PMEVBO 22

“……You knew?”

I’d only introduced myself to Iser as ‘a priest exiled for committing a wrongdoing’.

I’d been careful not to specify exactly what that wrongdoing was. If the kidnapper was a complete scoundrel who’d even assaulted a cardinal, wouldn’t that be terrifying? ……That’s why I didn’t mention it. If he got scared and avoided me, the quest would get messed up.

Wait, but didn’t you barely know my name when we first met?

……How did he even know I was exiled for assaulting a cardinal?

The answer came from Iser’s mouth.

“When I was locked in the spire, the duke drilled it into my ears. He complained about how someone beat the cardinal half to death and how the burden left in the castle was giving him a headache.”

Duke Hayut, that bastard who’s just like the original Lucariel… He even used a kid like bamboo for beating¹? He sure milked that exploitation dry.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. ”

“Well, I didn’t ask.”

After a long silence, I finally managed to speak.

“…It’s true I was exiled for assaulting a cardinal.”

No, actually, that’s wrong. It was the original Lucariel who assaulted the cardinal, not me. But what can I do? This damn possession is forcing collective responsibility between the original and me.

Since I’d admitted to beating the cardinal, I figured my relationship with Iser would now be awkward. Just as that thought crossed my mind, Iser tightened his grip around my waist.

“That must have been hard.”

“…Hard? What exactly was?”

For a moment, I thought I’d misheard. No, wait. 

How could someone like me—who beat people and lived in exile, yet pretended it never happened—expect to hear that? 

Ah, is he being sarcastic…?

Yes, that would make sense.

But Iser patted my back and spoke.

“You did something out of character. It must have been hard because it wasn’t like you. Whether it was the trigger, the process, or the outcome.”

I fell silent for a moment.

“……We only spent ten days together. How could you possibly know my personality?”

Trying to hide the tremor in my voice only made it stiffen. Yet Iser didn’t seem to mind and replied.

“If you were going to say something like that, you should have treated me a little less kindly.”

Sorry, but that affection was just a fake one born from a praise quest.

Seriha was like that too. These kids really worry me.

How do they plan to survive this harsh world being so pure?

“You shouldn’t just follow someone around because they treat you nicely. You’ll get into big trouble if you keep that up.”

“……Huh, do you think I’m some ten-year-old kid?”

“…….”

Well, you look like a ten-year-old kid. I didn’t say it out loud, but the quick-witted Iser seemed to read something in my silence.

“……Forget it. Let go.”

Like a cat slipping through human fingers, Iser gracefully yet firmly wriggled free from my embrace.

I caught his slender wrist and chuckled softly. Then I pulled him back into my arms, stroking the back of his head like soothing a stubborn kitten, murmuring,

“I know you’re all grown up. I know. I just said it because I’m worried.”

“……That kind of talk just annoys me more.”

His tone was acerbic, but Iser didn’t push me away in the end. Honestly, the way he nestled quietly in my arms was cute. I smiled softly and opened my mouth.

“And thank you for saying it must have been hard. I never thought I’d hear something like that. It makes me a little happy.”

“I didn’t say it to make you happy. …I just stated a fact.”

What a cute little thing.

Was it the aftereffect of the day’s water play, or the subtle herbal scent wafting from his body? I fell asleep almost instantly. It was the most peaceful night since I possessed Lucariel’s body.

***

When I came to, ten days had passed since I drew the Guidance skill. Time flies.

Combining the ingredients I’d wrested from the cook with potatoes and tomatoes from the garden, I’d crafted a potato pizza. I was just about to slice the freshly baked pizza into eight pieces.

The butler, whom I hadn’t seen since the first day of possession, burst into the kitchen.

“His Grace the Duke wishes to invite the priest to dinner tonight.”

…What the hell is this new nonsense?

A dinner event dropped out of nowhere.

I frowned briefly, then chuckled and asked.

“The duke wants to dine with me? So is this a date invitation?”

“How dare you utter such blasphemy about His Grace…!”

I silently stared at him, the corners of my mouth turned up. The butler immediately tucked his tail like a dog that had lost a fight.

After a long pause, I casually said,

“Just kidding.”

The butler’s face paled even more.

Anyway, why the sudden desire to share a table with that psychopath he avoided out of fear? Is dying from choking on his food his dream?

Up until this point, my answer was closer to ‘Stop spouting nonsense.’ …That was before I heard the incredible lineup.

“…This morning, two archbishops visited the castle. They are scheduled to attend the banquet, so your presence is required.”

Whoa… Archbishops came? Two of them?

The reason archbishops came to this castle at this moment was obvious. They brought the punishment the Pope had decreed for me.

