RB 84

Eunho could finally let his mind rest after Yeorok gave permission. The muscles on his face relaxed slowly, and his rigid posture softened.

The food on the table suited Eunho’s taste. The side dishes had absorbed seasoning well, and there were dozens of kinds. The rice freshly scooped from the stone pot was sticky and it tasted sweet.

It must be a famous restaurant. The composition wasn’t special, but every dish had flavor. There wasn’t any trace of the taste that artificial MSG had.

Even though they continued eating without talking, it didn’t feel awkward. They had become that used to spending time alone together.

While Eunho tasted each side dish one by one, Yeorok pushed a plate of meat he hadn’t touched toward him.

“Eat a lot.”

Eunho nodded because his mouth was full. He couldn’t ignore the offer, so he reached out with his chopsticks to take the meat Yeorok had offered. The taste melted into his mouth the moment he chewed it.

Eunho was admiring it in his mind when Yeorok spoke.

“Sim Eunho-ssi should gain more weight than now.”

Yeorok pushed other dishes toward him and spoke without emotion. The words didn’t make sense. Eunho had the exact same weight as Choi Yoonho. If he gained more, it might interfere with his imitation of Choi Yoonho.

Yeorok kept his usual blank face under Eunho’s confused gaze.

“It hurts because our bones hit each other whenever we have sex.”

Rough, the food stuck in his throat. Eunho hit his chest in a panic and searched for water. He swallowed water in gulps and raised his red face. The person who had said the words had a calm expression.

Eunho carefully put the glass down. He only thought that he had to change the subject somehow. After thinking, he opened his mouth.

“That time, at the hotel, why didn’t you eat? Did you have a special reason?”

Yeorok raised his eyes slightly. After he swallowed what was in his mouth, he spoke casually.

“I don’t eat well in places where I have to be on alert.”

“……”

“My personality is sensitive.”

For someone saying that, Choi Yeorok was eating quite well now. Half of the rice bowl was already gone. Eunho’s palms started to itch for no reason, and he clenched his fists.

He wondered if Choi Yeorok had lost his dislike toward him just like how he had started to feel comfortable around Choi Yeorok. When they were together now, Yeorok no longer avoided him like before. Rather, there were many times Yeorok got more aroused when their bodies touched.

That wasn’t anything special, and it didn’t mean Choi Yeorok liked him, but a hollow laugh escaped his lips. Eunho took a big spoonful of rice, willing to gain weight gladly.

“……”

Yeorok stopped moving his chopsticks and looked quietly at Eunho. The real Sim Eunho’s thoughts always showed transparently on his face. The affection and interest he had toward Yeorok were too deep to hide.

He should have drawn a line with those emotions, but he didn’t find it troublesome. Instead, it looked nice to see him eat well.

Yeorok pushed even his own side dishes toward him and picked up his chopsticks again. He started to feel curious about what Sim Eunho would look like when he became plumper.

***

It was a Tuesday with heavy rain.

At a temple somewhere in Gyeonggi Province, preparations for a memorial service were in full swing. Today was Chairman Choi’s death anniversary.

A sedan stopped in the yard soaked by rain. Secretary Hong got out from the driver’s seat and opened a black umbrella. Then the back door opened, and Yeorok stepped out in a black suit.

While he fixed his clothes, another car entered the yard. Eunho got out from that car.

Sim Eunho also wore mourning clothes. Because of the pitch-black suit with no shine, his pale face looked ghostly white.

Their eyes met for a moment. Chairman Choi’s death anniversary was an event Eunho had to attend, just like the foundation day. Even though it was unofficial, its importance was on the same level.

Eunho’s eyes looked different, as if he had braced himself. People probably didn’t even know Choi Yoonho was dead. Yeorok briefly looked at Eunho, who had transformed perfectly into Choi Yoonho, and then moved first.

The yard was wide and quiet. Even the mountain birds didn’t sing in the pouring rain. The dense pagoda trees and pines drooped their wet leaves in a sorrowful way. As they approached the main hall, the sound of the wooden gong and the temple scent became clearer.

Yeorok took off his shoes on the stepping stone and looked around the main hall. It was as solemn as ever. The Buddha statue on the altar was as dignified as always, and in front of it, rows of ritual lamps and offerings were arranged. Yeorok’s gaze lingered for a long time on his father’s memorial tablet placed in the center.

“The weather is rough, it must have been hard for you to come.”

The head monk approached and spoke politely. Yeorok joined his hands together with a polite, practiced smile.

“Thank you.”

“We are only doing our duty. May the Buddha’s mercy bring peace to everyone gathered here.”

While they talked, Eunho also took off his shoes and entered the hall first. Of course, he didn’t greet anyone. His displeased expression was the same as usual.

But since it was a death anniversary, he behaved more quietly than usual. As if he had decided not to say a single word, Eunho kept his lips tightly closed.

Soon Yeorok also came inside. He didn’t even look at Eunho and said plainly.

