Chapter 19 – Clear-Minded

After that day, everything seemed unchanged.

Xi Yufeng still lived in his large apartment in the city center, leaving early and returning late. Jiang Ruo eventually moved some things over, including a few potted plants that needed frequent watering.

They were busy with their own lives during the day, but they would have dinner together at night, then make love. Xi Yufeng was fastidious about cleanliness; he insisted on showering after sex. Every time he emerged from the shower, the person who had just been entwined with him was no longer in bed. A dim light leaked out from the crack under the door of the adjacent room.

Occasionally, they would also have breakfast together. Jiang Ruo was quite skilled at making sandwiches, slicing tomatoes thinly and cooking eggs perfectly. Even without condiments, the sandwiches tasted great.

Sometimes, Xi Yufeng would wake up early and see Jiang Ruo in the kitchen, a spatula in one hand and a script in the other, muttering to himself.

According to Xiao Shen, the two roles he recommended Jiang Ruo for, Jiang Ruo successfully auditioned for both — not all due to Zheng Yiting’s influence, but also due to his own efforts.

Filming for the TV series began in mid-June. That day, Xi Yufeng happened to be free and personally drove Jiang Ruo there.

When Meng Chao called, Xi Yufeng was standing outside the film studio, watching from a distance as Jiang Ruo held two bottles of drinks in the 24-hour convenience store. Whatever Jiang Ruo said amused the middle-aged woman behind the counter, making her bend over with laughter.

“Where are you?” Meng Chao asked.

“At the film studio,” Xi Yufeng replied.

“Sending actor Jiang to work?”

“Mm.”

“Ah, why is it so hard to even get you out for a meal?”

“You should ask me that.”

“I’ve just moved in with someone, so we’re a bit clingy.”

“Your ‘just’ has been more than a month.”

Meng Chao laughed on the other end of the line. “I thought you understood.”

Xi Yufeng took out a cigarette. “Understand what?”

“The feeling of living together, isn’t it much more delicious than cigarettes or alcohol?”

With the cigarette between his fingers, Xi Yufeng chuckled. “If you knew he wanted to leave, could you still laugh?”

Meng Chao: “Ah?”

Xi Yufeng didn’t tell Meng Chao the details of the agreement; he only mentioned that he promised to let Jiang Ruo go once they got married.

Meng Chao was perplexed. “Since he was willing to be your lover without a name or status, shouldn’t he not care whether you’re single or married?”

Xi Yufeng couldn’t figure this out either. But beyond that, he was even more puzzled as to why he felt a similar anger at the time.

Perhaps he was enraged by Jiang Ruo’s resistance, sensing an imminent loss of control. So when Jiang Ruo later handed the right to stop over to him, Xi Yufeng quickly calmed down.

He hadn’t delved into it deeply at the time, but now, thinking back, it was as if he had fallen into a trap specifically set for him.

But these were trivial matters that had already passed. Xi Yufeng wasn’t in the habit of reviewing past events.

So he ignored Meng Chao’s probing questions and shifted the conversation to work. “Did you read the project proposal I sent you yesterday? If you have any issues, please provide feedback as soon as possible. We’ll be distributing it tomorrow.”

On the phone, Meng Chao lamented, “Is your ‘as soon as possible’ less than twenty-four hours?”

He only dropped Jiang Ruo off at the hotel lobby.

Initially intending to take him up to the room, Jiang Ruo wouldn’t allow it. As soon as the car stopped, he jumped out with his luggage, leaving behind a “bye,” before disappearing.

On the way back, Xi Yufeng received a WeChat message, which was a picture. The background was the drab wall of the hotel, half of Jiang Ruo’s face in the frame, looking at the camera with a reluctant “V” sign, as if saying — look, it’s pretty much the same room.

Xi Yufeng curled the corner of his lips.

Old Liu, driving ahead, heard the sound and, assuming there was an instruction, turned to look at the back seat.

