Chapter 62 – To See or Not to See

The two entered the bookstore and headed for the third shop on the left side.

An ordinary chain fast-food joint, unlike the high-end restaurants filled with lovebirds, it had an air of wholesome family fun with everyone packed in the hall.

This made it far from an ideal setting for conversation. From ordering their meals to sitting down to eat, they exchanged fewer than ten words—Do you want a drink? Yes, medium.

Halfway through the fries, the family at the adjacent table left, the child’s racket subsiding, and the world grew slightly quieter.

It was Li Tang who broke the silence first: “In the capital to look at factory sites?”

“No,” said Jiang Lou. “I came to see you.”

A fry still half-chewed in his mouth, Li Tang smiled. “Oh, saw me having coffee with someone else.”

“I didn’t notice that,” said Jiang Lou. “Only noticed you hadn’t eaten.”

The truth or a lie, Li Tang studied his expression, unable to discern anything. He pursed his lips and swallowed the fry.

After filling their bellies, the two ventured outside, aimlessly wandering the streets.

Inevitably, they drifted back to talking about work. Jiang Lou mentioned locking down several potential factory sites, all relatively distant from the city center, requiring on-site inspections and comprehensive evaluations.

But there was an upside to the distance; it was close to the care facility Li Yuanshan had invested in, making transportation of equipment and supplies convenient.

Li Tang disagreed with this criterion for consideration. “Don’t choose a location just to accommodate the care facility. Your products aren’t just for them.”

This heartfelt advice sounded protective. Jiang Lou had intended to say it didn’t matter where he chose, but the words took a turn, becoming simply, “Okay.”

Before they knew it, they’d walked two blocks, reaching a less crowded road. Ahead, by the riverside bench, a young man held a bunch of balloons and a bouquet, proposing to the girl before him.

Out of respect for not interrupting, both stopped.

Watching from afar for a while, Li Tang suddenly recalled a similar situation during his time studying abroad in Britain: “That day was also Valentine’s Day. I’d bought groceries for the week, walking home with my bags when I encountered a couple. The man proposed with a flower in hand, the girl said yes, and he picked her up to spin around in place. Accidentally, he bumped into me, a passerby.”

Along with that big bag of groceries.

The slightly embarrassing memory occurred during Li Tang’s fourth year abroad. By then, he had grown accustomed to living alone, going to school, spending time in the library, shopping for groceries, and cooking, all by himself. Though lonely, his heart was at peace.

But that day had been cold, with rain falling. Arms full of items, unable to hold an umbrella, he ended up slipping and injuring his hand, food scattering everywhere. His mood plummeted instantly. Not wanting to trigger his anxiety and scare others, he hurried away without cleaning up.

If the story ended there, it would’ve been an ordinary day of bad luck, but there was more.

“When I got home and watched some TV to calm down, I heard a knock on the door. Opening it, no one was there, only a shopping bag placed on the ground. Inside were the foods I’d bought, plus a bottle of disinfectant and a red rose.”

Thinking it was the couple who’d tidied everything up for him and even shared a flower for good luck, Li Tang said, “There are still good people in this world.”

Jiang Lou hummed in agreement.

Watching Li Tang’s smile as he recounted the story, his heart, restless all day, strangely calmed.

Since morning, after delivering the flowers, he couldn’t sit still. After arriving in the capital, Pei Hao noticed his distracted state and, with disdain, urged him to hurry to Li Tang’s company and stake out below, lest someone else swoop in on such a fine day.

Pei Hao’s mouth was cursed, always predicting the worst. Indeed, during quitting time, Jiang Lou watched helplessly as Li Tang and Zhou Dongze walked side by side, chatting merrily, entering the café.

But now, Jiang Lou felt that what they talked about over coffee didn’t matter. Whether the truth known was complete or not was irrelevant.

What mattered was Li Tang’s happiness, that he could laugh as before.

After the walk, they each returned home.

The next day at work, following the morning meeting, Qi Sixian asked about the handsome man he’d spent the night with. Li Tang put on a professional fake smile. “Handsome man? Is that edible?”

