Chapter 23 – How Could I Bear It

Li Tang’s mood was excellent all through evening study hours, as if he had taken some magical pill that made his leg painless and his arms full of energy. After finishing printing out the grammar lecture notes at the office, he even took a stack of parent notification letters from the head teacher, bringing them back to the class.

The class president, Li Zichu, distributed the letters. He flipped through them briefly before his expression changed.

Li Tang had already finished distributing the lecture notes and came over to take a look. The content of these parent notification letters, besides reminding parents to pay close attention to their children’s studies during this critical point in their sophomore year, also announced a notice – there would be a parent-teacher conference on Saturday afternoon.

Upon reading this news, Li Tang felt a jolt in his heart. Li Yuanshan stayed in the capital most of the time and was likely too busy to attend such an “unimportant” meeting. Furthermore, although Li Tang’s monthly exam results had improved, they were still far from outstanding. According to Li Yuanshan’s strict standards, he would surely criticize Li Tang harshly and tell him not to struggle in vain but to prepare for studying abroad as soon as possible.

As for Zhang Zhaoyue… her health had improved significantly recently, and she seemed much more energetic, often coming downstairs to eat with Li Tang. But she still rarely went out; it was unknown whether she was willing to come to school.

Of course, no student would genuinely enjoy a parent-teacher conference. After the notices were distributed, the atmosphere in the classroom was heavy throughout the evening study hours, with no one chatting or laughing during breaks, as if they were afraid of being seen by teachers who would report to their parents.

After evening study ended, Li Tang walked slowly toward the school’s west gate, still feeling a bit down when he met up with Jiang Lou.

Jiang Lou assumed his leg was still hurting and asked if he wanted to be carried to the bus stop. Li Tang recoiled in shock. “No, thanks. There are people passing by everywhere.”

On the way, Li Tang, still shaken, kept muttering, “I’m pretty heavy. Aren’t your arms sore?”

Jiang Lou gave him a sidelong glance. “Do you forget how I make a living?”

Li Tang suddenly understood. Boxing required not just agility but absolute strength.

Sitting in the corner at the back of the bus, Li Tang held Jiang Lou’s hand and observed closely, noticing several faint calluses on his knuckles.

He couldn’t help but feel sorrow. Such beautiful hands should hold pens and chopsticks, not be ruined by the demands of survival.

If his parents were still alive, they would probably be very eager to attend the parent-teacher conference, wouldn’t they? Li Tang thought, having a child ranked fifth in the entire school must bring immense joy.

Jiang Lou didn’t know what Li Tang was thinking.

From his perspective, Li Tang had his head lowered, exposing his slender, white neck, displaying his most vulnerable part to him with complete trust.

Suddenly, he raised his head, his watery eyes looking over, filled with anticipation.

Li Tang finally remembered their bedtime conversation a few days ago. “What do I resemble? You haven’t told me yet.”

Jiang Lou smiled but didn’t answer. Li Tang tickled his palm, but he didn’t “give in.”

Unable to help it, Li Tang used his brain a little, secretly sending Jiang Lou a random message on his phone. As soon as Jiang Lou took out his phone and opened WeChat, Li Tang immediately leaned in to see.

Jiang Lou’s WeChat nickname for Li Tang was Little Fox.

At first, Li Tang didn’t understand. “Where am I like a fox?”

Jiang Lou stared at him, prompting Li Tang to realize something and reach up to touch the corners of his eyes.

Li Tang actually didn’t like his own eyes, as the upward slant always seemed to carry an unshakable cunning and coquettishness. In kindergarten, when they were casting a play, he was chosen to play Snow White due to his fair skin. However, a boy raised his hand and suggested to the teacher that Li Tang would be better suited to play the evil queen, as the bad women in storybooks all had upward-slanting eyes.

Although Li Tang’s eyes were only slightly tilted upwards and didn’t count as the traditionally “villain-exclusive” fierce, slanted eyes, coupled with his rather mild personality, he always looked dazed when someone called his name, and his speech was slow, so he couldn’t be considered cunning.

But he didn’t know that every time he cried or just after a kiss, the eyes that curved slightly from the outer corners would always turn red, misty and moist, looking extremely pitiful.

It was irresistible to bully him.

For instance, right now, realizing the origin of this nickname, Li Tang’s ears turned red instantly.

He stopped asking questions, turned away, and pretended to ignore everything as he watched outside the window, but he sensitively noticed that the person sitting beside him leaned closer.

