TTDOTO 7.1

The hospital room fell silent after Seo Jae-rim left. Jae-an’s gaze was fixed on the space behind the blinds.

He chewed over the shapes of the shadows created by the blinds, then looked away to fiddle with his blanket. A moment later, he raised his head again to watch the silhouettes behind the curtains.

“It’s just a shadow.”

Even when he confirmed it by speaking the words aloud, they were clearly shadows. But the moment his attention wavered even slightly, those shadows transformed into various forms: the corpse of a woman hanging by her neck, or a man with a syringe stuck in his arm. The one that appeared most often was the hanging woman—his mother.

The first time she appeared was immediately after he had spat out the words “I love you” to Seo Jae-rim.

The day Seo Jae-rim was deeply enraged, and Jae-an had eventually called him back to the house. The encounter that began with his body being forced open had lasted until the sun went down.

That day, Seo Jae-rim was more obsessed with the words “I love you” than the act itself. He was persistent to a terrifying degree and, in a way, pathetically desperate. Seo Jae-rim, who had acted mysteriously by claiming he didn’t know much about romantic feelings, finally admitted to his own wretched emotions.

On the night he lost consciousness after countless repetitions of telling Seo Jae-rim he loved him, his mother appeared in his dreams.

It was the first time she had appeared since her death. Perhaps it was because his only memories of her were of lifelong abuse, but even in his dreams, his mother was not kind.

Her appearance in the dream was utterly shocking. While Seo Jae-rim was rummaging through his body and Jae-an wore an expression of suffocation beneath him, his mother calmly hanged herself nearby. Creak, creak. With every sway of her body, she swung left and right in time with the bizarre sounds the sofa made.

Even in the dream, Seo Jae-rim craved the words “I love you.” While mechanically spitting out those words, Jae-an’s eyes were fixed on the swaying corpse. The bloodshot eyes of the hanging woman were locked onto him as he was entangled with Seo Jae-rim. His mother’s pitch-black pupils were filled with loathing.

The moans of their two fathers recorded on the black box, the messages they exchanged, and the numerous photos—the disgust his mother must have felt while collecting and staring at those things was packed into those eyes.

He didn’t know if his mother was glaring at him or at the two fathers, but throughout the dream, he had to endure that scrutinizing gaze.

He wanted to tell his mother immediately that it was a lie—that there was no way he could love Seo Jae-rim. But Jae-an couldn’t say it. How could he dare defend himself while receiving Seo Jae-rim’s member and leaking his semen?

Ultimately, Seo Jae-rim had buried his face in Jae-an’s crotch and forcibly extracted semen from him. Jae-an hated the confession of “I love you too” that followed as a response to his climax unto death.

The nightmare was very long. There were moments he woke briefly, but he was pulled back into the dream as if drugged. Only later did he realize he had been drifting in and out of consciousness for nearly a week.

As soon as he came to, he checked the spot where his mother had hanged herself. In its place was only a wooden-framed floor lamp.

However, the nightmare occasionally extended its ambiguous tail into reality. A corner of the dining room, a chair on the terrace, the cabinet next to the sofa. His mother’s form would suddenly emerge from the shadows created by light, only to vanish instantly.

Even when it was clearly a lingering image created by shadows or props upon second glance, Jae-an’s heart would tighten, and he would feel suffocated every single time.

In the end, he collapsed in Seo Jae-rim’s car with the same symptoms. However, receiving a diagnosis of pneumonia actually made him feel relieved.

He believed that he hadn’t actually seen his mother’s form; rather, he had seen hallucinations because his condition had dropped due to the bacteria whitening his lungs. He believed that once he took medicine and received injections, these symptoms would surely be resolved.

“It’s a hallucination.”

Jae-an stared at the shadow on the hospital blind for a long time until he was certain it wasn’t his mother, then dropped his head. Shortly after, a nurse knocked and entered the room.

“Mr. Lee Seong-yoon, we’re going to give you one pack of IV fluids.”

Out of habit, he looked for Seo Jae-rim, but his phone call seemed to be running long. It’s just one injection… Watching the nurse skillfully prepare the medicine, he rolled up his patient gown sleeve and held out his arm.

But the moment the needle entered beneath his skin, his heart began to race violently. His breathing grew ragged instantly, and he reflexively swiped the syringe away.

“H-ugh.”

The moment the needle pierced his arm, the image of Jang Han-seong, who had died with a needle stuck in the same spot, flashed before his eyes. His entire body began to tremble, and his memories from that point on did not connect properly.

