TOW Extra 3- I Love You

On Xu Fei’s birthday, Liang Xuan went with him to his parents’ house for dinner. Xu Fei didn’t want him to go. Said it was weird. “My mom’s still your fan.” But Liang Xuan had just finished fucking him hard, so Xu Fei didn’t have much left to argue with.

Liang Xuan asked, “What should I bring?”
Xu Fei muttered, “You can just throw yourself into my mom’s arms, that’s enough.”

Liang Xuan raised a brow at him. His fingers slipped down and grabbed Xu Fei’s still-reddened ass. Xu Fei let out a low groan, buried his face in the crook of Liang Xuan’s neck and whispered, “You win.” Then told him a few things his parents liked.

Liang Xuan went out to shop himself. A silk scarf for Xu Fei’s mom, a traditional inkstone for his dad. Nothing too expensive, but carefully picked, tasteful pieces. Xu Fei eyed them, grumbling under his breath, but still helped carry the bags. As soon as they got to the house, Xu Fei shoved them into his mom’s arms at the door. “From Liang Xuan!”

Mother Xu was startled, stepped back holding the bags. When she looked up and saw Liang Xuan, her expression hesitated for a second. But then she smiled and said, “You both made it? Come in, come in. It’s cold out.”

Liang Xuan paused for a brief moment. Her expression had shifted fast, but he noticed. That wasn’t how a fan greets their idol.

That was the look of a mother whose son brought home a boyfriend she didn’t quite approve of.

He smiled back and stepped inside.

Dinner was quiet. Xu Fei occasionally shared stories from the theatre troupe, joked about how Fu Zichuan had done something stupid again. Father Xu talked about a recent mahjong game where he won over two thousand. Mother Xu gave him a death glare. But neither of them spoke much to Liang Xuan. Maybe they didn’t know what to say. Or maybe, Liang Xuan thought, they just didn’t want to say anything.

After dinner, Mother Xu brought out a cake. It was full chocolate, topped with two bright yellow lemon slices. Father Xu fussed with the candles, setting up three long ones and five short ones. Xu Fei was thirty-five now.

“Make a wish, make a wish!” Mother Xu lit the candles, turned off the lights, and rushed Xu Fei to make one. He looked a little embarrassed, muttered a few complaints, then peeked at Liang Xuan before finally closing his eyes to make a wish. He bent down to blow out the candles but missed a few. Liang Xuan leaned in, placed a hand on his back, and blew out the last two for him. Mother Xu looked at him.
They each had a slice. Most of the cake was still left. Father Xu asked, “Want another piece?”

Mother Xu nudged him under the table. “He’s a film star. He needs to watch his figure.” Father Xu instantly looked sheepish.

Liang Xuan reached over and took the cake from his hand, smiling. “It’s alright.”

Father Xu had just installed a new stock-trading app. Xu Fei went upstairs to help him check it out, leaving Liang Xuan and Mother Xu alone downstairs. The TV was on, playing a period drama. A few pretty young women were walking shyly along the palace walls. Liang Xuan sat quietly watching with her. Suddenly, Mother Xu said, “Were you two already together before going public?”

Liang Xuan blinked, stunned. A few seconds later, he caught up and carefully replied, “We didn’t actually make it official until a few days before the announcement.”

Mother Xu glanced at him. A sharp-voiced eunuch popped up on the TV, his piercing shriek echoing through the room. She turned back to the screen like she had already forgotten the question. But a moment later, she spoke again.

“There was a time when Fei came home for dinner, and he was always so happy.”

Liang Xuan didn’t respond. He knew he didn’t need to. He just sat there, listening to Xu Fei’s mother slowly continue.

“His dad and I thought he might be dating someone. He always… he always had trouble settling down. Already in his thirties and still acting like some young guy. But back then, seeing him like that… I was really happy.”

Liang Xuan’s shoulders tensed just slightly. But his expression didn’t change. He’d always been good at keeping his face in check. Mother Xu didn’t look at him either.

“Then suddenly he got quiet again. Hardly said a few words, always zoning out. Then he told us he wanted to go on blind dates… he’s never been the type to ask for that kind of thing.” She sighed. “I figured they must’ve broken up. But he wouldn’t talk about it, and I didn’t want to push him. I didn’t know who he had been seeing, or why they ended it. But I do know… he looked genuinely happy.”

Liang Xuan pressed his lips together.

“Then last month, you two went public,” Mother Xu said. “My mind just went blank. I thought, oh. So that’s what it was. But I still didn’t ask him anything. My son… he always thinks he’s some cool rock star. But when it comes to these things, he’s a fool.”

She finally looked at Liang Xuan. Her face had aged, fine lines by her eyes and mouth. But her round eyes looked just like Xu Fei’s.

“Will you be good to him?” she asked.

Xu Fei and his dad came back down the stairs. “What’re you two talking about?” he said, plopping down next to his mom and stuffing a slice of apple into his mouth. Mother Xu gave him a playful scolding look.

