YCHW Ch 43

Pretending not to, Yoonso stole glances at Hwi, then pressed his lips firmly together. In a place as beautiful and romantic as this, as if he had stepped into a painting, he felt he might be able to summon his courage.

When he withdrew his hand, Hwi’s gaze followed it. Yoonso took out the pouch he had embroidered with all his heart from inside his robes.

“It is a gift for you, my lord.”

Though it was a little crumpled from being handled so much, its colors were lovely enough that it was not a major flaw. As if he had not expected it, Hwi raised an eyebrow slightly and accepted the pouch. Yoonso watched him examine it with a pounding heart.

“Did you embroider this yourself?”

“Yes. Though my skill is poor, I put my whole heart into it.”

“I see. Hmm…”

Hwi narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. Then he held the pouch far away, then pulled it close, before glancing at Yoonso.

“Is it a cloud…? Ah, it is a rock.”

“…It is a turtle.”

“Ah.”

Yoonso’s face soured as if he had eaten an unripe persimmon. Hwi, who had been brazenly and playfully claiming that now that he looked at it, it was clearly a turtle, finally smiled and tapped Yoonso’s cheek with his fingertips.

“The embroidery reveals exactly how you were feeling. And you said you knew I would come and were just waiting?”

“How can you blame my heart for what is a problem with my hands?”

“I will use it well. I like it very much.”

Although he had teased him, his compliment that he liked it seemed sincere, as Hwi’s expression was bright. Seeing him so happy over something so small made Yoonso feel both sorry and grateful, and his cheeks grew hot. Yoonso fidgeted with his fingers, then felt his racing pulse and swallowed a trembling breath.

He moved his lips several times, but the words did not come out easily. After wetting his lower lip with his tongue, he barely managed to fix his trembling eyes on Hwi, who was keenly scrutinizing his face.

“What is it?”

“…My lord. Actually… there is something I must tell you.”

Even though he had made his decision while Hwi was sick, his tension would not fully dissipate. The fear that Hwi might be disappointed in him constantly nipped at his heels. The sweet urge to hide it forever instead poked at his side.

Just then, Hwi took the tips of Yoonso’s restless fingers in his hand. The warmth that blossomed from Hwi’s hand calmed his racing fear.

Yes, with him, it will be okay. He might be disappointed, but he will not turn away.

Yoonso finally confessed a part of the truth he had kept tightly locked away inside.

“There is something I have been hiding from you, my lord.”

“…”

“In truth, I was not the young lady’s servant, but the young master of that household.”

Since he had deliberately lied, Hwi might have been offended, yet he showed no sign of surprise or anger, merely gazing at Yoonso in silence. No reaction could be read from his face. The speculation that perhaps he had known all along brushed past, and a searing sensation spread through a corner of his chest.

“I am being pursued by my father, and since my father will never give up, I have resolved to leave this country. So, in this country, I am a fugitive… And…”

Laying it bare like this, his situation felt terribly bleak. Compared to Hwi, he had nothing to offer; on the contrary, he was laden with a pile of baggage.

In the end, Yoonso could not bring himself to speak the truth that he was a Yeongchunhwa. He had been seen only as a Yeongchunhwa his entire short life and had it drilled into his head that he must live that way, but he, who dreamed of an ordinary life—the Yoon who had been just ordinary in front of Hwi—did not want to confess that he was, in fact, a Yeongchunhwa.

He hoped that in front of the one he loved, he could remain just one ordinary man. Now, he wanted only to be his Yoon.

“There are also things I cannot tell you yet, my lord. One thing is certain, and that is if you are with me… you could find yourself in a very difficult situation, my lord.”

Besides, to prepare for a true worst-case scenario, he must not frame Hwi as his accomplice or as an aide who helped him hide. Hwi would likely not be punished for simply sharing affection with him, but if it became known that he was involved with an escaped Yeongchunhwa, the end could not possibly be good.

Still, Hwi had to be aware of these possibilities. But would a hint be of any use without revealing the core truth that he was a Yeongchunhwa? Yoonso discovered an extreme selfishness in his own heart and bit his lip. Guilt and self-loathing crawled up his skin and choked him.

When Hwi’s hand finally rose and gently stroked his lip to keep him from injuring it, Yoonso was at last able to fully face him again.