When he opened his eyes, he was asleep on the bed, and Seo Jae-rim was sitting by his side. For some reason, Seo Jae-rim’s mood didn’t seem good.

***

It was dinner time.
Jae-an, who had been scooping porridge, set his spoon down with a sharp clack. He rubbed his eyes to erase the lingering image beginning to form on the left wall and stepped down from the bed. Seo Jae-rim’s gaze moved along with his restless movements. A chilly aura still permeated his eyes.

“Where are you going in the middle of eating?”

“I’m nauseous…”

Unable to say more, he went to the bathroom and threw up everything he had eaten. Seo Jae-rim came over and patted his back. After brushing his teeth, his appetite had vanished completely, so he covered all the food lids. Seo Jae-rim quietly opened the lids one by one. With one hand he held a spoon, and with the other, he gripped the back of Jae-an’s head.

“The medicine is strong, so you have to eat.”

“…….”

“Your stomach is so small, it feels like it’ll get full with just a little.”

Like soothing a child, his thumb gently rubbed Jae-an’s scalp. The spoon touched his lower lip, and Jae-an opened his mouth exhaustedly. Ultimately, Jae-an had to continue eating until the silver spoon scraped the bottom of the white porridge bowl. The slippery food slid down his throat without pause.

Soon it was time for sleep. Seo Jae-rim, who had been guarding the room all day, turned off all the lights and opened the closet to take out bedding for the guardian. Jae-an, who was fiddling with the cord swaying behind the blinds, spoke cautiously.

“Um… are you sleeping here too?”

Seo Jae-rim turned his head.

“I don’t mean you should leave. I was just curious.”

“Yes. If I’m not here, Hyung, you’re going to hang yourself in there.”

Seo Jae-rim’s fingertip pointed toward the bathroom. Jae-an frowned as he answered. He half-raised his hand in disbelief before letting it fall.

“I won’t.”

“Liar.”

The corner of Seo Jae-rim’s mouth quirked upward.

“At some point, everything you say started feeling like a lie.”

“…….”

“But it’s nice to hear you say you won’t.”

Jae-an looked at Seo Jae-rim’s smirking face before turning away. Returning to the bed, Jae-an tossed and turned while hugging the blanket before getting up again to slide his feet into the hospital slippers.

Walking to the window, he pulled back the blinds and secured the swaying cord to prevent it from moving, then returned to the bed. While glancing at Seo Jae-rim as he crossed the spacious room, their eyes met unexpectedly.

“Did you hide something over there? Why do you keep glancing?”

An excuse jumped out first.

“It keeps bothering me.”

“What bothers you?”

When Jae-an remained frozen without answering, Seo Jae-rim raised an eyebrow and asked,

“Me?”

Jae-an immediately waved his hand. Seeing the faint smile, he realized it was meant to be a joke, but because Jae-an reacted so literally, his face was filled with embarrassment.

“No. That cord keeps swaying. It makes noise, too…”

As he answered, Jae-an’s expression froze. It was because he saw a lingering image of it swaying, even though he had just secured it to the hook on the wall.

“Even now…”

Seeing Jae-an standing still without taking his eyes off the blinds, Seo Jae-rim obediently stood up and lifted the blinds.

“It’s not moving. It’s not making any noise.”

“I see…”

Since Jae-an’s eyes still held anxiety, Seo Jae-rim balled his fist and struck the glass wall behind the blinds. The glass vibrated with a loud thump. Startled, Jae-an’s shoulders flinched.

“There’s really nothing there, nothing at all.”

“Yeah. There isn’t.”

After banging on the glass a few more times, Seo Jae-rim walked over and stood in front of Jae-an.

“Hyung.”

When Jae-an’s gaze was slow to follow, Jae-rim cupped his cheeks to force his eyes upward and spoke in a low, sank voice.

“Is there something you’re afraid of?”

Jae-an’s pupils wavered. Cold hands wrapped gently around his entire face. He wanted to confess everything in a rush, but he only twitched his lips without being able to pronounce a word. Even to himself, it sounded like nonsense. His mother? Jang Han-seong? There was no way they could be visible.

As he waited for an answer, Seo Jae-rim’s fingers tapped lightly against Jae-an’s cheeks. Those golden eyes scrutinized every part of Jae-an’s face. His expression was impossible to read—whether he was angry or amused.