“Sure is, deliciously crispy.” Qi Sixian dropped pretenses and openly probed, “How’s the reconciliation progressing? Will we meet the boss lady next month when we go on vacation?”

After pondering, Li Tang gave an answer that shocked Qi Sixian: “Progress… one percent.”

It wasn’t a lie. They’d just added each other on WeChat.

Before parting last night, Jiang Lou requested to add WeChat under the pretext of helping with the factory site selection.

Li Tang pulled out his phone, showing the QR code for him to scan.

It was his work account, real name as username, avatar featuring the company logo, and a circle of friends consisting solely of industry updates.

Sitting at his desk, Li Tang couldn’t resist opening WeChat, clicking into the new friend’s circle of friends, whose avatar was a black-and-white moon.

Still empty, Jiang Lou never posted status updates. Li Tang once suspected his phone was too outdated to have that function.

But upon closer inspection, he noticed a cover image at the top, strikingly out of place with the aloof avatar—a painting of colorful clouds, from the book titled A Cloud A Day.

Early March, Li Tang visited the retirement community Li Yuanshan had invested in.

The facilities had been fully renovated, hardware and software working together to form an effective medical smart system.

According to the director, due to the introduction of advanced equipment and technology, the number of seniors the facility could accommodate had more than doubled, reducing pressure on doctors and nurses while making medical visits much more convenient for the elderly.

Li Yuanshan was also there. After discussing business, he took Li Tang to see the model room of his new investment, a hotel-style suite combining a bedroom and bathroom. He mentioned the surrounding land was under development, planned to become a retirement community comprised of many such suites.

Li Tang didn’t understand why Li Yuanshan had become so obsessed with delving into retirement projects over the past two years. Without waiting for the question, Li Yuanshan answered proactively, “You youngsters have your own lives and careers. Do you think we’ll rely on you to wait on us when we’re old?”

His words weren’t particularly pleasant, yet they were fair. Considering himself while also thinking of the next generation, as a father, Li Yuanshan had already fulfilled his duty of providing for them.

Li Tang rarely commented on Li Yuanshan’s choices. However, this time, he inadvertently glimpsed the draft proposal for the retirement community project, akin to an engineering mortgage property, allowing participants to reserve a unit for themselves. Besides keeping a room for himself, Li Yuanshan had also reserved one for Zhang Zhaoyue.

An indescribable feeling arose. Li Tang believed that when Li Yuanshan chose Zhang Zhaoyue back then, aside from her suitability as a mother, there must have been an attraction to her, even if he hadn’t realized it himself.

Matters of the heart were often complicated and unreasonable.

Of course, as a junior member, Li Tang had no intention of meddling in their affairs. After leaving the retirement facility, on the way back, he pulled out his phone and sent a WeChat message to his newly added friend using his work account.

On the other side, in Xucheng, Jiang Lou arrived at the downtown mall’s café as agreed, proceeding straight to Zhang Zhaoyue and sitting across from her.

Zhang Zhaoyue instinctively sat up straight.

So many years had passed, yet beyond regret, she still felt inexplicable fear toward this son with cold eyes.

The incident with the radio broadcast, and later the self-disclosure, were all gambles with his life, indicating he feared neither societal nor physiological death.

As before, Jiang Lou declined the offer to order, and Zhang Zhaoyue, fearing he’d leave after uttering a few words, initiated a topic. “Busy with work recently?”

“It’s alright.”

Just as she was delighted by Jiang Lou’s unprecedented response, a bucket of cold water was poured over her head.

“Ask whatever you want, I’ll answer everything.” Jiang Lou said, “This is the first and last time.”

He hadn’t originally planned to meet Zhang Zhaoyue. Beyond their biological mother-son relationship, they were nothing else.

But remembering Li Tang’s reaction when he received Zhang Zhaoyue’s call while hospitalized, Jiang Lou decided to seize this opportunity to set things straight.

Initially stunned, Zhang Zhaoyue then understood Jiang Lou’s intent, saying anxiously, “I won’t bother you anymore. I just want to make amends…”

“Is it truly to make amends, or to fulfill yourself?” Jiang Lou didn’t want to hear it, frowning. “Your past has already received our pity, even understanding. Must we also praise your kindness?”

