Chapter 30 – Xing Baichuan 1.4

It seems I’ve really been prying too much into Jiangluo’s privacy, which isn’t good, but I can’t help myself.

Perhaps I’ve transferred all my love and longing for Bolin onto him. I’ve tried self-reflection, yet when it comes to his matters, I still can’t remain indifferent.

After coming out from Yi Li’s place, Jiangluo uncharacteristically said he had something to do and told me to leave first, without specifying what it was. Without giving it much thought, I followed him in my car.

I felt like a despicable stalker on the road, repeatedly reminding myself that I should turn back home, but I ended up following him all the way.

The cemetery in the north of the city—perhaps his family is buried there.

I didn’t follow him inside; doing so would make me feel like a criminal.

Initially, I didn’t plan on letting Jiangluo know I’d been trailing him, but seeing him walking alone on the roadside after failing to hail a cab, I felt a pang of sympathy.

He didn’t ask many questions about my sudden appearance, which is typical of Jiangluo—he rarely asks why.

He wouldn’t ask me why I was following him, why I was treating his illness, or why I was so concerned about him.

Good thing he doesn’t ask, because even I can’t answer those questions myself.

After returning home and watching him enter his room, I couldn’t shake off my worry, so I called Yi Li.

“I knew you’d call me.” There was some noise in the background on his end, suggesting he was at a restaurant.

“So I won’t beat around the bush. Tell me about Jiangluo’s condition.”

“Hold on a second.” He whispered something to someone else, then I heard the sound of chairs moving. After a while, the surroundings became quieter, and he moved to a less noisy area. “Do you know the cause of Jiangluo’s illness?”

“What is it?” My heart suddenly tightened, sensing that it wasn’t going to be an easy matter to accept.

“I have to maintain patient confidentiality, so I won’t divulge it.” I could imagine Yi Li’s expression—a smug satisfaction after pulling off a prank.

“You’ve gone far enough. There’s no need to keep secrets about Jiangluo from me.” I don’t know where my confidence came from, telling him, “If I asked him directly, he would tell me.”

“Then why don’t you ask him?”

That’s a scar of Jiangluo’s. How could I bear to rip it open?

“Baichuan,” Yi Li suddenly turned serious, asking me, “Are you in love with Li Jiangluo?”

How do I describe my feelings right now? In an instant, a chill ran from my spine to my fingertips. My heart skipped a beat, and I started babbling incoherently: “How could that be possible? How could I possibly like him?”

Suddenly, a soft click echoed from the door. The door that hadn’t been fully closed locked itself.

I jumped in fright, collected myself, and said, “Stop guessing wildly. Jiangluo is my brother’s lover. Since my brother is no longer here, it’s my duty to take care of him.”

Yi Li chuckled lightly, not pursuing the topic further.

He said, “Jiangluo’s main issue is psychological. We talked today, and the outlook isn’t optimistic. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and it’ll take time to melt this ice.”

“I understand,” I sighed. His words matched my expectations. “But can you tell me, is there any chance for him to completely recover?”

“Is that important to you?”

I pondered for a moment—it indeed mattered.

As for why it mattered, I didn’t need to explain to Yi Li, so I simply said, “Just answer me.”

“I’m only seventy percent sure, because he himself is very pessimistic about it. He doesn’t believe he can get better.”

“What should I do?” I asked.

Yi Li fell silent for a moment, then said, “What he needs is something you might not be able to provide.”

I boldly made a guess, “To make him fall in love with someone?”

“Yes, you can’t do that, can you?”

I might indeed be unable to do so.

I’m well aware that Jiangluo’s love died along with Bolin. His trust in people remains, but his faith and hope in love are utterly lost.

In his situation, opening his heart once is already incredibly difficult. If it were me, I wouldn’t dare to try again either.

I recalled Xu Zhao, who had been by his side for so long, yet hadn’t been able to make Jiangluo willingly depend on him.

Love has become a rarity in his world.

“Xing Baichuan,” Yi Li said, “You’re such a coward.”

I couldn’t be bothered to argue with him, only worrying about Jiangluo’s condition, “Is there any other way?”

“What do you think? He doesn’t even have the motivation to get better, what other options could there be?”

Yi Li was right, but I refused to give up so easily.

Treatment had just begun, and my goal wasn’t for him to accept sexual matters, but rather to let go of the past and escape that cage. His heartache lies there, and unless it’s resolved, he will never truly be happy.

“Yi Li, consider this a favor I owe you.” I said, “For all these years, this is the first time I’m asking you for something. Jiangluo…”

“Still saying you don’t like him?” Yi Li laughed on the phone, “When you were chasing me, you weren’t this dedicated, were you?”

