SRS 52

“I’m not the kind of person who breaks promises so carelessly like someone I know.”

Yohan faked a cough and avoided Mikael’s gaze.

…Didn’t he just tell me to let go of my guilt?

For someone who had just preached about that, he had chosen quite the conscience-pricking approach. However, as Mikael said, Yohan was the one who broke their promise first. He couldn’t blame Mikael for his attitude.

“I am sorry.”

When he offered the late apology, Mikael looked at him with calm eyes.

“Don’t apologize just to feel better.”

“…That’s not what I meant.”

“I know. I just wanted to say it once. You annoyed me.”

“……”

Yohan’s conscience stung. He coughed again, he must have used up all his coughs for a lifetime, then cleared his throat.

“It won’t happen again.”

“Mhm.”

“…I mean it. I still remember the promise we made. I’ll keep it.”

Because he had made mistakes before, his desire and sense of responsibility to make up for them were strong. Even if Mikael asked him to abandon God, Yohan would at least think about it once.

Seeing that determination, Mikael, who had been looking at him in the eyes for a while seemingly gauging his sincerity, sighed.

“Well, I couldn’t keep it hidden forever if I was going to make that request. …I just didn’t think it’d come out like this.”

Mikael finally spoke.

“To put it simply, I’m closer to a human now than an angel. My body’s like this because I’m being punished. I committed a sin.”

Yohan frowned.

“Punished?”

“…I broke one of the commandments angels must obey.”

The hand supporting Mikael’s chin slipped down, brushing the nape of his neck where his white hair scattered.

“I helped a human out of personal feelings. The Heavenly God was furious and took back the divine words He gave me. After that, well, you can see how I am now. I ended up dying and falling here.”

“…You skipped too much.”

Unlike Yohan, who had laid out every detail of his own story, Mikael had reduced everything to a few simple lines. When Yohan showed his dissatisfaction, Mikael caught the irreverent feeling and laughed.

“…It’d be nice if I could tell you everything, but you’re a mortal. There’s a limit to what I can say. The truths I can reveal are limited too.”

“So you’re saying there’s a restriction?”

“Something like that.”

“……”

Then it really meant he’d been at a disadvantage from the start.

The guilt of breaking his promise began to fade. Yohan thought that if anyone had ever been deceived by an angel, it was probably him. He gave Mikael a reproachful look.

What did he mean by saying he’d tell everything once I did? As he grumbled inwardly, Mikael closed his eyes and laughed brightly, like he was amused.

…He’s smiling like that, maybe he’s fine after all.

Mikael’s smile annoyed Yohan, yet it also made him relieved. It seemed Mikael wasn’t as bound by the past as he was.

When Yohan was about to speak, deciding that at least Mikael seemed far more composed than himself, Mikael suddenly straightened his posture. Leaning back in the chair, he turned his gaze toward the forest.

“I didn’t expect to be betrayed.”

“……”

Silence fell, the only sound was the wind blowing through the branches. Mikael’s hair fluttered in the breeze. His downcast eyes looked like he was reminiscing about an old memory, and Yohan found himself drawn into them.

“I just helped him because I couldn’t ignore him. He was kind, pure, and pitiful. And before I knew it, I was granting a wish I never should’ve granted. I knew what was happening, but… I didn’t want to admit that his nature had changed.”

Mikael chuckled, it sounded carefree, but Yohan had a feeling it wasn’t as simple as it seemed.

He listened in silence, feeling that Mikael’s story overlapped with his own in a strange way.

“I lost my divine words, but not my divine power. That was the extent of my punishment. Even after falling to the human world, because I didn’t become fully human, whenever I used divine power, the wings that were torn off during my expulsion would grow back. Every time that happened, God ordered me to tear them off myself to repent. Because of that, I had to keep my divine power sealed most of the time. But even then, since divine power remains in my body, the wings eventually grow again, and I have to tear them off myself. It hurt so much the first time.”

He said it with a chuckle, but it wasn’t something to be told with a smile. Yohan couldn’t take Mikael’s expression as an actual smile and frowned. His eyes drifted to the bloodstained shirt.

…So that’s why.

That’s why he’d been tearing off his wings again. Because the power he used in the commercial district must’ve made them grow back.