His tone was calm, yet his words were startling. Zhang Zhaoyue paled. “I didn’t mean that…”

“In my view, you’re merely selfish. Now that you’re unburdened, you can lavish ‘maternal love’ on us freely. But if faced with a similar situation again, with the same difficult choice, we’d still be cast aside by you.”

Jiang Lou used the term “cast aside” rather than “abandoned,” as if the act had nothing to do with emotion. Long ago, he ceased viewing Zhang Zhaoyue as a mother, believing she had no irreplaceable responsibility to him or Li Tang.

“Selfishness isn’t necessarily wrong. How you act is your choice. I lack conscience, able to ignore you and treat you as nonexistent. But Li Tang can’t. He cares, keeps it in mind. Your actions to make amends will burden him immensely.”

At this point, Jiang Lou’s gaze carried a hint of scrutiny. “Or perhaps you know he cares, so you target his weakness, forcing him to ‘surrender,’ to elevate your reputation as a mother?”

There’s a term called moral coercion, describing Zhang Zhaoyue’s current behavior.

“No, no!” Zhang Zhaoyue hastily denied it. “I really want to make amends to him, to you both…”

As she spoke, her voice dwindled, beginning to doubt whether her actions stemmed purely from sincerity, devoid of self-indulgence.

Jiang Lou asked, “Then, may I interpret this so-called ‘making amends’ as wishing Li Tang well?”

“Of course… yes.”

“If you truly wish him well, don’t appear before him again.”

Jiang Lou spoke with a commanding tone, using the word “please.” “Let him sleep soundly. He’s too exhausted.”

After these words, silence persisted for a few minutes.

Feeling the time was right, Jiang Lou said, “If there’s nothing more to ask, I’ll go first.”

Standing up, passing by Zhang Zhaoyue, he heard her say, “No revenge?”

She hung her head dejectedly, “…Why not take revenge on me?”

In her letter, she’d said she’d wait for Jiang Lou to seek revenge. Waiting left and right, she thought he’d softened, no longer hating her.

Jiang Lou paused, speaking coolly, “No need.”

He didn’t doubt Zhang Zhaoyue’s sincerity when she wrote that letter to him, yet he never intended to reclaim her, lost treasure-like, to the sacred position of mother.

It was inappropriate, unnecessary.

He didn’t hate Zhang Zhaoyue anymore, for hatred, besides trapping one in the past and preventing forward movement, was an intensely strong emotion that only disappeared when replaced.

And his hatred had long been replaced by Li Tang, completely extinguished.

Afterwards, Jiang Lou strode away, taking a deep breath outside before exhaling slowly.

Looking around, he suddenly felt familiarity. As if last time, after speaking with Zhang Zhaoyue, he stood here, experiencing a sense of liberation akin to being freed.

But he knew this time was true liberation.

Or rather, salvation—once again by Li Tang, rescuing him from the abyss of hatred.

His phone vibrated timely. Pulling it out of his pocket, he saw a WeChat message from Li Tang.

First, a photo of a rehabilitation robot at the retirement community. Li Tang wrote: Experiencing your product firsthand today.

Jiang Lou asked how it felt, Li Tang replied: Pretty good, just too flexible. Felt like it was controlling me instead of the other way around.

Jiang Lou couldn’t help but chuckle.

As he was typing a response, planning to share some operating tips, Li Tang sent another message: Available next week?

Realizing Li Tang might be extending an invitation, Jiang Lou immediately replied: Yes.

Sent within five seconds, Li Tang called.

Jiang Lou pressed to answer, hearing Li Tang’s laughing voice, “Sending a WeChat message lacks sincerity, so… next week, our company is organizing a team-building retreat, going on vacation to the southern island. If you’re free, come along to relax?”

A week later, the plane landed in the southern coastal city. With a large group, they chartered a bus, heading straight to the hotel after disembarking, dropping off luggage, and changing gear.

On the way to the beach, Li Tang felt a sense of arrival in a tropical city. Warm, humid air and the salty sea breeze hit his face. Escaping the steel forest for a paradise, even the scorching sun seemed bright and delightful.