Hwi’s face was the picture of peace. His nonchalant tenderness instantly unraveled the ropes that had been binding Yoonso.

“But, if perhaps. If you are all right with everything, my lord. That, will you… open it?”

As if to make a mockery of Yoonso’s hesitation, Hwi untied the string and opened the pouch without a pause. At that, Yoonso let out a small, moved gasp.

Hwi faltered upon seeing what was inside. When Hwi’s eyes slowly moved to meet his, Yoonso moistened his dry lips.

“I earnestly wish that you would tie your hair with this.”

Inside the pouch was a single strand of Yoonso’s hair. In Daeyeong, there was a superstition that if lovers tied their hair together, they would live happily ever after, so it was an old custom to offer a strand of hair when proposing.

The smile vanished from Hwi’s face. He shot Yoonso a persistent gaze that was, at a glance, almost obsessive, as if to bind him, and asked in a deeper voice.

“Do you know what this means?”

“Yes.”

From the moment Hwi had embraced him and painfully blurted out that they should run away together, a vision of this present moment had taken root in a part of Yoonso’s heart. He had already deliberated carefully again and again, and if Hwi would embrace even his flaws, there was no need to delay any longer.

“My lord. As you also know, I cherish you.”

Hwi’s grip on the pouch tightened, deepening the wrinkles in the fabric. Unlike Hwi’s wavering eyes, Yoonso looked at him with resolve.

“And I believe that you, my lord, also hold me in your heart.”

Once he put a name to Hwi’s feelings, his attitude and actions, which had felt ambiguous until now, became clear. So he could not help but believe. If what he felt was love, then every moment Hwi had directed toward him must also be love.

“But I had to leave, and I intended to leave. And you, my lord, must also have much you have to bear here.”

Yoonso took Hwi’s hand and caressed the prominent blue veins with his thumb. Though he spoke steadfastly, the corners of his mouth trembled minutely, and he had to bite his lip hard and then release it.

“If you, my lord, would give me a promise of marriage, to a person like me, if you would promise your eternal heart… I will wait.”

In reality, since a union between a man and a man could not be formalized, even if Hwi promised marriage, it would be a matter of clinging to his word alone. But he had poured his heart into him enough to be fine with that.

He had only recently realized it, but the heart that had been poured out was like a spring that flowed endlessly, unable to be scooped back up or waited out until it ran dry. Once it had been poured, it simply had to flow toward him.

“I do not know well what burdens you carry, my lord. However, I wish for you to cast off your shackles and live your own life. This is not something I say lightly. Nor do I take its weight lightly. But… I will wait even without a promise of a date, so please, I beg you, promise me.”

Hwi’s lips slowly parted, then closed. A faint smile curved his lips, but he soon furrowed his brow.

He understood that painful hesitation, his feelings, deep in his bones. Even if he were rejected, he would never regret this very moment. But a certain belief that he would not back down had coiled itself firmly in the flowing spring within him.

Yoonso waited for Hwi’s answer, calm and steadfast.

Hwi slowly closed his eyelids, then raised them again. The shadow cast by the pavilion’s pillar cut across Hwi’s face, so that one of his eyes, holding the moonlight, was brilliant, while the other was deeply submerged in darkness, the contrast striking.

His eyes, holding both light and darkness at once, gazed at Yoonso without any further trace of wavering. Hwi raised one hand and held Yoonso’s cheek.

“Alright.”

A joyous breath escaped Yoonso’s lips. That breath poured into Hwi as he pressed their lips together. Once again, like a man suffering from a burning thirst, Hwi conquered the inside of Yoonso’s mouth with the tip of his tongue, as if plundering his breath.

Yoonso gasped for air, clutching Hwi’s hand, then lifted his pressed-down tongue and gave Hwi’s a light tap. At that, Hwi’s intensity subsided for a moment, and he drew Yoonso’s tongue toward him as if guiding it. The soft, ticklish kiss made his stomach tingle and churn.

Hwi pulled Yoonso tightly into his embrace, and the two of them melted into the shadow of the pillar. The willow branches, fluttering in the breeze, concealed the wet sounds. The moonlight quietly drenched the hems of the two men’s clothes.