CTL 50

“……”

It was then that he fled the scene as if running away. Yoongeon called his name, but in that instant, before Seohwi could be stopped, he dashed out after Chairman Go.

“Seohwi!”

Yoongeon, surprised, followed him out, but it was already too late. Seohwi blocked the path of Chairman Go, who was trying to escape by taking the elevator.

“What on earth is this, from just a moment ago?”

“Why did you hit him?”

“What?”

At Seohwi’s questioning tone, Chairman Go’s eyebrows shot up high.

“What business is it of yours if a father wants to discipline his own son?”

“……”

“Move. You should consider yourself lucky this ended without you getting hit thanks to Executive Director Go, I swear. Kids these days…”

“What did you just say, ……let go, Executive Director.”

He finally exploded. Just as Seohwi was about to take a step toward Chairman Go, gritting his teeth so hard that the veins in his neck stood out, Yoongeon quickly pulled him away. In the time Yoongeon bought, Chairman Go escaped.

“Let go.”

“Seohwi, just a moment.”

“Let go!”

“How can I let go. You look like you’re about to cause trouble.”

Trouble? Right. He was on the verge of causing trouble. His stomach was churning with anger, and his head was spinning. His usual self was nowhere to be seen; Seohwi acted like a completely different person.

“Calm down.”

Although he was usually even-tempered and indifferent, the truth was that once Seohwi got angry, he had a tendency to flip everything over without thinking about the consequences. But Yoongeon acted as if he were someone who knew that side of Seohwi well.

“How can I calm down. I need to get an apology from that person.”

In truth, if he had his way, he wouldn’t want an apology but to give back exactly what that person had done. If it weren’t Yoongeon’s father, he would have wanted to slap his cheek just the same.

“Mr. Seohwi, calm down. Please?”

“No matter how angry you are, you can’t do this. Mr. Yoon Seohwi, calm down. Okay? Let’s just calm down a bit.”

When Seohwi couldn’t easily calm down, the team members also stepped in, grabbing his arms to stop him.

“It’s alright, so everyone please go back inside and get to work.”

When they all showed quite troubled expressions, Yoongeon said he would handle it himself and sent them all back, taking him to the emergency exit. The thick steel door closed, and Seohwi, leaning his back against the wall, couldn’t contain his anger and covered his face with both hands.

“……”

“Seohwi.”

Yoongeon, who had been watching him quietly, called his name in a low voice, but Seohwi didn’t answer. He knew it wasn’t Yoongeon’s fault, but he felt like he would get angry at him the moment he opened his mouth.

“You know. He’s my father.”

“……”

The person who seemed like he wouldn’t care about such things in the slightest said, ‘No matter what kind of person he is, he’s still my father.’ Seohwi took his hands away from his face and released the lips he had been chewing on.

“That person hit you for a ridiculous reason, and you’re telling me to just stand by?”

“For now.”

“He hit you in front of everyone. That’s assault.”

“Hmm…”

No matter how ill-mannered a person might be, it’s customary not to hit one’s child in front of others, but Chairman Go had swung his hand without caring whether other people were there or not. So, what must it have been like when others weren’t looking?

“You.”

Seohwi said, looking at him.

“The times your face was injured before, it was because of that person, wasn’t it.”

“…Not all of it.”

Yoongeon made an excuse with a very troubled face.

“Why are you making excuses for that.”

“…I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay.”

He clearly shouldn’t be okay, yet Yoongeon said he was. That’s why Seohwi was frustrated. Because he treated himself so carelessly.

“……”

While Seohwi said nothing, Yoongeon met his gaze. He willingly bowed his head for him and looked at him with worried eyes. Even though he was the one who had been hit without being able to resist at all.

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

“I was wrong, Seohwi.”

Yoongeon took Seohwi’s hand. Meeting the eyes of the man who was leaning limply against the wall with his head bowed low, Yoongeon said he was sorry and that he wouldn’t do it again, his expression showing concern only for Seohwi. Once again, pushing himself to the back.

“Something like this happening in front of you, it will never happen again.”

“……”

“Just calm down a little. Please?”

“What I want is not, not that kind of, thing. Don’t you get it?”

He choked up mid-sentence, and unlike himself, Seohwi stuttered.

“I’m not hoping for you to get hit, Yoongeon, in a place where I’m not looking.”

“I understand.”

Just a moment ago, even though he could have clearly stopped it, Yoongeon had deliberately not done so. The only time he used his strength to stop Chairman Go was when Seohwi was about to be hit.

“Why do you just stand there and take it.”

“It didn’t even hurt that much. No matter how strong an old man is, he’s still an old man.”

“So you let him hit you?”

“Because there’s nothing to be gained by showing myself talking back to him.”

“……”

What he said was extremely sensible, but even so, his frustrated feelings didn’t easily subside.

“Your shoulder.”

He was about to press him for more, but Yoongeon beat him to it.

“You got hit by the old man just now.”