Warm lips touched his slightly hot earlobe, causing a more intense reaction than static electricity in his body.

Due to Jiang Lou’s poor hearing, Li Tang always stayed on his right side when they were together and remained quite close.

Just like now, Jiang Lou leaned next to Li Tang’s face, his warm breath entering his ear canal in clusters.

He whispered, “Little Fox.”

The day of the parent-teacher conference was sunny.

Classes ended after two periods in the afternoon, allowing students to engage in free activities or return home.

Li Tang didn’t go back first but waited at the school gate.

Zhang Zhaoyue had promised to attend, but he wasn’t at ease, always remembering the time he waited downstairs at the piano teacher’s house and Zhang Zhaoyue never came.

Jiang Lou, without any parents, had returned early. Li Zichu also packed his bag to leave ahead of time, but unfortunately, he ran into his mother and stepfather at the school gate.

Huo Xichen couldn’t escape either, being held back by his father tugging on his backpack. When Li Tang passed by, he heard his father scold fiercely, “I told you to learn from Zichu, but all you do is play around. I hardly ever see you. Just wait until we get home, I’ll beat you to death!”

Li Zichu’s mother tried to persuade him, “Xichen is a good child. Didn’t he come back for your birthday last time? If you treat him like this, he won’t dare to come home in the future.”

Huo Xichen, nearly 1.9 meters tall, hung his head like a child who had made a mistake. Li Zichu, who was supposed to be the role model, didn’t seem happy either, standing there with unfocused eyes, seemingly lost in thought.

A blended family of four was awkward enough, and adding the complicated relationship between the two kids in private made Li Tang feel the situation was hopelessly complex.

Fortunately, this wasn’t something he needed to worry about. Li Tang decided to follow Jiang Lou’s suggestion and mind his own business, worrying less about others. Thus, he turned his gaze away and continued watching the passing vehicles.

This time, he didn’t have to wait long. Ten minutes before the parent-teacher conference began, Li Tang saw his family car driving up and stopping slowly at the school gate.

The door opened, and Zhang Zhaoyue, dressed in a long brown coat, stepped out of the back seat.

Li Tang personally led his mother to his classroom and his seat.

According to the teacher’s requirements, the test papers from the previous monthly exam were already laid out on the desk. Li Tang deliberately placed the English test paper on top, proudly showing Zhang Zhaoyue, “I got first place in English this time.”

Zhang Zhaoyue browsed through the paper and smiled. “Very good.”

Flipping further down, Li Tang became a bit embarrassed. “…The math here is harder than in the capital. I’ve been catching up.”

Zhang Zhaoyue nodded. “Don’t rush, take your time.”

Parents gradually took their seats, quickly filling the classroom.

Li Tang was about to leave when, turning around, he saw Zhang Zhaoyue twist her body to look at the back row.

Li Tang followed her gaze. It was Jiang Lou’s seat, empty, with no test papers on the table.

His heart tightened inexplicably. Li Tang struggled to maintain composure, glancing back as he left the classroom. Zhang Zhaoyue had already retracted her gaze and was continuing to flip through his test papers.

When he calmed down, Li Tang felt he was overreacting.

He and Jiang Lou dating was something even Li Zichu didn’t know about. How could it possibly have reached his family?

Therefore, when the parent-teacher conference ended, and the parents gathered around the bulletin board posted at the school gate, including Zhang Zhaoyue, Li Tang didn’t think much of it.

He also went forward to look. The honor roll of Xucheng No. 1 High School was divided into two sections. One section listed names after the 30th rank, densely packed on a single sheet of paper. The top 30 ranks occupied most of the bulletin board space, where each top student, besides their name and class, had a photo stuck above for other students to “admire.”

And Zhang Zhaoyue’s position was at the front, allowing her to see Jiang Lou, ranked fifth in the grade, and his serious yet charming ID photo.

Even Li Tang was captivated. Described by current popular phrases, Jiang Lou was the type with prominent nose and deep-set eyes, a strong facial structure that only highlighted his advantages on camera, stunning enough to make people swoon.

However, Li Tang still believed that Jiang Lou himself was more attractive than the photo, especially when he smiled.

After admiring it for a while, Li Tang said to his mother, “Let’s go home.”

Coincidentally, Zhang Zhaoyue turned her head, and the fleeting eye contact allowed Li Tang to see the tears in her eyes.

Back home, after dinner, Li Tang returned to his bedroom and called Jiang Lou.

