Chapter 54 – Stupid or Not

Watching Li Tang enter the hotel, Jiang Lou stayed where he was for a while before turning the steering wheel to head back.

On the road, Sun Yuxiang called, unwillingly asking, “Are you really not coming?”

Jiang Lou grunted in affirmation.

Sun Yuxiang sighed. “What’s the point? In my opinion, it would be better to just tell him everything that happened back then…”

“Don’t mention me in front of him,” said Jiang Lou. “The banquet is about to start; you should hurry up and get ready.”

Seeing that there was no way to persuade him, Sun Yuxiang hung up the phone.

Jiang Lou drove back to the company, parked at the entrance, got out of the car but didn’t go inside. Instead, he went through the alley on the east side, passed by Fuxin Fertilizer Factory, and walked down the rusty metal stairs to the underground level.

Over the years, he had been busy with studies or work. Even though he lived close by, he rarely had time to visit the boxing gym.

Today, Old Zhang was there. Seeing Jiang Lou come in, he was delighted but immediately put on a wary face. “Our club has transformed; don’t even think about making me arrange those life-threatening matches for you again.”

A couple of years ago, the gym was anonymously reported, and the police had come to investigate several times. They were fined and almost shut down. To ensure sustainable development in the future, Old Zhang decided to lead the entire club towards a direction of boxing performances. If they found promising talent, they would cultivate them and take them out to compete in real fighting matches.

As a result, the gym’s business became bleak, with income barely enough to maintain normal operations. However, Old Zhang was getting older and, out of a desire for stability, had no intention of stirring things up anymore. He kept the club running as a memento and said, “If you guys run into trouble, at least you’ll have a place to take shelter from the wind and rain.”

Jiang Lou hadn’t planned on using it that way. Even during his toughest times, he had never asked Old Zhang for help.

He headed towards the locker room. “I’m not here to risk my life; I just want to relax.”

Saturday evenings were peak hours for customer traffic. The atmosphere wasn’t as lively as usual for the performance-style boxing matches, but there was still loud cheering, and the air was filled with a restless, boiling heat.

Jiang Lou wore boxing gloves for the first time in a long while and fought against a newcomer from the same club.

Those new to fighting tended to be rash, relying on brute force rather than technique. Jiang Lou focused on dodging, with attacks as a secondary strategy. He took the opportunity to help Old Zhang train the newcomers, so he didn’t go all out. In the end, he barely won.

After returning to the locker room, Old Zhang watched Jiang Lou take off his hand wraps and sighed. “Maybe I’m really getting old. It feels like watching you fight your first match was yesterday.”

Opening his locker, he caught sight of the medicine bottle on the bottom shelf, the round one that Li Tang had placed there seven years ago.

Ever since Li Tang left, he hadn’t opened it or used it. It must have expired by now.

Jiang Lou stared at the bottle for a moment but ultimately didn’t touch it. He closed the locker door after changing his clothes.

It felt like it was yesterday when Li Tang had used this ointment to treat his wounds, her eyes red with concern.

As he climbed the stairs, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw it was Pei Hao calling.

Answering the call, before Jiang Lou could speak, Pei Hao said anxiously, “Why aren’t you answering your phone!”

“I didn’t have my phone on me,” Jiang Lou asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Your little fox went looking for you. He ran out before all the dishes were served. You should hurry and—”

Jiang Lou immediately hung up and checked the call interface. Indeed, there were several missed calls.

He rushed up the stairs two steps at a time, and as the dial tone sounded in his ear, he emerged onto the surface.

Just in time to see Li Tang standing less than ten meters away, wearing a thin coat in the night, holding his newly connected phone.

Five minutes later, the door to ROJA opened, and Jiang Lou went inside to turn on the air conditioning and heating.

Li Tang followed him in. The R&D department was located deep within the company. Jiang Lou turned on the overhead lights, pulled out his desk chair, gesturing for Li Tang to sit while he went to fetch water.

The tea was at the perfect temperature to warm his hands.

Li Tang held the cup, the rising steam hitting his face, leaving him in a daze as if slowly thawing.

How did he end up here?

Why did he come here?