I didn’t know how to explain my relationship with Jiangluo to him; he wouldn’t understand anyway.

I stopped making futile rebuttals and simply said, “As long as Jiangluo can be cured, you can make any demand.”

“I have no demands.” Yi Li stopped laughing and paused, saying, “I’ll feel relieved if you find the right person.”

Our conversation seemed to take on a subtle tone. When we broke up, I knew Yi Li no longer loved me, and I had more on my mind with my career. Thinking back, it was indeed my fault.

“I’ve already found true love, you should hurry up too.” Yi Li said, “I’m hungry, I’m going in to eat. Leave Jiangluo to me, I quite like him.”

He hung up after saying that.

I stood by the window, lost in thought for a while, then lit a cigarette.

The smoking cessation promise we made to each other, neither of us kept.

After finishing the cigarette, I opened the window to air out the smell, then changed clothes and went to the living room.

My father was holding Zai Zai, watching TV on the sofa, while my mother was busy cooking.

Jiangluo should still be in his room. I glanced at his tightly shut door before entering the kitchen.

“Just in time.” My mother looked at me when I came in. “Set the table and bring me the plates.”

She didn’t know about Jiangluo’s situation, and there was no need to tell her, sparing her the worry.

“Earlier when Jiangluo came out, I thought he had something to discuss with you.” My mother emptied the food from the pan onto a plate, tasted it, and nodded. “Where did he go now?”

“Did he look for me?” I frowned, suddenly remembering the incident with the door locking itself earlier.

“Go call him for dinner.”

I obediently called Jiangluo. When he opened the door, his eyes were half-closed, and his hair was messy.

“Fallen asleep?” I teased him.

“Mm.” He had no expression, looking dazed.

“Come on, let’s go downstairs for dinner.” I walked ahead, and after descending a few steps, I realized there was no movement behind me. Turning around, I saw him still standing there blankly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He quickly caught up, sidestepping past me and rushing down the stairs. “Starving.”

Watching him run into the kitchen, I shook my head helplessly with a smile.

There wasn’t much to do over the weekend, so after dinner, I continued working in my own room.

Suddenly, a new WeChat notification popped up on my phone. It was Yi Li inviting me to drink together.

My attention was drawn to another message instead—one Jiangluo had sent me previously.

At the time, I was probably on the phone, and then went to dinner, so I hadn’t noticed this message.

There was nothing particularly special in its content; he was just thanking me for the watch and saying he would cherish it.

I don’t know what came over me, but without thinking, I typed out a string of words.

“You should treasure yourself more than anything else. Nothing is more important than you.”

I felt a sudden chill, hurriedly deleting everything, and sent him another sentence instead.

“As long as you like it.”

Yi Li, seeing that I hadn’t responded, simply called me.

“Are you coming or not?” The noise on his end was louder than before, clearly indicating he was in a bar.

“Not going.” I never liked those kinds of places. Now that I finally had a chance to rest, all I wanted was to quietly stay at home.

“Come on!” He switched locations, and I could finally hear him clearly. “Come and help me vet someone.”

“What?”

In a mysterious tone, Yi Li said, “Didn’t I say I found true love? We’re together now. Come join us!”

“What am I supposed to do there as your ex-boyfriend while you’re with your true love?” I couldn’t understand Yi Li’s train of thought anymore. After uttering this, I was about to hang up to check if Jiangluo had replied to my message.

“Can’t you stop being like this!” Yi Li was unhappy. “Here, I only know you. Come and help me assess him. What if he’s a bad guy and I get tricked away?”

I wanted to say that anyone capable of tricking him away would indeed be impressive.

But I still agreed to him. After all, as he said, he didn’t really have any acquaintances left in the country. It would be good for me to go and support him.

Yi Li grew up in Vancouver since childhood, and might only come to the country once every few years if it weren’t for this temporary assignment.

He told me the location and kept urging me, “Hurry up, we’re waiting for you!”

I changed clothes and deliberately tidied myself up. Before leaving, I spotted the pair of cufflinks I placed on the bookshelf and awkwardly put them on.

I hadn’t been to the bar Yi Li mentioned, truthfully speaking, I’m unfamiliar with all bars here. The guys from the company always organize activities together on weekends, but I never joined their outings.

After considerable effort and searching for a long time, I finally found the bar with the German name.

Stepping inside, I was dazzled by the chaotic scene.

The waiter led me to Yi Li’s private room, and upon entering, I froze.

The person drinking next to him was someone I recognized.

It was actually Xu Zhao.