Xi Yufeng composed his expression and said, “To the company.”

His good mood lasted only until the company building.

As soon as he stepped into the first-floor lobby, Xi Wangchen appeared out of nowhere, trailing behind Xi Yufeng and babbling nonsense to his older brother.

“Brother, why haven’t you been to Jin Garden recently? You don’t come to the company much either; I hardly ever run into you.”

“Recently, I’ve been at home.”

“Which home? Oh, I know. Your love nest with that young star.”

Hearing the fresh description of “love nest,” Xi Yufeng glanced at him. “How do you know?”

“Well, my mom told me.” Speaking of this, Xi Wangchen seemed a bit guilty. “My mom caused trouble for you last time, didn’t she? I told her not to go. I explained to her that the withdrawal of investment for the Rongsheng project had nothing to do with you, but she wouldn’t believe me.”

Xi Yufeng spoke indifferently. “Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah!” Xi Wangchen hurriedly cleared his name. “Who doesn’t know how difficult it was for you to give up that project? When I invited you to come back and work with me before, you didn’t accept. I already feel bad enough about that…”

Xi Yufeng sneered, thinking that if he hadn’t shown his yearning and reluctance for the project, how would they have let their guard down and jumped into the pit?

But he said something else. “It’s fine. Family, whoever does it, it’s the same.”

Hearing this, Xi Wangchen was reassured, rubbing his hands and wanting to talk about something else.

“A pity, those investors don’t know what they’re doing, withdrawing one after another… With the project about to start construction, the funds aren’t in place yet. It’s worrying me so much I can’t sleep well for days.”

Xi Yufeng responded, “That must be quite distressing.”

Xi Wangchen put on a flattering expression. “Brother, you have many connections. Can you help me think of something?”

Xi Yufeng asked, “Aren’t you afraid I might set a trap for you?”

“Pfft, that’s my mom being paranoid. Brother, you’re such a good person. When I drugged you, you didn’t expose me. If you wanted to mess with me, why wait until now…” Xi Wangchen said, “Brother, rest assured, this time I won’t drag you into the water. If my mom causes you trouble again, I’ll definitely stop her!”

Recalling what Xiao Yin had said when she came to cause trouble, Xi Yufeng’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “You said that.”

The turmoil on that side was completely unknown to Jiang Ruo, who was filming on this side.

It wasn’t his first time filming a costume drama, but it was his first time playing a named character in a costume drama. Different treatment meant different pressures.

Therefore, most of his spare time outside of filming was spent studying the script. The pile of scripts became thicker due to the numerous index labels stuck on them. When opened, they were filled with underlines and notes.

About half a month after filming started, Zheng Yiting came by once. Seeing his diligence, she was gratified and said, “I’ve represented many actors who entered the industry halfway through, but it’s rare to find someone as grounded and willing to delve into research like you.”

She then asked Jiang Ruo if he wanted to attend acting workshops after finishing these two dramas.

“Of course I do. I studied dance, and stage performance is different from lens performance,” Jiang Ruo said. “But in the second half of the year, isn’t ‘When Orioles Take Flight’ going to air? I’ll need to cooperate with promotions then, so I probably won’t have time.”

Regarding the fact that Xi Yufeng was promoting him for profit, he never forgot.

“There are classes that meet once a week. I’ll book it for you when the time comes.” Perhaps sensing his concerns, Zheng Yiting said, “Aside from providing opportunities, an agent has the responsibility to tap into your potential. Mr. Jiang doesn’t want to play sad second leads forever, right?”

Hearing this, Jiang Ruo laughed and said, “Definitely not. If possible, I’d even want to challenge the role of a tragic female lead.”

Zheng Yiting also laughed.

In early July, the summer heat of Feng City began to show its power. Wearing heavy costumes while flying around on wires, the actors were truly suffering.