“What did you hear me just say?”

“What now. Let me see your shoulder.”

Seohwi argued back, but this time too, Yoongeon just replied nonchalantly. Even though his own face, which was starting to swell up with a dark bruise, was more serious than the shoulder that had been hit once without much pain, Yoongeon was still only worried about Seohwi.

“Your face is in worse shape.”

“What does it matter, it’s a face I won’t be using for long anyway.”

Distracted by the thought that Seohwi might have been hurt, Yoongeon blurted out something he normally would have been careful about. It was obvious he probably didn’t even know what he had just said.

“Yoongeon.”

“If your shoulder is bruised, we should go to the hospital…”

“Yoongeon.”

“……”

“I want you to live.”

Only then did Yoongeon’s gaze, which had been fixed on his shoulder, rise.

“I want you to stop acting like you’ve given up on everything.”

“……”

At Seohwi’s words, Yoongeon’s face hardened slightly, as if he had only then noticed his slip of the tongue.

“It’s always like this. Like you’re a person who’s going to leave soon.”

“How long am I supposed to be here, then.”

Does he know how I’m feeling right now, looking at me with such gentle eyes? Yoongeon’s gentleness became a dagger, stabbing Seohwi over and over.

“You have your own life to live, too. How long am I supposed to be by your side.”

“I’ve already decided to stay by your side, Yoongeon.”

“……”

“The moment you came to get me, I already made that decision.”

The more Seohwi spoke, the paler Yoongeon’s face became. As if he had finally understood Seohwi’s frustration, Yoongeon looked at him with confused eyes and then took a step back.

“Uh…”

Trailing off or mumbling was unlike Yoongeon, but he mumbled with a pale face. It was the face of someone who didn’t quite know how to respond. He looked extremely confused.

“Yoongeon.”

Seohwi closed the distance he had created, approaching Yoongeon and taking his hand. The one step that had barely been made was effortlessly closed again.

“You said you’d protect me. Then you have to protect me to the end.”

“Well, that’s…”

At the words asking if he hadn’t promised so, Yoongeon finally opened his mouth.

“Of course I’m going to do that, but…”

“……”

“Why?”

“What?”

An unreadable question came from him.

“Of course I will… you.”

“……”

“Protect you, but…”

That’s true, but… Yoongeon looked at Seohwi with confused eyes. Not knowing what on earth he was so confused about, Seohwi looked back at him.

“That’s not going to be for a lifetime, is it.”

“……?”

“So why are you saying you’ll stay by my side ‘always’?”

“No, no…” Yoongeon said, clutching his head. He hadn’t shown any sign of pain when Chairman Go hit him, but now he looked distressed, as if he had a headache.

“I, ……I have to go.”

“Yoongeon, what’s wrong.”

Seohwi was not one to misunderstand what those words meant. He was talking about dying.

“I swore I would.”

“……”

It was the first time he had spoken of death with his own mouth. Yoongeon’s feelings, which had burst out uncontrollably, were so heavy that Seohwi couldn’t even dare to fathom their depth.

“I’m going to make it so you can live well. I’m going to clear away all the obstacles.”

“There are no obstacles in front of me.”

“There’s me.”

Ah….

In that moment, Seohwi understood all the words and actions Yoongeon had shown so far.

“…You’re my obstacle?”

So that was it. That’s why he had been pushing me away and drawing a line all this time. Because he thought of himself as an obstacle.

It wasn’t a matter of liking or disliking Seohwi. The problem was Yoongeon. This had not been such a simple problem.

“Ugh…”

Yoongeon clutched his head. He was someone who rarely showed he was in pain, but it was different now. As if just speaking was draining him, the strength left his body and he swayed.

“I’ve never thought that.”

Not once, not a single time had he ever thought of him as an obstacle.

“You don’t know anything.”

But Yoongeon denied it.

“I’ve always… always been an obstacle. I failed to let you live a complete life.”

“When.”

“……”

“Answer me. When did that happen.”

As far as he could remember, no such thing had ever happened, but Yoongeon spoke as if he knew of a time beyond that.

“Tell me.”

Words that hadn’t been thought through popped out of Seohwi’s mouth.

“You know me, right? You know who I am.”

“……”

“And you love me, still. …Do you love me?”

Seohwi, who had held back and kept his mouth shut, afraid that he might break down helplessly again like before, this time spoke clearly without beating around the bush. He had a conviction. A conviction that his and Yoongeon’s connection was not just the few recent months.

“Yoongeon. Answer me.”

Yoongeon knows the entirety of our connection. Probably.

He held the arm of the weakly standing Yoongeon firmly and asked. And in that moment, he realized. That he had wanted to ask this question even before meeting Yoongeon. Inside that Seohwi, an emotion he had no memory of began to slowly bloom and wrap around his entire body.

“……Yes.”

“……”

“I love you.”

He could have chosen not to answer, but Yoongeon answered desperately, like a cornered person.

