SDT 39

Chapter 39: Fulfillment

The next morning, Yu Xiaowen, who had barely slept the night before, appeared in the office in a groggy state. A colleague told him that someone had asked why Old Wang was so downcast when he was about to get married, and Old Wang said the wedding had been canceled.

“Hey, as expected, the old bachelor cannot get married after all,” the colleague sighed.

Yu Xiaowen said nothing. While Xu Jie laughed coldly.

Director Li and Team Leader Chen continued discussing some action plans in the director’s office. The door was knocked twice. After receiving a response, Yu Xiaowen entered.

His complexion looked not very good, and he seemed hesitant.

Director Li and Group Leader Chen looked at him. After a while, Chen Zihan asked: “What is wrong with you?”

“Actually…” Yu Xiaowen stood for a moment. Then he hugged his arms briefly and released them. He faltered: “…Team Leader Chen, you step out first; I have something to say to the director alone.”

Chen Zihan was very surprised: “You have something to say directly to the superior behind my back? Is that appropriate?”

Yu Xiaowen: “You go out.”

Chen Zihan: “Hey, you…”

Director Li waved his hand: “Okay, both of you stop talking nonsense in front of me. Chen Zihan, go out first.”

Chen Zihan stood up, pointed at Yu Xiaowen, and went out.

Yu Xiaowen walked forward two steps, sat opposite the director, tugged at his fingers for a while, and with a very hesitant expression, opened his mouth: “I can take Old Wang’s place to execute the mission.”

Director Li was first stunned, then laughed and leaned back in his chair: “Enough, is it not already decided? Old Wang’s home is in the mountainous area, more familiar than any of you; he is the most suitable. This is not up for debate. As captain, your priority is to prepare well for him.”

“He was about to get married,” Yu Xiaowen said. “Because of this action, it was canceled. You know?”

Director Li’s expression became stern, but he said nothing. After a while, he lit a cigarette.

Yu Xiaowen: “Director Li, I wish to report a secret.”

Director Li bit on the cigarette filter: “Mm? A secret?”

Yu Xiaowen: “I have a terminal illness.”

Director Li frowned. He did not understand.

“Ah?”

Yu Xiaowen: “I have a disease. A fatal disease. Late stage. I’m about to pass away.”

“…” After several seconds, Director Li kicked his leg, and the swivel chair’s wheels scraped rapidly against the floor as it rolled backward.

His tone rose and fell emphatically: “What are you saying?”

Yu Xiaowen briefly reported his physical condition to the director.

He said again: “I apply to execute that mission. I am dying soon anyway; fulfillment upon completion brings joy to all, counting as the last worthy great deed of my life. Even if something unexpected occurs, it would not be too much of a loss.”

Director Li was stunned for a while, then placed his hand on his forehead. He was silent for a very long time.

After a while, he removed his hand; his eyes were red, and he choked: “Little bastard, when did you get sick? Why did you not say earlier?!”

“…Do not be like this, director. I was just afraid of awkwardness,” Yu Xiaowen tugged at his fingers twice more. “Please do not tell anyone. This is how I think: I have no close relatives; even if I die, no one will miss me. If I can return fulfilled, best; if not, I can be buried in Haoran Cemetery, and you all will visit me. I will not be lonely.”

He thought of the three shots he fired at Haoran Cemetery for the martyr and felt his nose sting. He immediately stopped thinking and only said: “All is well.”

Director Li was still an emotional creature. He wiped his face with a nasal tone: “What arbitrary decision is this, what Haoran Cemetery? If sick, then treat it! I must tell Chen Zihan about this.”

Yu Xiaowen: “…Director, it cannot be cured; I am not deceiving you. The doctor said I have little time left; treatment is just throwing money. Tell Team Leader Chen privately later; I fear his excessive words, so I will not listen. But you must know that choosing me is correct.”

Director Li sized him up: “Yu Xiaowen, are you deceiving me to take the mission?”

Yu Xiaowen huffed out a breath, took out a stack of diagnostic reports, handed them to Director Li to look at, then took them back and put them away.

Silence.

“Do you have any wishes?” After a very long time, Director Li said. “Xiao Wen, whether it is the mission or the illness… is there anything you want me to do?”

“If something happens to me, do not publicize my name,” Yu Xiaowen said. “Nothing else. I feel I have no regrets. I am very fulfilled.”

His expression was very sincere.

Director Li covered the lower half of his face and said nothing; his complexion grew even worse.

Just as Yu Xiaowen thought whether he should stand and leave, Director Li called after him: “Hey…”

But he said nothing more. Perhaps he did not know what to say, or wished to say something but held back.

The two continued in silence.

Yu Xiaowen thought that Director Li must feel very guilty for not noticing Yu Xiaowen’s physical condition earlier. He considered and decided he should still make some request to alleviate that sense of powerlessness for those left living. When he had gone to the hospital for treatment before, an old man patient always instructed his daughter to say he wanted red bean water, a softer cushion, to use a tablet to watch dramas and have someone download them for him. Actually, Yu Xiaowen knew he hurt so much he thought of nothing; if he had requests, those who cared for him would feel better. The situation now should be the same.

He too should have some requests.