Though the company organized this vacation and it didn’t consume annual leave, the company only covered flights, accommodations, and daily buffet meals at the hotel. The rest of the expenses were on their own, which is why employees who preferred staying home to sleep missed the opportunity, allowing ROJA’s staff to benefit.

Putting on a shirt after removing his coat, Jiang Lou encountered Pei Hao exiting the elevator, dressed in brightly colored shorts and a vest, hair slicked back, quite ostentatious.

Noticing the sideways glance from beside him, Pei Hao clicked his tongue. “You’re handsome, okay? Even if I wear nothing, I’m not as eye-catching as you… Besides, with your little fox’s infatuation for you, do you fear he’ll be lured away by others?”

Jiang Lou remained noncommittal, his gaze growing colder.

Having known Jiang Lou for so long, Pei Hao knew what he was thinking without him needing to speak, surrendering with hands up. “Alright, alright. I won’t call him little fox anymore. Little fox can only be called little fox by you, since little fox is your little fox, not everyone’s little fox… Damn, you’re really going to hit me?!”

Due to arriving late, nearly all the beach umbrellas were occupied.

Jiang Lou went to buy drinks for everyone, returning with a large bag of water. Seeing Qi Sixian waving at him under an umbrella, “Boss lady, come here!”

Regarding this nickname, Jiang Lou accepted it without burden, distributing the beverages. Li Tang, head lowered, pretended to play with sand, revealing clearly reddened ear tips from a bird’s-eye view.

With more employees, naturally, there were those who “didn’t know their place,” refusing the beverage personally handed by the boss lady, claiming not to like carbonated drinks.

Qi Sixian elbowed Yang Baichuan. “What’s up? Save dieting until we get back.”

Everyone was watching, leaving Yang Baichuan no choice but to accept it.

Seeing this, Li Zichu couldn’t help but laugh. Huo Xichen asked what he was laughing about. He said, “One leaves, another comes. Some people seem cold on the surface, but who knows how hot and bothered they are inside.”

Huo Xichen blinked. “What are you talking about? Why can’t I understand a single word?”

After sitting on the beach for a while, the group played volleyball.

Li Tang didn’t initially want to join, but someone said the boss needed to serve first for the company’s fortunes to flourish. For the company’s future, Li Tang, who disliked sports, gritted his teeth and joined the game.

Unexpectedly, after a few rounds, he found enjoyment, running left and right, jumping and cushioning balls, excited like a student just released after exams.

Then came the downfall—coinciding with high tide, before anyone could move, waves surged onto shore, soaking the sand. Someone’s buried empty water bottle was stepped on by Li Tang, causing him to slip and plop onto his butt in the sand.

Before he could stand up, his lower half suddenly chilled, as a wave crashed over him, drenching his pants and the bottom of his shirt.

…It looked like he’d wet himself.

Worse, everyone gathered around, leaving Li Tang mortified.

Yang Baichuan, closest to him, at the front of the crowd, reached out to help him up, but was intercepted by another arm.

The arm grabbed Li Tang’s arm directly, pulling him up forcefully.

“Boss!” Qi Sixian exclaimed as if discovering something new, “Is that a tattoo on your waistband?”

Hearing “tattoo,” Li Tang jolted.

It turned out the white T-shirt became transparent when wet, clinging to his skin, exposing everything.

Li Tang felt his reaction was quick enough, but before he could cover it with his hand, a shirt draped over him from behind.

Jiang Lou casually used his shirt as an apron for him, tying the sleeves at the front, then took his wrist. “Come on, let’s clean up.”

They went to the nearest restroom from the beach.

It wasn’t crowded at the moment. Li Tang hogged a faucet for a while, finally washing off the damp sand.

The pants were thicker and didn’t dry quickly. Li Tang didn’t untie Jiang Lou’s shirt, lifting the hem and fanning it to speed up airflow.

Fanning, his gaze couldn’t help but fall on Jiang Lou outside.

Fortunately, he wore a sleeveless T-shirt underneath, avoiding bare-chested exposure. Standing under the blazing sun, his originally pale skin showed signs of reddening and sunburn.

