Chapter 22

The next day was Sunday. Chen Ang was woken up by the noise of the flower delivery.

He had started ordering flowers from the neighborhood shop some time ago, one bouquet a week delivered to his door. Originally, he had asked for hydrangeas, but the shop owner told him they were out of season and instead sent arrangements with whatever was in bloom. Each delivery came as a large bundle. Chen Ang never took proper care of them, nor did he have the patience. He would unwrap the flowers, stick them into a water-filled vase, and consider it done. But somehow, they kept wilting before even blooming, falling apart the moment they were touched.

Wearing a loose robe, the collar hanging open, Chen Ang looked more grumpy than usual. The delivery girl was so startled she barely dared to breathe.

Last week’s flowers had all withered, lifeless in their vase. Chen Ang took them out and dumped them straight into the trash. He didn’t even bother to unwrap the new bouquet.

His current mood felt just like withdrawal from smoking, leaving him restless and gloomy.

Standing on the balcony, he lit a cigarette and took two drags before opening his chat with Xu Heng. Their conversation still sat on Xu Heng’s last message: “Can we meet next week instead?” Chen Ang stubbed out the cigarette, washed up, got dressed, and drove out.

It was still early. Around this time, Xu Heng should be on his way to class. Chen Ang pulled up in front of the building where the Japanese class was held and sat in his car, restlessly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to do. Even if he saw Xu Heng now, what would he say?

Where were you last night?

Why didn’t you even ask why I didn’t reply?

Just thinking about it made Chen Ang feel ridiculous, like he was losing his mind.

The urge to smoke returned. Instead, he popped a lollipop into his mouth, stepped out of the car to toss the wrapper, and turned around only to see Xu Heng across the street, standing in front of a coffee shop.

Xu Heng was facing away from him, wearing a black hoodie and jeans. Standing opposite him was someone else. Chen Ang squinted for a better look, and his stomach dropped.

It was He An.

The two of them seemed to be talking. He An reached out and patted Xu Heng’s shoulder.

Chen Ang didn’t even lock his car. He stepped off the curb, ready to cross, but an electric scooter almost ran him over. The driver cursed at him to watch where he was going. Only then did Chen Ang realize the light was still red. He stopped at the edge of the sidewalk, his lips pressed tightly together. His jaw clenched, the tension sharpening the line of his face.

He An was now patting Xu Heng’s back. From Chen Ang’s angle, it looked like the two were about to hug.

The pedestrian signal began to count down. In those few short seconds, Chen Ang’s mind raced through dozens of thoughts.

Xu Heng planning to go to Japan.
Xu Heng rekindling things with He An.

Just as the light changed, Chen Ang took a long stride forward and marched across the street. He An noticed him first and looked surprised. Before he could react, Chen Ang had already grabbed Xu Heng’s arm and pulled him aside. Xu Heng stumbled a little from the sudden force.

“Let go of me…” Xu Heng struggled to pull free, his voice quiet and nasal, like he was on the verge of catching a cold.

Chen Ang was strong, and Xu Heng’s resistance barely registered. He was caught up in his own rising anger. He was furious, yet fully aware he had no right to be. That awareness only made him angrier, like a fish swelling up in defense, puffed full of rage with nowhere to release it.

There were already many pedestrians on the street, and a lot of people were watching them. Chen Ang frowned and dragged Xu Heng to a nearby alley, where no one else was around.

Xu Heng stepped hard on Chen Ang’s polished leather shoe and shouted, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

The pain only added fuel to Chen Ang’s fire. The pressure of daily life, the anxiety stirred by Xu Heng, the weight of family expectations, and the awkwardness of the blind date all came crashing down at once.
He pushed Xu Heng against the wall, hand carefully cradling the back of his head. Then he leaned in to kiss him, but what he got instead was the most intense resistance he had ever experienced from Xu Heng.

Xu Heng bit down on his lower lip, fists pounding wildly against his chest. Chen Ang immediately tasted the metallic tang of blood.

Xu Heng landed a punch on his jaw, and Chen Ang stumbled back two steps.

Xu Heng’s clothes were wrinkled and disheveled. He was panting, face flushed with emotion, fists clenched tight, eyes rimmed with tears as he stared Chen Ang down.

Chen Ang touched his lip. His fingertips came away red. He was bleeding.

Suddenly, without warning, tears streamed down Xu Heng’s face like a broken string of pearls. He kept wiping at them, but they wouldn’t stop. Chen Ang froze. He had never seen someone cry like that before. He moved closer, at a loss for what to do, trying to wipe the tears from Xu Heng’s face.

Xu Heng choked back sobs while pushing him away.

“What’s wrong? Don’t cry…”

Chen Ang’s lip throbbed with pain, but he didn’t care. He pulled Xu Heng into a hug. Xu Heng struggled for a moment, then finally buried his face in Chen Ang’s chest. Only the occasional sniffle escaped him, but Chen Ang could feel the thin fabric at his chest quickly soaking through.

Chen Ang gently ran his hand over Xu Heng’s head, softly kneading his ear, trying to soothe him.

“Shhh… don’t cry. It’s my fault. Hit me if you want, just don’t cry, baby…”

He An had followed them and now stood at the entrance of the alley, arms crossed as he watched them. “You’ve misunderstood. Something happened in Xu Heng’s family. I just ran into him and offered a few words of comfort.”

Chen Ang didn’t even respond. He lifted his hand and waved him off.

He An looked between the two of them and gave a knowing smile. With a casual wave, he turned and left.

Xu Heng eventually stopped crying. He stepped out of Chen Ang’s arms, grabbed a tissue, blew his nose loudly, and turned to leave. Chen Ang quickly grabbed his arm.

“What happened at home?”

Xu Heng had cried so hard that now, even after stopping, he couldn’t stop hiccuping.

He had planned to attend class that morning, but after a poor night’s sleep, he woke up feeling dizzy. Just as he was about to leave, Zhang Ting called.

“I need to tell you something, but you have to stay calm.”

There was no way he could stay calm. Despite the years of distance and strained relationship with his parents, his heart still clenched. “Just tell me, sis.”

Zhang Ting said, “Your mom suddenly collapsed. It looks like a stroke. She’s already been admitted to the hospital. I can’t find out more yet. Please try not to panic. See if you can get a ticket home, but take it slow, alright?”

Xu Heng hung up, stunned. His hometown was a coastal town not far from here. His father made a living from fishing, and his mother ran a seafood stall. Their life wasn’t poor, but they weren’t well-off either. Xu Heng thought about the money he had sent home. His parents had never touched it. The anxiety in his chest tightened.

Every time he was hurt by them, he told himself not to expect anything and he wouldn’t be disappointed.

But the bond between parents and children isn’t something that can be cut off so easily.

Xu Heng searched for bus tickets back home. There weren’t many routes to begin with, and with such short notice, there were no available seats. The earliest ticket wasn’t for another two days. He paced the sidewalk in frustration, and that was when he ran into He An.

By the time Chen Ang showed up, Xu Heng was already irritated. He gave a short explanation and tried to leave, but Chen Ang wouldn’t let him.

Chen Ang said, “It’s not far. If we drive, we’ll be there in four or five hours. I’ll take you home myself.”