When An He came to visit the set, he saw Jiang Ruo, pale as paper, coming down from a ten-meter-high platform. He couldn’t help but exclaim, “Why is being a main character worse than being an extra?”

Jiang Ruo rolled up his wide sleeves to reveal two sweaty arms. Taking the towel from Xiao Shen, he pressed it against his face and said, “When you see the pay, you won’t think so.”

The two went to speak under the shade of an umbrella.

Pinching An He’s cheek, confirming that he was not only not thinner but also fatter, Jiang Ruo nodded. “That Meng guy is feeding you well.”

An He laughed. “It’s not like fattening pigs.”

Hearing that An He no longer worked as an extra and only occasionally helped out at familiar bars, Jiang Ruo approved but couldn’t help worrying. “Although your health condition doesn’t suit hard labor, what if you two break up in the future…”

An He understood his concern. “So I’m taking as much as I can while I can.”

Jiang Ruo was still worried. “Those rich kids are masters at manipulating hearts. They use money, good looks, or something else. Remember what I warned you before, don’t get too involved.”

“But that’s what I should say to you now.” An He said, “Brother Meng is close to that Xi guy. I’ve heard everything about you two.”

Jiang Ruo was taken aback. “Oh, what a coincidence.”

Unable to hold back, An He asked, “Are you following him for that thirty thousand?”

“Of course not, I already told you the money was borrowed from classmates.” Jiang Ruo immediately said, “I’m doing it for fame, you know. I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for a long time.”

An He bit his lip, unsure if he believed it.

“As for Young Master Xi, I’ve seen him before, in Jin Garden, next to the cast party.” He said, “A man like that, anyone would find it hard to stay clear-headed.”

Thinking of Lin Xiao’s similar words, Jiang Ruo laughed. “Is he some high-proof liquor? Whoever drinks gets drunk?”

Pausing, when he spoke again, Jiang Ruo’s speech slowed. “I’m perfectly clear-minded.”

An He pursed his lips. “Really? Then who was the one acting weird on social media in the middle of the night?”

He was referring to the night after dining with Xi Yufeng at the Japanese restaurant, when Jiang Ruo posted a photo on his social media. It was Xi Yufeng leaning against the headboard after sex, smoking a cigarette. In the darkness, Jiang Ruo snapped a photo of his hand holding the cigarette.

“That’s not acting weird, that’s sealing away what shouldn’t be left behind.” Jiang Ruo smiled. “Besides, it’s private. Only you and I could see it.”

“Sealed away, and yet you say you’re not too involved. Don’t forget, these rich kids will all get married someday — ”

“An He, do you like fireworks?”

Jiang Ruo suddenly asked an unrelated question, and An He was taken aback. “Yeah, beautiful things, who doesn’t like them?”

“Yeah, beautiful things.” Jiang Ruo continued. “Even if it’s brief, even if you know it’s followed by endless darkness, you still want to touch it, to possess it.”

Not far away, the director shouted over the megaphone for the actors to gather.

Jiang Ruo stood up, walked out from under the umbrella, and squinted under the noon sun, as if smiling.

“So I set a deadline for myself. Before then, as long as it doesn’t violate public morals, I’ll just enjoy it fully.” Saying this, Jiang Ruo looked back, his expression somewhat proud. “This is called living in the moment. Shouldn’t you learn from your elder Brother Jiang?”

At the end of the evening shift, the director announced that because of the forecast of consecutive days of extreme heat starting tomorrow, the production team would have a three-day break.

Amidst the cheers of the entire crew, Jiang Ruo changed out of his heavy costume and took the last bus to the city with An He.

Reaching the city center for a transfer, Jiang Ruo hailed a taxi for An He to send him back. He, on the other hand, walked along the bustling streets of Feng City in the summer.

Purposefully walking through several alleys, stepping on stone slabs, pausing briefly beside barbecue stalls and food stands, he absorbed the smoky atmosphere before heading towards the skyscraper-like landmark building.