Li Tang felt guilty, calling Jiang Lou in. From his pocket, he pulled out a half-used sunscreen tube, squeezing a large dollop onto Jiang Lou’s neck and arms.

It was Jiang Lou’s first time using sunscreen, finding it sticky and fragrant, instinctively wanting to refuse. But Li Tang’s hand on him, the soft palm gently rubbing his skin…

The proximity was extreme, close enough to see Li Tang’s rosy lips and feel his breath, as moist as the sea breeze.

So it hadn’t washed away, Jiang Lou thought.

My name and birthday were still etched on his body.

At that moment, Li Tang’s heart was also in turmoil.

Applying sunscreen to the back of the neck and behind the ears, he noticed artificial marks.

The reason they weren’t clear was that this was Jiang Lou’s left ear, wearing a hearing aid. His hearing aid was behind-the-ear style, with a four to five centimeter long receiver clipped behind, blocking the marks.

Rubbing sunscreen along the edge of the device, Li Tang idly asked, “Why didn’t Su Qinhan come along?”

“Pei Hao said she doesn’t have time recently.”

“Haven’t seen Sun Yuxiang and Li Yuanyuan lately?”

“They were hungry and went to eat first.”

…

After idle chatter, Li Tang seemingly casually changed the subject. “I heard hearing aids indiscriminately amplify all sounds. True?”

“Not really, quality hearing aids have noise management.”

“As for you—”

Before finishing, Jiang Lou suddenly turned. “Want to see?”

Li Tang was taken aback.

Jiang Lou looked at him. “If you want to see, I can take it off.”

“To see or not to see?”

Impulsively, Li Tang nodded.

Thus, he watched Jiang Lou raise his hand, two fingers pinching the earplug, pulling it out of the ear canal. Gently lifting, the attached transparent wire detached, removing the receiver clipped behind the ear together.

Through countless times of putting on and taking off, Jiang Lou’s actions were incredibly skilled, swift to the point Li Tang hadn’t reacted, and the pattern behind the ear was already in plain sight.

Accurately speaking, letters, arranged in two rows, composed of pinyin names and Roman numerals, densely distributed along the upper rim of the earlobe to the root of the ear, closely adhering to the short, broken hair by the temple.

LiTang

X.XXI.MMI

His name and birthday, except for the method of representation, were identical in format.

His heart swelled, the amplitude and frequency of fluctuation surpassing the outside tide.

Li Tang recalled wanting to replace Jiang Lou’s left ear, though it never came to fruition, Jiang Lou still inscribed his name here.

This led to another thought.

“That Valentine’s Day, helped me tidy up, placed it at the entrance of my residence, and gave medicine and a rose… Was it you?”

For convenience, Li Tang didn’t wear glasses today, giving his gaze a clarity that seemed to see through people.

And Jiang Lou had no intention of dodging.

Meeting Li Tang’s gaze, it was as if saying, I knew you’d guess.

Like that day, watching you from outside the café, over the years, I did everything possible to protect you.

Even if I could only follow from afar, unable to see your face clearly.

Silence spoke louder than words, Li Tang “heard” it.

Worried his eyes would reveal everything without the shield of lenses, Li Tang lowered his gaze, sighing. “If you’ve done something, you should say it.”

If you don’t say it, how would I know?

“No.” Jiang Lou denied. “I wanted you to find out yourself.”

Stated language was akin to mechanical indoctrination, far less profound and vivid than answers discovered on one’s own.

I want you to personally understand that red and black, love and hate, have always been two sides of the same coin, to witness how hate is extinguished by love, entirely replaced by love.

Li Tang’s breathing halted, his heart constricting.

Was it Jiang Lou’s sudden assertiveness that threw him into chaos… No, Jiang Lou had always been assertive, whether seeking revenge or doing other things,

he proceeded step by step, every action and word had a purpose, even his retreat was to advance by retreating.

At that moment, Jiang Lou took a step forward, as if perfectly timing the net closure, leaving no room for escape for the cornered one.

He bowed his head slightly, voice low. “Now, shouldn’t it be my turn to see?”