Chapter 20 – Xing Baichuan 0.9

It was a relief for me that Jiangluo could express his thoughts. He had become so reserved that he didn’t even want to voice his own wishes. I didn’t know whether it was due to his inherent personality or a lack of trust in us, but more likely, he didn’t want to burden us.

We stood at the “pseudo” northernmost point, and Jiangluo was lost in thought.

The air here was good, but the temperature was indeed too low. We wrapped ourselves up like plump little dumplings, yet our cheeks still stung from the cold.

That chatty tour guide kept talking: “You won’t see the Northern Lights at this time of year. I’ll give you both my cards when we go back. Come during the summer solstice and stay a while longer, you’re bound to see them.”

I didn’t want to deal with the tour guide, still harboring resentment over him deceiving us.

Jiangluo continued walking slowly, circling around the stone monument, gazing into the distance.

I stood slightly behind him, able to see only his profile.

His preoccupied expression weighed heavily on my mood.

He must have been thinking about Bolin, since it should have been the two of them standing here.

Or perhaps, if they had come together, they might have been fortunate enough to see the Northern Lights, which would have been blissful.

I didn’t dare to ponder further. In the pocket near my heart, I kept Bolin’s photo, which felt warm against my skin.

Suddenly, Jiangluo turned around, and I couldn’t make out his expression against the light.

He said to me, “Brother, let’s come back during the summer solstice.”

I felt that I’d agree to anything Jiangluo asked of me.

“Alright.” I gave him a smile, unsure if he could see it.

Neither Jiangluo nor I were in the mood for photos. The tour guide kept pestering us: “You’ve come all this way, and you really don’t want to take a picture for a keepsake? I’ll take it for you; just stand there!”

I was somewhat helpless, unable to bear such a noisy person.

Jiangluo probably felt the same way, unwilling to argue with him. So, he resignedly stood in front of the stone monument.

“You two…” The tour guide, holding my phone, grumbled at us, “Get closer, will you? You look like two guards.”

I was getting impatient, but Jiangluo laughed.

He glanced at me and slowly moved closer. I had no choice but to lean towards him as well, both of us standing in the middle.

“You’re covering up the words on the monument!”

The tour guide was still dissatisfied, positioning us and saying, “Don’t move! Don’t move!”

I truly regretted standing there. Who could imagine that Jiangluo and I, two such people, would stand like fools, each extending an arm to form a heart.

I didn’t know what his expression was, but mine certainly wasn’t pleasant.

Finally, the tour guide took a photo that satisfied him. Without even looking at it, I put my phone away and started walking back.

Jiangluo followed me, with the still-babbling tour guide trailing behind.

Next time we came, we probably wouldn’t hire him again.

We met up with Mom and Dad at the farmstead. They had eaten a chicken meal at the house, while Jiangluo and I were left hungry.

I noticed that my parents seemed genuinely happier lately, their appetites much improved.

This was great, at least I no longer had to lie awake night after night, fearing something might happen at home.

We stayed at a winery that evening, booking a large family room that could accommodate four people. However, it was awkward that both rooms had king-sized beds. Naturally, my parents would share a bed, leaving Jiangluo and me in a rather uncomfortable position.

If we were two straight men, it wouldn’t matter how we slept, but given our sexual orientations and relationship, sleeping arrangements became a problem.

“Auntie and Uncle can sleep in this room. I’ll go with Brother to the other room,” Jiangluo said, seeming to have a plan in mind. He grabbed his luggage and beckoned me to follow him into the inner room.

I trailed after him, noticing my mother frowning at me as I looked back.

I waved, signaling her not to worry.

Any concern was unnecessary; Jiangluo and I weren’t reckless people.

I originally thought he had a good method to ensure we slept comfortably without feeling awkward, but once inside, he said, “Brother, I’ll sleep on the floor tonight. Just give me one of the blankets from the bed.”

Naturally, I wouldn’t agree to that. If anyone was going to sleep on the floor, it would be me.

“No way.” I caught his wrist as he reached for the sheets. “It’s too cold here to sleep on the floor. If I’m not sleeping on the floor, neither are you. It’s just one night. You sleep on the bed; isn’t there a couch here?”

As I spoke, I shed my heavy coat and tossed it onto the couch. “The couch is quite soft. How did you find this winery? It must be the best in the area, right?”

Jiangluo looked at me for a moment before smoothing the sheets and saying, “I did some research online before. Accommodations here are generally cheap, mostly farmhouses and youth hostels. At first, we planned to stay at a hostel.”

I knew who he meant by “we”; he paused, and we tacitly avoided mentioning that person.

“When I researched, I remembered this place. It’s indeed the best around,” Jiangluo said. “They open the bar at ten o’clock tonight. Want to check it out?”

