Chapter 40 – But I Love You.

With the New Year approaching, Xi Yufeng found time to pay Meng Chao a visit.

Meng Chao was unusually present at the company, not his usual self, wandering about. When Xi Yufeng knocked and entered, he found him staring blankly at a document. He only realized someone was there when Xi Yufeng approached, hastily flipping the document over and tossing it on the corner of his desk.

A quick glance revealed the clear logo of a certain hospital on the paper. Xi Yufeng asked, “Is Auntie unwell?”

“No,” said Meng Chao, “it’s just a health check-up report.”

Xi Yufeng didn’t press further. They sat down to discuss business.

The Meng family and the Xi family were planning another collaboration. This time, the project would be led by Xi Yufeng himself, while the Meng family would mainly handle the bidding and business solicitation.

To this, Meng Chao joked, “You know, our family has always been cautious in our business dealings. Taking such a big risk this time is entirely because of your face.”

Xi Yufeng knew that well.

He had initially planned to use the bet agreement to topple Xi Wangchen and Xiao Yin, reclaiming the shares they held. But an unexpected turn of events forced him to make concessions, making their defeat much less severe. Adding to that, Xi Chengli’s intent to balance the two sides, even protecting the mother-son duo, turned the whole ordeal into a minor punishment.

Xi Yufeng understood that this was all to pressure him into advancing the marriage alliance with the Meng family. And currently, it seemed the only way to gain the Meng family’s support while easing Xi Chengli’s suspicions was to proceed with the marriage.

“Mm,” Xi Yufeng said softly, “I won’t let the Meng family suffer any losses.”

“Who mentioned that?” Meng Chao laughed. “What I meant was, we’re not only in the same boat now, but soon, we’ll be family. Helping each other is only natural; no need to draw such clear lines.”

Xi Yufeng chuckled. “Just going through the motions counts as family?”

A few days ago, Xi Yufeng had visited the Meng family and, in front of the elders, signed a cooperation agreement disguised as a prenuptial agreement. Its clauses made it clear that this was an agreement to reassure both parties, detailing the marriage’s duration, property rights, and rules to abide by during the marriage. Curiously absent was any mention of typical marital responsibilities, such as fidelity.

“Why not?” said Meng Chao. “Born into this kind of family, you should’ve long accepted that marriage is beyond your control. But in return, you can obtain freedom in spirit, like Meng Lan. She plays around with young men every day, recently getting hot and heavy with a male idol. Rumor has it she’s moved on to another one these past few days.”

Xi Yufeng wasn’t interested in such matters. “As long as she’s happy.”

“Hear that? Is that something a man about to be married could say?”

“I never intended to become anyone’s husband.”

“But she might want to be your wife.”

Xi Yufeng frowned slightly. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying, though your actions are purely business-oriented, and indeed, our family does need a relationship to restrain you…still…” Meng Chao drew out the suspense. “Have you considered the possibility of hurting two people’s hearts?”

It reminded Xi Yufeng of that day at Jin Garden, when he gave the bottle of wine Jiang Ruo gifted him to Meng Lan.

He wasn’t unaware that it hurt Jiang Ruo, but even given another chance, he would still do the same.

Meng Lan was his nominal fiancée, and he needed the Meng family’s support and assistance. So, in front of everyone, he had to give the Meng family ample face, even if he sensed her motives weren’t pure — she wanted more than just a bottle of wine.

After a few seconds of silence, Xi Yufeng said, “I have no choice.”

Since the age of nineteen, dark clouds had loomed, and a storm threatened to pour. In front of him lay only one path.

There was no option but to step onto it and walk to the end.

Before leaving, Xi Yufeng noticed a plant by the window in Meng Chao’s office. He tilted his chin. “What’s this?”

“Monstera,” said Meng Chao, looking over with evident pride. “A business partner sent it. It’s called Brazilian White Monstera. The white spots on it are known as ‘variegation,’ a rare mutation in monstera.”

Xi Yufeng said, “Get another one.”

“Why?”

“I want this one.”

“…”

When Meng Chao learned that Xi Yufeng wanted the white monstera for Jiang Ruo, he was speechless yet couldn’t resist teasing, “You’re so attentive to the little actor. Are you serious this time?”

Xi Yufeng ignored him, instructing Shi Mingxu, who came along, to carry the pot inside. He then turned and left.

Jiang Ruo received the white variegated monstera at the end of January.

He participated in two episodes of a variety show recorded in S City. On the last day, they wrapped up late at night, but he insisted on returning to Feng City that same day.

Chen Muxin dropped him off at the filming location — the entrance to a local park — and said with a smile, “Brother Jiang, you don’t have to avoid me. There are so many people around; I wouldn’t do anything inappropriate.”