“…Oh, Director Li, actually there can be one more!” Yu Xiaowen raised his hand, breaking the awkward silence with a cheerful voice; he leaned forward, his eyes mysteriously rounding a bit: “I heard before that a solitary police officer from a sub-bureau died, but the director reported that he recognized the director as his godfather, so the director received a large pension. You know this matter, do you not?”

Director Li’s face turned green: “…………Do not mention that shameless thing…”

“If there is, then have it. Perfect.”

Yu Xiaowen took out his phone, searched for a while, then showed him a picture: “Look, swans, a famous brand, only available in the largest mall in S District in Manjing, costs a lot of money. Once you receive the pension, help me buy it. Godfather.”

Director Li twisted his nose: “What the fuck pension… What godfather! You will not die! Enough nonsense. It is just a glass craft, is it not? I will buy it. But what do you want it for?”

“178,000. Handmade by an artist.”

Director Li: “.”

Yu Xiaowen: “For the director of the third laboratory at the School of Life Sciences, Lu Kongyun.”

Director Li’s red eyes widened somewhat: “…Who?”

Yu Xiaowen explained: “He… Director Lu, when we were investigating this case, he opened green lights for the surveillance checks, helped me escape from S House, and annotated some medical terms for us. I promised him a wedding gift, but I will not make it in time. I think this is quite good; the money is used well too. You buy it and give it to him, say it is a fake that Yu Xiaowen entrusted you with before transferring…”

“…Transferring?”

“Mm. Say it like that. He will not ask more about my affairs.” Yu Xiaowen’s eyes fell once more on the swans. “Also help me say, wish him happiness.”

The base was inscribed with “Happiness for a Hundred Years, Hand in Hand Forever.” He liked this craft very much, found it beautiful, elegant and translucent, very suited to Doctor Lu. He hoped Lu Kongyun would receive the beautiful blessing of its meaning in the future.

Director Li said nothing more but looked at him. He must also know that no one would spend 178,000 on a wedding gift merely to thank some work assistance, for someone unattainable.

Yu Xiaowen did not conceal anything. He only said: “I will strive to fulfill the mission and return to the team. If not, help me with this, alright? If the pension is sufficient, divide it among my team colleagues; do not forget a big red envelope for Old Wang. Thank you, godfather.”

He smiled.

Upon leaving the director’s office, he suddenly felt very light.

These days, even understanding the so-called “task cost-performance” and knowing what “should” be done, he had found it very difficult to resolve himself to voluntarily become that rational allocator of resources.

Because he had selfish desires, great selfish desires. He was still greedy; what he wanted, he had not enjoyed enough.

But after that phone call last night, he seemed to suddenly discover that stopping here was already sufficient.

These final days had already experienced much. Without the halo of terminal illness, it would be unimaginable. They had dated and dined, kissed and embraced, and… mm.

About enough. Even a deceased Yu Xiaowen the blackmailer, with the weight of the dead, could not entirely lack a sense of guilt.

In the future, he should live happily with a very good person and never encounter a scoundrel Omega like Yu Xiaowen again.

Just like this. From now on, no need to control painkillers; eat when he wanted.

On his way off work, passing a travel agency, he took a C Country promotional brochure. Inside, one page was printed with a scenic postcard of Jiang City. Though the quality differed from a real postcard, it was harmless. He brought the brochure home. He turned on the light, spread the brochure on the small table, carefully tore out that page of the postcard, then wrote on the back: This is truly a beautiful city; I like it very much. I am also very happy to go there with the person I love most. ><

He clipped this paper in the standing notepad holder on the small table, treating it as if he had already gone and returned.

Fulfilled.

He faced the image of Wangjiang Bridge toward himself. It was a photo of a winter dusk, with warm tones rare in Manjing’s perennial wet-hot rainy season. The great bridge spanned this city and the endless river. Under the sunset, the distant river water connected with the horizon, golden light radiating, like some natural revelation of divine significance. Yu Xiaowen propped his arms on the edge of the small table, lit a cigarette, and focused on that scene. The magnificent vista evoked sighs. The world had such beautiful things, so in this instant, he suddenly felt timid again.

Living was so good. What the future held? He suddenly felt unwillingness toward things he could not see, and intense jealousy toward some vague figure who could share the Jiang City trip and the swans’ beautiful meaning with his victim.

Yu Xiaowen was done for. Knowing he had never possessed anything, yet unable to let go.

So he finally could not endure it. This time, without burying his face anywhere, he fully bared the ugliest crying face toward the golden, radiant photo, letting time carry away the ceaseless moisture falling on his face.

Several days later, Yu Xiaowen received the order to head early to Shijia City in the southern mountainous region of S Country for preparatory work.

Before departure, Yu Xiaowen simply tidied the room. He changed to the new phone and card issued by the bureau. Before shutting down his original phone, he thought and reopened WeChat.

The last message in their chat interface was from Doctor Lu. He had not replied that night, nor the next day. Finally, yesterday he replied with: Don’t want to.

Yu Xiaowen touched the little dog head profile picture and sent a picture: the countdown image.

Then he deleted the friend, shut down the phone, and placed it on the table.

He cut the power to the house and walked out the door.

He looked back at this simple but familiar room.

He closed the door.