MY 19

He stepped inside slowly as if possessed. Then, he blinked his eyes open and closed. He saw Won Wooje standing by the window in front of the wardrobe, and the petite back of a woman standing in front of him.

His heart dropped with a thud. Soon, his eyes met Won Wooje’s, who had looked up. He looked at Han Seolwoo as if startled, then immediately furrowed his brow. He looked like someone who had seen something he wasn’t supposed to see here.

“Who is it?”

At the sound of a presence, the woman turned her head. Han Seolwoo’s gaze lowered slowly. What she was wearing—she, who was much smaller than Won Wooje—was his T-shirt. The oversized garment had plenty of room left and covered her entire thighs. His heart sank with a heavy thud.

Won Wooje turned his head as if annoyed and brushed his hair back. Then, he looked at Han Seolwoo shamelessly again.

“What.”

He asked. He was asking what business had brought him here.

“I asked why you came.”

At the unexpected question, Han Seolwoo’s mouth froze stiffly. There had never been a “why” attached to Han Seolwoo looking for Won Wooje. It was because it was only natural for Han Seolwoo to look for Won Wooje. There had never been a need for a reason.

“…Do I need a reason to come here?”

Han Seolwoo clenched his fists. The eyes of Won Wooje looking at him were chilly. In the subtly confrontational atmosphere, the woman rolled her large eyes and watched their moods.

Han Seolwoo’s eyes, suppressing his emotions, lowered steadily. This time, his gaze landed on the small fist slightly gripping Won Wooje’s top.

A surge of anger welled up. His tightly shut lips became firm.

Again, it’s like this again. While he threw a fit and went crazy over the fact that I had a single cup of coffee with a girl, he was here at twelve o’clock at night bringing a woman to his house to hang out. He didn’t even want to imagine what they had been doing to have her wearing his clothes while chatting away happily.

Han Seolwoo’s eyes, filled with indignation, grew even more rigid. A nauseating anger began to overtake him.

In the silence, Won Wooje let out a low sigh. Han Seolwoo forced himself to swallow a sigh.

“Um…”

The woman who had been standing still opened her mouth.

“Well, it seems like you two have things to talk about, so I’ll be going.”

She smiled with a troubled face. Won Wooje nodded and spoke.

“Go on, noona.”

“Yeah, I’ll call you.”

Han Seolwoo’s gaze landed on Won Wooje’s hand as it touched the woman’s shoulder as if guiding her. The woman, watching Han Seolwoo’s mood, scurried out of the room. A chilly silence flowed.

While maintaining the silence, Won Wooje approached while kicking aside the disheveled blanket. To be precise, it wasn’t toward Han Seolwoo, but toward the refrigerator next to Han Seolwoo. The mini two-room where Won Wooje lived was literally a single-room unit. The entrance and the kitchen were connected, and the space was extremely narrow.

Only then did Han Seolwoo see the blanket scattered on the floor. It was turned inside out in a mess, as if someone had just woken up from a nap. Won Wooje opened a water bottle without a word and gulped it down.

Endless imaginings sprouted and branched out. His tightly clenched fingernails dug into his palms until it hurt.

What on earth were they doing that made him so thirsty? What were they doing that he didn’t even answer the phone, and with a woman, a noona, at home, the clothes, like that…

“What is it.”

Won Wooje spoke first. When he raised his head with a start, he saw an indifferent face. It was a dry gaze without even a trace of his usual slyness.

“What were you doing?”

Han Seolwoo glared at him. He tried to maintain his composure but failed. Thus, he decided to reveal his emotions without filtering.

Won Wooje placed the water bottle on the sink with a thud. Then he took a step toward Han Seolwoo. Being of similar height, their gazes met closely.

“What does it matter. Move.”

Muttering sharply, he brushed past Han Seolwoo’s shoulder. The more indifferently he treated him, the more Han Seolwoo’s insides boiled until he didn’t know what to do. He had completely forgotten all the words he had prepared.

“Why does it not matter?”

Unknowingly reaching out his arm, Han Seolwoo snatched his wrist. At the sudden touch, Won Wooje lifted his gaze.

“You don’t come to school, you don’t answer the phone, and they say you’re not coming home. I have no way of knowing where you are or what you’re doing, but you…”

“That’s why I’m asking what it matters to you.”

“… .”

“Is this allowed just because we’re friends?”

Won Wooje was looking at him with annoyed eyes. Han Seolwoo was struck dumb.

“Is it okay to just barge in and act up at twelve o’clock at night? Just because we’re friends?”