Pushing open the door, he faced an empty and cool room. If not for his exhaustion today, Jiang Ruo would have turned around and headed back to the barbecue stand for twenty lamb skewers.

He used to eat no more than ten skewers, but now that he was a named actor, doubling that amount wasn’t unreasonable.

Just thinking about it, exhausted as he was, he didn’t have the energy.

Dragging his weary body into the house, he originally planned to lie down in his room, but he couldn’t resist when he passed by the sofa. Jiang Ruo spread out his arms and fell onto the couch with a thud.

When Xi Yufeng returned, what he saw was Jiang Ruo sprawled on the sofa, sleeping.

Judging by the appearance, he woke up halfway through. His backpack, lying beside him, was half-open. The script he had pulled out was thrown at his feet. On the coffee table was a glass of water, mostly consumed.

Jiang Ruo was very quiet when he slept. His eyes were tightly closed, and his mouth was pursed, showing no signs of the chatty person he was when awake.

The central air conditioning in the house was on 24/7, giving a slightly cool sensation.

Xi Yufeng took a thin blanket from the room and draped it over Jiang Ruo before heading to the study.

Less than half an hour after turning on the computer, he received a call from Xi Chengli.

As usual, he asked why Xi Yufeng didn’t return home on the weekend. Xi Yufeng said he was busy, and Xi Chengli snorted. “Busy fooling around with that little boy you’re keeping?”

Expectedly, as bad news traveled fast, Xi Yufeng said, “Otherwise, should I clean up after Xi Wangchen with you?”

Perhaps realizing his own guilt, this time Xi Chengli suppressed his anger and said, “I heard Wangchen say you gave him the land you just won. Father and your Aunt Xiao misunderstood you before.”

Later, he even tried to reason with Xi Yufeng. “I know you resent me, but no matter what, I only brought your Aunt Xiao and Wangchen home after your mother passed away.”

“In short, many things aren’t as you imagine. You were young back then, and even if I told you, you might not have understood.”

“In the past, your mother… Forget it, since she’s gone, why mention it.”

Xi Yufeng didn’t speak after his initial retort. His phone, placed on the table on speaker mode, emitted the sound of a one-sided monologue as his left hand held a lit cigarette, the smoke curling up around him.

After hanging up, he sat alone in the quiet room for a while until he heard soft footsteps.

The study door wasn’t tightly closed, revealing half a head and a round eye through the gap.

It was Jiang Ruo.

Despite his sudden appearance, he looked more startled.

Jiang Ruo stood at the door, holding the blanket like a child afraid of thunder. “You’re back. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

The two had a simple dinner as usual, cooking half a pot of rice and reheating dishes from the fridge.

During the meal, Jiang Ruo told Xi Yufeng about the three-day break on the production team. Xi Yufeng nodded but didn’t comment.

While eating, Jiang Ruo thought about how he had been living here for so long without meeting the person who cooked the meals. Just as he was about to ask when the aunt usually came, he caught a glimpse of Xi Yufeng’s expression and didn’t dare ask.

Jiang Ruo acutely sensed that Xi Yufeng was in a bad mood. Similar to the state he was in after seeing that woman wearing the Heart of the Ocean, he looked no different from usual, but Jiang Ruo could discern the difference from the change in his appetite, a slight frown, or even the curvature of his lips.

This must be the self-cultivation of a lover — Jiang Ruo silently awarded himself a red flower of dedication in his heart. Then, tiptoeing, he stood up, planning to quietly wash the dishes and sneak back to his room.

Just as he stood straight, Xi Yufeng grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t move.” The voice was deep, filled with more than just fatigue. “Sit for a while longer.”

At nine in the evening, they moved from the dining room to the sofa in the living room. Jiang Ruo touched the soft leather under his buttocks and couldn’t help wondering if he had drooled on it while sleeping.

Xi Yufeng thought he was looking for the remote control and handed him his phone. “Use this.”

