ITDW 15

What Jungyoon told him to remember was that alcohol was not allowed, but Jaeri forgot the truly important words and engraved only the command to remember. The combination of the word ‘remember’ and the phrase ‘permanent scar’ quite pleased him.

Jaeri liked his hyung’s way. Don’t look at or listen to anything else, just listen to me. Do only as I say. Doing as he said was easy. But come to think of it, there was no one who listened to his hyung’s words as well as he did, so he thought that was why he considered him even more special. Jaeri’s obedience was not submission, but a commendable magic potion for acquiring love. Something that only he knew, and could do.

The desire to be his one and only, as if it were always a given, solidified its place in his heart and showed no sign of leaving.

Jaeri looked at the wound on his back for a long time. Now that dark red thing looked pretty. I should grow fond of it, Jaeri thought.

In the Vice President’s office, amidst the savory aroma of coffee gently wafting through the air, only the sound of sipping coffee filled the space.

“Need more coffee?”

The man who had been frowning and sipping only coffee for a long time quickly raised his head at the voice that broke the silence. The man, whose large build didn’t match his irritable impression, answered.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Have you sketched out the picture?”

“It’s in the final stages.”

The man closed his eyes to organize the contents chaotically swirling in his head in chronological and logical order. Seeing him begin to piece it together, Jungyoon asked.

“What support do I need to provide?”

“First, if the purchase of Hanyoung Corporation’s treasury stock this time exceeds 3%, it will meet the requirements for a squeeze-out5) under the Commercial Act. Since Hanyoung Corporation has plans to merge with KN Logistics, a successful squeeze-out will be a great help in merging without any trouble. First, use this point to publicize that the legal planning office’s role is very important this time.”

He spoke without taking a breath, and Jungyoon grasped the overall shape of the plan. He quite liked the smart plan and a satisfied smile appeared on his lips.

“And.”

“This time, YJ is not the project leader for the treasury stock purchase. After successfully completing the treasury stock purchase, please allow YJ to participate as the project leader for the squeeze-out. To do that, the team will have to be a task force. After that, I will take care of it myself.”

The fact that he was calling Yoonjae by the codename YJ, even though there were only the two of them, made him think he was already quite immersed in this game. Jungyoung replied appropriately.

“So the arrangement is that YJ joins the merger task force on the condition of a successful squeeze-out.”

“Yes.”

His eyes sparkled with anticipation, but Jungyoon put on the brakes.

“Hmm… Department Head Koo, it’s all good, but.”

“Yes, Mr. Vice President.”

“Yoonjae is my younger sister.”

Jungyoon said it as if reminding him of an obvious fact. You’re keeping that in mind, right? Don’t just have too much fun with it.

“I know.”

“Go easy on her.”

“How should I go easy on her?”

Jungyoon couldn’t quite bring himself to show a disappointed expression and simply explained it precisely to Department Head Koo, whose sharp eyes had only dimmed a little.

“Spare Yoonjae’s pride a little. Don’t go in a direction that makes people doubt her qualifications as a lawyer.”

“Does a cat think of the mouse?”

“Go in a direction that makes them doubt her qualities as a leader.”

“Understood. Oh, and about that updated puzzle.”

Department Head Koo’s face said that a constraint of that level was okay.

“Ah, did you solve that already?”

“Yes. It’s the same algorithm. It would be awkward for me to report that in person… I’ll send it by email.”

“Alright.”

“And, sunbae.”

At the title that suddenly recalled their intimacy, Jungyoon looked at Department Head Koo with a curious face. Why is this guy being so creepy?

“…What.”

“You know I’m tight-lipped, right?”

“I know.”

“I’ll be going now.”

He said the same thing last time. Is it something big again?

Not even a few minutes had passed since Department Head Koo left when an email arrived. Seeing that it was sent from his phone, he wondered why he had only sent it now when he already had it, but he understood after reading its contents.

Department Head Koo hadn’t wanted to face an emotionally discomposed Jungyoon. Department Head Koo was a junior from Jungyoon’s high school basketball club and one of the few acquaintances who knew him to the bone.

Jungyoon looked at the updated items 4.1, 4.2, 4.3, and 4.4 and laughed with a sound like air escaping. Of course, he wasn’t laughing because he was in a good mood.

“Trying to take things step by step, are we.”