Mainly, he reported on the content of the parent-teacher conference: “The teacher didn’t say much else, just that parents should pay more attention to their children’s studies. The psychological state of the examinees is paramount. Also, a few students whose monthly exam grades declined were named, saying that if they dropped further, they’d have to go to the ordinary class… This doesn’t concern you, you’re ranked fifth in the grade.”

Jiang Lou replied with a simple “Mm,” seeming uninterested in these clichéd remarks.

Li Tang then changed the topic. “I only realized today that the school added photos for the top thirty students on the honor roll.”

“Is that so.”

“Didn’t you go to see it yourself?”

“No.”

“You look quite good in that ID photo.” Li Tang said somewhat jealously, “Many people were looking at you, even my mom stared at you.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone before Jiang Lou responded with the same emotionless, “Is that so.”

Later, on the way home, Li Tang asked his mother why she had shed tears. Zhang Zhaoyue explained that it was because she hadn’t been out for too long, and the sunlight stung her eyes.

Being alone at home also easily led to depression. Therefore, Li Tang asked Jiang Lou for a “leave” and said, “I won’t come to your place tomorrow. My mom has a medical check-up, and I’ll accompany her.”

“Mm.”

“You rest well at home alone, don’t go to the gym, oh. You just went there Friday night.”

“Mm.”

Switching the phone to the other ear, Li Tang bit his lip and asked softly, “I can only see you the day after tomorrow… Will you miss me?”

During the honeymoon phase of a relationship, absence truly made the heart grow fonder, and Li Tang was no exception.

He knew Jiang Lou wasn’t the type to be overly clingy, but he still wanted to ask.

Fortunately, the response came quickly from the other side.

“I will,” Jiang Lou said, raising his tone. “Of course I’ll miss you.”

The next day, the temperature was 3°C, and light rain fell from the sky.

The air was somewhat stifling. Sitting in the waiting area of a private hospital, Li Tang occasionally glanced at the real-time temperature displayed on the wall, feeling he had worn too many layers today.

Zhang Zhaoyue was there for a routine check-up, which usually took at least half a day.

This time it was more complicated. Since her previous examinations were conducted in hospitals in the capital, the new doctor taking over was unfamiliar with her condition. Afraid of making incorrect judgments, he added several items, including tumor marker screening.

Thus, it took longer. They didn’t finish in the morning, so Li Tang and Zhang Zhaoyue had lunch nearby before returning to the hospital.

Some of the test results couldn’t be obtained on the same day. Based on the reports currently available, the doctor believed that Zhang Zhaoyue’s health was recovering well, but she still needed to take medication for some time and ensure sufficient rest.

On the way home, the car was fully heated, making Li Tang take off his jacket.

Looking up through the car window, the clouds were split into countless black scales, with rain mixed among them, blurred to the point of indistinguishability.

Occasionally, a flock of birds flew by, their calls sounding hoarse and mournful.

The car entered the villa area where Li Tang’s home was located. The driver braked rather abruptly, waking Zhang Zhaoyue, who had been resting against the backseat.

Li Tang asked, “What happened?”

The driver said, “Sorry, I just saw something on the road and subconsciously hit the brakes.”

Opening the car window to look, there were actually several snakes crawling across the road, as if fleeing for their lives.

Everything was abnormal to the point of being unsettling.

Therefore, when the car stopped in front of his house and they got out, Li Tang held onto Zhang Zhaoyue’s arm, telling her not to go inside just yet.

His intuition proved correct. Indeed, they had barely waited five minutes in the open area when the ground suddenly shook violently, trees swayed, accompanied by the rumbling sound of wind. The buildings in front of them shook violently as well.

It was an earthquake.

Born in the north, Li Tang experienced his first earthquake with such strong tremors, frightened to the point of losing his soul. He only focused on supporting his mother, running towards a more open direction.

Fortunately, the residential density in this area was low, and there were no high-rise buildings. Neighbors who sensed the movement came out of their homes in twos and threes, gathering on the open ground in front of the community clubhouse. The property management reacted promptly, immediately arranging security personnel to maintain order and ensure the safety of the residents.

Xucheng was located on a seismic belt. Compared to other provinces and cities, earthquakes with noticeable tremors occurred relatively frequently. Therefore, everyone was accustomed to it. After the ten-second shaking, apart from a few children’s cries, almost no one panicked or shouted.

Zhang Zhaoyue patted Li Tang’s hand, comforting him, “It’s alright, it will be fine soon.”