That’s why he said he couldn’t use divine power. Because the wings would keep regrowing with time, making it impossible for him to attend classes normally.

Everything about Mikael finally made sense.

Why he disappeared whenever he had the chance, why he could only ever remain a perpetual first-year.

Yohan held his breath.

“After falling to the human world, I had no choice but to rely on him. I didn’t know how humans lived. So I stayed with him. At first, I hid the fact that I was being punished. I didn’t want him to feel guilty knowing that I fell because I helped him and that using divine power caused me pain. I didn’t want him to pity me. Then, one day, I had the chance to tell him about my punishment… Do you know what he said?”

Mikael’s voice suddenly changed. His distant gaze shifted toward Yohan, and when their eyes met, Yohan felt a shiver run down his spine. Mikael’s expression, once gentle and relaxed, had turned cold and severe.

It felt like walking on the edge of a blade. Yohan realized that the student before him still hadn’t forgotten the anger he carried from his past. Mikael’s calm smile was nothing more than a well-crafted mask hiding that fury.

“He asked why I hadn’t told him earlier. Said if I had told him, he would’ve asked me to grant his wish sooner. He yelled at me, asking why I hid the truth and used him all this time. He said he would’ve gladly let me tear off my wings over and over again for his sake.”

“……”

Yohan’s fingers clenched tightly on his lap. His knuckles turned pale. Even as an outsider hearing this, his stomach churned with betrayal. He couldn’t imagine how Mikael must have felt hearing it firsthand.

“But… I was a fool back then. Even after hearing that, I stupidly used divine power for him again and again. I tore my wings off thirty times. The pain worsened each time, and eventually, I would faint often.”

When Mikael spoke self-deprecatingly, Yohan pursed his lips and looked at him.

This wasn’t something to be spoken of so carelessly. It wasn’t a secret to be told in such a crude way, nor a past that could be easily understood.

Every student in Fantasiademia had their own story. Some heavier than others, and some so unbearable that even hearing them was painful.

That was why the students here kept their secrets guarded, and respected the secrets of others.

Even so, Yohan had broken his promise and forced his way into Mikael’s secret. He refused to look away from the result of his own stubbornness, forcing himself to meet Mikael’s eyes and not miss a single moment.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m half divine, as long I keep pushing myself after earning God’s wrath, it’s useless. I could feel my body breaking down, and the divine power I could use started reaching its limit. And when I finally couldn’t use divine power for a long time….”

Mikael stopped. He looked at Yohan, though it felt like he was seeing something beyond him through Yohan’s eyes.

“He killed me.”

“……”

“In the end, I was killed by the human I helped, and that’s how I fell here. Do you understand now?”

Why I said you resemble me?

Mikael muttered the words to himself. Yohan finally relaxed and exhaled the breath he’d been holding.

“……”

He couldn’t bring himself to say anything. After struggling for words, he only nodded. The memory of Mikael’s furious expression when he had created Cheplen’s illusion flashed through his mind. That terrifying look hadn’t been directed at Yohan after all.

He was angry at himself.

Mikael had told him not to feel guilty. And indeed, he no longer seemed to carry guilt for breaking the commandment to grant a human’s wish.

It seemed he had turned all that guilt into hatred for that human instead.

Even now, Mikael was still bleeding. His anger hadn’t cooled despite the years that had passed. Yohan’s throat tightened, and he held his neck with trembling fingers. He coughed a few times before realizing it wasn’t his throat that was constricted, he couldn’t breath.

Mikael looked at him for a moment, then reined in his fury. It was just like in the commercial district, when he had flared up in anger only to calm down in an instant.

“If only my death had ended the punishment from God, that would’ve been nice. But unfortunately, God’s wrath is not that light. When you fell into the Nameless Realm, the demon’s curse disappeared. But I wasn’t that fortunate. The punishment God gave me was engraved on my soul, so I’m still being punished. It won’t end unless God takes it back. If there’s any way to end it…”

Mikael stopped speaking and stared at Yohan. His piercing gaze made Yohan freeze, unable to look away.

Then Mikael said softly, yet with absolute certainty,

“It’s probably you, Yohan.”