“That’s why I want to die.”

“……”

Yoongeon’s confession was as earnest as if it would burn himself up. He also looked like someone whose desperate heart had gone unrequited for a very long time.

“I was wrong.”

He collapsed in the arms of Seohwi, who held him firmly, and whispered.

“I thought I would be satisfied with just once, that I would, but… I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I can’t bear to see you living happily without me.”

“……”

“I can’t not love you. So just let me die. Let me just pass through your life like this.”

Seohwi stood blankly and looked at Yoongeon.

“Don’t make me see that side of you. Please…”

“You can just hold on to me.”

Why does he not consider that possibility at all? Unable to overcome his frustration, Seohwi spoke.

“You can just hold on and not let go.”

“……”

“If you feel guilty looking at me, then feel it. If you want to cry because you’re sorry, then cry. I told you, if that’s your part to play, just do it.”

“No, I.”

“Because I’m going to do what I want to do.”

Right, when had he ever lived by holding back. Seohwi mocked himself inwardly. Isn’t it because I’m doing something so out of character that I end up exploding like this?

“You asked for it. So I’m giving it to you. I said I’ll give it to you.”

“……”

He looked into Yoongeon’s confused eyes.

“If you don’t want to see me living happily without you, then just keep me by your side. Why don’t you think of that?”

At first, it was because he wasn’t unfamiliar. A person he had never met was familiar, and when he saw Yoongeon, an unexplainable emotion welled up, so he stayed by his side. Perhaps because he thought Yoongeon might hold the clue to resolving the obsession he had held for so long.

After that, he stayed by his side because he couldn’t bear to leave him alone. He had been asked to stay by his side and protect him, and Yoongeon looked so precarious, as if he might die at any moment, so he couldn’t leave.

But the reason he stayed by his side even after all of that had passed was because he found Yoongeon the person to be comfortable and likable. Because the interest and affection he showed him carried a distinctly different weight from others. He made it so obvious he liked him that it was impossible not to know, and worried about him in ways no one else did, so even he, who was indifferent to everything, couldn’t help but be swayed.

“I have no intention of meeting anyone else.”

Since meeting Yoongeon, Seohwi had come to have a certain conviction that he would be in his future as well, yet here he was, gauging his own usefulness and confessing that he would die at any time.

“Yoongeon. Tell me what you really want.”

“……”

“Not what you have to do when you don’t want to.”

“I…”

“……”

“I want you.”

At Seohwi’s firm demand, Yoongeon finally revealed his heart completely.

“Always… always, that was the only thing I ever wanted.”

“Haa…”

How long had it taken for him to reveal his heart? How much, how much hesitation had there been? Recalling the numerous things that flashed through his mind, Seohwi finally let out a sigh of relief.

“I always wanted to live with you, dare I say.”

Yoongeon raised a trembling hand.

“I thought and resolved that I shouldn’t wish for it, but in truth, I always wanted to live. With you…”

“……”

“No matter what kind of life, as long as it was just you.”

At the words Yoongeon murmured as if sobbing, Seohwi couldn’t hold back and hugged him tightly.

“Even if you push me away, I won’t be pushed away, not anymore.”

“……”

“So don’t die, and let’s live together, Yoongeon.”

In that moment, Yoongeon hugged him back. The parched and withered man finally opened the tightly shut bolt and hugged Seohwi tightly, then,

“You’re the one who chose this…”

“Yes.”

“Even if you regret it, …I won’t let go.”

He said in a tightly suppressed voice.

“I know.”

Even while clearly aware of the obsession cast in those words, Seohwi answered with a smile, without a single worry.

“Do as you please.”

Even if he didn’t let go, even if he suffocated him, it was fine as long as he lived by his side.

As Seohwi smiled, Yoongeon pulled the back of his neck. He parted his lips, blocking his breath, yet he seemed frantic that he couldn’t kiss him more deeply, and for some reason, Seohwi felt a sense of relief.

Even this side of Yoongeon wasn’t unfamiliar. In fact, had he been like this since a very long time ago? Seeing his obsessive side and feeling his own anxious heart calm down, he thought that perhaps it might be true.

As they tangled their tongues and shared their breaths, Seohwi cried. He wasn’t sure why the tears were coming, but it felt as if a longing that had plagued him for a long time was being fulfilled. Like that, for a long while, they clung to each other and kissed. Seohwi closed his eyes and gave Yoongeon everything he had. Since he said he wanted it so much, there was nothing he couldn’t give.

“Yes, you’re… mine.”

“……”

“From the very beginning, you were mine…”

Yoongeon muttered that every time their lips parted. He seemed to be in agony on one hand, even while being obsessed with Seohwi. So Seohwi sucked on his lower lip once and answered like this.

“Yes, Yoongeon. I’ll give myself to you, so take me.”

At that answer, Seohwi realized too late that the eyes of Yoongeon, who was looking back at him, had gone crazy.