TOW 25

In July, Xu Fei joined the crew for filming. The first scene was a group shot. Liang Xuan stood at the front giving a speech, while the others were scattered around the corners of the room, sitting sparsely. Xu Fei sat close to Yu Yukuan, looking up at Liang Xuan. He was wearing a loose jacket, a pistol holstered at his waist, and a dagger strapped to his high boots. His waist and back were slightly hunched, like a panther in the jungle. The last time Xu Fei saw him with this kind of look was during Southbound.

“Alright, that works.” Hou Yuan raised his hand and called out, “Take a break. Props team, set the scene.”

The group quickly cleared the area. Yu Yukuan handed Xu Fei a bottle of water and said, “Senior, that must have been tough.”
Then he eagerly ran off to fawn over Liang Xuan.

Xu Fei sat down at the edge of the set and watched from afar as Yu Yukuan approached Liang Xuan with a smile, trying to joke around and offering him a bottle of water. Liang Xuan shook his head and rejected him without even trying to be polite.

Yu Yukuan came back looking disappointed. He asked Xu Fei, “Is Xuan-ge in a bad mood?”

Xu Fei was confused. “How would I know?”

Liang Xuan was always polite to him. The few scenes they had together usually went smoothly in one take, almost unbelievably so. Hou Yuan was especially pleased with the two of them, constantly saying, “No wonder they came from the same production crew.” He even considered giving Xu Fei more scenes, hoping to have him appear more often beside Liang Xuan.

Xu Fei thought, this was good enough. Everyone was getting along peacefully and safely. If everything kept going this way, maybe he really could just be casual acquaintances with Liang Xuan.

He still went out for morning runs, but instead of sticking to his usual route from last year, he picked a new, secluded path. A narrow cobblestone road, towering red walls, and the steady, monotonous sound of his footsteps. Dew seeped into Xu Fei’s T-shirt, cool and damp. He rubbed his face, the rock music in his earphones pushing him to keep moving.

On the way back, Xu Fei ran into Yu Yukuan. “Senior, you run this route too?” The newcomer was so overly enthusiastic it made Xu Fei’s head hurt. “Why don’t I run with you from now on?”

“I like running alone.” Xu Fei warned him. “And stop calling me senior like we’re close. In what world am I your senior?”

Yu Yukuan pouted innocently, which disgusted Xu Fei even more. “But Senior, it’s so boring running by myself,” he said.

Xu Fei replied, “How the hell is that my problem?”

The next morning, when he came downstairs, Yu Yukuan was already there warming up at the door. Xu Fei had no choice but to flip him off. The younger man didn’t mind at all and came bounding over cheerfully.

“I passed a lake yesterday. It’s beautiful. Want me to show you?”

“No,” Xu Fei said flatly and started running. Yu Yukuan kept up with him, and Xu Fei didn’t exactly chase him off either.

After a few days, he let Yu Yukuan take him to the lake. It wasn’t big, nestled inside a small grove like a shining pearl. A few elderly men were doing tai chi by the shore, dressed in white training clothes with long beards. They had a kind of graceful, sage-like aura.

“I know tai chi too,” Yu Yukuan said.
Xu Fei ignored him.

On weekends, the crew often went out drinking together. Hou Yuan always drank the most. After three beers, he would start insisting the bartender make him a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred. Liang Xuan came along too, but only held a soda. Whenever Hou Yuan tried to pour him a drink, he politely declined.

“He says he’s quit drinking entirely,” Yu Yukuan told Xu Fei like he was sharing gossip. “Won’t touch a drop.”

“That’s probably a good thing,” Xu Fei replied, then took the beer from Yu Yukuan and downed it in one go.

Cai Jiajun came back from a shoot out of town and invited Xu Fei for drinks. Yu Yukuan shamelessly tagged along and introduced himself to Cai Jiajun.
“I’m Fei-ge’s junior.”

Cai Jiajun gave him a once-over, then turned to Xu Fei. “Good-looking kid,” he said, then encouraged Yu Yukuan,
“Stick close to Liang Xuan. Build that connection.”

Yu Yukuan’s face immediately fell.
“Xuan-ge doesn’t let people get close to him.”

“No way,” Cai Jiajun said. “He’s pretty easygoing. I’m still in contact with him.”

Xu Fei scoffed. “You’re an old friend. It’s different for newcomers.”