Well, a clergyman committing murder is a serious matter. Truth be told, I was the one nearly killed, not the killer… But what’s the point of nitpicking now that I’ve voluntarily taken the blame?

..I hope this isn’t a faster tour in Hell than the original story?

The Holy Empire Levana had only one prison. Its name alone was grandiose: ‘Hell.’ The empire’s criminals weren’t sent there after death, but dragged to Hell while still alive.

Guilt or innocence was determined solely by the Pope’s will. No matter how heinous the crime, if the Pope didn’t declare you guilty, you were innocent. Meaning, you didn’t need to board the express train to Hell.

As proof, even I, exiled for assaulting a cardinal, was not a criminal under imperial law. The Pope branded the original Lucariel a sinner only after the Hayut Massacre.

I had to stay in this castle for at least ten more days, even if it meant dying soon. Only then could I safely help Iser escape and meet Seriha again, my target for praise.

If the Pope had declared me a criminal, it would have been the end…

Of course, I hadn’t been idle all this time.

I’d slipped my own letter into the one the duke sent to the Pope.

‘Put this in the duke’s letter too. If you refuse, I’ll seal your coffin lid instead of the letter.’

That poor scribe ended up slipping my letter into the duke’s with trembling hands. My confession, nesting like a cuckoo in someone else’s envelope, safely left the castle.

I wrote something like this in the letter. I never intended to kill the maid from the start. I killed her in a fit of rage when she stole my holy book.

I am deeply remorseful and beg for leniency just this once.

You know those pathetic repentance letters criminals write? I just copied that style.

I managed to slip it in, but I doubt the Pope would bother reading such rubbish. If it were me, I’d probably use it as a tissue to wipe my nose.

Of course, I was currently stuck in Duke Hayut’s castle, while the prison Hell was in the city. So no matter how hard the NPCs tried, it’d be tough for them to kick me, the player, out of the castle.

Besides, no matter how I thought about it, nothing suggested I would get sent to Hell immediately.

Why would they invite someone destined for Hell to a banquet?

Or maybe they wanted to fatten me up before throwing me in a cell? …What kind of Hansel and Gretel is this?

“I get it, so I’ll be going now.”

“……The banquet is at 7 PM in the grand hall. Please don’t be late.”

With those final words, the butler ran out of the kitchen. Just like someone being chased by a horde of zombies.

“What the hell? Why is he acting like that?”

I suddenly lowered my head and checked my hand.

Ah, the knife…

I was just holding this to cut pizza…

Did he think I was going to slice him up?

***

Iser knew how to eat even a single slice of pizza with the utmost elegance. Watching Iser cut the pizza with a poised, almost painted-on posture, I blurted out.

“Duke Hayut invited me to dinner.”

“What……?”

Clang!

The fork and knife slipped from Iser’s hand, tumbling across the plate and getting covered in sauce.

He’s not the type to make mistakes like this during a meal… He must be really startled. I pushed my own fork and knife toward Iser.

“Use these. I was going to eat with my hands anyway.”

Picking up a slice of pizza with my hands, I continued nonchalantly.

“If it were just the duke, I wouldn’t go, but since the archbishops are there too, I can’t skip it.”

“……Why did the archbishops come here?”

“Well, I guess I’d have to attend to find out.”

Since Iser didn’t know about the maid’s murder, it was a believable lie. If he did know, this clever kid would’ve figured out the archbishops’ reason for coming in a flash.

Just as I was about to take a bite of the pizza in my hand, I casually asked.

“You know anything about clerical etiquette? If you do, could you give me a lesson?”

If my final plea was to stand a chance, even the tiniest one, it was better to act politely than like a fool. No matter how I thought about it, just relying on ‘████’ that had fixed my position here and doing nothing felt a bit off.

“I could, but… don’t you learn clergy etiquette during your apprentice priest days?”

“Just because you learn it doesn’t mean you know it all.”

The original Lucariel probably learned it too, but he acted like he knew nothing about etiquette. Thanks to that, I didn’t know a single thing about clergy etiquette either. After all, Lucariel was the only cleric character in the original story.

“So how much do you know?”

It felt exactly like being randomly called on by the professor and forced to recite what we learned last class. In moments like this, whether I remembered or not, just saying whatever came to mind was my style.

Opening my mouth wasn’t hard this time either. I happened to recall a scene from the original work.

“My soul belongs to God, but my heart is yours. If your heart were also mine…”

As I spoke, I gracefully gathered my fingertips and offered the back of my hand toward Iser.

“Please kiss the back of my hand.”

1. someone you exploit repeatedly because they endure it. ↩︎