Filming lasted three days, and Chen Muxin did indeed behave well — at least, under the lens, there were no inappropriate actions. Anyone watching would think they were merely ordinary friends.

Jiang Ruo explained, “I’m not avoiding you. I’m rushing back because…there’s an emergency.”

Chen Muxin nodded with a smile, unsure if he believed it. “Then, Brother Jiang, you go ahead and deal with it. I’ll head back too.”

“…Mm.”

“We’ll see each other after the New Year.”

“After the New Year.”

The plane landed in Feng City at midnight. Old Liu drove to pick him up and informed Jiang Ruo that President Xi was going to a neighboring city for a short trip today and would likely return late.

In reality, it wasn’t very late. After arriving at Xi Yufeng’s residence, Jiang Ruo slept for a bit. By midday, fully equipped, he went out shopping. When he returned, it was already dark. The cake he ordered online had just arrived, and Xi Yufeng called right after, saying he’d just landed and asking where he was.

“Where else?” Jiang Ruo cradled the phone between his neck and shoulder, juggling the vegetables he bought. “At your place, of course.”

Xi Yufeng laughed over the phone. “That also means it’s your place.”

Jiang Ruo didn’t respond.

When Xi Yufeng got home, Jiang Ruo was serving the stir-fried dishes onto plates.

He wasn’t skilled in cooking, thinking that the table couldn’t have just a cake. He barely managed to whip up two home-style dishes to save face.

It was Xi Yufeng who was surprised upon seeing the cake in the center of the dining table, taking a moment to remember that it was his birthday today.

“How did you know?” Xi Yufeng asked.

Jiang Ruo smiled. “Did you forget? I almost used your ID copy to borrow from loan sharks?”

They sat together for a meal for the first time in a while.

When asked how the variety show went, Jiang Ruo replied, “With two bodyguards by my side, it was naturally extremely safe.”

Xi Yufeng said, “You know I’m not asking about that.”

Jiang Ruo feigned ignorance. “Then, are you curious if it was fun? We were all young people in our twenties, of course it was fun.”

Xi Yufeng, celebrating his twenty-ninth birthday, let out a noncommittal light laugh.

Similar to when Jiang Ruo celebrated his birthday, most of the cake ended up in Jiang Ruo’s belly. Xi Yufeng, exhausted from travel, didn’t have much appetite and barely touched his food.

After eating, as Jiang Ruo was about to discard the unfinished dishes, Xi Yufeng stopped him. “Put them in the fridge. They can be reheated tomorrow.”

Jiang Ruo paused, holding the plate, hesitated for a moment, then covered the dishes with cling wrap and put them in the fridge.

Then, Xi Yufeng took Jiang Ruo to the dance studio to see the plant by the window.

After confirming it at the door for a long time, Jiang Ruo slowly walked in, bending over to observe the white monstera. He reached out carefully to touch the leaves, taking half a breath before sighing, “This is really expensive.”

Judging from its variegation degree and growth age, all the plants he cultivated on his balcony combined couldn’t match a fraction of this one’s value.

Xi Yufeng walked over and stopped beside him. “Do you like it?”

Only then did Jiang Ruo look up at him, smiling with his eyes curved. “Mm, I like it.”

His fondness wasn’t just talk. Immediately, he probed the soil’s humidity with his hand, ran to the kitchen to scoop water to water it.

He also used wet tissues to wipe the leaves, cleaning each one, not missing the front or back.

While wiping, he said, “When I’m not around, remember to water it thoroughly once the soil in the pot dries up.”

Xi Yufeng, who found watching Jiang Ruo tend to the plant exhausting, said, “It’s for you, you manage it yourself.”

Jiang Ruo pouted. “Then I’ll ask Aunt Fang to help.”

After tending to it, Jiang Ruo moved the plant to a spot with suitable lighting, suddenly remembering something. He asked, “It’s your birthday, why are you giving me gifts?”

Leaning against the mirror in the dance studio, Xi Yufeng supported himself with one hand on the wooden railing and held an unlit cigarette in the other. “Didn’t you give me a bottle of wine?”

“…”

Seeing Jiang Ruo’s face fall, looking unhappy, Xi Yufeng stepped forward, raised his hand, hooked his jaw with his thumb, pinched his cheeks with his fingers, and forced him to look up with a surprisingly gentle action.

Their unavoidable gazes collided instantly into those deep pupils, close enough to see his reflection within.

Jiang Ruo’s breath involuntarily hitched.

Xi Yufeng’s gaze always gave the illusion of deep affection, especially when he looked at him.

“Still angry?” Xi Yufeng lowered his head, his slightly cool thin lips brushing against the corner of Jiang Ruo’s mouth, his voice low and hoarse, as if coaxing, “Don’t be mad, okay?”

Jiang Ruo wasn’t angry.

