwi began to thrust his hips upward. Yoongeon shook his head, being pounded into while ejaculating, but when Seohwi did not stop, he could not overcome the pleasure and ended up sobbing.

“Heuu, ngh, ugh, ah, heuu…!”

It felt so big and long that a place it should not have entered had been forced open. Yoongeon let tears stream down his face, saying it was too deep, but the painful pleasure felt so good that he moved his hips without realizing it. It was the first time this reborn body had experienced sex with a man, but the overwhelming pleasure made even the pain feel like pleasure.

“Hoo, hah, haah… Executive Director….”

Seohwi tilted his head back sharply, moaning as he called out to him. His eyes were glazed over, drunk on pleasure. Out of his mind, he moved instinctively. He held Yoongeon’s waist and thrusted upward repeatedly, then in one motion, he changed their position, laying him down and hooking his legs over his shoulders.

“Heuu, ng, ngh, haah, harder, ugh, more, more….”

Yoongeon begged. When he pleaded for him to do it harder, to do it rougher, he could see Seohwi’s face even through his blurry vision. He, too, looked like he had gone completely insane from being overly excited, just like him.

With every one of Seohwi’s thrusts, the pleasure was so intense it was agonizing. His toes curled on their own, and without thinking, he placed his hands on Seohwi’s stomach and pushed. It was to try and stop him from going in so deep, but Seohwi did not budge, so in the end, he could only grab Seohwi’s arms and gasp for air.

He shook his head, letting out moans like an animal. When Yoongeon cried because he could not bear the excessive pleasure, Seohwi licked his tears away with his tongue. But contrary to the gentle licking, his lower half did not slow down and kept pounding away at a rapid pace.

“Hoo, heu, haah….”

“Ngh, haah, Seohwi, uugh, ngh….”

Seohwi panted and groaned. The sound went beyond wet squelching to loud thuds, thwack, thwack, and yet he kept saying something was missing. Yoongeon looked at him with a contorted face.

“Let me, come. Ugh….”

His legs, which had been hooked over his shoulders, had lost their strength and were now wrapped around his waist. Seohwi, saying he wanted to come, unconsciously touched his own neck.

“Heuu, eu, ah, aagh!”

“Executive Director….”

Even while being pounded into relentlessly, Yoongeon properly understood what he was saying. He reached out, gripped his neck, and squeezed. Seohwi choked as if he could not breathe. His face instantly turned bright red.

“Ooh, eu, heu, ah!”

The moment his neck was being choked, Seohwi seemed to feel the urge to ejaculate and fucked him like a dog in heat. Even after thrusting in so deeply, he was desperate to go even deeper. Yoongeon moved his hips slightly. In that instant, Seohwi squeezed his eyes shut and moved his hips.

“Ah…!”

“……”

The two of them reached their climax at the same time. While being choked, Seohwi ejaculated inside Yoongeon. At that familiar sensation, Yoongeon also could not hold back and came again.

“Haah… haah……”

The strength left Yoongeon’s hand. After finishing, Seohwi went limp on top of him. He had not choked him to the point of complete suffocation, so he must have just fainted from being unable to withstand the pleasure.

He remained limp like that. Seohwi’s member was still inside him, but he felt so drained of energy that he could not move at all. Even if he was mentally used to it, it was the first time for his body. There was no way a body that had been so excessively overworked from its very first sexual encounter would move easily.

But in the end, Yoongeon had to move. Because they had done it on the sofa, not a bed, there was nothing to cover themselves with. Yoongeon grabbed his waist, which felt like it would break, and caught his breath for a moment, then he held the limp Seohwi and slowly stood up.

He washed Seohwi’s body and carefully laid him on his bed. Then, after contemplating for a moment, he decided to lie next to him for just two hours and stealthily took the spot beside Seohwi. Yes, two hours. I’ll just watch him for two hours and then leave. As Yoongeon thought this while gazing at Seohwi’s sleeping face, he could not overcome the encroaching sleepiness and, without realizing it, slowly drifted off.

✧ ✧ ✧

Seohwi was holding the hand of the man lying on the bed.

Though all he could see was still just the man’s mouth, he could tell. The man lying there weakly was the very same man who had smiled while telling him he loved him.

Holding the hand of a man whose face he could not even see, Seohwi was filled with regret.

“……”

Even in the final moment, in the end, he could not put his heart at ease.

Of course, he would not resent him. He had always been like that, consistently, his entire life. Had he not said that even while being hurt by Seohwi’s indifference, it was only natural?

But he thought that at least in this moment, it would not be like that.

Seohwi does not let go of the hand of the man lying on the bed.

It might sound like an excuse, but it was because the words would not come out. In that final moment, his mouth had absurdly shut. It was truly sealed tight. No words took the form of language to come out. The feelings the owner could not spit out could not emerge and vanished just like that.

Unable to say anything, Seohwi just cried. He had never cried his heart out like this in his entire life, but here he was now, holding the man’s hand, crying as if the world had ended, crying, and crying, and crying again.

We will see each other again soon, so why are you making such a fuss.

The man spoke playfully as he watched the sobbing Seohwi. A faint smile curved his lips.

I will be waiting, so come. I have no intention of going down that road alone, so you must hurry.

He should have answered, I understand, I will do so this very instant, but Seohwi could not. Because his feelings still could not be turned into words.

…….

He tried to say something anyway, but the man did not wait.

Seohwi buried his face in the man’s hand and spoke. His voice would not come out, so his lips only moved.

I did not want to have regrets.

I really did not want to.

The tears flowing from his eyes wet the man’s hand. In an instant, the strength left Seohwi’s hand.

The man’s hand could no longer hold his and fell with a thud.

✧ ✧ ✧

He writhed in agony. It was the sorrow of one who had lost a loved one.

“……ke up, Seohwi.”

It was then. At the sound of someone calling him, Seohwi’s eyes flew open.

“Heok……”

When he opened his eyes, he saw Yoongeon looking at him with concern. He cupped the cheek of the trembling Seohwi and asked.

“What’s wrong.”

“Eu, ugh….”

He was writhing in agony. He was suffering. But the moment Yoongeon’s hand cupped his face, Seohwi burst into sorrowful tears.