“I’m really curious about what you’re thinking.”

Soon, Jae-an’s body was pulled in. All the things that had been cluttering his vision vanished, and his sight was filled with the color of the short-sleeved T-shirt Seo Jae-rim was wearing. He could see nothing. Thump, thump. All he could hear was the sound of a heart beating abnormally fast.

“I don’t know what it is, but Hyung, you only need to be afraid of me.”

With his vision filled with Seo Jae-rim, he could only hear Seo Jae-rim’s voice.

“That’s easy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“If it’s hard, tell me. I’ll make things scary enough that you won’t have room for any other thoughts.”

Jae-an tightened his grip on the hand holding Seo Jae-rim’s waist. He replied as he pulled that hand down.

“I appreciate it… but it’s enough.”

He heard Seo Jae-rim laugh. Jae-an looked at Seo Jae-rim and then slowly lowered his head.

Once the sensation of fear within him was focused entirely on Seo Jae-rim, he couldn’t feel anything other than Seo Jae-rim’s voice, scent, and presence. Jae-an realized that his heart rate had finally returned to its normal speed.

***

It was now the third day of hospitalization. Occasional hallucinations disrupted Jae-an’s breathing, but he endured. Every time he flinched, Seo Jae-rim made sure to confirm that nothing was there and embraced him. It was a deep, strong embrace that made it so he couldn’t see or hear anything else.

“Hyung. I have to go to Gangwon-do today. I can’t delay it anymore.”

Jae-an, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, looked at Seo Jae-rim. Seo Jae-rim tossed off his clothes and changed into a black shirt and pants that Han Jong-seok had brought to the room. Unlike usual, Seo Jae-rim, with a hat pulled low, turned his head to meet his eyes.

“You can stay put, right?”

“When are you coming back?”

Seo Jae-rim didn’t answer and only raised an eyebrow slightly. Jae-an, who was fiddling with the bag of chocolates Seo Jae-rim had bought, replayed his question to see if there was something wrong with it. But then, the line of Seo Jae-rim’s mouth instantly loosened.

“To think there’d be a day you’d ask something like that, Hyung.”

I’ll come back as quickly as possible. Adding those words, Seo Jae-rim strode toward him and rummaged through the hair on the crown of his head. His expression as his lips quirked into a smile looked genuinely happy.

He hadn’t particularly meant it in the sense that he would miss him, but he did find Seo Jae-rim’s presence regrettable to lose. The groundless fear that appeared in all sorts of hallucinations would vanish, displaced by the tangible entity of Seo Jae-rim who drove him into a corner.

Fighting fire with fire—was that it? He let out a laugh that was almost like a sigh without realizing it.

“Seeing you laugh, I guess you really are getting better.”

“…….”

“I’ll assign two caregivers for you, so make good use of them.”

“Two?”

Ignoring his question, Seo Jae-rim checked his watch and sent a text. Shortly after, someone knocked on the hospital door. When Seo Jae-rim opened the door, two people entered the room.

“Hello, Seong-yoon. I’m Sung Eun-hee, the caregiver. Just call me whatever you’re comfortable with.”

The person who greeted him first was a middle-aged woman. As soon as she arrived, she unpacked a small bag to take out a thermos and changed into comfortable shoes; her movements looked experienced, as if she had cared for patients many times. However, the person standing silently next to the bustling caregiver gave a light bow and then walked to the hospital door, standing firm like a gatekeeper.

It was a man whose appearance suggested he handled rough work. He was wearing a light-colored T-shirt and jeans to avoid standing out, but perhaps because of his bear-like build, it looked even more awkward. Since they couldn’t install CCTV in the hospital room, it seemed he was stationing a bodyguard instead.

“What are you staring at so intently?”

A cold hand grabbed his cheek and turned it.

“I’ll be back.”

Along with the whispering voice, his lips naturally touched Jae-an’s cheek. Perhaps because it was a sudden approach in front of others, goosebumps broke out across his abdomen. As he twisted his head to avoid it, Seo Jae-rim turned his head back with brute force. Seo Jae-rim captured his lips once more, which were protruding like a beak from the pressure of his grip. Fearing that if he avoided it again, Jae-rim would initiate even more intense skinship, Jae-an balled his fists and desperately endured.

He heard the sound of Seo Jae-rim’s footsteps leaving the room. Despite Seo Jae-rim’s crazy behavior, the room remained silent. Jae-an dropped his head and rubbed his lips with the back of his hand.