The house seemed to have been recently renovated, maintaining its style but adding a smart home system. A single phone could control all visible appliances.

And generally, it supported voice control — thinking this, Jiang Ruo tried shouting at the air, “Turn on the TV.”

Waiting for five seconds in silence, the 100-inch laser television in front of him remained unresponsive.

It was Xi Yufeng who laughed. “Forgot the password?”

Embarrassed, Jiang Ruo took the phone, lowered his head to unlock the screen, and whispered, “Nope.”

Sitting idle wasn’t an option, so Jiang Ruo selected a movie from the library.

A British film from 1978, adapted from Agatha Christie’s novel, “Death on the Nile.” Jiang Ruo chose it because it was in the suspense-crime category, and he had heard of the novel before, guessing that a well-received novel turned into a movie shouldn’t be too terrible.

In fact, Jiang Ruo had no idea what kind of movies Xi Yufeng liked.

Xi Yufeng didn’t seem like the type to waste time watching movies.

However, surprisingly, Xi Yufeng watched rather attentively. At least for the entire two hours and twenty minutes, he sat there motionless, barely changing his posture.

Jiang Ruo, on the other hand, dozed off midway. Because by the time the plot was halfway through, he guessed who the murderer was, even deducing most of the motive. The latter half of the plot lost its appeal to him.

The last time he opened his hazy eyes, the movie was at the point where the detective revealed the mystery, and the real murderer confessed the reason for the murder. Everything stemmed from the baseness, greed, and so-called love of human nature.

For some reason, after watching the movie, Xi Yufeng seemed even more depressed.

He didn’t take the cup of water Jiang Ruo offered, but when Jiang Ruo stood up, Xi Yufeng pulled his arm, causing Jiang Ruo to lose his balance and fall back, kneeling on the sofa, closely touching Xi Yufeng’s leg.

Such a situation made it hard not to think lewd thoughts. Jiang Ruo leaned forward to ask if Xi Yufeng wanted it, but Xi Yufeng remained silent, his eyes like cold pools staring indifferently at him.

Jiang Ruo disliked being looked at like that, feeling cold. He raised his hand, covering Xi Yufeng’s eyes, while the other hand moved downward, buttons, belt, zipper… as if removing layers of defense.

Doing this for someone other than himself for the first time, it was unexpectedly not that difficult, nor was it that shameful.

It was just that it took too long. In the end, Jiang Ruo was so dizzy and out of breath that he almost gave up.

Finally, it ended. Jiang Ruo released a long breath and collapsed onto Xi Yufeng’s shoulder, drained.

Resting for a while, he approached and lightly touched the straightened lips with his own. Before getting up, Jiang Ruo whispered in Xi Yufeng’s ear, “Don’t be unhappy.”

Perhaps this method worked. By the time Jiang Ruo came out of the bathroom, Xi Yufeng had returned to normal, his laptop on his knees, seemingly working on documents.

Jiang Ruo walked to the refrigerator, planning to grab a bottle of ice water for himself, who had worked hard.

Suddenly, a voice sounded.

“Good afternoon, teachers. My name is Jiang Ruo. I am seventeen years old and applying for…”

The hand that had just touched the bottle trembled violently. Jiang Ruo abruptly turned around and rushed toward the sofa.

“What are you watching?” He managed to maintain a third of his rationality. “How did you get this video?”

But Xi Yufeng ignored him and continued watching.

The melody he had heard countless times, familiar to the point of not forgetting even with his eyes closed, rang out. Jiang Ruo’s breathing paused. Before his brain issued instructions, his body lunged forward.

He touched Xi Yufeng’s computer without permission, pressing the space bar a few times without successfully pausing the video. Then, he pushed away Xi Yufeng’s hand and tried to move the cursor to close the video by touching the touchpad.