Looking up, he saw Jiang Lou standing sideways in front of the desk, putting in his hearing aid in his left ear. His frozen thoughts began to flow, along with the stalled time.

Li Tang remembered. At the dinner table in the hotel earlier, he had learned something.

Something that Li Zichu didn’t want him to know, something that Huo Xichen dared not tell him, something Su Qinhan assumed he already knew… Something that the person in front of him, together with those around him, had conspired to hide from him.

After securing the microphone behind his ear, Jiang Lou turned around and stopped a few meters away from Li Tang, observing his expression. “Do you feel any better now?”

He hadn’t forgotten how pale Li Tang’s face had been last time he sat in his car. He didn’t dare take Li Tang to the hospital rashly and could only bring him to the company to sit down and rest.

But Li Tang didn’t say anything or react in any other way. He just looked at him, his gaze moving from his face to his neck and down to his hands hanging by his sides. “Does it hurt?” he asked.

Although the fight wasn’t intense, Jiang Lou had still suffered some superficial injuries. Realizing where Li Tang was looking, Jiang Lou was taken aback for a moment and subconsciously replied, “No, it doesn’t hurt.”

“Am I asking if it hurt when you were beaten by over a dozen people until you were hospitalized?”

Li Tang’s gaze lifted again, meeting Jiang Lou’s. Thus, he easily saw the tumultuous churning in Jiang Lou’s pitch-black pupils.

He remained silent, so Li Tang continued, “How does it feel to be expelled from school, to go from being adored by thousands to being a pariah? Is it similar to falling from heaven to hell?”

An hour and a half ago, Li Tang had learned from Su Qinhan that when he was first taken home by his parents, Jiang Lou had gone to the principal’s office to “confess.”

“I thought you knew,” Su Qinhan had said, surprised. “Didn’t anyone tell you?”

Seven years ago, when the vice-principal found out who had played the audio recording and was about to find out who the person in the recording was, Jiang Lou stepped forward to strongly oppose it, claiming that the person recorded was an innocent victim unaware of the situation, while the one who made the recording was the culprit.

At the same time, he admitted that he was the one who made the recording, as well as the other person whose voice was removed from the audio.

For No.1 High School, which enjoyed a good reputation in Xucheng, such a matter was serious enough to be considered the biggest crisis since its founding.

Even though it wasn’t clear who the person in the recording was, many students had witnessed the situation in the broadcasting room, plus Li Tang fainting and being sent to the infirmary afterward… Rumors spread like the flu, and within half a day, this mysterious and somewhat romantic “broadcasting accident” had spread among the students.

Jiang Lou, as the orchestrator of the whole affair, could have remained completely uninvolved. But for some unknown reason, he chose to expose himself, saying that the boy in the recording was forced by him, that he had secretly made the recording, and that the boy was completely unaware of it.

Originally, these matters were confined to the principal’s office, unknown to outsiders.

That evening, the school leaders held an emergency meeting, approved by the principal who was on a business trip far away. They decided to suppress the matter as an “accident.” There were two reasons for this: first, public opinion wouldn’t look good, and handling it impartially might damage the school’s reputation and make the situation more uncontrollable; second, the students involved were academically excellent, especially Jiang Lou, who ranked in the top three in his grade. His teachers predicted he still had potential to rise further and might become a dark horse in next year’s college entrance examination, potentially competing for the city’s science champion.

No.1 High School in Xucheng had tied with County High in undergraduate admissions for two consecutive years. If they didn’t produce impressive results, it would negatively affect future admissions.

Therefore, the vice-principal instructed everyone present to refrain from disclosing the details and determined to quell the matter.

Chen Zhengyang, who heard from the hospital that he wouldn’t be punished, was naturally happy. The school also contacted his parents, coordinating and smoothing things over, so they wouldn’t pursue Jiang Lou’s “accidental injury.”

In this way, everyone could return to their original positions, a win-win situation.

However, Jiang Lou insisted on going against the grain. He was dissatisfied with the school’s handling of the matter and insisted that the parties involved be punished, including himself.

During a Monday morning assembly under the national flag, he walked up to the podium, snatched the microphone from the principal’s hand, and said word by word, “The audio played on the broadcast last time was recorded by me. I forced a male student at our school to engage in a relationship with me and recorded it without his knowledge. And Chen Zhengyang stole the recording and played it in the broadcasting room; he is equally guilty. Please, the school must severely punish the parties involved to serve as a warning to others.”