But once calmness returned, Li Tang’s heart was lifted high in suspense.

He hastily pulled his hand back, reaching into his pocket to touch his phone, confirming there was still signal, and the first call he dialed was to Jiang Lou.

In the residential area at the foot of the mountain in the western city.

The earthquake half an hour ago had caused all residents at home to move outdoors. Being near the mountain, it was more dangerous than flat ground. During this special time, everyone gathered on the road, and traffic police had already arrived to maintain order, setting up a cordon for vehicle passage.

Even so, it caused congestion. Vehicles of various sizes were bumper-to-bumper, forming a line stretching over a kilometer away.

Jiang Lou had run outside the moment he sensed the tremors, staying by the roadside with surrounding neighbors for a while. Feeling it was safe, he returned first.

Although this area was all low houses, they were old brick houses built over twenty years ago, which had become dilapidated after years of weathering. Apart from a few houses that had been recently reinforced or rebuilt, almost all the houses suffered damage in the earthquake.

The north wall of Jiang Lou’s house cracked open with a seam, two fingers wide from top to bottom. The foundation was also somewhat sunken. Inside, the few pieces of furniture had shifted places in the shaking, several bowls shattered on the ground, and a pile of books on the table had fallen over.

Growing up in Xucheng since childhood, Jiang Lou was no stranger to earthquakes. It was said that lost sensory abilities would be compensated elsewhere. With his left ear deaf, his perception of balance became particularly acute. Whenever encountering a stronger earthquake, he was always quicker than others to sense it, grabbing the wallet on the table before rushing out. His ID card was inside, and he also opened the drawer to take the flashlight.

Now it was indeed power out. The dark sky was also raining. After checking his own house, a neighbor uncle asked Jiang Lou to help illuminate the area. He went over to shine the flashlight, helping the uncle set up a grass tent and rescued the chickens trapped underneath.

Then he provided lighting for the convenience store owner, helping him find the cell phone under the counter. The owner’s son was attending university in the provincial capital, not far from Xucheng. Since the epicenter was still unknown, he worried about his son’s safety and had to contact him immediately.

After doing these tasks, Jiang Lou headed back. The flashlight, unused for a long time, emitted weak light, not as bright as the rabbit lantern outside his door.

Approaching, lifting his eyes, he saw a person standing next to the rabbit lantern.

Li Tang had walked here.

The car was stuck halfway, so he got out and walked hurriedly.

Unathletic Li Tang alternated between running and walking, making slow progress. When he slowed down, he made calls, but his phone battery was almost depleted, and he couldn’t get through.

He panicked and wanted to call the police, but the police were busy on the road at this time. When Li Tang sought their help, he only received the response, “Rescue and evacuation are ongoing, please remain calm.”

He could only rely on his own legs to walk all the way here. Near the foot of the mountain, it was so dark that he tripped and fell, but Li Tang ignored the pain and got up to continue.

Finally arriving at Jiang Lou’s house, he knocked but received no response.

Li Tang didn’t dare to wander far, waiting at the door. At this moment, seeing a blurry figure approaching, he wasn’t entirely sure. Until he jogged forward and clearly saw the person’s face, Li Tang let out a deep sigh of relief.

All the worries and anxiety transformed into a sense of injustice.

Li Tang sniffed, choking up. “…Why don’t you answer my calls? Don’t you know how worried I was?”

Jiang Lou was stunned.

The faint light from the flashlight was enough to illuminate the person in front of him.

Li Tang wore a white sweater and black pants, with mud smudges on his clothes and shoes. His hand holding the phone hung at his side, with a dark red mark on the back, presumably injured and broken skin. Not knowing how long he had been in the rain, his hair was wet in strands, coupled with the pitiful expression of biting his lip to hold back tears, he looked utterly wretched.

Seeing Li Tang like this should have been satisfying.

But it seemed as if a breeze had passed, stirring up huge waves in the originally empty chest of Jiang Lou, echoing within.

Without thinking of what to say, Jiang Lou reached out, pulling Li Tang’s arm and letting him collide into his embrace.

At this moment, Jiang Lou had an absurd notion – as if he was a monster that had long lain dormant in darkness, accidentally obtaining a spark, catching a glimpse of brightness, and unable to resist repeatedly drawing near.

For the wind that was no longer harsh, for the bright and warm comfort.

“Don’t be so good to me,” Jiang Lou sighed, his lips touching Li Tang’s frozen earlobe. “How can I bear to… “

How can I bear to continue hurting you.