In the hope that this hypomanic episode would last a little longer, and because it was nice to see him being bright and acting cute, he had been as accommodating to the kid as possible, but the kid wasn’t just taking an inch, he was taking a mile. Feeling dismayed, Jungyoon thought he should consult with Dr. Han about this problem as well.

Among the symptoms of hypomania is an excessive sexual interest. Perhaps because he was the closest person to the boy, he seemed to have been getting turned on by him for some time now, and it had reached a somewhat worrying level.

He didn’t want to say anything bad to the boy. Being judged and cornered for something he himself couldn’t help was something the boy had already experienced a lot. He loved the boy too much to even think of adding to his pain. Probably, as a hyung.

Jungyoon stared at the bottom-most of the quad monitors. The other three screens displayed reference materials for his work, and the monitor he was staring at showed the inside of a room in some house. The video quality was quite good.

Jaeri was masturbating, his face flushed, biting his lip, and squeezing his eyes shut. He moved his hand with groans and grunts, and was startled by his own touch, making his body jolt. And, as if he himself thought he was jolting too much, he turned his head and buried his face in a pillow. Even then, he bit down hard on his lip.

He’s going to draw blood doing that. He wondered if it was because it was a young kid doing it; seeing another man masturbate would probably feel disgusting, but that sight of Jaeri was quite cute.

“Is this what it feels like to raise a puppy? Seeing him play well on his own is a bit reassuring.”

Jungyoon watched until Jaeri came and lay limp, gasping for breath, briefly recalled Jaeri’s night terror from the previous night, and then began to focus on his busy work. The bottom-most monitor was not turned off.

Children are cruel. Is it because gleefully tearing off a dragonfly’s four wings while chanting ‘Tuna—’ is an act tolerated only at that age, or is it simply because they understand the emotions of others less? Or could it be because of an immature linguistic system that, having not yet built anything of its own, receives the words of adults heard somewhere like a tape recorder and then broadcasts them without filter?

‘They say Jelly is the son of a concubine.’

‘Concubine?’

A child started to speak. It was an age extremely sensitive to stimulation. Amidst the noisy clamor of the children’s gathered interest, only the subject of the conversation was cautious. His shoulders hunched 괜히 at the words filled with hostility.

‘What’s that?’

‘A concubine isn’t the real wife. She’s like a maid.’

‘Really? Jelly is a maid’s son? Kim Jelly! Are you a maid’s son?’

Jaeri was confused. His mother was not a maid. But it seemed true that she wasn’t the real wife. Because his hyung and noona had a different mother.

‘She’s not a maid.’

‘Yes she is, I know it.’

‘She’s not! What do you know!’

‘Then can you swear your mom’s not a concubine?’

‘…….’

‘You can’t even swear! Kim Jelly is a maid’s son.’

‘No! It’s not like that!’

When Jaeri burst into tears at the cruel animosity surrounding him, a few of the children comforted him. However, one of the children who had comforted Jaeri, once his friend had calmed down a bit, asked, “But, are you really a concubine’s son?”

Jaeri was a quiet child. Even when he got home, he didn’t tell anyone what had happened at kindergarten. Jaeri was young, but he knew that it was something that could hurt someone in the family.

However, the wound he had received was also too big for him not to show it. The child expressed his upset feelings by being irritable.

‘I’m not eating! I won’t eat! Don’t tell me to eat anything!’

After pushing away the lady who brought the spoon to his mouth one more time, Jaeri knocked over the rice bowl and side dishes on the dining table and threw them on the floor. The lady, who had to feed Jaeri dinner, was in a difficult position, and the child cried sorrowfully.

Naturally, the story reached the child’s parents, and Chairman Kim called Jaeri in and scolded him severely. Still, the child did not admit his fault. He just kept crying. The child couldn’t understand. What he had done wasn’t a bad thing. He had simply expressed his anguished heart. But an action that didn’t look pretty on the outside could not make anyone understand.

What was more unfair was that he couldn’t express that unfairness. He didn’t know how. Explaining one’s feelings with words to make others understand what kind of person one is and what emotions one has, and communicating without misunderstanding, was an advanced skill not given to one at such a young age.

And yet, he could no longer express himself in the ways he knew. The adults had already answered that they could not understand those methods.

After the church service, in the church parking lot, his father had once struck Jaeri for being suddenly irritable and fussy. Jaeri was startled by that violence, which was purely emotional.