With these words, it was like poking a hole in the carefully covered cloth of the school, leaving no room for concealment or mending.

Under the watchful eyes of everyone, the subsequent developments were no longer under control – Chen Zhengyang lied, claiming he didn’t know the content of the audio file before playing it and received a major demerit as punishment; while Jiang Lou, who had confessed everything, didn’t defend himself even once, and thus received the harshest punishment, being expelled from No.1 High School in Xucheng.

The past, buried deep, was unearthed again, as if he was once again facing the storm.

But Jiang Lou remained calm, with only a fleeting panic because he hadn’t expected Li Tang to learn about this so soon. Although, the moment he saw Li Tang earlier, he had a premonition.

Since it had come to this, he might as well be honest.

“No, it’s very different,” Jiang Lou said, looking at Li Tang from three steps away. His voice was composed. “I was originally a rat in the gutter; of course, I would return to where I came from.”

“That was self-inflicted. You’re different; if you hadn’t met me, you wouldn’t have suffered those things.”

If he hadn’t met him, Li Tang might still have social anxiety, still prefer quietness, still be depressed due to not receiving unconditional love. But at least he wouldn’t have endured such torment, been driven to the brink of suicide, and not wanted to live.

But Li Tang shook his head, slowly shaking it, telling Jiang Lou that it wasn’t like that.

I left No.1 High School in Xucheng, left Xucheng, and left this world, not to make you regret, nor to punish yourself.

When Li Tang sat down, he had seen the black voice recorder on the table. Its lacquer was still shiny and new, but the wear on the buttons showed signs of long-term use.

Taking advantage of being close, before Jiang Lou could reach it, Li Tang picked up the voice recorder.

His hand trembled slightly, but he wasn’t afraid and didn’t doubt that he would hear a voice that would terrify him.

Pressing play, continuing from where it was paused last time—

“Desensitization, this word I taught you before. If you can’t remember it, I’ll teach it to you again next time face-to-face,” the seventeen-year-old Li Tang laughed in the recording.

This voice recorder was the Valentine’s Day gift Li Tang gave to Jiang Lou. He recorded all the words for the academic year in it, to help his young lover who was deaf in his left ear learn English.

When choosing the voice recorder, Li Tang had put a lot of effort into it. He wanted it to be black, which Jiang Lou liked, and wanted it to have a novel appearance, not revealing its original purpose. Therefore, there were very few options. The one finally chosen was beautiful in appearance but sacrificed some functions compared to ordinary voice recorders.

For example, once this voice recorder was pressed twice to start recording, it would erase the previous recordings stored in it, replacing them in an overlay format. And this point, Li Tang had carefully informed Jiang Lou about, joking at the time, “Be careful not to press the recording button too quickly. I don’t want to spend five more nights re-recording for you.”

Who would have thought that Jiang Lou took it seriously and hadn’t mistakenly pressed it even once in over seven years.

The audio file wasn’t recorded with this voice recorder.

“Is it because you couldn’t bear it?” Li Tang asked.

He remembered that Jiang Lou had shown reluctance towards him more than once.

At one point, he thought it was an act, but later realized that it meant wavering, that even with a clear goal, Jiang Lou wasn’t actually firm.

Jiang Lou didn’t answer.

He stood there, bathed in the cold white light of the incandescent lamp, as if being judged.

He clearly knew what to say to make the outcome favorable for himself, but he was unwilling to strive for it. Because he believed he wasn’t worthy of understanding, forgiveness, or Li Tang’s gaze.

He even hoped Li Tang’s attitude would be indifferent or casual.

Not like now, with bloodshot eyes, moist and seemingly about to burst with liquid.

Li Tang tilted his face up slightly, taking a deep breath. “Then why, when you were at County High, were you… beaten by over a dozen people to the point of serious injury?”

After the intense explosion, even if everything was in ruins and nothing remained, the story still had to continue, cruelly not giving the people in the story even a breath of respite.

Later, County High School had accepted Jiang Lou under pressure, also for the sake of a bright mark on next year’s college entrance examination results.