He just thought that this person was truly wicked, still taking advantage of his birthday status, still using his reluctance.

Unfortunately, there was only one bottle of that wine. Jiang Ruo wouldn’t casually buy another bottle to gift to anyone.

Since they were in the dance studio, Jiang Ruo pulled Xi Yufeng to dance, saying that there was a couple’s dance segment during the variety show shoot, and he specially learned a few steps from a ballroom dance teacher.

Xi Yufeng, however, frowned. “It wasn’t with — ”

“With a girl from another group,” Jiang Ruo patted his shoulder with a smile. “Why are you so quick to get jealous?”

Intending to refute, seeing Jiang Ruo laugh so happily, Xi Yufeng remained silent.

Ever since that day, Jiang Ruo became very obedient, rarely displaying his petulant nature in front of him.

It seemed he hadn’t seen him genuinely smile like this for a long time.

They danced for a long time.

So long that Jiang Ruo broke out in a light sweat, his palms icy cold, a sense of urgency as if melting.

Yet their movements were contradictory. Their steps were extremely slow, swaying gently. Jiang Ruo leaned on Xi Yufeng’s shoulder, deliberately slowing down his breathing.

During a turn, he saw the silhouette of lights outside the window, heard the faint sound of traffic. It reminded him of that autumn evening similar to summer, when he was immersed in the illusion of returning to the spotlight. Xi Yufeng half-seriously asked him how he planned to repay him. Without a word, Jiang Ruo flipped over and straddled Xi Yufeng, pulling at his pants.

Perhaps at this moment, he should do the same.

But Jiang Ruo couldn’t bear it, couldn’t bear the intimacy of the moment.

Even if he knew it was a mirage, an illusion he deluded himself into believing, everything would shatter instantly if he reached out to touch it.

But eventually, the clock struck, the minute hand mercilessly crossing the zero mark.

Taking a deep breath, letting Xi Yufeng’s scent fill his nose one last time, possessing him with his entire being, Jiang Ruo exerted a bit of force on the hand resting on Xi Yufeng’s shoulder, separating their bodies.

Suddenly stopping the swaying, like waking from a dream to reality.

Xi Yufeng looked down at him. “Not dancing anymore?”

Jiang Ruo hummed in affirmation, released his hands, and took a step back.

His figure fell exactly into the moonlight by the window.

“Let’s stop here.” He seemed far away, looking at Xi Yufeng. “We…let’s stop here.”

A long silence, enough to make the loud heartbeat return to the dead silence of night.

After a while, Xi Yufeng found his voice and spoke, “What do you mean?”

“Literally,” Jiang Ruo said calmly. “We…break up.”

For a brief moment, Jiang Ruo nearly believed the term “break up,” snapping back to reality, he lightly curled the corners of his lips, seemingly mocking his own overstepping.

Just an illicit lover, unworthy of the bright, dignified term “break up”?

And that smile, in Xi Yufeng’s eyes, only carried the meaning of asking knowingly.

“Why?” He still asked, “Because I’m getting married?”

Jiang Ruo hummed again. “We agreed.”

“Agreed?” Xi Yufeng countered in a deep voice. “Did I tell you that I’m powerless in this situation?”

“I also told you I won’t be a third party — ”

Without hesitation, Xi Yufeng interrupted him. “My relationship with Meng Lan is merely a union of interests, the marriage is in name only. Who dares to call you a third party?”

Perhaps no one knew that every time he heard the word “marriage,” it felt like a sharp needle piercing Jiang Ruo’s heart.

He was afraid he wouldn’t last until the end, already riddled with holes, unable to continue.

Jiang Ruo struggled to catch his breath. “But the rumors and gossip, the public’s judgment, can President Xi seal their mouths? Can you make them all shut up? This is also a harm to Miss Meng.”

Harm…this was the second time in a short period that Xi Yufeng heard a similar description.

He still felt perplexed. “My family and I have drafted an agreement with the Mengs, leading separate lives. It’s not unfair to her.”

“What about me?” Almost immediately after his words fell, Jiang Ruo asked, “Is it fair to me?”

Facing such a seemingly unreasonable question, Xi Yufeng furrowed his brows. “I’ve said, except for this, I can give you whatever you want…”

“But I love you.”

Time seemed to freeze, along with the ticking of the clock.

Jiang Ruo heard his voice trembling, but he couldn’t control it, unable to stop.

“But I love you…” he repeated softly, “I love you.”

The moment the words escaped, it felt as if thousands of butterflies flew out of his stomach, followed by extreme emptiness, and the pain of knowing he wouldn’t receive a response, causing Jiang Ruo to feel dizzy as if the world was spinning.

Even so, he still curved his lips, although the smile was weak and pale.

He asked Xi Yufeng, “Is this…still fair?”