“I was just thanking Liang Xuan for the autograph,” she said. “My friends are all jealous.”

Xu Fei waved a hand like a boss. “Have him sign one for all the aunties.”

Liang Xuan smiled. “No problem.”

That night, they stayed in Xu Fei’s bedroom. It was spacious, but the bed wasn’t very wide. Bookshelves lined the walls all around, filled to the brim. Liang Xuan looked over them layer by layer — manga, wuxia, mysteries, sci-fi, philosophy, history, art, music… plus stacks of game discs and CDs.

Xu Fei sat on the bed pulling off his socks, legs crossed, checking the soles of his feet, grumbling, “I need to go get a foot massage.” Liang Xuan sat down next to him.

The mattress dipped slightly. Xu Fei looked up. “Sorry. My mom today…” He scrunched his face, like he wasn’t sure how to describe it. “I thought she’d be excited to see you.”

So he had noticed her silence too.

Liang Xuan stared quietly at him. Xu Fei had gained a little weight recently, probably from all the good food over the holidays. Even his earlobes looked soft and pale. It made him look extra adorable.

“I love you,” Liang Xuan said.

Xu Fei froze. He stared at him, blinking, and then slowly turned red. “Uh, I…” He scratched his neck with the same hand he’d just used to touch his foot, but Liang Xuan didn’t care at all. “I… me too.” He turned his head away in embarrassment, even the tips of his ears flushed.

Liang Xuan had always thought he was the one who was inexperienced in this relationship. He reached out and grabbed Xu Fei’s ankle. Xu Fei tried to pull away but couldn’t. He mumbled, “Why are you suddenly…”

“I wanted to say it last year,” Liang Xuan said.

Xu Fei turned his head to look at him. Liang Xuan’s hand moved up from his ankle, brushed along his leg, his belly, his chest, his throat. “I invited you to Xinjing because I planned to tell you after the Jade Dragon Awards,” he said. “I thought everything was going smoothly. You weren’t pushing me away anymore. You were texting me first. Everything felt right.”

He paused. Xu Fei looked down, watching Liang Xuan’s fingers resting at his neck. Liang Xuan slowly moved his hand away, leaned in, and kissed the place on Xu Fei’s chest where the tattoo peeked through his shirt.

“Then I got drunk and ruined it.”

His lips trailed upward, landing softly on Xu Fei’s mouth. Xu Fei parted his lips and kissed him back, fingers tangling in his overgrown hair. His touch was soft, almost careful… but Liang Xuan wished he would pull harder. Because sometimes, he needed the pain to remind himself it was real.

They sat there kissing for a while. Then Xu Fei tugged Liang Xuan down, and the two of them tumbled onto the bed together.
The bed was not very big. With two men lying on it, they had no choice but to press close against each other. Liang Xuan turned onto his side, wanting to pull Xu Fei fully into his arms.

But Xu Fei rolled over and straddled his waist. Liang Xuan let out a low sound of protest, placed his hands on Xu Fei’s waist, and lifted his upper body to kiss him.
Xu Fei pushed him back down.

“I love you too,” Xu Fei said.

He clearly was not used to saying something so cheesy. His face was still red, and he looked awkward, but Liang Xuan knew he was trying his best.

He wanted to ask, “When did you fall in love with me?” but he was afraid such a childish question might make Xu Fei laugh.
Besides, they still had so much time ahead of them, and Xu Fei was already his.
He could take his time finding out.

“I have a gift for you,” Liang Xuan said.

Xu Fei raised an eyebrow.
Liang Xuan said, “It’s in my pants pocket.”

Xu Fei reached down and fished around in Liang Xuan’s pocket for a while, finally pulling out a small box. When he opened it, he found a pair of cufflinks shaped like tiny globes. Under the light, the blue of the earth seemed especially vivid. He tossed the box aside, cupped the cufflinks in his palm and examined them for a moment. Then he looked up at Liang Xuan and said,
“You do know I don’t really wear dress shirts, right?”

Liang Xuan laughed. After a moment, he said, “I bought them two years ago when I went to Italy. You asked me for a suit back then.”

Of course, he could not possibly have Giorgio Armani design a suit just for Xu Fei.
But he had spent half a day wandering around Milan and stumbled upon these cufflinks in a vintage shop. The vivid blue enamel reminded him of the sea off Ceylon, and of Xu Fei sitting by the shore singing, his voice sharp and hopelessly off-key.

“I originally wanted to give them to you for your birthday last year,” he said.

Later, he thought he would never have the chance. But he could not bear to throw them away either. He kept thinking, if, if…
Fortunately, he had finally mustered the courage.

Xu Fei’s expression softened. He lowered his eyes and held Liang Xuan’s gaze.
After a moment, he set the cufflinks on the bedside table, leaned down, and kissed Liang Xuan.

“It’s not too late,” he said quietly.

Liang Xuan brushed his lips against the corner of Xu Fei’s mouth and gave a soft hum of agreement.