ITDW 34

Jaeri dragged a blanket into the living room, spread it out, lay down, and rolled around while watching a drama.

He repeated a cycle of falling asleep and waking up to watch the drama, so he could not even remember what he had watched. In the middle of all this, the housekeeper came twice to prepare Jaeri’s meals, and after eating, he lay in front of the TV again.

When it grew dark outside, Jaeri got up with a groan and took a bath. He added bath salts and stayed in the water for a long while. The scent of the bath salts, thoroughly dissolved in the water, was clean. He brought his wrist to his nose and sniffed the scent that had soaked into it.

He came out when he was dizzy from sweating so much and washed himself slowly but meticulously.

After drying his hair, he fell asleep again on the blanket in the living room. It felt as if the sleep clinging to the blanket was holding onto him and would not let him go.

Jaeri had intended to stop watching the drama and put away the blanket he had brought out to the living room by the time Jungyoon got off work, but he could not because he was asleep.

Jungyoon came home after 10 o’clock. It was a cloudy day with fine, white snow falling lightly. Even while working late in the vice president’s office, he had often thought of Jaeri as he looked out the dim window.

He had entered the house wondering what Jaeri was doing, if he was in the closet, or if he would greet him at the front door this time. Unexpectedly, he saw Jaeri curled up in a ball, sleeping in the living room.

He had brought the blanket from his own room, spread it out, and had the drama that Jungyoon had permitted him to watch turned on. It was a drama he had approved just that morning, but the TV was already showing the 11th episode.

He suppressed a laugh, thinking how lazy he was, like a dog with nothing to do.

Until now, Jaeri had been plagued by a harsh daily routine, to the point where he did nothing but study outside of his sleeping hours. He had been so diligent because he would get scolded by Jungyoon if he failed to complete the assigned amount of studying for the day.

Jungyoon left the sleeping Jaeri and went to take a shower.

He thought Jaeri would wake up at the sound of his movements, but he looked down for a short while at Jaeri, who was still asleep. He smoothed his short, messy hair a few times in one direction.

Then, he touched his slightly flushed cheek and tapped the tip of his nose, and Jaeri blinked. Soon, his eyes regained focus and met Jungyoon’s gaze. Jungyoon deliberately erased the smile from his eyes.

“…Hyung, you’re home…”

“Was it nice, spreading out a blanket and lying around watching TV all day?”

Jaeri sat up. He felt like he was being scolded for being lazy.

“…I won’t do it again.”

“You have too little to do these days.”

Jaeri fidgeted, then knelt and sat up properly. It seemed his eyes had not yet adjusted to the bright light, as the edges of his vision were dark. Or perhaps his eyes were swollen, causing his eyelids to droop a little.

“…But I didn’t do anything bad, I was good… I washed up, and I ate both lunch and dinner.”

He was making excuses, which was unlike Jaeri during his depressive periods. Jungyoon laughed inwardly at the content. As if he had accomplished something so grand to be listing it all out. If a dog could talk, it would say exactly that.

“You might as well study instead of killing time.”

“Study…?”

Jaeri looked up at Jungyoon, flustered. He shouldn’t have talked back.

“Sit at the table. Let’s study.”

Looking crestfallen, Jaeri dragged his feet to get up and sat in a chair at one side of the living room table. To think he had to study at this time of night, he had no idea when he would be able to sleep. Jungyoon might make him memorize a few hundred Chinese words, or he might make him read 50 pages of an introduction to economics.

Jaeri was quietly waiting for his hyung when Jungyoon came over, carrying a stainless steel tray piled with various things.

He could not tell what all those things were for, but there was a beaker and a thermometer, which made him wonder if they were doing a science experiment.

“Learn this well. There’s going to be a test afterward, and if you don’t do well on the test, I’m going to do it on your body directly.”

Jaeri did not quite understand what he was saying, so he just stared blankly before speaking.

“…In that case, I’ll go get a notebook and a pen.”

Jungyoon nodded lightly, and Jaeri soon returned with a ballpoint pen and a notebook and sat in front of him.

“Do you know what we’re learning?”

“No.”

Jaeri said, looking at the tools in front of him. It did not seem like it would be an incredibly boring study session, and his mood lifted a little because his hyung was going to teach him himself.

“We’re going to learn how to administer an enema.”

“……”

An enema is not a safe procedure. It was, of course, necessary to prevent Jaeri from hurting himself by doing it clumsily. And since there was that gift Jaeri had asked Sunyoung for, it was about time to give him this lesson.

Jungyoon spoke to Jaeri, who was blushing and unable to say a word.

“There will be a time when you’ll need it.”

“…Yes.”

“Disinfect your hands with the disinfectant here, and disinfect the tools too. Like this.”

Jungyoon tilted the white container of disinfectant, soaked a cotton ball thoroughly with the liquid, and showed him how to disinfect. The smell of the disinfectant wafted over strongly.

Jaeri felt like they were sitting side by side, playing doctor. They had played doctor before….

Jaeri watched quietly, then took a note in his notebook.