Cai Jiajun patted him on the arm.
“Liang Xuan’s not that kind of person. You two are so close, don’t you know him best?”

Xu Fei wanted to say, “Like hell I do.” But in the end, he didn’t say anything.

On the way back, Yu Yukuan was visibly frustrated. He dragged his feet the entire walk. At the door to the hotel room, he finally couldn’t help asking, “Senior, I’m not trying to suck up to Xuan-ge or anything, I just want to act well together for the next few months. Could you ask him for me? Did I do something wrong? Did I offend him somehow?”

Xu Fei looked at him, surprised. The young guy stood there with slumped shoulders and a forced smile. Only then did Xu Fei realize how hard he’d been holding it in.

But how was he supposed to ask Liang Xuan something like that?

A few days later, when they were rehearsing a scene together, Xu Fei hesitated for a moment and then handed Liang Xuan a bottle of water. “From Yu,” he said.

Liang Xuan didn’t take it. He glanced at the bottle and said after a moment,
“I saw him give it to you earlier.”

Xu Fei scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, I figured I’d pass it along for him.”

He offered the bottle again, but Liang Xuan turned his face away and said calmly,
“You drink it. I’ve got my own.” Then he walked over to his assistant.

Xu Fei watched his back for a moment, then turned and made a helpless gesture at Yu Yukuan.

Fortunately, the others in the crew were nice to Yu Yukuan. He was hardworking, eager to learn, and always asked questions. Even Director Hou praised him a few times. When Xu Fei ran into him again during morning runs, he tried awkwardly to comfort him.

“Liang Xuan can be like that sometimes. He’s a bit aloof. It’s not personal. Don’t let it get to you.”

Yu Yukuan thanked him sincerely. “Thanks, senior.”

The next day, he showed up at Xu Fei’s room with a big bag of snacks. “My mom sent them. All homemade stuff.”

Xu Fei didn’t eat those things either, so he brought them to the set and shared them with the crew along with Yu Yukuan. A few assistant directors joked that Yu Yukuan was “someone under Xu Fei’s protection.” Yu Yukuan scratched his head and laughed foolishly, not bothering to deny it. Xu Fei wanted to explain, but seeing how clueless and harmless the kid looked, he softened and let them talk however they liked.

Gradually, everyone on set came to know that Xu Fei and Yu Yukuan got along quite well. Some people on the crew, who usually acted based on status and used to order Yu Yukuan around just because he was willing to do the work, started treating him more respectfully. During a meal, Yu Yukuan mentioned this to Xu Fei, and Xu Fei was genuinely surprised. “I have that much clout?”

Yu Yukuan laughed and said, “They’re probably afraid you’ll tell Liang Xuan.”

Xu Fei gave him a look. “Are you making fun of me for using borrowed authority?”

“Not at all,” Yu Yukuan quickly wrapped himself around Xu Fei’s leg. “If Senior is using borrowed authority, then I’m the little monkey following behind the fox’s tail.”

Xu Fei was so annoyed by him that he had no temper left. He waved Yu Yukuan off, telling him to leave. But Yu Yukuan kept clinging on, even pulling out a pack of cigarettes and trying to light one for Xu Fei. “These are Marlboros my classmate brought for me.”

Hou Yuan walked over with a tray. Seeing Yu Yukuan being noisy, he chuckled and said, “You’ve trained this little junior pretty well.”

Xu Fei looked up and saw Liang Xuan standing next to Hou Yuan. He was still in costume with makeup on his face, making it hard to read his expression. “No smoking in the cafeteria,” he said.

Yu Yukuan awkwardly put the cigarette away.

Over the weekend, everyone went out again. Someone was sitting in a corner playing and singing. Hou Yuan had drunk too much and started shouting, “Sounds terrible,” with none of his usual director presence left. Yu Yukuan’s eyes lit up when he heard that, and he chimed in, “Fei-ge sings really well. Let Fei-ge sing.” He added to Hou Yuan, “Fei-ge had a band back in college. He even released a single.”

“Really?” Hou Yuan said, asking Xu Fei to go up and sing. Xu Fei was clearly unwilling, shooting several glares at Yu Yukuan, but he couldn’t win against Hou Yuan’s drunken enthusiasm and ended up grabbing a guitar and heading to the stage.

