WP 1

“Can you try using some logic, please? I’m begging you. Take your pixelated brain out of the gutter, let it dry off a little, and think this through…”

The voice on the phone was a woman’s. Cute-sounding, with a slightly loli-like softness, the kind that normally melts people, but right now she was teetering on the edge of a meltdown. There was something oddly amusing about how furious she sounded.

“Sub-zero temperatures. Freezing cold. Two men going at it outdoors. Are you serious? Where the hell is your logic?”

The one being yelled at was a young man. A single stubborn tuft of hair stuck up at the back of his head. The constant rainy weather had made his natural curls even more wild. In the round, black-framed mirror hanging slightly off to the side of his desk, a baby-faced reflection frowned in discontent. His rosy lips were pressed into an unhappy pout as he argued back.

“I couldn’t stop myself.”

“You have to stop yourself!” the woman screamed on the other end. “Jiang Yibai, is outdoor sex the only thing going on in that filthy mind of yours?”

“Two lonely guys, the mood’s just right,” Jiang Yibai said, his voice clear and pleasant. Anyone hearing him might assume he was a refined young man, but the next words out of his mouth shattered that illusion.

“It’d be a waste not to fuck.”

“Then change the damn scene. Make them go home and take their pants off there. Turn on the heater or something.”

“Why are you so deep in this?” Jiang Yibai sounded annoyed. “Who even cares about these kinds of details?”

“Everyone with a brain cares.” The soft voice on the phone hit another pitch, sounding like she was this close to cursing. She took several deep breaths and kept going.

“This is exactly why you’ve been a cold author for years. You’ve got nothing but sex. I admit, your sex scenes are great, but for god’s sake, at least try to make some sense.”

There was a sharp slapping sound on the other end of the call, like a palm hitting the desk.

“That last book. The premise was good. The character design was solid. Then you had to go shove in a big cock and wreck the setup. I have never seen an author ruin their own characters like that. You’re incredible. And don’t even get me started on the one before that. You got cut off so badly, remember why? You liked both the main lead and the side character, and forced a 1v1 into a 3P. What the hell did you expect readers to do with that?”

Jiang Yibai scratched at the corner of his desk.

“You dare say you didn’t like the 3P scene at the end?”

Silence.

Then she cleared her throat and pulled herself together.

“I’ll admit I kinda liked it. It was hot. Juicy as hell. The bottom was delicious. Had my phantom limb twitching.”

Jiang Yibai slapped the table.

“Exactly.”

“No, that’s not the point,” the woman said, exasperated. “If you’re going to do 3P, then label it as 3P. Put it in the damn synopsis. Add a note. You still have 1v1 tagged on there. That’s misleading. Fraud, basically. Who else would they cut if not you?”

Jiang Yibai pretended he didn’t hear her and started humming nonsense to himself.

The woman sighed.

“Just listen to me. Things are tense lately. Let the two leads wear more clothes for now, alright? And stop with the outdoor sex in freezing temperatures. The moment they take off their pants, they’d freeze to death.”

Jiang Yibai blinked. Whatever thought ran through his pixel-covered mind made him burst out laughing.

“Froze their cocks.”

“……”

The woman let out a fake sweet laugh.

“Darling, do you still remember I’m a woman? Could you be just a little less shameless?”

“Cock freeze. No, freeze cock,” Jiang Yibai completely ignored her and said, “Nian Gou. I got it. My next story’s going to be a mystery. Two male leads trying to figure out the killer’s motive. One of them pulls out his cock and shivers from the cold. What, like no one’s ever had a frozen cock before?”

The woman, called Nian Gou, hung up on him.

Jiang Yibai was still riding his high. As soon as the call ended, he started hammering away at the keyboard. His long fingers tapped out a furious rhythm as he finished the five thousand words of pure smut from the outdoor sex scene.

With things being so strict lately, he couldn’t just openly serve meat to everyone, but Jiang Yibai couldn’t stop the dirty images swirling around in his pixel-filled mind, so he resorted to guerrilla tactics.

He posted his usual code phrase on Weibo, and those who understood the drill immediately slid into his DMs.

His pen name was Jiang Luanyu. He had a proper day job. Writing was just a hobby, one he was deeply and obsessively in love with.

He didn’t care about getting dragged online. As long as he was enjoying himself, that was enough. In his eyes, all that talk about morality and values was complete bullshit. No one in this world had values that aligned perfectly. And if you really did find someone like that, they were probably part of a pyramid scheme.