“Let’s pay our respects.”

He stepped onto the silk cushion spread in the center and bowed three times. The sound of his suit rustling softly broke the silence.

Then Yeorok walked forward and lit the incense. Since he did it every year, his movements were smooth and natural.

When white smoke rose beneath the portrait, the monk’s chanting began. A moment later, the main hall filled with the scent of incense.

Eunho knelt and sat down, he carefully looked around the hall. The bright ritual lamps, the offerings, and the rows of chrysanthemums were all for one man alone, and it amazed him again. Just seeing how the wide temple hall was used only for him made Eunho feel how great Chairman Choi’s authority must have been.

Eunho had seen the portrait before. The old man’s severe face had no resemblance to Choi Yeorok.

But because he was Yeorok’s father, Eunho paid his respects with sincerity. Maybe a bit of apology was mixed in it. I’m sorry for playing the fake grandson. He also honored Choi Yoonho’s spirit at the same time.

After the direct descendant finished the three bows, it became the others’ turn. Secretary Hong and Seo Taehwa each lit incense and bowed before the chairman’s memorial tablet.

Unlike past years, they didn’t receive any other guests this year. The mood felt even lonelier. The monks filled the empty space instead. The sound of the wooden gong and the solemn voice reciting the sutra filled the main hall.

After the memorial service that lasted nearly an hour ended, new incense sticks were placed in the burner. They had to stay for remembrance until those burned out completely.

When everyone left except the direct descendants, only Yeorok and Eunho remained inside the empty hall.

Yeorok ignored the wide space and sat purposely in a corner. Sitting with one leg stretched out, he didn’t look like a man mourning family at all. He only stared at the portrait.

Eunho watched him carefully and stepped closer little by little. Since the door was locked, he thought it would be fine.

“Chairman.”

Eunho lowered his voice and whispered. Yeorok turned his gaze slightly at the call.

“Are you unwell?”

“Not really.”

He answered carelessly, but anyone could tell he was in a bad mood from the heavy sigh that followed his answer.

Eunho knew he should stay still at a time like this, but he couldn’t leave him alone. He lifted both hands hesitantly.

“Should I… hug you?”

Yeorok tilted his head and asked back.

“Why?”

“Because memorial days always make people lonely.”

“……”

“If someone stays beside you… it fills the heart a little.”

Eunho was the same. Whenever his grandmother’s memorial day came, he always felt empty.

He remembered clearly the time when Yeorok had stayed beside him. Like Yeorok had done then, he wanted to comfort Yeorok’s emptiness this time.

Yeorok still looked indifferent. His face, which always looked more like an object than a person, had no expression, so today he looked even less human. He tilted his head slightly and grabbed Eunho’s chin.

“Not that, smile. Like you usually do.”

How did he usually smile? Eunho awkwardly lifted the corners of his lips. Even to himself it felt fake, and sure enough, Yeorok let out a short laugh.

“That’s not what I wanted to see.”

His eyes curved slightly in a mischievous way. A small smile appeared on the face that was always cold.

“This isn’t bad either.”

Yeorok gently kneaded his pale cheek.

“I wasn’t close to my father. So I’m not lonely, and I have no reason to miss him.”

“……”

“Even if I had been close, it would’ve been the same.”

Yeorok gave a self-mocking laugh. Then he roughly ran a hand through his bangs.

“But seeing the portrait makes me remember the old days. If he saw what I’m doing now, he’d probably jump out of the grave to scold me.”

“He passed away.”

“Yes, everyone in this family’s gone except me. Their lives were short.”

Eunho looked quietly at his face. He was always flawless and perfect, but right now, Choi Yeorok looked hollow.

Eunho reached out and touched his cold cheek. He gently brushed his eyebrows and ears.

“Are you comforting me now?”

“Yes.”

“This kind of thing doesn’t comfort me.”

Eunho moved closer. He sat on Yeorok’s thigh and wrapped both arms around his shoulders. Because it was a rainy day, the air in the hall was cool. Yeorok’s body was cold too.

Yeorok dryly laughed as if he hadn’t expected a warm hug. It was a useless effort. He didn’t even feel like he needed comfort.

“This isn’t child’s play.”

“The Buddha is watching us… You can’t do anything disrespectful.”

“You’re not religious, Sim Eunho-ssi. I don’t believe in gods either.”

Even though his words were curt, he raised his arm and held Eunho’s waist. The warmth and familiar scent made his strained nerves start to settle down.

Yeorok pressed his nose against Eunho’s neck and took a deep breath. The unfamiliar feeling of satisfaction was strange to him.

“It’s not completely without effect.”

Their eyes met, and their faces drew closer little by little. Yeorok bit Eunho’s lower lip softly. It was an act with no desire, and Eunho slightly opened his mouth and covered Yeorok’s lips with his own.

The two of them stayed like that for a long time, with their moist lips touching, until the incense burned away and only white ash remained.