I rarely went to bars, unless for business, never seeking out crowds for fun.

I hadn’t expected Jiangluo to show interest in bars. So, appearances can be deceiving?

“I thought you were someone who never went to bars,” I teased him.

He was a bit embarrassed, rubbing his nose. “I haven’t been to many, but I just thought sitting around like this was boring.”

Indeed, it was boring. This room didn’t even have a TV, and I hadn’t brought my laptop, as I heard the signal wasn’t great here. I decided to embrace nature instead.

But upon arrival, I realized those people were just making things up.

“That’s true.” I stood up, stretching. I was really exhausted today. “Let me take a shower first. Tonight, I’ll buy you a drink, brother.”

The entire suite had only one bathroom. After my parents finished bathing and fell asleep, Jiangluo and I took turns using the bathroom.

Being able to enjoy a hot shower in this icy, snowy place was truly a luxury.

When I came out, Jiangluo had changed clothes and dried his hair.

He handed me a dry towel to wipe my hair and then stood there, holding the hairdryer, watching me.

“Are you going to blow-dry my hair personally?” I teased him.

It was just a joke, but unexpectedly, he dropped the hairdryer in panic, blushing.

His reaction was hilarious; I had never seen Jiangluo like this before.

Finally, after we both got ready, it was nearly eleven o’clock at night.

We quietly left the room, careful not to wake Mom and Dad.

The winery’s private bar was located underground. With our room card, we could enter freely. Allegedly, it wasn’t open to the public, only serving guests.

That was better; it wasn’t as mixed up.

We found a spot in the corner and ordered a bottle of whiskey. I patted my pocket, realizing I had forgotten to bring cigarettes.

“Here.” Suddenly, Jiangluo offered me a cigarette. It wasn’t my pack, but the same brand.

Now I was highly suspicious that Jiangluo didn’t smoke before Bolin left. Thinking about it, his smoking habit was indirectly caused by me, since I gave him his first cigarette.

We each held a glass of alcohol and a cigarette between our lips.

The deafening music meant everyone had to shout to communicate.

For a long time, we didn’t speak, each lost in our own thoughts.

I suddenly realized that a bar was a good place for introspection. Everyone here was busy socializing and having fun, no one cared if you had worries.

My mind wandered aimlessly, from Bolin and me fighting in kindergarten, to the photo of him in his graduation gown, to the picture of him and Jiangluo together. Finally, my mind was filled with nothing but Jiangluo’s indifferent, expressionless face.

After Bolin passed away, Jiangluo was silent every day, showing no emotion. An unknowing person might think he was suffering from depression.

At the time, I also suspected he was sick. Looking at the person beside me now, he must have made tremendous efforts to overcome that darkness.

I turned to look at him.

He was staring at the cigarette butt. We promised to quit smoking together, but neither of us succeeded.

Smoking was similar to love; once you fell in love with it, it wasn’t easy to let go.

It could relieve your fatigue but also cause harm. To break free, you needed to peel off a layer of skin.

I raised my glass, gently clinking it against his.

He jumped, coming back to reality and looking at me.

I lifted my cup higher, signaling for him to drink.

We smiled at each other and took a sip.

The difference was that I was familiar with the potency of whiskey, sipping it slowly, while Jiangluo downed his glass in one go, shocking me into snatching away his glass.

“You can’t drink it like that!” I placed the glass on the table in front of us and gave him some food.

He pursed his lips, head lowered. The bar’s psychedelic lights dyed him in dazzling colors, making him seem unreal.

I stood up, and he looked up at me.

I stubbed out my cigarette and pulled him up. He looked confused, shouting loudly, “What’s wrong?”

I wrapped my arm around his neck and led him forward.

Straight ahead and to the right was the dance floor, where people were dancing wildly.

In front of these devils and demons was a stage, currently occupied by a man with half-shaved hair, dancing provocatively.

“Let’s dance!” I shouted in his ear.

He was flustered, trying to decline, but I persisted.

I couldn’t dance either, but I felt that in this place, we should forget everything—our identities, why we were here—all the good and bad, putting it all aside for the moment.

We had already endured so much hardship. Taking an opportunity to vent wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Upon reaching the edge of the dance floor, I felt awkward, but still dragged Jiangluo along, swaying to the music. Leaning close to him, I yelled, “No one knows us here. Let’s have a blast!”

He gripped the hem of my shirt, clearly uneasy.

I casually grabbed his hand, joining the crowd in cheering, shouting, jumping, and making a ruckus.

At this moment, I felt like I had truly gone mad. Where was the calm demeanor of a young entrepreneur?

However, honestly, when we left the dance floor, I was drenched in sweat, and so was Jiangluo. Our hands were clasped together, and we laughed heartily without restraint.