Xi Yufeng wouldn’t let him wreak havoc, holding the computer to the side with one hand while the other caught Jiang Ruo’s moving hand. “Stop messing around.”

“I’m not messing around.” Jiang Ruo was anxious to shut off the video, nearly climbing onto Xi Yufeng. “Don’t watch, you can’t watch.”

The baseless obstruction undoubtedly infuriated Xi Yufeng, his voice dropping. “I can’t watch?”

Then he repeated, “I can’t watch the seventeen-year-old you?”

Jiang Ruo was taken aback, his breathing still trembling, but his strength gradually waned.

“Here I am…” Regaining a shred of consciousness, Jiang Ruo’s smile was somewhat forced. “Why watch the video?”

But to Xi Yufeng, this sounded like flirtation.

So he let go of his hand. “Then dance for me, the dance from the video.”

Silence lingered for a few seconds before Jiang Ruo spoke. “Can I not dance? It’s late, the neighbors downstairs might complain.”

If it were any other time, Xi Yufeng might have let it go, but Jiang Ruo forgot that Xi Yufeng was an extremely dominant person at heart.

Not long ago, Jiang Ruo challenged his authority, forcing him to sign the agreement. At that moment, Jiang Ruo should have known that the lucky escape wouldn’t disappear into thin air. Even if in another form, it would certainly be repaid in full.

Moreover, he didn’t have the right to refuse in the first place.

“Don’t you want to make me happy?” Xi Yufeng looked at him, speaking in an uncompromising tone. “Dance now.”

The hour and minute hands pointed at the number twelve simultaneously, and the clock tower emitted a distant and solid sound.

Sparse moonlight shone through the window onto the floor. In the empty room, Jiang Ruo danced.

It had been too long since he last danced, so his movements and rhythm were slightly rusty. But dancing to the melody had become an instinct etched in his bones. He even imagined that even if he died and turned to dust, that dust would dance, floating upwards at the touch of the wind.

This dance once carried all his imaginings for the future, enough to support him with a burning passion, traveling a long distance to get here.

Later, he realized that dreams came in two forms. This place was both the dock where dreams set sail and the starting point of nightmares.

He heard many voices.

What kind of dancing is this? It’s a seductive technique to lure men… A worn-out shoe giving birth to a worn-out shoe… Dropping out of school halfway doesn’t make you a talented dancer… Back then, he tangled with the son of our old director… Mainly due to the records Mr. Jiang left behind… He even spent time in jail… How shameless.

Gradually, the whispers in his ears turned into sharp shouts and laughter, finally boiling into a pot of scalding water.

He couldn’t escape or hide. Under everyone’s gaze, he first stepped his feet into the pot, followed by his legs, torso, arms, and the mouth he used to cry for help, as well as the nostrils he used to breathe…

Until the end, his entire body submerged into the pot of boiling water, instantly devoured. He opened his eyes wide and struggled desperately, searching for oxygen in the gaps. Urgency dominated his thoughts, his insides burned, and it hurt like fire.

When he was grabbed by the arm and pulled up from the ground, Jiang Ruo’s soul and body swayed together, feeling disoriented as if he had been fished out of the water.

Xi Yufeng made him sit on the sofa, asking him what was wrong, if he wasn’t feeling well somewhere.

Jiang Ruo shook his head and nodded, his shoulders straightened, then lowered his head. He muttered something, but his voice was too low to hear clearly.

Having no choice, Xi Yufeng pinched his chin to make him look up.

Jiang Ruo had no choice but to meet his gaze, or perhaps he was looking through him at someone else, repeating in a broken voice, “I danced, I danced… I danced.”

Finally hearing clearly, Xi Yufeng was stunned.

His eyelashes were wet, and with a light blink, the water that couldn’t be contained in his eyes rolled down from the corners, landing on the tiger’s mouth of Xi Yufeng’s left hand. By the time it slid to the palm, it was nearly icy cold.

But it felt hot to Xi Yufeng, burning his heart.