“Fei-ge, I want to hear Ensnared by Love!” Yu Yukuan shouted from below. Xu Fei glared at him again, then leaned in toward the mic and asked, “Do I look like a jukebox?” The bar burst into laughter.

But Xu Fei still played the opening chords. Ensnared by Love was a song he had composed back when he was in the band Color Lust. At the time, he had a thing for a girl who danced pole at the bar next door. He’d go see her every few days, spending everything he earned on her. After months of chasing, she didn’t even let him hold her hand. Thinking about it now, he realized he had been growing this habit of one-sided infatuation since he was young.

“The vulture swooped down on me from the sky,” he began to sing.

Yu Yukuan immediately whistled, a little too excited, like it wasn’t just a regular bar but a full-blown concert. Xu Fei pointed at him helplessly, telling him to shut up, then strummed the strings again.

“Its talons gripped my chest and tore out my heart, still dripping with blood.”

The crowd in the bar gradually quieted down. All that could be heard was Xu Fei strumming the electric guitar with rapid chords, the sound brimming with reckless arrogance.

“Then go ahead and tear it out, lay it in your hands.”

He lifted his gaze and suddenly caught sight of Liang Xuan in the corner, sitting on a barstool, watching him with a calm expression and focused eyes. It felt like years ago, when he sang to him in a foreign bar. All around them was a lavishly decorated hall, a crowd of foreigners, and beautiful waitresses weaving in and out. But Xu Fei only had eyes for the bright sparkle in Liang Xuan’s gaze.

Xu Fei lowered his head and sang into the mic.

“Just loosen that net of obsession, so I can breathe again.”

“Then go ahead and tear it out, trample it into the mud beneath your feet.”

“You cling to that net of obsession, tightening it around everything I am.”

After the song ended, the whole place applauded. Yu Yukuan was jumping up and down shouting for an encore, asking Xu Fei to sing another. Xu Fei pushed his head away and said, “Later.” Then he went to the counter and asked the bartender for a drink. But after just a couple of sips, Liang Xuan suddenly walked over.

“Don’t you think this is a bit inappropriate?” he said.

It had been a long time since the two of them had spoken alone. Xu Fei was caught off guard, not understanding what Liang Xuan meant. “What’s inappropriate?”

Liang Xuan pressed his lips together and looked at him. After a moment, he said, “Even if you really like him, you should dial it back a little.”

Xu Fei was even more confused. “Like who?”

Liang Xuan’s lips curved into a mocking smile. “Xu Fei,” he called his name softly. “People in the crew are already gossiping about you and Yu Yukuan. Saying something’s off about your relationship. Saying you’re trying to sleep with the kid in exchange for favors. Did you know that?”

Xu Fei’s eyes slowly widened. Up close, he could see Liang Xuan’s face clearly. Handsome. Cold. And once again, Xu Fei realized just how delusional and out of his depth he had been.

“Something’s off about our relationship?” he repeated. “Off?”

Liang Xuan turned his face slightly. “I just wanted to remind you…”

“Fuck your ‘off’ relationship!” Xu Fei suddenly shouted.

Electronic music started playing through the speakers. The sharp drumbeats and noisy guitar drowned out his voice.

He straightened up. Liang Xuan looked at him in shock, a flicker of hesitation and panic crossing his face. Xu Fei wanted to laugh.

He wanted to slam that pretty face hard against the marble surface of the bar.

He wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him with everything he had.

He wanted to tell Liang Xuan, I like you.

But don’t look at me like that anymore.

Stay away from me.

“I was just a little nice to him,” Xu Fei said. “Just like Director Li back then. Director Li looked out for me, helped me. Didn’t he help you too? So Director Li and I, Director Li and you… all of those were inappropriate relationships too, is that it?”

“Fuck you, Liang Xuan,” he said. “Fuck you.”

Yu Yukuan started walking toward them. He had clearly heard something and looked uneasy. “Fei-ge?” he asked. “What happened?”

Xu Fei took a deep breath. He didn’t look at Liang Xuan again. Turning his head, he said, “It’s nothing.” He picked up his coat from a nearby chair and added, “I’m heading back. I’ll sing next time.”

Yu Yukuan took a couple of quick steps, as if trying to catch up to Xu Fei. But Xu Fei had already pushed through the crowd without once looking back.