1. Disinfect: Hands, beaker, thermometer, tube.

“Put on latex gloves, and pour 30cc of this solution and 30cc of warm water into the beaker.”

Jungyoon poured the solution from the brown glass bottle into the beaker, up to the 30cc mark, and then poured in 30cc of the warm water he had prepared.

Jaeri was busy taking notes and looking at his large hands. It was hard to tear his eyes away from the sight of those long fingers handling the medical instruments so delicately. Occasionally, he would look at his lowered eyes. Deep eyes, shaded by his eyelashes.

He stirred the solutions with the long thermometer to mix them well. Then he let it sit for a moment. The thermometer indicated 38 degrees.

“Between 36 and 40 degrees. This is important, so remember it well.”

“Yes.”

“From now on, watch closely.”

He picked up a syringe and separated the piston. Then, he blocked the tip of the syringe with his finger and slowly poured the solution from the beaker into the syringe. The viscous liquid gurgled as it went in.

He picked up the rectal tube he had set aside, pressed the syringe firmly onto the end, and then placed the syringe in a syringe holder for a moment.

Jungyoon applied pressure to the long rectal tube with his thumb and index finger, pushing all the way outward.

“This is to get the air out. It can be uncomfortable if you don’t.”

Next, he applied lubricant to the tip of the rectal tube, inserted the separated syringe piston, and explained.

“The direction is lying on your stomach, toward your navel, and insert it this far.”

He used his hand to point out on the tube how far it should go in.

Jungyoon met Jaeri’s eyes. After confirming that Jaeri nodded, he turned his gaze to the syringe piston.

“Pull the piston slowly, all the way. You should be looking here.”

He tapped the syringe, making a clicking sound, to show Jaeri, who kept staring blankly at his eyes, where he should be looking.

“Time it.”

He pressed a timer.

“A minimum of 5 minutes, hold it for as long as you can.”

“…Yes.”

He pressed the timer again.

“When you time it, record it on the record sheet. The date and time of that day, the laxative temperature down to the decimal point, and the time you held it.”

“…Yes.”

Jaeri knew who that record sheet was for. It seemed he was beginning to understand what it meant that his body was his hyung’s, and that his hyung could do with his body as he pleased.

“What did I just say to record on the record sheet?”

“…The date, time, solution temperature, and the time I held it.”

“When you’re all done, you can wash it out once more with water. It’s not difficult, is it?”

“Yes.”

Jaeri answered in a barely audible voice.

“Let’s have the test. Do it yourself from the beginning.”

Jaeri glanced at the notebook where he had taken notes and, thinking it did not seem too difficult, cautiously began to demonstrate with his own hands as he had been taught.

Jungyoon also watched Jaeri’s hands move with a serious expression. He observed carefully to see if he was doing it correctly and if he had missed any steps.

He moved his hands, receiving his gaze fully in the silence. He sometimes had to go back when he suddenly remembered a missed step. Each time that happened, Jaeri would check Jungyoon’s expression, but he would just give a slight nod as if to tell him to continue. After lightly pressing the syringe’s piston for the last step, Jaeri spoke.

“…I’m done.”

“Good job.”

“Yes.”

“But, I guess you’ll have to make up the record.”

He had not pressed the timer.

Jaeri looked into his eyes. The eyes that met his were utterly serious. A fabricated record would be meaningless.

“…No.”

“Then, are you not going to record it?”

“……”

“What was the temperature just now.”

“…Thirty-seven point… something degrees.”

“You can’t even remember the temperature correctly.”

“…Hyung…”

Jaeri suddenly remembered what he had said at the beginning and called out to him.

“If you don’t do well on the test,”

“Hyung, I really won’t forget. I really…”

Jaeri cut off the end of Jungyoon’s sentence. He did not want to show such a side of himself in front of the hyung he loved. A spark of interest, wondering what to do, appeared in Jungyoon’s eyes. Jaeri clasped Jungyoon’s right hand tightly with both of his. He pleaded, his face on the verge of tears.

“Hyung…”

“Record it. Accurately.”

“Yes.”

Fortunately, he let it go. But perhaps in its place, the physical examination that day was very difficult.

Especially when he examined the inside of his mouth, his fingers painfully touched the back of his throat several times, which was agonizing. Before, it had only been a few drops, but this time, physiological tears streamed down his face. His fingers relentlessly explored the red flesh inside.

Jaeri bit his hand a few times in agony and tried grabbing his arm, but the oral examination did not end easily.

“Hk, ghk. Eup… eugh.”

He knew he would not stop even if he begged him to. He closed his eyes, then opened them to look at his hyung’s eyes, then closed them again, repeating the cycle. A certain cruelty had even surfaced in his eyes.

He endured the touch without turning his head. By the time his jaw felt numb, Jungyoon’s fingers withdrew. When he closed his mouth, the back of his throat stung. Jaeri soothed the pain in his throat by swallowing his saliva.

“We’re going to Chuncheon for Christmas.”

“…Really?”

Jaeri had not been able to ask about the Chuncheon trip again, since he had not mentioned it again. He had just been thinking they probably could not go.