Chapter 11

“Can you tell me now why we had to flee in such an embarrassed manner?” Felix asked. He was panting, his face flushed from the intense exercise—partly from the 29th route and partly from the fact that they had just sprinted out of the massive training hall. To be precise, Erik had dragged him all the way out, not stopping for a moment, running to the parking lot, jumping into the car, in such a hurry and panic, as if they were two bank robbers who had just committed a heist. “As far as I know, your class was supposed to end in five minutes. And you didn’t even give me time to change my clothes.”

Erik threw his sports bag into the back seat and started the car. “We’ll talk when we get back,” he said briefly.

Felix sat up straight in the passenger seat and fastened his seatbelt. He didn’t press further, but Erik could feel the occasional thoughtful glances he shot his way.

I hope I can come up with a reasonable explanation before we get home. He thought somewhat desperately.

As they passed the first intersection, he saw the glowing sign of a pizza shop and instinctively turned into the side street. The car drove into the front lot and stopped in front of the huge pizza sign made of colorful flashing lights. The brakes screeched sharply.

“I’m going to get pizza,” he said hurriedly, jumping out of the car before the other could respond. He didn’t get far before he ran back.

“What flavor do you want?”

Felix looked at him silently for a while. He seemed like he wanted to ask something, but finally gave up. “Mushroom,” he replied.

“It’ll probably take about fifteen minutes. If you’re cold, turn on the car heater.” He threw the keys to him and then fled in a panic once again.

Erik walked into the pizza shop and ordered a mushroom pizza and a devil’s pizza. In the corner of the shop, he pulled out a chair and sat down at an empty table to wait.

Think. He told himself. Before the stone-oven pizza is ready, I have fifteen minutes without interference from that person. Think carefully.

He began to ponder how he should act (or not act) when he went back out later, to spend the rest of the evening with the other. If Felix wanted to talk about what had happened earlier, how should he explain it so that the other would understand, and he wouldn’t die of shame on the spot.

They had left the climbing center in such a hurry—almost at a sprint. Despite that, Erik was still worried that Felix had seen or heard something: he was such a sharp person, and the atmosphere around them had been so strange, it would have been hard not to notice. In any case, this all needed an explanation.

…But the explanation was nowhere to be found. The right words, the proper order, the sentences that could convey meaning—all of them were evading him, refusing to be found. —And how could I explain it? He thought bitterly, since I don’t even understand it myself?

Only one thing seemed clear. That he was indeed bewitched, enchanted. Even though the object of his distress wasn’t in front of him right now, the spell hadn’t lost its power: every time he tried to organize a few sentences in his mind, a new wave of emotions—sometimes shame, panic, confusion, restlessness, and sometimes a heart-pounding excitement that he couldn’t control—would surge forth, scattering those poor sentence structures into disarray.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there. Suddenly, there was a burst of laughter and footsteps behind him, and someone opened the door to the pizza shop and walked in. He was slumped on the table, not planning to pay attention, but the footsteps came straight toward him.

“Hey, Erik.” A familiar voice said behind him.

Oh, damn. Erik thought. Why was I so stupid as to come here for pizza? I should have known that half the people from the climbing center would be here for dinner.

He reluctantly turned around and met Nina Hoff’s smiling and charming blue eyes. Her face was flushed, beaming, as if she had something to be proud of.

“Good evening, Nina,” Erik said. To his surprise, Nina immediately placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him a warm yet casual hug.

“Erik, this is Juan.” She smiled and pulled a tall man next to her. “Juan, let me introduce you. This is Erik, the best coach at our center.”

Erik forced himself to smile politely and shook hands with the handsome man with dark skin, black hair, and brown eyes. Nina’s sudden friendly attitude left him baffled.—He could only guess that she was on a whim, wanting to show off her new charming catch, and use him to make her new lover a little jealous.

“Why are you here alone?” Nina asked in a warm tone, as if they were BFFs.

“I’m waiting for pizza,” Erik replied.

“Where’s Felix?”

“He’s waiting in the car outside.”

“Oh, of course.” She gave him a sweet smile, then turned to kiss the man beside her.

Just then, the shop assistant came over and placed the pizza box on the counter. “Sorry for the wait. That’ll be fifteen dollars.”

Erik reached for his wallet. “Wait,” Nina suddenly leaned over and placed a hand on his arm. “Let me get it.”

“What? No way.”

“Oh, Erik, darling,” she leaned in close to him, whispering in his ear. “I know I haven’t been very friendly toward you lately. Consider this my apology, okay?”