Strength entered the hand holding Won Wooje’s arm. The words he had said to Won Wooje last night came right back to him. If he said it was right, he would be contradicting his own words, and yet if he didn’t answer, it would still be a contradiction.

“I guess you’re a bit annoyed because things aren’t going your way.”

Won Wooje looked at Han Seolwoo’s hand tightening around his forearm, then pulled it away with a snap.

Han Seolwoo glared at him silently. He was resentful, but since he wasn’t eloquent, he couldn’t organize these leaping emotions to fire them off.

“…Still, this isn’t right.”

He said as if suppressing it. His breath, which had been trying to keep calm, gradually became rough. His chest expanded greatly and then settled. The corners of Han Seolwoo’s eyes began to turn red.

“Inviting her here isn’t right. This is a place where only I used to come. No one else has ever come here, you never even told anyone. But how… how can you invite a woman here?”

Won Wooje let out a hollow laugh at the forced logic. Han Seolwoo did not stop and took a large breath.

“How can you just roll around over there, make her wear your clothes, and stand so close together at this hour! Is a minor allowed to do that right now!”

“What kind of bullshit is this.”

“Then what is it!”

Han Seolwoo, his complexion completely hardened, huffed with ragged breaths.

“Quiet down. Don’t you know this place isn’t soundproof?”

Won Wooje, muttering a curse, looked at him with an annoyed face.

“…I’m asking how I’m supposed to interpret this situation.”

Han Seolwoo spoke with a resentful face. However, as the other said, he kept his voice slightly lowered.

Won Wooje, narrowing his brow, tilted his head.

“Hey, let me be the one to ask. What is the reason I have to explain that to you right now?”

“… .”

“Why do I have to explain this when you don’t tell me a fucking thing?”

His expression gradually turned more frightening.

“Right now, the one acting like a hypocrite isn’t me, it’s you, you brat. Huh? You were the one who started it first. Saying you were damn tired and stressed. Telling me to mind my own business, telling me not to grill you.”

“… .”

“So I said I wouldn’t! I said I didn’t want to do it either!”

At the aggressive speech and behavior, Han Seolwoo’s eyes grew even redder. A thick vein stood out on his tightly shut jaw and hardened.

“So I got out of your way! To make sure you weren’t tired, to make sure you weren’t stressed, I got the hell out of your sight, so why the fuck did the hoodlum you said you hated come all the way here to throw such a fit!”

“Because I like you!”

Han Seolwoo shouted out. At the unexpected answer, Won Wooje’s eyebrow twitched.

“What?”

A thin-ice silence flowed. Han Seolwoo’s pale face froze stiffly. His large eyes blinked slowly. His hand, which had been hanging limp, flinched and trembled. Anyone could see he was flustered.

Han Seolwoo stared blankly at Won Wooje. He slowly takes in the other’s expression—standing frozen without a movement, looking at him with a face where no thought could be read.

A faint sigh flowed between them. Soon, he dropped his head. As he covered his eyes with his palm, his rain-soaked bangs shook downward.

“…Because I’m so worried and you’re on my mind, I feel like I’m going crazy.”

He spat out a heavy breath like a resignation.

“That’s why I came… that’s why.”

“… .”

“What am I supposed to do when I can’t think of anything but you all day long…”

Han Seolwoo muttered in a trembling voice. The line of his mouth visible below his nose curved downward crookedly.

“…Wha, what?”

Won Wooje asked in bewilderment. Even without looking, it was clear what kind of face he would be making. Han Seolwoo exhaled a long sigh. In a state of desperation, he covered his face with both hands.

I’m screwed. It’s all over. He hadn’t thought that he would just blurtingly spit out the thoughts he hadn’t even had internally, this nonsensical bullshit.

He lost his reason to a sudden surge of jealousy and ruined everything. He shouldn’t have spit out emotions that even he hadn’t been able to judge hastily in such a reckless manner. He felt like he was going crazy because he was upset, aggrieved, and resentful.

The silence felt terrifying. He felt as if the world had collapsed. He didn’t know how the other would have taken his words, or how he himself should take this situation. He was also at a loss as to what more he should say.

“Hey.”

Won Wooje grabbed Han Seolwoo’s wrist and pulled it down. Due to the strong force, half of Han Seolwoo’s face was revealed. His long eyelashes were damp. The corners of his eyes, stained red, were slightly swollen.

“Fuck… why are you crying.”

Won Wooje’s voice was laced with bewilderment. Han Seolwoo only bit his lip while letting out damp breaths.

“…What am I supposed to do.”

Han Seolwoo muttered as if in pain.

“What am I really supposed to do…”