ITDW 28

“You know it’s not right?”

“……”

“You can’t even understand what I’m saying properly. What is this dogshit madness, huh?”

If Jaeri’s hair had been long, he would have grabbed it. He took his hand off Jaeri’s head. It was not a common occurrence for him to use profanity or raise his voice. Jaeri was glad to face his raw anger.

It was a just anger over how he had cheapened the time of affection that Jungyoon had poured out in his own way for the six years they had lived together. Through his confirmation, Jaeri too reconfirmed the weight of the six years they had spent together.

Jungyoon clenched and unclenched his fist.

“…Because I was scared.”

Jaeri looked up at his enraged hyung’s eyes. He met his gaze and said softly.

“That’s not what you should be scared of.”

Jaeri looked up at him.

He soon pondered the meaning of his words. Even in this moment, the balloon in his chest was inflating. His love for him, which he didn’t know when it had started being there. When he had written down the list in code, he had worried that the balloon in his chest would just keep inflating and burst.

Jaeri now completely agreed with him. He was right. That elastic balloon was not likely to burst. What was scary was that the balloon would only continue to inflate until he died.

The time spent with him was more linear than cyclical. As time went on, he liked him more and more. And he and Ja-ri were blood brothers, so they were bound to see each other for the rest of their lives. Then how much more enormous would that balloon become in the future? With only inhales and no exhales, how suffocating and painful would it be? That was what he should have been afraid of.

Jaeri, for the first time, thought that he was strong. A while ago, when he thought he might be abandoned by his hyung, Jaeri had tried to protect himself, however foolishly. So, even if things went wrong, he could stand on his own. Even if it hurt tremendously. If that was the case….

There was something he had thought of ever since writing that plan.

‘Even if it’s a sin, it can’t be helped.’

An impulse to give the balloon an exhale rushed over him.

It was both a symptom of hypomania and a rational judgment. Gauging the time from when the hypomania started after the college entrance exam until now, it was quite a long period. Hypomania had never lasted this long before.

Now the period of hypomania was coming to an end. So now, this was the time.

Jaeri stood up.

He rushed at Jungyoon, who had a what-are-you-doing expression on his face, and kissed him.

He wrapped his arms around his neck, gently pulled on his lower lip with his own upper and lower lips, and quickly inserted a bit of his tongue into the parting mouth. Not knowing what to do with his tongue inside, he slightly puckered his lips, clinging so as not to lose the lips he had captured, and carefully swept the inside of his mouth. His heart felt like it would explode at the smooth, moist, ticklish sensation, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

The other’s tongue, which had been motionless for a moment, snatched and ensnared the intruder’s tongue. Jaeri’s tongue was pulled along. The sensation of their wet tongues rubbing and sliding against each other was unbearably ticklish, and that alone made Jaeri’s toes twitch.

Jungyoon began to take the lead in the kiss. It was instinct. He cupped Jaeri’s head with his large hand, and with his tongue, he slightly lifted the area below the upper lip, then licked as if tapping along the line of his teeth. Jaeri’s body reacted strongly to the surprisingly gentle approach. His body jolted. He grabbed Jaeri’s waist and held him still so he couldn’t move.

The tongue that entered pressed down on Jaeri’s tongue, tickling it, then encircled it, rolled it around, and came in deep all at once. Just as he was thinking it was a little difficult, that tongue changed direction and swept the roof of his mouth in a long stroke. That was erotically ticklish.

Jaeri felt like he was going to cry. This moment with their mouths pressed together, his hand holding his waist tightly, himself being thoroughly soaked in his scent, and being completely restrained in his embrace, felt so unbelievably dreamlike.

His heart went thump, thump, thump, a heavy beat that resonated throughout his body, making it feel like his head was vibrating. It didn’t feel real.

All his senses awakened, and the amount of information being imprinted on his brain increased. The feel of him touching, stroking, licking, biting, and rubbing against him, the dizzying scent of his perfume wafting from the hand that was wrapped around the back of his neck, the hot temperature that swept over him moment by moment, the sound of their lips and tongues colliding fiercely, and when he opened his eyes, the sight of his beloved hyung’s nose and eyelashes…. As much as there was a lot of information, time flowed slowly.

Jaeri, panting slightly, thought, ‘I have to breathe.’ Because he was tense, it was difficult to breathe through his nose. He felt that if he breathed through his nose, his breath would touch his face and ruin this dreamlike, vividly colored atmosphere. He tried to turn his head away from him for brief moments, to exhale and inhale through the gap between their joined lips.

He suddenly pulled his mouth away. He looked once at Jaeri’s wet eyes as he gasped for breath, and then once again bit and pulled on Jaeri’s lips. He sucked once at the blood that had pooled on his reddened lips, gave a butterfly kiss to the corner of his mouth, and then crushed their lips together and came in fast again.

Gentle, then fast, then ticklish, then restraining, then letting go, the progression of his kiss was completely unpredictable. Jaeri’s back hair, surrounded by his large hand, became tousled like a bird’s nest.

The heat haze he had felt when he inserted the cucumber into his finger hole slowly crept up from his lower body and spread to his heart. His body trembled from the hazy sensation, but it was such a subtle movement, more like a vibration. A vibration that couldn’t be felt unless their skin was touching, which he, of course, would be feeling all of. The heat that began in his lower body continued to rise, and not content with reaching his heart, it now began to pool continuously at its source. It seemed he had forgotten how to put strength in his legs.

As Jaeri kept trying to slip, Jungyoon tightened his hand around Jaeri’s waist and pushed his own leg between Jaeri’s. Jaeri almost collapsed onto his leg for a moment. At that moment, his penis brushed against his leg. Surprised by the sensitive sensation of his erect member, he consciously put strength into the tips of his toes to support his legs with his own strength. Even in the midst of that, their tongues moved, diligently intertwined.

Until Jungyoon stopped the kiss, Jaeri thoroughly followed his way. When he sucked, he was pulled; when he pushed, he was pushed; he was twisted as he was twisted, received as he was assailed, and couldn’t even breathe when he was cornered, then breathed when he was allowed to breathe.

Jaeri closed his wet mouth and looked at Jungyoon. He too looked at Jaeri with an unreadable expression. The silent space, filled only by Jaeri’s panting breaths, was full of moisture, and the tension that embraced the situation was somehow languid. The atmosphere was strange, but not difficult to bear. This time too, Jaeri broke the silence first.

“…Hyung, I, I would be fine even if you… took my hand and touched your dick,”

“Shut your mouth.”

At Jaeri’s official confession of his one-sided love, he covered his mouth. Jaeri quietly shut his mouth.

“……”

“Stay confined in your room.”

“…Hyung.”

“The sex education was so ineffective, we’ll have to start over from the beginning.”

Jaeri, who had been punished with confinement in his room, fumbled inside his desk drawer with the hand that ached from being overworked due to the sex education and took out the ‘Hypomania Utilization Plan’ he had shoved in there again. He did not feel like he was being punished at all.