Erik looked at her, bewildered. Her attitude didn’t leave him room to refuse.

“Thank you,” he said dryly.

Nina placed a few bills on the table and giggled. “Don’t mention it!” she said sweetly. “We’re old friends.”

At this point, Erik could only nod. Nina wrapped her arm around her new boyfriend and swayed toward another table, then suddenly turned back and blew him a kiss.

“Say hi to the adorable Felix for me.—Have a wonderful evening, you two.” She said meaningfully, accompanied by another burst of giggles.

…Erik finally understood, his face turning red, and he grabbed the pizza box and fled in a panic. He realized how slow he had been: of course, it was what had happened at the climbing center tonight—not her new lover—that was the reason Nina Hoff was so happy and triumphant: it meant that from now on, she no longer had to bother with the humiliating fact that Erik Bergmann had once rejected her advances; even though she had never really liked him, Nina’s self-esteem would never allow those who envied her and belittled her charm to win the battle.

Now the war was over, and Nina Hoff had won a great victory. It had proven that her charm was irresistible: a man who could remain indifferent to her advances was either impotent or gay.

Erik ran to the parking lot, flung open the car’s rear hatch, threw the pizza box into the trunk, and slammed it shut. He opened the car door and got in.

“Are you okay?” Felix asked. “You ran out of the shop as if a ghost was chasing you.”

Erik didn’t answer, frantically turning the key to start the car. He released the clutch too quickly, and the car stalled. He cursed under his breath, pulled out the key, and tried again. Just then, an SUV drove past them, windows down, blasting rock music. The people inside saw them and immediately started honking their horn. “Congratulations on coming out—!” a boy leaned out of the open window and shouted.

The car stalled again. Erik cursed the dirtiest curse he knew in his heart.

The SUV drove off with the rumbling music and laughter.

“They were joking,” he turned to Felix and said dryly.

“Because of me?” Felix asked. The darkness in the car made it hard to see his expression, perhaps fortunately so.

“No, of course not.”

He tried to start the car for the third time. Thank goodness, it finally worked.

They drove back to the Fritz House venue and parked in the backyard. Erik walked up the steps and opened the door for Felix to go in.

“You forgot the pizza,” Felix said.

Erik had indeed forgotten—it was a miracle he had managed to drive back. He pulled the door key out and handed it to Felix, then ran back to the car in a few steps, grabbed the pizza, and ran back. Just as he was stepping back inside, a ringtone sounded.

Felix took out his phone and looked at it. “You go up first. I need to take this call.”

His voice was calm. But almost at the same time, Erik felt a strange sensation. He stopped and turned to look at Felix, but he had already pushed the glass door open and walked out.

Erik stood in the hallway, momentarily at a loss. The pizza box in his hands was still warm.

At that moment, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. A text message. Then another.

He carefully shifted the pizza box to his other hand and took out his phone. The first text was from Lisa. “Just wanted to say no matter what, we’ll stand by you and support you. Have a great weekend!”

The other was from Fabian. “Really sorry, man. Feel like I might have caused this? It’s a bit of a shock. I had no idea. But you’re cool. Take it easy, you’ll be fine. See you Monday?”

If Erik hadn’t been so preoccupied, this text would have made him chuckle. He could imagine his good friend, under Lisa’s insistence that he “must write something,” biting his nails and thinking hard, then scribbling a few lines to get it over with.

…The light above his head automatically turned off. Erik walked toward the door, placed his phone on the pizza box he was holding, and put his hand on the switch button, but didn’t press it: through the glass door beside him, he saw Felix sitting on the steps outside, holding his phone and listening intently. The moonlight fell on him, making his hair and skin look silver. Erik watched him, enchanted. Once again, that feeling of being in a different dimension seized him.

The lines of that profile were so beautiful—too beautiful to be real. He placed his hand on the glass door, gently tracing them. Between that beautiful figure and his palm was a cold pane of glass. So close, yet unable to get closer.

In a sudden impulse, he grabbed his phone from the pizza box, pointed the camera at Felix, and pressed the button. The light was too dim, and the phone’s resolution was low, so the person in the photo was only a blurry outline. But that didn’t matter, he thought. I know it’s him.

He’ll be leaving soon. Maybe tomorrow. When I can no longer see him, even when the gossip in this small town that loves to spread rumors finally quiets down, the memories will fade, and I’ll wonder if it was all just my imagination. That’s when I can look at this photo. This photo will bring me back to this moment. The moonlight. The cool, blue-black air. The warm pizza box. The waves of heat rising from deep within, filling my chest, choking my breath.