At that time, Li Tang was far away, and Jiang Lou was heartbroken. Burrowing into books became his only outlet and a means of release.

However, he was too sharp and too independent, and even if he wasn’t intentionally arrogant, it was misconstrued as such, and rumors spread that he was “a scholar from No.1 High School who looked down on County High’s poor students.”

Furthermore, the incident of the broadcast at No.1 High School in Xucheng reached County High.

Such a thing was enough to pin Jiang Lou down as having “morally reprehensible” conduct, to drown him in contemptuous gazes from all directions, and enough to become an excuse for some to commit misdeeds.

Students who had long disliked Jiang Lou, under the guise of “eliminating a public nuisance,” repeatedly caused trouble for Jiang Lou. Jiang Lou had no intention of clashing with them, ignored them, which further confirmed that he was arrogant and despicable.

Thus, they escalated their actions, pinning various unfounded accusations on him.

Once, because a girl from a neighboring class seemed to have feelings for Jiang Lou, a boy who liked the girl deliberately threw a basketball at Jiang Lou, who was tidying up equipment on the sidelines during gym class. If Jiang Lou didn’t react, he’d throw it again. One person wasn’t enough, so he called a few more friends.

They treated Jiang Lou as a target basket, throwing balls at his shoulders, back, and even his head. Jiang Lou merely dodged, expressionless, which the boys interpreted as him pretending to be cool, infuriating them even more. They called a few more brothers and cornered Jiang Lou on the playground.

According to Jiang Lou’s skills honed from years of boxing and fighting, he might not have been unable to escape unscathed. But at the time, his mind was numb, thinking that whatever he suffered was what he deserved, that he should endure it. So he let them punch and kick him, considering it divine punishment.

Considering it retribution for hurting someone and trampling on a heart.

“You thought you could keep it a secret from me?”

Li Tang actually laughed, although the laughter was laced with tears, as if on the verge of breaking. “You feel sorry for me, so you punish yourself… That audio recording, you didn’t erase your voice. You never wanted me… never wanted me to go through it alone…”

His lips moved, but he couldn’t continue.

How could he forget, in the cinema with only the two of them, discussing what romance was, Li Tang thought living for the deceased was another form of eternal love, but Jiang Lou gave a different answer.

He said, “If it were me, I would die with him.”

“Dying together, that’s romance.”

It turned out that Jiang Lou never wanted him to die alone.

Even if he couldn’t let go of his hatred, even if he was sending him to hell with his own hands, Jiang Lou had never planned to live alone.

He wanted to perish with him, to go to hell together.

Tears finally fell.

Li Tang felt this was the most ridiculous, most absurd thing he had heard in twenty-five years. How could someone fail to seek revenge and instead leave themselves half-dead, almost sacrificing their life?

He wanted to laugh, to continue laughing at the foolishness of the people in the story. But a wrenching pain erupted from his chest, tugging at his insides, causing his tears to overflow.

“Stupid or not…” he laughed through tears. “Are you stupid or not?”

His vision was reduced to a silhouette, a figure.

It was this person who had protected him, kissed him, given him roses, and whispered sweet nothings in his ear.

But this person had also neglected him, hurt him, hated him, and retaliated against him, driving him to the edge of a cliff.

Now, this person was the first to embrace him, as if more afraid than him that he would repeat his mistakes, his voice trembling, “I said it was self-inflicted, I deserved it, so don’t pity me… No matter what, don’t pity me.”

Yes, he had once cared for him so much, only to find himself ensnared in a trap, his heart dead.

But he had originally thought that Jiang Lou, after taking revenge, should have been satisfied and free. Jiang Lou, rid of him, should have been flourishing, with a smooth life ahead, free of shadows.

“Why, why…” Li Tang gripped Jiang Lou’s shirt, burying his head in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

God gave you the chance to meet me, to seek revenge. Why, when the knife was handed to you, did you change your mind?

Why did you forget that your goal was to make me pay with my life, not to hold me, allowing the knife embedded in my body to pierce your heart, waiting for heaven to pronounce judgment, that if I die, you die, and if I live, you can live?

I’m in unbearable pain, and you’re the same, hurting as if you’re about to die.