Right before graduating from university, Jiang Yibai lost both his parents in a car crash. The accident left behind a sizable insurance payout and inheritance. Besides the old apartment in the city, there was another house from his grandfather’s old work unit. That place had been waiting for demolition for years and was currently being rented out. His parents had also been into investing, so they left behind two commercial units in a shopping mall, each with a few dozen square meters of space. By the time Jiang Yibai graduated, he was already a full-fledged landlord.

After losing his family, he figured it all out. Life was short. Better to enjoy it while it lasts. He didn’t have to worry about supporting his parents in old age. He didn’t even feel much pressure to support himself. So he figured he might as well live however made him happy. That was when he picked up a hobby he had loved back in junior high. Writing.

But time was a ruthless butcher’s knife, and not an ordinary one. Back in junior high, Jiang Yibai used to write sentimental essays about love and loss. He even won awards. At the very least, he wrote wholesome coming-of-age pieces. Now, though, things had taken a dramatic turn. He had fully crossed into the vast, uncensored adult world of pixelated fantasies, and there was no going back.

He set up automatic replies for his private messages, active for only one hour. After that, he moved his content to cloud drives, and eventually to an email inbox with auto-reply enabled.

When Jiang Yibai refreshed his Weibo again, sure enough, there were plenty of replies. A flood of likes and applause filled the screen, along with the usual haters reporting for duty.

“You’ve got nothing but smut. That’s all you ever write.”

“Seriously uncomfortable content. Reported.”

“Jiang must be a total bottom. Is that why he keeps fantasizing about getting fucked?”

“Word is he broke up before and killed off the main character in the story because of it. Authors like this who disrespect their characters and ignore logic don’t deserve to write.”

“What’s the point of a character setting like this except to make people sick? Author’s values are garbage.”

Jiang Yibai couldn’t be bothered to reply. He blocked them one by one, then shut his laptop and went to find something to eat.

A few years ago, he still tried explaining things. Like that whole “killed off the main character after a breakup” rumor. Total bullshit. He had no idea where it even started. He had dated a few guys on and off since college. His relatives already knew he was gay, and none of that had anything to do with his writing. He had killed off the main character on a whim.

He made impulsive choices all the time. Life without an outline was what made it free and fun.

After those early years, he got used to it. Trolls were everywhere online. Arguing with them was nothing but a waste of time and energy. Blocking was enough. They didn’t know each other anyway. What was the point of talking?

Then there were the moral police types, trying to impose their so-called values. Saying this was unrealistic, that didn’t make sense. But Einstein had already said it. Common sense was just the pile of prejudices people collected before the age of eighteen.

With a genius like that backing him, Jiang Yibai felt fearless.

He went downstairs in his slippers, carrying only his phone in his pocket. He still had work to do at eight, and even though he wasn’t that hungry, he figured he should eat something to fill his stomach.

The early summer night air was still cool. It had rained for two days straight, but now the sky had cleared into a bright, vivid blue.

Downstairs, the streets were already entering the rush hour peak. The traffic had picked up. Jiang Yibai went into a supermarket and picked up a pack of tissues, a box of condoms, and two cans of beer. Then he whistled his way into the noodle shop next door.

Shredded pork and green pepper fried noodles. His favorite. The garlic sauce had to be just right. The pork couldn’t be too dry or too salty. The green peppers couldn’t be too spicy. And most important of all, the noodles had to have a perfect chew. The shop made their noodles by hand. The texture was unbeatable.

He sat there like some laid-back old man, legs crossed, humming to himself while waiting for his noodles. All he was missing was a birdcage beside him. That’s when his phone lit up on the table.

A message popped up.

“Offline meet-up tomorrow night. Coming or not?”

“No,” Jiang Yibai sniffed, baby face showing a hint of streetwise swagger. “This young master has been keeping himself pure lately.”

“Get lost. Not that kind of meet-up.” The reply came quick. “It’s a local author gathering. The male god of the male fiction circle is going to be there. Don’t you read his stuff?”

Jiang Yibai froze for a good few seconds. He couldn’t believe something this wonderful could actually happen in real life.

“Who? Which male god? Don’t tell me it’s him?”

“Who else do you even like?” the person replied. “You moved on to someone else lately?”

“No no no. Just one. Only him.” Jiang Yibai’s hands were shaking from excitement. There was a wild wolf howling inside his heart. “Si Ye? You mean Si Ye’s going to be there? You’re serious? If you’re lying to me, you better clean your ass and wait.”

“Why the hell would I lie?” the other person sent a doge emoji. “It’s true. Word is he’s looking for a roommate. I’m helping organize the event and got the inside scoop. Telling you quietly…”

The more Jiang Yibai read, the wider his eyes got. By the end, he was clutching his chest like he was about to have a heart attack.

“!!!”