When the child was knocked down by that blow and then picked himself up and stood, the world was not the same as before. The protective shield surrounding him had now crumbled into pieces like an eggshell, and in an instant, the beautiful colors of that world were stripped away, revealing a bluish-gray reality. The child faced that danger alone and naked. He looked around, and there was nothing but a desolate thicket of thorns.

It was a loss. He had been robbed of the armor that should be given to any child who cannot protect themselves, and the full-color screen had been erased from the child’s eyes.

He couldn’t calm down for a while, and sobbed in his hyung’s arms for hours. Even that time of comfort was sparse and patchy. It was because even in the midst of it, he worried that his hyung couldn’t spare time for him every time something like this happened.

‘Jaeri, did something happen at kindergarten? What’s wrong, huh?’

Only he understood his language. He didn’t rebuke him for being ‘sensitive’ like other adults did. That was why he missed him even when he was by his side. He wanted to hold him for ransom, but there was no way.

Making the gentle child cry was a fun game. How foolish he was, the kid didn’t even tell the teacher. The teachers, too, found Jaeri, who was too irritable and cried too much, to be burdensome.

But Jaeri was not a fool. The only thing Jaeri didn’t know was that the teachers were paid to work. Jaeri was just smart enough to look at the teachers’ eyes and know that they didn’t want to take his side.

‘I guess Kim Jelly really is a maid’s son. I saw Jelly’s dad hit Jelly at church before.’

‘Ah, so that’s why Jelly’s name is Jelly.’

‘What’s wrong with Jelly?’

‘Jelly is a pet dog’s name. Have you ever seen a person named Jelly?’

‘No?’

‘They named him that because he’s a maid’s son.’

Young Jaeri listened to those words quietly, then said one thing.

‘It’s not Jelly.’

‘Yes it is, Jelly.’

‘It’s Jaeri. I said it’s not Jelly.’

‘So, it’s Jelly, you liar!’

‘Jelly is so stupid. He doesn’t even know his own name!’

“It’s not Jelly, I said it’s not Jelly! It’s not Jelly!”

Jaeri cried out. In the darkened room, the five-year-old child screamed. Jungyoon, who had been sleeping next to him, woke up and tried to calm him down by patting him without a word, but he repeated the same words for a long time.

“Jaeri.”

“It’s not Jelly, hic, waah, it’s not Jellyyy…”

“Right, it’s not.”

“It’s not Jelly, it’s not, you dummy. Hic, sob. You idiots, you bad guys, you.”

“Jeremy.”

“Sob… hic…”

“Jeremy, my baby, so pretty, who could have said bad things to Jeremy?”

“…Hic…”

“It’s okay, Jeremy. It’s okay. Your hyung is right here.”

“Ugh…sob… hic…”

The sobs that burst out as if his heart were being squeezed subsided, but the sniffling continued quietly for a long time. After the sniffling stopped and the child’s eyes fluttered shut, Jungyoon carefully laid him down on the bed. He wiped away the tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes and brushed back his sweat-drenched hair. He stroked the child for a long time. And he whispered. Now that you’re asleep, don’t have dreams like that again, Jaeri.

Just a while ago, he had stolen a kiss from him and fallen asleep so prettily. Why did he have such a painful dream again?

It was a sudden night terror, the first in two years. Unlike nightmares, he wouldn’t remember it after waking up. Tomorrow, Jaeri would smile brightly in front of him, even with his swollen eyes.

Jaeri seemed to be dreaming of something that had happened when he was a child. He still didn’t know the exact details. He wouldn’t talk. Whenever he had a night terror, he always said, ‘It’s not Jelly.’ There was probably a story like a hidden blade buried deep in the nickname Jelly. When that sharp story revealed itself, it seemed to come out by tearing his heart into several shreds.

Even though Jaeri didn’t seem to understand during the episode, he would start to calm down when called Jeremy.

“…You were happy, in America.”

Jungyoon murmured, looking down at Jaeri with pity.

His maternal grandparents in America had called Jaeri ‘Jeremy’. Jaeri’s full American name was Jeremy Jerry Kim. It was a funny name since Jerry is a nickname for Jeremy, but Ms. Min had insisted that Jaeri’s Korean name, ‘Jaeri,’ also be included in his full American name.

After confirming that Jaeri’s breathing had become steady, Jungyoon got out of bed. He went out to the living room, stood in front of the window, and stared at the bewitchingly flowing black Han River for a long time. In this dawn, he too had remembered the wet eyes of a five-year-old child who had just sobbed and sniffled without a word.