Chapter 30

Chen Ang was bisexual, but he said it in a way that felt like he was just throwing in the towel. In that split second, he had already pictured what might happen next. Lu Yiran might look completely shocked, then all the fragile peace they had been maintaining would shatter. What followed would be endless arguments. She might even talk about him at work.

But anything was better than the current struggle. It was like pulling the pin on a ticking time bomb before it exploded on its own. All he would have to do was deal with the aftermath, rather than constantly living in fear of an inevitable moment he couldn’t predict.

What he didn’t expect was Lu Yiran responding with a calm, “I know.”

Chen Ang fell silent.

Lu Yiran quickly edited the photo of the flowers and posted it on her Moments. “Have you considered a cooperative marriage?”

It took Chen Ang a moment to pull himself together. He felt like he had been punched in the face, totally thrown off. “Wait, seriously, what’s going on with you?”

Lu Yiran smiled. “I saw him at the wedding. Your boyfriend, right? The one who got into your car. Long hair, small frame.”

Chen Ang frowned. “So just getting into my car makes him my boyfriend?”

Lu Yiran raised her phone and tilted it toward him. “Come on, smile for the camera. Let’s take a selfie. You pretend not to know each other in public, then he jumps into your car afterward. That doesn’t sound suspicious to you?”

Chen Ang admitted defeat. He pushed her phone aside, face sour. “I’m not interested in a cooperative marriage.”

Lu Yiran shrugged. “Then how about a compromise? We fake it for a while, then break up later. I’m getting pressured like crazy. It’s exhausting.”

A compromise.

Since entering the workforce, compromise was what Chen Ang had tried to master. In government agencies, reckless moves or sudden shifts never worked. Balancing all sides and finding middle ground was the only way to get everyone on board.

Lu Yiran raised three fingers and said, “I swear, I’m not into men.”

Chen Ang nodded. “Fine.”

He reached out, and they shook hands briefly.

When he wanted to, Chen Ang could be incredibly likable. Polite, well-timed with his jokes. The atmosphere at the dinner table was a lot better than before, even pleasant. After dinner, he was about to leave. It was just the right time to pick up Xu Heng after class. But then his mom said, with casual intent, “The diamond on that necklace I bought fell out. Come with me to the shop to see if they can fix it. Yiran, you come too. Maybe you’ll find something you like. Chen Ang can buy it for you.”

That wasn’t exactly subtle. Chen Ang and Lu Yiran glanced at each other and smiled.

In the jewelry store, He Wan sat by the counter trying on different pieces. Chen Ang and Lu Yiran stood behind her, speaking in low voices.

Lu Yiran said, “You can’t tell anyone. Not even your little boyfriend.”

Chen Ang frowned. “Aren’t you being too cautious?”

She was slipping on a bracelet as she replied, her tone cool. “Better to be safe. People are much harsher on women than on men. If this comes out, all you need to do is say sorry and suddenly you’re the guy who made a mistake and turned his life around. I wouldn’t be that lucky.”

Chen Ang opened his mouth but didn’t say anything in the end. This was only temporary. Until he figured out a better way, this was the most balanced approach. Xu Heng didn’t need to know the details. He just needed to see him hold his hand in the end, openly and without shame.

—

Xu Heng was a little sleepy that day. He had spent the whole morning tangled up with Chen Ang, and by afternoon class, he couldn’t focus at all. When class finally ended, he packed up his things and checked his phone. There was a message from Chen Ang saying he wasn’t done with work and couldn’t pick him up.

Xu Heng pouted, clearly disappointed, and put his phone away. Just as he was about to leave, some classmates invited him to join them for dinner.

The Japanese class was genuinely enjoyable. The lessons were engaging and they often planned activities. The students were friendly, and although Xu Heng didn’t hang out with them much, he had a good relationship with most of them. He thought about it for a moment and decided to go along. Together, they headed out to find a place to eat.

Xu Heng walked at the back of the group, half his face buried in a red scarf, exchanging a few words here and there with his classmates.

“That grammar point, I didn’t quite get it. Did you find it hard, Xiao Heng? Xiao Heng?”

Xu Heng quickly turned around. “What?”

The classmate glanced in the direction he had just been looking. “You thinking of buying jewelry?”

“No,” Xu Heng tugged at the strap of his backpack and buried his face deeper into the scarf. “Let’s go.”

He barely ate anything the entire night. A few pieces of salad were pushed around on the plate, never making it into his mouth. Even when his classmates tried to chat, he seemed distracted. After checking the time, he offered a soft apology. “I’m not feeling great today. You all go ahead and eat. I’ll head back first.”

The weather was getting colder. The forecast said it would probably start snowing soon.

Chen Ang’s birthday was easy to remember. January first. New Year’s Day. The start of the year. For the past few days, Xu Heng had been thinking about what kind of gift to get him. Just today, he had finally come up with a vague idea.

He found himself stopping in front of the jewelry shop he had passed earlier. Chen Ang was no longer inside. The shop was filled with couples, most of them looking like they were picking out rings. A sales clerk by the door noticed him standing there and asked, “Sir, are you looking for something?”

Xu Heng quickly shook his head and walked home.

He hadn’t eaten much, and even the few bites he did manage felt stuck in his stomach like a heavy stone. After getting home, he tossed his bag aside, turned on the heater, took a quick shower, and crawled into bed wearing only a tank top and boxers. No matter how he shifted, he couldn’t get comfortable. Eventually, he curled up, hugging a pillow against his stomach, which made it feel a little better.

He lay there in the dark, staring wide-eyed as the image replayed in his mind. The way Chen Ang stood next to that woman.

He could see the polite distance between them. He wasn’t naive enough to think Chen Ang was cheating. But still, they looked good together. Comfortable. Easy on the eyes. That was what people wanted to see. That was the kind of match that made sense for someone with Chen Ang’s background and career.

Was it a blind date arranged by his family? Was Chen Ang actually bisexual? If he wasn’t, then he was lying to that woman, faking a relationship. If he was, then maybe she was his backup plan.

And once a relationship had a backup plan, it could never be passionate or pure again.

But what right did he have to say anything? They hadn’t even properly confessed. They weren’t even officially together.

The more Xu Heng thought about it, the worse he felt. The discomfort crept from his stomach to his chest, his heart pounding in a rhythm that made it hard to sit still, impossible to rest.

He heard the sound of a key turning in the door, followed by the rush of running water in the bathroom. A moment later, a damp, solid body slid under the covers behind him, wrapped around him from the back, and asked softly, “Are you asleep? Not feeling well?”

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Suddenly, a wave of emotion crashed over Xu Heng. In the dark, he turned around and buried his face in Chen Ang’s chest, voice muffled and shaky. “I feel awful.”

Chen Ang wrapped himself around him tightly, his hand gently rubbing the back of Xu Heng’s head and ear. “Where does it hurt?”

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Xu Heng whispered, “My stomach. It’s my stomach.”

Chen Ang started to get up. “Do you have any stomach medicine?”

Xu Heng clung to him. “No need. It’s just a little discomfort.”

Chen Ang said, “Then let me rub it for you.”

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Xu Heng lay with his back to him, curled up in his arms. Chen Ang’s arm wrapped around his waist, his warm and dry hand slipping under the hem of Xu Heng’s shirt, resting over his stomach, gently massaging in slow circles.

A single tear rolled down the corner of Xu Heng’s eye and soaked silently into the pillow, leaving no trace.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Somewhere in the silence, the sound of a clock ticking seemed to echo through the air. It was a countdown. And when it reached zero, the bomb would go off. There would be a loud explosion, and all the warmth and passion would be reduced to rubble. All that would remain was ruin.